Takes

The Kansas City Chiefs should just quit for the rest of the season since they are already eliminated

There's never been a team that like deserves to quit more than the Chiefs. They've been playing so much football for the last five years... Patrick Mahomes just tore his ACL. If you're a Chiefs player, listen to this right now. Just fucking quit.

Tua Tagovailoa has 'low eyes' which causes him to miss linebackers

I feel like this is why in the draft you measure quarterbacks up to the eyeballs. You don't measure 'em to the top of the head. Tua's got a lot of wasted space in the forehead. Makes him a little bit taller on paper than he really is. He's got low eyes.

The Patrick Mahomes 'conversation' will be triggered if the Chiefs lose badly to the Ravens

At what point do we have to say there's maybe Mahomes isn't what he was... This is the conversation game. If they lose and it's close, then it's not time for the conversation. Right. But we will have a definitive answer after this game. Yeah. We'll give you your answer on Sunday night.

UNC will make the College Football Playoff in Bill Belichick's first year

[Bill Belichick will be successful] first year... College football playoff. We should win the ACC.

The Jaguars +14 against the Lions is the NFL makes no sense game of the year

I think so. This is like, this is the 'NFL makes no sense' game of maybe the year... NFL makes no sense. There's not like stats behind it. I am very close. But that, but it happens every year. There's always games where it's like, how the fuck did the Lions lose to the Jaguars when the playoffs come?

Villanova head coach Kyle Neptune is a worse coach than Nick Sirianni

I will not say a bad word about Nick Sirianni for the rest of the year... You don't have to watch Kyle Neptune coach basketball. [He is worse than Sirianni] without question. They lose to everyone. He has more... seven [losses to teams above 100 on KenPom] to two for four times as many years.

Nick Sirianni will be fired if the Eagles lose to the Giants

I'll say this right now, if the Eagles lose to the Giants on Sunday, Nick Sirianni will not be coaching the following week. He'll—he will be done. I think he will be fired.

Mike Tomlin is starting Russell Wilson to prove he's bad and go back to Justin Fields

Mike Tomlin, a man of his word, is like, I know I have a better chance with Justin Fields, but I promised Russell Wilson he's the starter. He's gonna throw him out against the Jets to basically have him suck. And then he's gonna be like, 'See, you guys told me I need to start Russell Wilson. I told Russell Wilson it wasn't his job to lose. He sucks. Justin Fields!'

The Commanders are a Super Bowl team if they beat the Bills in Week 3

If they [Commanders] win this game, I'm almost thinking soupy [Super Bowl] Big Cat. That's how delusional I'm getting. Why not us?

The Broncos and Raiders game will end in a tie

I think I'm gonna bet on a tie... You have to bet on a tie. It's been so wrong all year. You have to bet on a tie... Plus 1500.

Kyler Murray will play poorly because of the Modern Warfare II beta release

I'm taking the Raiders in this one because this weekend we've got Modern Warfare II's beta coming out. So it's the first weekend where people can play the next Call of Duty dropping... Kyler is gonna have to spend a lot of time on the sticks this weekend... Kyler is gonna play with whatever version of a video game hangover that he plays with.

Trayvon Walker will be a bust

I want to say Trayvon Walker, just because like I'm a traits over production guy and that's what the whole draft is... we haven't seen it on field... What are we doing here? ... I would say if I would pick one bust, it would be him.

The Baltimore Ravens have a better chance of winning with Tyler Huntley than Lamar Jackson

I feel like the Ravens have a better chance of beating the Bengals with Huntley than they do with Lamar. And not because Lamar is a worse player overall. But I think that whatever offense they're running with Huntley rocks, it's clicking for some reason right now.

The Patriots will win the Super Bowl if they beat the Browns convincingly

As I've said the whole season, last week was going to decide how I feel about the rest of the season. They won. I'm now in 'soupy' mode. So if they're going to go to the 'soupy', they've got to win this game [against the Browns] convincingly.

The Dolphins might beat the Buccaneers outright

I'm going with Buccaneers versus Dolphins. They're minus 10. I think they're going to cover. I think the Dolphins might win outright. Seriously.

Creighton will upset #1 overall seed Gonzaga in the Sweet 16

I think they're [Gonzaga] getting upset. Yep. Against Creighton? Yep. With the P-word [Greg McDermott's plantation comment]? Yep.

I will 'wipe Jose Canseco off the face of the earth' and force him to retire from public life

If I beat up Jose Canseco and he loses his fight, I don't see how he can even show his face in public again. So I'm literally wiping him off the face of the earth. We're never going to hear from him again.

I am a better kicker than the kickers at Alabama

Alabama could do a lot worse. Dude, I'm a better kicker than Alabama. Saban would have another chip if he had you as a kicker. That's a fact.

The Chargers will be the best team to not make the playoffs this season

I'm taking the Chargers, minus four, the best team to not make the playoffs. ... I stand by that. They have an unbelievable pass rush. Phil Rivers, they almost win every single game. They're going to be the best team that doesn't make the playoffs.