Takes

The Falcons will likely switch from Kirk Cousins to Michael Penix Jr. soon

And they said, how do you feel about your play, Kirk? And it looked like he was gonna cry. Oof. I thought Kirk Cousins was gonna cry because he was like, clearly I'm not playing up to my standard. I think, I think they might make a change. I think so too. It might be Penix time.

Scott Hanson and NFL Red Zone are on the Hot Seat for airing commercials on a 'commercial-free' broadcast

My Hot Seat is Scott Hanson and NFL Red Zone... Their entire tagline for years since the beginning of Red Zone... Get ready for seven hours of commercial-free football. And on Sunday they ran commercials. They were like 30 seconds of commercial... you just completely rug pulled them.

The rumored Conor McGregor vs. Logan Paul boxing match will be a 'shitty money grab' that sucks

Conor McGregor tweeted that the rumors of about with Rio are false. I'm in preliminary agreements... to face Logan Paul in a boxing exhibition in India... It's probably gonna suck. I'm sick of it. This might be, so they fight someone who's actually like at the top of their game.

Doug Gottlieb is doing a bad job coaching Green Bay and should spend less time on social media

Jesus, Doug, a seven game losing streak in the last place in the Horizon League. Less time on social media, more time in the gym... I think he's, has he won a game in December... He's doing things like his way... sat [his best player] for the entire game even though they can't win a game right now.

Ultimate Dick Kicking is a better combat sport than Power Slap

We got a new combat sport that we have to start paying attention to guys, it's better than Power Slap. It's better than arm wrestling. It's the ultimate dick kicking championship. Two guys just stand across from each other and kick each other in the dicks until one guy gives up.

College football players should be required to sign contracts and form a union

I think these players at this point, they need to sign contracts. I think we need a CBA, I think we need to form some kind of player's union... we somehow need to get that national view to partner with the players union. Create a CBA where you're held accountable. Okay, we're gonna agree on NIL here are the rules we're gonna agree on... and then we obey the contract on both sides.

Indiana will pull off the upset against Notre Dame in the CFP

What's the, I, what's the IU Notre Dame? Seven and a half... I would say IU. I'd probably say IU would, would be [the upset].

Bill Belichick will prioritize academic performance at North Carolina

I really think as much as you guys are saying, Hey, don't worry about the education... I think he's gonna think about how I do both... I think he's gonna, the reason it took two weeks... I'm sure he sat there and just gathered so much intel... but I do think he's gonna do the academic side. I I, that's just me.

The Dr Pepper tuition challenge is 'embarrassing' and should be moved back 10 yards to ban chest passes

I'm with you. That, that, you know, everybody, it is almost like pop a shot. They're just firing that thing away. Right. And it, it doesn't take any ability at all. Right. So I think that, I think you're onto something. I think you move it back at least another 10 yards... to take away that, the chest pass.

I will play the role of Chris Farley with such love that I won't let his fans down

I love Chris so much that I'm incapable of letting Chris, and I mean, I, I can't, I'm not incapable of letting his fans down... I love Chris so much that I'm not worried about keeping his memory alive in a, in an authentic and loving way. I know I'm going to do that... some people are just supposed to play certain people.

Aaron Rodgers' best days are definitely behind him

And I think, you know, Rogers the best days are probably behind. But I loved watching him... Not everyone can stay. So you can be talented but not have the sharp or crispness that you once had. And it doesn't mean you're not good. It just means you're a 42-year-old quarterback.

I would win an Oscar if I played Teddy Roosevelt

I, I have three roles I really want to inhabit in the next five years. I wanna, I wanna play Teddy Roosevelt. [Big Cat: Oscar! Hauser: Yes.] And that's another one where I just, I know I can play him. I'm not even worried about it.

The Commanders are not gonna win a playoff game if they keep playing like this

The commanders, they're, they're a good team, but I don't think that they're where they, they're not gonna win a playoff game if they keep playing like this.

Patrick Mahomes will be totally fine despite his high ankle sprain

Do we believe it? Do we think it matters? Because he, I feel like this happens to him once a year and he ends up being totally fine and everyone's like, oh man, he's banged up, but it'll be fine.

Mike McCarthy has saved his job

The Cowboys won three straight and I think Mike McCarthy... they've saved Mike McCarthy's shot. I think he might be coming back next season.

The Giants are going to become the first team to go 0-9 at home

They are Oh and eight. Oh eight. Oh eight. And so they would be the first team to go O and nine if they lose at home to the Colts.

I'm back in on Aaron Rodgers

I'm back in on Rogers... I'm back in on Aaron Rogers. I'm definitely... I'm back in on Aaron Rogers if that means we get to keep Devonte Adams.

Mac Jones might be the cockiest bad quarterback of all time

I think Mac Jones might be the cockiest bad quarterback of all time... he is legitimately cocky for how bad he is... he's got the cockiness of 'My dad will sue you.'

Jerod Mayo feels like a puppet for Robert Kraft

I've always kind of said [Mayo] feels like a puppet for Craft... the Kraft family would bring back Jerod Mayo and his staff because they do not want to admit a mistake.

The Chargers are probably dead and won't win a playoff game

I think that the Chargers are probably dead... I think the Chargers can still make the playoffs. I do not think they can win a playoff game.

Mike Evans is one of the greatest receivers of all time

Respect. Mike Evans is one of the greatest receivers of all time. He had 159 yards, two touchdowns... he's gotta average 83.7 yards in his final three games to reach a thousand yards for the 11th straight season. And that's all 11 years of his career.

The Broncos are the best story in the NFL right now

The Broncos are one of the best stories in the NFL right now... they just secured their first winning season since 2016 and have a playoff probability north of 90%. They're the best story right now in the NFL.

The Eagles are the best team in the NFC

I'll say it. Eagles is the best team in the NFC after today. They are... they're the best team in the NFC as of right now.

Anything less than winning a Super Bowl is a disappointment for the Eagles

A hundred percent. A hundred percent. Anything less than a soupy is a disappointment... Winning a soupy. Gotta win a soupy. Winning a soupy gotta win. It must win.

The Lions' defense is going to be a very big problem in the playoffs

I think this is gonna be a very, very big problem getting into the playoffs. Like when they're in there playing a game where their defense, I, I feel like their defense hasn't gotten to stop in forever at this point. And it's just, it's a problem.

LeBron James' absence was extremely odd and under-reported

He left the Lakers a few days ago... there was, you know, internet rumors circulating that he was maybe getting arrested. That he was disappearing... it was weird the way it was, you know, he left and with LeBron and the media, they, you know, will talk about him nonstop and it kind of got swept under the rug.

Analytics and the three-point shot have made the NBA tough to watch

It's analytics. I blame analytics... That too. Three point shot. That too. Dunk should be three... Imagine if they made dunks threes. Everyone was just trying to fucking yam on each other constantly. That would be sick.

You cannot pay Brock Purdy 60 million dollars per year

There's been talk about [Brock Purdy] getting an extension. I know a lot of guys are hurt, but how much can you pay Brock Purdy knowing that he's a good quarterback? He's not in the level of, make everyone better quarterback. 60 a year... That's insane. You can't pay Brock Purdy 60 a year.

Brock Purdy looked stupid and shitty against the Rams

I think he had a very bad game tonight. Like he looks, he looked stupid and shitty tonight. That's my analysis. That last throw was so bad. It was stupid and shitty in one throw. It was dumb to throw it and it was a bad pass.

The San Francisco 49ers are officially dead for the 2024 season

The Niners are dead. It's over reset everything. It's over... less than 1% chance [to make the playoffs].

The government used illegal tracking technology to find Luigi Mangione and then planted evidence to cover it up

The government has technology that's illegal to use to track and find someone like Luigi [Mangione]... which they used illegally to find him. And then planted all the evidence. The McDonald's worker, the written manifesto to cover their tracks about the fact that they illegally... surveyed people. The McDonald's worker was a plant and that's why they're not gonna get paid.

The New Jersey drones are good aliens protecting humans from bad aliens

It's probably alien. I've heard it's aliens protecting from other aliens is what I've heard... Apparently they've been here the whole time, but just in the water. And then when the bad aliens, I guess, are threatening now. So they came out to protect us.

The New York Jets will dominate the Jacksonville Jaguars

I think this is gonna be a shit kicking by the Jets... This is actually my game of the year. I think they're gonna take all the frustrations out of this dog shit season onto the Jaguars Sunday.

Bill Belichick will be successful at UNC because he can simplify the path to the NFL for recruits

I think he's gonna be successful at UNC. I really do... there is a compelling case for Bill Belichick shows up to your living room and says, Hey, I can get you in the NFL... I'm just gonna get you in the NFL.

UNC will make the College Football Playoff in Bill Belichick's first year

[Bill Belichick will be successful] first year... College football playoff. We should win the ACC.

The Lions defense struggles against running quarterbacks

This is the week that the lions all their defensive injuries... This is an elite elite offense. And Aaron Glenn, I know this from experience because Justin Fields used to play well against Lions. Aaron Glenn's defenses don't do well against running quarterbacks. He refuses to do a spy.

Bills vs. Lions is a potential Super Bowl preview

Possible Super Bowl preview. This would be my dream Super Bowl matchup in terms of fans... in New Orleans. Holy shit. Would it rock just like partying with Lions and Bills fans all week.

I will not be able to shoot 20 three-pointers in a row

I misinterpreted what the initial discussion was. I'm not gonna be able to shoot 20 threes in a row. That's it... 20 for 20, which is impossible. I think 20 for 25 is possible. Obviously that's not what we discussed.

The Meta Quest 3 is significantly better than the Apple Vision Pro

I got the Apple Vision Pro like seven months ago. What a waste of fucking money that was. That was probably the the biggest waste of money I've ever had in my entire life... picked up the Meta Quest 3. That thing rocks... this kicks the shit out of the Apple Vision Pro.

I have a broken pinky finger that I'm just going to leave untreated

I do think I have a broken pinky. I've had it for two weeks. I don't know what to do about it. I don't think you can do anything for a broken pinky... I think I'm just like a hurt hand guy for the rest of my life.

Mike McCarthy needs to stop watching replays of his team's mistakes on the Jumbotron during games

I have a suggestion from Mike McCarthy... Something bad happens, you know, something bad has just happened in the game. As head coach, he forces himself to watch the replay of that bad thing over and over and just sit in that pain. Yeah, Mike, you gotta stop doing that. You gotta stop subjecting yourself to just trauma repeatedly over and over again.

The Simpsons characters are significantly better in 2D than 3D

I did watch the first half of The Simpsons broadcast last night, and I don't know why it took me so long to remember this. The Simpsons are a million times better in 2D. The Simpsons in 3D. Not that fun.

The 'In the Hunt' graphics for the NFC are currently patronizing to bad teams

Everyone from the Saints on down, Saints, Cowboys, Bears, Panthers. Just just be like, Hey, I know technically not [eliminated], but dude, get a fucking grip. You're brain dead if you're actually thinking this.

The extreme delusional negativity of Philly fans is a sign the Eagles are ready for a Super Bowl run

I saw this video and I was like, this could not sum up the Philadelphia Eagles fan base more and I wouldn't have it any other way... I actually think that this might be a sign that the Eagles are ready to go on a Super Bowl run because they're what, 11 and two and they've won nine games in a row. Everything's going well. They now have players talking about players. Old players talking about old players.

AJ Brown will definitely score a touchdown this week to disprove the drama rumors

AJ Brown has to be in the touchdown score this week... You know that they're gonna find a way to feed him the ball.

College football should get rid of conference championships and just start the 16-team playoff that weekend

Get rid of the conference championships. If you're gonna do it this way, get rid of the conference championships and just have the playoffs start that weekend. Yeah. Like, have it be the first weekend of December, have it be 16 teams or whatever it is.

The top four teams in the CFP should always get a bye, regardless of whether they won their conference

Top four teams should get a bye. Because as it stands right now, and I Boise's good, I think Boise could beat anyone... But it just, it's, when I look at the bracket, the thing that keeps sticking out is like Oregon had by far and away the best season in college football... And their matchup potentially is gonna be Ohio State or Tennessee in the first round. Which that doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

Bill Belichick will be successful at UNC by marketing it as an 'NFL factory'

I think that if you are matter of fact, he's gonna be the closer. If you're a matter of fact to these both transfer kids and like, I think he'll crush it in the transfer portal because if he just says, Hey, I'm not gonna try to sell you on, like, this idea that we're gonna, we're competing for national titles right away, or we're do, I'm gonna get you ready to play football at the National Football League level and there's no one better that knows that than me.

Nepotism in football coaching is more acceptable than in playing because you work up through ranks

Coaching is a lot different than playing... Football is like the most, basketball is different. There's not a lot of examples of nepotism drafts. There's a million examples of nepotism coaching... He [Steve Belichick] worked his way up the ranks as any head coach that's ever head coached in the history of coaching has.

Arizona State will win the College Football Playoff because they are the hottest team

You know what I'm taking Arizona State. Fuck it... I want, I don't think it works for college football, but it, if it was hockey or college basketball, they're the hottest team. Make a run.