Takes

Eric Bieniemy must be the world's worst interviewer since he keeps getting passed over for head coaching jobs

At this point, I don't know what to think about Eric, but he must be the world's worst interviewer of all time. I, I don't know what's, what's been happening with him... there's gotta be some reason why he's been through this every single off season and he's never gotten the gig.

Eric Bieniemy might be bombing head coaching interviews on purpose to stay with the Chiefs

I think he's bombing him on purpose. I really do. Because I think that being the offensive coordinator of the Kansas City Chiefs is better than being the head coach of like 20 franchises. So he's like, yeah, I'll just go through the motions bomb this interview, and then I'll get to go be the offensive coordinator of Patrick Mahomes and, and keep piling up Super Bowl wings rings.

The Eagles' 2017 Super Bowl win is like a delicious bag of heroin that Philly will never taste again

In some ways it makes the Super Bowl that we won five years ago, just a fucking delicious bag of heroin that we tasted once that we'll never be able to taste again. That we're just chasing after in this, this hellish like riddle that we're just living in.

The NFL is going to outlaw the Jalen Hurts QB sneak (tush push) next year

You know what's, what's wild is I'm pretty sure the NFL is gonna outlaw that play next year... because who really writes the rule book? It's Jerry Jones. And Jerry Jones, he plays in the division against you guys.

A player will record an 'Octopus' (scoring a TD and the following 2-point conversion) in the Super Bowl

I also like this one... there to be an octopus. Yes. Plus 1150. I'm going, yes. An octopus is a player scoring a touchdown and then scoring the next play, two point conversion.

Tom Brady is not actually retired

This was my hot seat because I actually think it's hot seat. The Tom Brady retirement. He's not, he's spending an entire year off. He's basically admitting that he's not gonna start broadcasting games till 2024. He's not retired... This feels like he's just leaving the door a little bit open.

The Eagles are in a 'can't lose' situation where everything makes too much sense

This is a can't lose. It's starting get to a point where I like the Eagles so much in this game that it's like there's no way that like there's no way this is going to happen. It makes too much sense that the Eagles are going to win this game.

Kyrie Irving to the Mavericks is a good move because there's only half a season for his 'team cancer' to spread

I think it's a good move for the Mavericks because he only has half a season for his team cancer to spread. So this is like a good window for Kyrie... it's hard to destroy a brand new team in like four months.

I might bet on the Mavericks to win the NBA championship this year following the Kyrie trade

I might put some money down on the Mavs winning the championship this year. Cause what if? Yeah, that'd be, can you imagine that... the Dallas Mavericks are world champions.

Tom Brady will have a weird retirement filled with plastic surgery

He's going to have a very weird retirement. He's going to be plastic surgery dating like random chicks all the time. The TV 12... he's going to do some weird shit. There's nobody that's ever had just a touch of plastic surgery.

Punxsutawney Phil is a fraud and a 'wannabe Greta Thunberg'

My big fire fest is really for America... because you guys are letting a groundhog ruin your day today. Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow... be a fucking man... I'm going to wear shorts and short-sleeve t-shirts just to show that little wannabe Greta Thunberg telling me the sky is falling.

Patrick Mahomes will eventually catch Tom Brady in Super Bowl losses

People keep talking about Patrick Mahomes is gonna catch up to Brady. Right? That's the storyline. Well in my eyes he's going—the only thing that he's going to catch up to Brady on is Super Bowl losses. He would lose this one and would still need to lose another one. But if he did, then he would catch up to Tom Brady in losses.

People who work office jobs and don't shower in the morning are weird

My hot seat is I guess how I shower because I shower in the morning... People working like a nine to five in an office, not showering in the morning. That's fucking weird. It wakes you up. It makes you feel clean. It makes you feel fresh.

The US Bowling Congress not inviting me to the US Open is an insult

A five-time Open champion... PBA/USBC Hall of Famer... and I don't get an invite? I think that's just an insult. That to me is a double insult. That I have to ask for an exemption into a tournament that I've won five times.

Kirk Cousins has had a better NFL career than Tony Romo

I had a take last week that Kirk Cousins has had a better NFL career than Tony Romo did. ... I would rather have Kirk Cousins as the quarterback of my team for his whole career than Tony Romo. That's a fact.

The NBA referee apology for the LeBron no-call was written by Rich Paul

They should've had like just posted a picture of them at the time while they were tweeting it cuz it's definitely Rich Paul with a gun to their head. Yeah. As they're sitting there, LeBron James definitely hit up NBA officiating was like, I need a public apology. I need people to know that, that you guys screwed that up.

Stetson Bennett's arrest for public intoxication makes him a better NFL draft prospect

Honestly that made Stetson Bennett go up in my draft board. ... If you're Stetson Bennett, what's stopping you from just getting absolutely hammered? He's in the middle of maybe the biggest case of senioritis of all time. And it's well deserved.

The Eagles will beat the 49ers by three touchdowns

I'm betting on the Eagles. The Eagles are gonna win this game by three touchdowns. Rock Purdy is gonna have a Joe Flacco rookie quarterback stat line. Stop the run, score early, make 'em throw, win.

Pete Carroll did a bad job coaching the Seahawks this year

I think that Pete Carroll, you can now look back and make the argument Pete Carroll did a bad job coaching this year because they got more talented at the quarterback position this year [with Geno Smith]. And they failed to achieve the ultimate goals of winning playoff games.

I am officially refusing to wear flip flops in gym showers or steam rooms

I've been going in the gym's shower and the steam room with no flip flops and I'm disgusted by myself... [but] I'm never getting flip flops. Fuck it. I'm never getting flip flops.

I will go on an Ayahuasca trip if Aaron Rodgers becomes the quarterback of the Commanders

Let me be very clear. I will go on an Ayahuasca trip if Aaron Rodgers becomes the quarterback of the Commanders. I'll match. We'll match boys trip to Ecuador, no chicks allowed. I would change my entire mindset. I would do it.

The Dallas Cowboys are the most delusional, disgusting fan base in American history

I'm not bullshitting when I talk about Cowboy fans. I mean what I say about them. They are the most delusional, disgusting fan base in American history. It doesn't matter what happens to them. Give it 15 minutes. 'All right, we'll do it next year. We're going to win Super Bowl next year.' It's just nauseating. They don't take any time to smell their stench, which is why it's so enjoyable when they lose over and over and over again.

I would easily have the #1 sports podcast if it was my only outlet

If I did a sports podcast and I didn't have any other outlets—all you, the only way you could find me was to come to my podcast—oh please, I would, I mean, I'd easily be number one then.

If the Eagles can pressure Brock Purdy, he will throw three interceptions

If the Eagles can put pressure on [Brock Purdy], make him throw, he's throwing three picks. I could feel it.

LeBron James is a hypocrite for supporting Shannon Sharpe's courtside behavior

LeBron has talked about fans getting into it with players and how unacceptable it is... if we're being consistent here, which I think LeBron is nothing but consistent. It should be fine next time a fan says anything, he should be okay with it, right?

The Cowboys will beat the 49ers in the Divisional Round

This is gonna be my game of the year. I'm taking the Cowboys. Cowboys my pick one line... I absolutely think the Cowboys can win this game.

My 83-year-old father can bench press 225 pounds

Poolside [Mark's dad] is still 83 years old. I betcha he could get a couple reps with 225. 83 years old, 225... The dude is like, he'll send a picture... he's on top of a ladder on the front end loader at 83 years old, fixing a light bulb.

The Cowboys are winning the Super Bowl

The Cowboys are gonna win the Super Bowl... I think they're gonna win the Super Bowl. It was not personal. Between me and Tom.

Brock Purdy will get exposed against the Cowboys

Brock Purdy's gonna go get exposed. I'm not a ball knower. I'll probably get more into the, the x's and nos on Thursday. But just make, make him throw deep... Brock Purdy's gonna get exposed this weekend. Throw five picks.

LeBron James has never understood how to be a true partner with an organization

I love LeBron as a player... However, he has had it in his head that like he can't be a partner with a team. It's very weird... The way it was explained to me was that LeBron always wants ownership to know that there is pressure that they can never take a day off... it's not necessarily like having a great partner.

I refuse to use the word 'Chargers' in the studio until they win a playoff game

I'd like to make a motion to ban the word chargers from the studio. I don't think that we should disrespect this podcast by using that type of language in these walls... until they win a playoff game because the Chargers, they're dead to me.

Daniel Jones was the best quarterback of Wild Card weekend and is the Giants' future

Daniel Jones was the best quarterback this weekend. I don't think it's actually close. He was so fucking good... He now should be the quarterback of the future for the Giant. I don't even think it's up for debate anymore.

If the Dallas Cowboys win the Super Bowl, I will get a cat

I am here right now on Friday the 13th, ready to declare that if the Dallas Cowboys win the Super Bowl, I will get a cat.

The Cowboys win-loss pattern suggests they will win four in a row and become Super Bowl champions

Cowboys win loss pattern. They've lost the game one four in a row. Lost the game one, two in a row, lost the game, won four in a row, lost the game one, two in a row, they just lost to the commanders. ... that would imply that they're gonna win four in a row, which would make them Super Bowl champions.

Tom Brady should be the #1 ranked quarterback for a one-game playoff scenario

All I'm saying also if this is one game scenario, Brady should be at the top... You would take Brady over Mahomes? Yes.

Malik Willis is so bad he might be cut by the Titans next year

How bad is Malik Willis to not be getting to start? He's gotta be so bad that there's a good chance that they cut him next year. That he's not even on the roster. Because if you have a rookie that you spent a decent drafting... and he's so bad that you won't let him even see the field in a playoff game.

Sam Ehlinger would succeed in a Kyle Shanahan offense

If [Sam Ehlinger] was in a Shanahan offense, I think he'd have a lot of success.

The Bears should use a 'smokescreen' about drafting a QB to drive up the #1 pick's value

I want everyone to know that what I'm about to say is smokescreen. Justin Fields might not be the guy. The Bears might draft a quarterback... You better trade and trade a lot for that number one pick here.

Sean McVay is taking a hiatus from coaching

I think that he's actually done... If you get into media, all of a sudden you're working around all other media people... He should have retired after last year. Go make a shitload of money on TV... pick a spot that's like set up for the future.

Dak Prescott stinks and I don't believe in him

Dak Prescott seven straight games with an interception. Yeah. He stinks. He's bad. I don't believe in him whatsoever. I'm sorry. I just don't.

We don't actually know how strong gorillas are because they haven't been trained in powerlifting

Actually trained a gorilla in powerlifting—so we don't really know how strong they actually possibly could be. Also, with their enclosures and zoos, we don't actually know if they just choose to stay in there and can actually break out of anything we design.

I could land a commercial airliner if the pilot became incapacitated

If I got behind the wheel or what the stick of a 737 and I was able to talk to air traffic control, I honestly do believe that I would be able to land a plane. It's pretty simple stuff. It's not rocket science, it's air science.

There are wooly mammoth bones and ivory worth millions in the East River

There's a bunch of treasure in the East River... wooly mammoth bones, tusks, ivory. It's treasure. Millions. Billions. The treasure is on East 65th Street next to the FDR Drive in the water... we're gonna try to go get it.

Urban Meyer is the worst coach in the history of the NFL

Doug Peterson... had to exercise the demons of the moron that was in front of him. I mean, that's the worst coach in the history in the National Football League. Urban Meyer with his bullhorn and his sophomore high school ways. Gimme a break. That thing was a disaster last year.

The Minnesota Vikings are frauds

I've said that word [frauds] before and I heard it got back to him and they weren't real happy about it. Look, I I, I've been... just as critical of Kirk Cousins. I, I think there's a glazed look that comes over his face in moments... there's the Look Rick [Spielman], there it is. You can see it.

The Cowboys are getting the one seed in the NFC

Cowboys are getting the one. Yeah, you've been talking about this cuz you just, your anger for Philadelphia just never leaves your brain. No, I just in today and you're like, Cowboys getting one. Cowboys getting one.

The New York media is the primary reason why Jets quarterbacks fail

I'm really trying to figure out, what is the reason why quarterbacks are having real problems succeeding in the New York Jets organization. I really do think it's the New York media that makes the jets bad. It would be funny to figure out what exactly is going on. I might do like a docu-series, like try to figure out what the hell's going on.

TCU has 'Team of Destiny' vibes and can win the National Championship

I don't count them out in this game against Georgia. They are fucking, whatever it is, they just, the hypno toed. I don't know what it is. They're just good. I'm gonna bet on 'em. Yeah. I'm, there's some, they do seem like Team of Destiny vibes. They've all, they've got like Tiger Blood, they don't die. Never.

I would rather watch the playoffs fan-free than have the Patriots make it just to get smoked

Honestly, I know I have to watch these games anyway. I would rather just watch the playoffs completely fan free because I know it's get my hopes up and be like, oh, you know, I have to worry about and like, kind of put myself up for them winning. Even though if they won the first game, they're getting smoked the second game. They're probably getting smoked the first game.

Mac Jones is a dirty player

I think that was a, a cheap shock going at his Eli Apple's ankles for sure. He's had some dirty plays.