Takes

Dylan Raiola is creepy for stealing Patrick Mahomes' entire identity

The Dylan Raiola thing is creepy. Like, I'm actually creeped out by it. How he's trying to steal Patrick Mahomes's life. It's weird. It's the mannerisms, the way he was warming up was basically a copycat for Patrick Mahomes. And the hair is exactly the same. It's weird.

Jacoby Brissett could lead the New England Patriots to eight wins this season

I'm infinitely more excited than I was on Saturday. Infinitely. Because you weren't that excited on Saturday. No, I'm thinking eight, eight wins. Jacoby might get us eight.

Sam Darnold will have a 'seven-year bump' and be better than expected

I am throwing my vote behind Sam Darnold for a guy who's gonna be better than everyone expected this year. Sam Darnold is not as bad as everyone thinks. He's better. Sam Darnold might not be bad. Seven year bump.

Deshaun Watson has the worst contract in sports history

Deshaun Watson might have the worst contract ever. Impossible to beat. I maybe not even the worst NFL contract ever. Maybe not even the worst sports contract ever. Deshaun Watson might have the worst contract ever.

Deshaun Watson is on par with Bryce Young and Daniel Jones and should be benched

He's not great. He's not good. He's not even average right now. I put him on par with Bryce Young or Daniel Jones. He can go stand in line with them, rip the bandaid off before it's too late. Deshaun Watson's done... folks, he can't play. I'm ticked.

Bo Nix is the heir apparent to Jameis Winston

Bo Nix might be the heir apparent to Jameis. He's one of the funnier on field quarterbacks. 'cause everything that he does, he does with Supreme confidence. And when he throws interception, he throws the fuck out of the interception.

Justin Tucker might be washed

Justin Tucker might be washed. Yeah. Can't hit 50 yarders anymore.

Kyle Shanahan taking Jimmy Garoppolo to a Super Bowl is more impressive than actually winning a Super Bowl

Kyle Shanahan, he took Jimmy G to a Super Bowl. That actually might be bigger than a Super Bowl. Yeah. That might be more impressive than a Super Bowl.

Jared Goff will win NFL MVP because he plays 14 of 17 games in a dome

I got Jared Goff [for MVP]. 14 out of his 17 games are in a dome. He loves Dome. It's gonna be Dome Fest. And what are his odds? I think they're like 25 to one.

The Green Bay Packers will win the Super Bowl this season

The Packers gonna win the Super Bowl. Watson's on the field, he's a big, big play receiver. You're gonna open things up with that guy. Then you look at the running game, I think they're more physical... they bring in a defensive coordinator and Jeff Hafley who can get after it. I love what they've done on defense and I love what they're doing on offense. They're the best team in that division.

Jaden Daniels is the best quarterback from the 2024 draft class

I love Jaden Daniels. I think he's the best quarterback in the draft. Sorry, Big Cat... having watched him at Arizona State and then watched him play at LSU and now watching him now, he's the most improved quarterback I've ever seen in my life. I think the commanders have their guy for the next 15 years and he's gonna be a star.

Notre Dame is already a lock for the College Football Playoff

Notre Dame won a game that was the biggest win of the weekend. Probably If you look at their schedule, they don't have a ton of tough tests after this. They're in the driver's seat... I'm fine with saying right now they're in the playoff.

Jalen Hurts and Dak Prescott are not currently top 10 quarterbacks in the NFL

I'd probably say Jordan Love [at 8], Nine Tua, 10 Rogers... I would put like the Trevor Lawrences, Hertzes, Daks, Her Cousins, Herberts, those guys are writing that like kind of next group.

The Chiefs will beat the Lions in the Super Bowl and achieve the first three-peat

I'll say Kansas City and Detroit [in the Super Bowl]. What happens in the Super Bowl? Kansas City wins. Ugh. Brutal. Which is somehow some incredible, somehow some way. Patrick, you know, has the ball last type of thing.

Patrick Mahomes would be worth over $100 million a year on a truly free market

If the NFL was truly free market capitalism, [Mahomes] might go to the Panthers. David Tepper... he might go for over a hundred million dollars.

Florida State is just an average football team, not a playoff contender

That team that we saw play on Saturday [Florida State] is not a playoff team in a 14-format, a 12-team format, a 30-team format. That's an average football team we saw.

No team in the Big 12 will finish with fewer than three losses

My hot take about the Big 12 is that nobody is coming outta that league with fewer than three losses. I think it's gonna be a one-bid league.

I am going to smash the hot dog world record against Kobayashi

I'm gonna smash [the record]. I'm gonna eat more hot dogs than ever before... Right now the over-under is like 66, and I'm gonna blow that out.

The Chiefs will never win three Super Bowls in a row

Three in a row is really fucking hard to do... kind of the way you could also talk about it is there's 0% chance because it's never happened before. And if you know anything about gambling or life, if something's never happened, it will never happen.

Matthew Stafford will be the MVP of the 2024 season

I like Matt Stafford 30 to 1 because it feels like he's due for the... everyone... you know, just picture yourself... and did you know he's never even received a vote for the MVP? I think this might be a narrative year with Matthew Stafford where it's like, you know, one of those, 'Hey, do we appreciate him enough?' 30 to 1 that when you watch that [late season] game, it's gonna be 5 to 1.

I might bet the Chargers to win the Super Bowl because Jim Harbaugh makes players harder to break

I might put a little something on the Chargers just because not to win the AFC West, but to maybe just win the Super Bowl because Harbaugh, the guy just does things like this... Friday was a key step in the team getting good at making yourself harder to break.

Jason Tatum's All-Star MVP trophy tattoo is negative 5,000 aura

To me this just calls into question his aura even further. Negative 5,000 Aura. How's getting a tattoo of force? Because he likes All Star MVPs then. That's also a terrible trophy.

If you are down 14 in the 4th, you must go for two after the first touchdown

Quick analytics question for you. You're down 14 and it's the fourth quarter and you score with three and a half minutes left. Are you going for two or are you kicking the extra point? ... It's a math thing... The book would tell you to go for two so if you don't get it, you have more time to try to do it again.

Ohio State has zero excuses and must win the National Title this year

They really is no excuse. Not only should they win the Big 10, they should win the national title. There's no excuse. It is national title or bust. You're not really gonna miss Marv [Marvin Harrison Jr.] because they have Jeremiah Smith.

Notre Dame is in the best possible playoff position by being independent

Somehow some way Notre Dame with the way the college football playoff is set up... they're gonna get the five seed. And what that means at the five seed is they get a home game against probably a group of five team at the 12 seed. And then their next game will be against the four seed who will almost always assuredly be an ACC or a Big 12 team. So they will essentially always avoid the Big 10 and SEC until the Final Four.

Miller Moss will win the Heisman Trophy

I'm gonna go with Miller Moss, USC. They play LSU week one. I think it's actually the Sunday game. So it's gonna be a standalone game if he comes out and balls... I also am high on USC this year simply because they got rid of Alex Grinch, the worst defensive coordinator of all time.

Jannik Sinner's steroid excuse about a trainer's massage is complete bullshit

The explanation is his trainer... accidentally sliced his thumb. And then used one of those new skin type sprays on his cut... and then later on in the day, gave Sinner a full body massage. And that's how the chemical got onto Sinner's body. If an agency is named [the International Tennis Integrity Agency], it's explicitly corny. There's no better mark that that agency is completely full of shit.

Brian Flores is a 'terrible person' for how he treated Tua Tagovailoa

[Tua] went on Le Batard show and basically said that Brian Flores was doing mental torture on him. And he said, if you woke up every morning and I told you that you suck at what you did... Brian Flores actually came out and said like, 'I've evolved and yeah, I kind of fucked that up.' [PFT says Tua said he was a terrible person]... It sounds like Tua is to Brian Flores as Big Cat is to the chat.

Angel Reese will be a 20 and 10 player every day and is the WNBA Rookie of the Year

Angel Reese. Yeah. Angel. I love Angel Reese. I think she has like Rodman level rebounding. I fucking love her. If I had to [vote Rookie of the Year], yeah. She'll be a 20 and 10 every day.

Aaron Rodgers will lead the NFL in passing touchdowns

I'll change mine to Aaron Rogers. 16 to one... He's gonna feast against the Patriots. And he's, they're gonna do the perfect amount of handing the ball off in the goal line. Jets might score a billion touchdowns.

Matt Kucher was actually taking a stand for faster play by refusing to finish on Sunday

I did see a golf journalist who had a thread breaking down why he might have been doing it... the group in front of 'em was playing super, super slow all day... Kucher was basically standing up for the guy who lost a lead... maybe he was just trying to set an example of like, the guy should have been playing faster in front of them.

Michigan will not be in the top 10 by October 5th

Michigan's nine. But aren't they gonna stink this year? ...They will not be in the top 10 by October 5th. Mark my word.

Boobs are officially back in style and the undisputed 1-1 pick for soft things

I'm going boobs. Correct. Boobs are back now. Sydney Sweeney brought boobs back for a while... And I'm glad that they are. Yes. Very soft.

LeBron James could play in the NBA until he is 50 if he wanted to

I think he could play another five years... If he embraced being like, I'm not gonna be LeBron James, but I'm gonna play till I am like not good enough to play in the NBA. I think it'd be 10 years... LeBron, if he wanted to play basketball at 50 years old, could probably make an NBA roster.

Secretariat was definitely on steroids

I'm gonna take Secretariat. Some would say the the greatest athlete of all time. But its heart was like three times too big. We've documented that tirelessly on this show. Secretariat definitely on steroids. Randy Moss, white, Randy Moss agreed. Chances are very, very high.

Steve Kerr is a 'fucking idiot' for his Olympic rotations and benching Jason Tatum

I'm an American first and foremost before anything else. So I, I was happy for our country. Yeah. I think Steve Kerr is a fucking idiot. Even his own player Draymond Green was chirping him on Twitter saying, you know, you gotta mess with the lineups. They're clearly not working in the first half. You have Jason Tatum, one of the best players in the NBA, didn't play at all.

Guardian caps are doing more harm than good and encouraging players to swing helmets in fights

I think the Guardian scrum caps are actually doing more harm than good. Yeah. I think they're, their players are ripping them off and they're like, oh, it's not that hard of a helmet. I can swing it at a guy's head now. It's like a pillow fight. It's encouraging bad behavior.

I will start carrying a purse and painting my nails if the Bears start winning

I won't apologize for getting triggered by Caleb Williams. 'Cause then after the show on Wednesday, he went viral again. 'Cause he has a purse. I'm gonna get the same purse and I'm gonna start carrying it around. Listen, my guard is up... If we start winning football games, I'm paint my nails.

Nick Saban does not have a great track record for developing quarterbacks

Nick Saban not a great track record when developing quarterbacks. He's not a QB whisperer. They were just like showing Nick Saban as like this wise, like tell all Coach, which he is. But if you were to say one thing about Nick Saban it, that he is not like a quarterback whisperer.

Lauri Markkanen is not worth $200 million

They just gave Lauri Markkanen a five year, 200 plus million dollar contract... He's not worth that much money. I'd pay him 35 [million].

Dealing with Hank in the morning is tougher than childbirth

Dealing with Hank when he wakes up in the morning. That's very tough. Yeah. Probably tougher than childbirth. If you actually have to do it. Like if childbirth verse, like if you're like, Hey, every day you have to just wake up Hank, I'd take childbirth.

Any NFL Top 100 list that doesn't have Patrick Mahomes at number one is insane

Tyreek Hill was named number one NFL player... And Patrick Mahomes is number four... I don't understand this list... You can't have a top 100 list of NFL players and not have Patrick Mahomes number one. Correct. Right now Mahomes should be number one.

John Gruden is secretly advising the Chiefs and is effectively on their coaching staff

John Gruden was at Chiefs practice today... he was wearing a Chiefs uniform and he was advising Chiefs coaches. Whoa. So I think John Gruden might be secretly on the Chiefs' coaching staff now. He's like Mid-hat right now with the Chiefs.

The Sherrone Moore NCAA text deletion scandal won't be a big deal in a week

He [Sherrone Moore] deleted a couple text messages in regard to Connor Stalions and his possible knowledge on the situation... 52 text messages... I don't think anyone's gonna talk about this in a week from now.

Joel Embiid is still a top three player on Team USA

He's still the top three player on this team. Steve Kerr has said that himself. Sometimes there's matchup things and guys who don't know Ball are going to try and criticize Joelle Embiid... he's gonna drop 30 against Puerto Rico.

Imane Khelif should be allowed to compete in women's boxing despite the testosterone controversy

From my limited reading, she was born a female and identify as a female. Just because she has some extra testosterone doesn't mean she shouldn't be fighting other females.

The 'Dynasty' documentary was a slanted propaganda piece designed to get Robert Kraft more credit

It was basically Robert Kraft being like, I need more credit for everything that's happened... they slanted it so hard against Belichick that everyone who has watched the Patriots the last 20 years was like, this is not how it happened. I think it actually hurt him.

Aaron Rodgers will get injured again and then run for Vice President

He's probably gonna get injured again... He's gonna get injured and then he is gonna run for vice president and he's gonna become vice president of the United States.

Joel Embiid will force a trade to the Knicks after the 76ers implode

The 76ers will implode with Paul George. And Joel Embiid will force himself to the Knicks.

Gus Edwards will lead the NFL in rushing touchdowns

Gus Edwards will lead the NFL in rushing touchdowns. Also Rookie of the Year [Ladd McConkey].