Takes

Wide receivers wearing single-digit jersey numbers is wrong

Julio Jones, he's wearing number two in Tennessee. I'm still not comfortable on a personal level with wide receivers wearing single digits. It's going to fuck my brain up... Number two is a bad kicker or a slow quarterback.

The 'Seven-Year Bump' for NFL quarterbacks is real

Somebody actually put the stats together out there... they found out that nineteen out of twenty two quarterbacks entering year 7 had a better touchdown per attempt percentage... everyone except for Jay Cutler had a better completion percentage... Basically the seven-year bump is real.

RBIs are the most important and only truly meaningful stat in baseball

RBIs are actually the most important stat when you actually look at it... The team who has the most RBIs... I'm not even counting runs anymore.

Bryson DeChambeau is an asshole for deciding to leave the flag pin in while putting

He has decided that this year he will be leaving the pin in when he putts... depending on the coefficient of the restitution of the pin. What an asshole.

Von Miller is so fast that you have to make a 'business decision' to avoid him

Newton's first law is when Von Miller is diving at you, make a business decision. I actually fully buy in on the Al Davis, let's just get all the fastest guys... speed kills.

'I had diarrhea' and 'Our country's national debt' are the two best excuses of all time

Listen, as far as I'm concerned, the two best excuses of all time are, I had diarrhea. Nobody asks you any more details. ... and, hey, do you know how much money we owe to China? What the fuck does it matter?

If you fly one drone into your finger, you're a drone idiot for the rest of your life

Trevor [Bauer], the old saying goes, you can build a million bridges, but if you fly one drone into your finger, you're a drone idiot for the rest of your life.

Kobe Bryant is the real GOAT because he doesn't need a debate partner

LeBron versus MJ is the GOAT debate... that means that LeBron and MJ need each other to be a part of the goat discussion... which means Kobe's the goat. Kobe doesn't need LeBron or MJ to be considered a goat debate. They're just Kobe. He'd debate against himself. Kobe 8 versus Kobe 24.

Michael Beasley knows too much and is officially 'too woke'

Michael Beasley, I'm following him officially in the category of knows too much... We finally figured out 12% is the point where you reach too woke.

LaVar Ball is on a mission to sell the shittiest products for the highest prices possible

I think LaVar Ball is on a mission to sell the shittiest products for the highest prices possible. Yes, the least desirable products. It's actually a smart move of him, though, to limit the number that he could sell this time.

Tim Tebow's performance in spring training proves he only knows how to contribute

He grounded into a double play, but he drove in a run... All Tim Tebow does is contribute. I think that's one of those things that you have to look at and be like, you know, this is one of these intangibles that we talk about.

Jimmy Butler is a top ten player in the NBA

How many players play on a basketball team? Five. And how many teams play at the same time? Two. Okay, so that's what? Ten. Okay, so the NBA All-Star Game rosters came out. Jimmy Butler was named a starter... that would make him a top ten player.

Tiger Woods switched to Bridgestone golf balls so he can blame the equipment for his poor play

I like the choice by Tiger because you go off brand, you can always blame the balls... I thought these balls had the spin and distance and torque that I needed for my game. I was wrong. That's why I broke my back again and it had nothing to do with the steroids.

If the NCAA vacates Notre Dame's wins, they should also vacate Brian Kelly's scandals

Notre Dame managed to lose an NCAA record 21 games in a single day today. They had 21 wins vacated... If they vacated all these wins, then [Brian Kelly] never killed that kid... If you're going to take away the good stuff, you've got to take away the bad stuff.

Twitter is a perfect representation of what is going on in the world and decides major decisions

Twitter decides major, major important decisions. Twitter is a really good testament to what is going on in the world. Right. Great representation. Everything that everyone's exactly.

Ichiro's hits in Japan should not count toward his career total vs. Pete Rose

Sabermetrically speaking, do hits in Japan count the same as Major League Baseball hits? I would say no... Those hits don't count in the United States. Neither should Ichiro's.