Takes

Jerry Jones may have helped fund the XFL to screw over Roger Goodell

So it wouldn't shock me if Mr. Shadow Commissioner Jerry Jones maybe helped to fund the start of the NFL, gave him some of the seed money just to fuck Roger Goodell over.

Josh Allen will be out of the NFL by 2020

My number one overall pick in the XFL draft is Josh Allen. Quarterback Wyoming... And he won't be in the league [NFL] by 2020.

Kirk Cousins is not a franchise quarterback because he grills steaks in aluminum foil boats

He was grilling steaks on his grill, outdoor grill, with aluminum foil boats. That right there, red flag. Not a franchise quarterback. What the fuck are you doing, dude? ... It sounds like maybe he's got a dirty grill. Just scrape that shit up, Kurt.

Duke is cheating to land the top recruits in college basketball

I seriously do think Duke is cheating their ass off. It's amazing to me that Coach K has kind of brainwashed the rest of the country that if this happened literally any other school, people would start screaming about how they're cheating... Duke is landing the top three guys, and they're not paying anybody? No.

The Big 12 conference is one-dimensional and will struggle in the NCAA Tournament

The Big 12 is the best conference in college basketball, but every single team has a fatal flaw. It wouldn't surprise me if they get seven teams into the tournament and get one team to even make the Sweet 16.

Zion Williamson is basically LeBron Jr.

They landed Zion Williamson, who's basically LeBron Jr., has the craziest mixtapes of him ever.

Freddie Adu is back and American soccer is saved

Freddie Adu is back, and therefore U.S. soccer is back... News soon. Oh. Yeah. So he's back. He's the future. He is the future of American soccer.

Vontae Burfict is an 'on-the-field gangster' and not a real tough guy

I didn't like Vontae Burfict. I didn't like that motherfucker at all because I felt like he was one of those dudes that—I don't believe in on-the-field gangsters... sometimes when you play guys, you can tell it's like a WWE character. They're big bad. But once you get off the field, and we're in the parking lot... they're like, oh, I don't want to do that.

The 2018 Cavaliers' panic is real and they won't recover this time

For the first time ever, I think the LeBron-like freakout that everyone goes through with every team LeBron's in... I think it's real this time because they gave up 148 points to the Thunder... I don't think he talks to Isaiah Thomas. I think it's like a cold shoulder situation.

Josh Allen is number one on my 2018 draft big board

I made my first big board today. Josh Allen's number one, and then I don't have anybody else until like six... Just remember he's tall. He's tall? That's all you've got to do. Hey, guess what? He's got a big arm... he looks good in shorts.

Jeff Fisher should be an NFL General Manager

Fisher's eye for talent. That's where I was going with this. To me, he should be a GM... He has built phenomenal – like the Rams team, you could see, has got talent... Aaron Donald, Quinn, Alec Ogletree... All those guys are Fisher guys.

Dirk Nowitzki is just a poor man's Laurie Markkanen

Fastest player in history to 103 pointers, Laurie Markkanen, the Finn Reaper... I actually think it's reversed now. Dirk is just a junkyard Laurie. He's a poor man's [Markkanen].

The Saints should blow up the Drew Brees and Sean Payton era

Not to brag what I called it, but you should probably blow up the Drew Brees, Sean Payton Saints. Didn't win a Super Bowl.

Steve Sarkeesian being hired by the Falcons cost Georgia the national championship

If Steve Sarkeesian hadn't been hired by the Falcons, Georgia would have won the national championship because he still would be in the booth for Alabama. And the Falcons probably would have been a decent team this year because they wouldn't have had him calling the same 10 plays over and over.

Tom Izzo is overrated

Tom Izzo's overrated. Lost at home to Michigan. Can't do that... Tons of talent, and they are wildly underperforming.

The Falcons will win the NFC

I've been on the Falcon bandwagon. I am on their bandwagon of thinking that they could win the NFC. I said it a couple months ago. I am going down with the ship, so I'm taking the Falcons. I'm taking them all the way to the Super Bowl.

Bill Belichick leaked the Seth Wickersham article himself to motivate the team

I'm very, very woke on this whole article thing because there's a reason it came out last week when they didn't have a game. I think Belichick might have been the source for some of the things just to try to get a little controversy going out there in the media, get people starting to doubt the Patriots because Belichick, he loves to play the 'we don't have any respect' card.

LeVar Ball is an deterrent for LeBron James going to the Lakers

This is a huge problem. Dad to dad, this is actually a great piece of news for LeVar Ball because I don't think LeVar Ball has time for a small baller like LeBron in L.A. LeVar wants to make sure that L.A. is a ball town. LeVar Ball actually might do the real outbreak thing and just hover in a helicopter above LAX and not let LeBron land in town.

Jon Gruden is going to make Derek Carr a Hall of Fame quarterback

He's going to make Derek Carr a Hall of Fame quarterback. Probably not.

Bears fans watch football to avoid being nagged, so we should call Matt Nagy 'Nagy' (with a soft A)

The debate is, how do we pronounce [Matt Nagy's] last name? It's technically Nagy, but we're going to go with Nagy... we watch football so that we don't get nagged. I mean, if you want to get nagged, there's women for that, right? ... Don't give me 'Nag-y'. Give me 'Nay-gy'.

The AFC Championship game will be Jaguars vs. Titans

We're on a collision course right now. It's not going to happen this weekend, but we are on a collision course for the AFC Championship game to be Jags-Titans.

Wisconsin will win a national title in Big Cat's lifetime

Wisconsin will win a national title in your lifetime. It will happen. ... I actually think football is a better chance probably, because basketball is a real lightning bolt.

Herm Edwards will win significantly more games at Arizona State than people expect

I think he's going to be great at recruiting. I think he's going to be great with the players. I think he's going to win a lot more games than people give... I'm saying he's going to win significantly more than that. It's going to be surprising.

The Browns should take Saquon Barkley with the number one pick and Baker Mayfield with the fourth pick.

If I'm the Browns, I am taking, with my number one pick, I'm taking Saquon Barkley, and with the fourth pick, I'm taking Baker Mayfield, putting those two in my backfield and saying, good luck, try to stop us.

Josh Rosen's outspoken nature makes him a red flag for NFL locker rooms and the New York media.

Rosen is outspoken. He likes to talk. He likes to have really strong opinions. But I don't know if that's going to fit into an NFL locker room... It is a red flag. Thinks too much for himself... If the Giants take him, I think it's going to be a disaster with him and the New York media going together.

The Seahawks will hire Mike Pettine as their defensive coordinator

I'm thinking that they're going to bring Mike Pettine in. I'm just going to call it right now. The old coach of the Cleveland Browns because he's got a bald head and he's got a goatee and he's a defense guy.

I grew three inches taller because I prayed every night and drank massive amounts of milk

I continued into the high school... the proof being that nobody in my family is over six foot. My brother, John, and my dad are the second tallest Harbaughs. It's right at six foot. I got to six three. There you go... I prayed a lot about it too and drank milk. What do babies drink when they come out of the womb? Milk. That's healthy stuff on earth.

Dry-fit jockstraps will change your life and solve the problem of swampy undercarriages

I'm a big clean underwear guy. I probably went on Amazon and like they have these dry fit jock straps for when you like work out or play golf or tennis or something. They will change your life. It is the best thing... most men have this pissed off look on their face. You know why? Walking around sucks... because they're walking around with chafed legs, sweaty, swampy undercarriages.

The Titans should not be allowed to make the playoffs because they are boring

I think as a country we need to have a vote and make it so the Titans cannot make the playoffs. Fuck the Titans. I don't want to see the Titans in the playoffs. No one wants to see the Titans. Just think about this. Would you rather see the boring-ass, shitty-ass Titans losing the first round or Bills fans go crazy because they clinched their first playoff berth in like a billion years.

If the Colts don't hire Bruce Arians immediately, they are the dumbest organization ever

Bruce Arians, I think, is going to walk away. And if the Colts don't fucking hire him immediately, they're the dumbest organization ever. Because, like, why wouldn't you fire Chuck Pagano and bring in the guy who actually was a good coach for your team?

Josh Rosen is too smart to play for the Cleveland Browns

Between him leaking out that he doesn't want to play for the Browns and between his answer about why he's sitting out and why some players do sit out, I feel like he's way too smart to end up in Cleveland.

Kevin Durant has officially eclipsed LeBron James as the best player on the planet

He [Skip Bayless] says that Kevin Durant has now eclipsed LeBron as the best player on the planet, and Fox News tweeted out the torch has been passed... officially KD is the torchbearer, according to Skip Bayless.

The Bears will lose to the winless Browns

The Bears are going to lose to the Browns. So John Fox [is] 0-7 as a Bears coach when they are the favorites. That's a very impressive stat. Straight up losses. And the Browns, I will contend the Browns, in terms of pure full roster, probably have more talent than the Bears.

The Falcons are going back to the Super Bowl

Falcons-Saints. This is actually a good game... I've put myself in the Falcons camp, and I say they're going back to the Super Bowl. I agree with that. I said that three weeks ago. They're a classic team where they have all the talent in the world, and they've played their worst football ever... the Falcons could be trouble for someone.

Florida State has a 'turtle murdering problem' and a bad culture

I'm guessing the Tallahassee police are somehow involved in this... Knowing that there's been one turtle murder that I know of this year, and it happened at Florida State, that's conclusive. Bad culture.

Shaq was the 'Robin' and Kobe was the 'Batman' during their championship runs together

Shaq needed Kobe more than Kobe needed Shaq... Shaq needed the wing scorers to be Shaq. He needed Dwyane Wade to be unbelievable Dwyane Wade. Shaq was Superman, and Kobe was Batman. [But] Batman isn't a superhero... he's just a rich guy with a bunch of gadgets.

I will highly suggest my kids do not play football because it is an extremely dangerous sport

Not a chance. No, no, no way, man... I'm just going to highly suggest that they don't... There's no point for you to do so... This is a, it's an extremely dangerous sport... I took all those hits. I sacrificed. I may develop CTE in my life. There's no telling.

Joel Osteen manipulates people by 'selling hope'

I've read my fair share of the Bible, man, and Jesus specifically preached about being rich... It's easier for a camel to go through the eye of the needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom... You have private jets. You have, like, a mansion. Like, that's not the life that Jesus taught... you are selling hope. And I feel like any time you sell hope, you're manipulating people.

The Rockets and Celtics will meet in the NBA Finals

Rocket Celtics calling it right now. [Warriors?] No. [The Rockets beat them] in seven.

The Bengals might move Marvin Lewis to the front office and hire Hugh Jackson as head coach

Let me lay out this scenario. Marvin stays in Cincinnati, graduates to the front office where he's essentially the GM because they don't have one as it is. And then, some way, somehow, they bring back Hugh Jackson to be the coach of the team, and it's Marvin and Hugh working together in Cincinnati.

Thomas Davis will not be suspended for his hit on Davante Adams because it wasn't in primetime

Same hit that Juju Smith-Schuster put on Vontaze Burfict. But because that game today didn't happen in primetime, they're not going to suspend Thomas Davis. That's my prediction.

Never trust a man with a ponytail

Ponytails feel like a big red flag to me. As a dude with long hair, I go out of my way to not wear a ponytail ever... Never trust a ponytail.

I will knock out Tex in the second round

Second round knockout. Woo! Boy. Actually, I'm 100% on board with that... I'm going to knock his ass out. Double sit-em. And my sleeper is the left-handed uppercut. Watch out for that in the second round when I fucking knock Tex's ass out.

Mike Tomlin is not a good coach

I also think there's never been a more marquee matchup in the last decade where teams have met up in big games and the coaching disparity is more stark between Mike Tomlin and Bill Belichick. [Big Cat: Wait, so you're saying that you don't think that Mike Tomlin's a good coach at all?] No, I do not.

I believe ghosts are real

I actually completely believe this. Like, I'm a big ghost guy. I believe ghosts. If you don't believe ghosts, I think you're full of shit. And, I mean, we saw a ghost in Miami.

LeBron James will join the Lakers in six months

LeBron and Lonzo had a very secret out-in-the-open meeting... it's either one of two things. One, LeBron just being like, yo, dude, just hang in there because I'll be there in like six months, which I think is probably the case.

The Jaguars are going to make the 2017 AFC Championship Game

I'm going out on a limb. I think that the Jaguars are making the AFC Championship. They have that right mix where it's like they have a great defense. If they just run the ball, let Blake [Bortles] be Blake.

The Seahawks are the sorriest losers in the NFL

The Seahawks, though, can we just say that they're the sorriest losers of all time? That team, I don't know why they get a pass... That team is a fucking bunch of babies.

Jeff Fisher failed his quarterbacks by not providing expert coaching

Definitely not a whisperer, you know. I think quarterbacks were dying when they went out and played under him, unfortunately. And I think a lot of it was because he didn't surround them with the necessary expertise from a coaching standpoint.

I have a valid Hall of Fame case when combining my NFL and CFL stats

As much as I think when you combine my entire career and you really bring in the CFL statistics as well... you can look at Troy Aikman's stats and you can look at my stats. And they're very similar. But Troy has three Super Bowl titles.