Takes

Bryce Harper will sign with the Philadelphia Phillies

Bold prediction. Phillies.

Luke Walton's job is safe for the rest of the season

I don't see Luke Walton on the hot seat because Magic Johnson said he's going to be around for the rest of the season barring something catastrophic. So there you go.

The Lakers would trade anyone on their roster except LeBron James to get Anthony Davis

There is nobody on that roster that you wouldn't trade to get Anthony Davis playing with LeBron James.

The Rockets will not finish as the top seed in the Western Conference this season

I don't think they're going to be the top seed in the West this year. I think I can go out on a limb and say that.

I will cut off the tip of Big Cat's pinky if the Seahawks win the Super Bowl

I personally Dunchained the Seahawks. I think they were the inaugural Dunchain. And listen, Big Cat is being very, very accountable with his Texans Dunchain, saying that he will cut his pinky off. I just want to say I will be held accountable as well. If the Seahawks win the Super Bowl, I will cut off the tip of Big Cat's pinky.

Tom Brady's age is finally starting to catch up to him

I think there's a lot of factors in play. Brady might be—age might be catching up to him. [Big Cat: Are you worried?] Yes.

Tiger Woods will win every major championship next year

I'm a Tiger guy. I want Tiger to win every tour major championship next year, but if it's not Tiger, I want Patrick Reed just to piss everyone off.

If Green Bay beats Chicago, they are going to the playoffs

Green Bay wins this game, and they're going to the playoffs. Because there are a lot of things that have to happen for Green Bay to make the playoffs, and they're all going to happen. But the big question mark is, can they win this game?

Mike Tomlin gets fired if the Steelers miss the playoffs

I think Mike Tomlin gets fired if they don't make the playoffs.

The Buccaneers will cover +7.5 against the Ravens

My walk of the week is going to be the Bucs. Maybe even sprinkle a little bit. The Bucs. [Against] The Ravens. Plus seven and a half.

The Browns are going to make the playoffs

The Browns are going to make the playoffs. I'm looking at it too, and you know what season it is. It's playoff machine season on ESPN... I've been running the scenarios, crunching the numbers. They're not [the Packers] going to make the playoffs... But you know who is going to make the playoffs? The Browns.

CBD is the next big industry bubble

[The next bubble is] CBD. I like CBD if it's the real stuff, but I think that there are a lot of fly-by-night companies right now that are trying to capitalize on it.

The Bears offense is a major worry for January

I will be honest—I have worries about the offense at times. That's all I'll say... Mitch [Trubisky] was coming back from an injury. I don't know if he's 100% healthy. The offense did not click the way that they'll need to click in January.

The NFL will overreact to this defensive week by trying to hire the next Aaron Donald or Khalil Mack

What's going to be so funny, by the way, is going to be the NFL overreacting to one week of really good defensive play... and now they'll be like, you need to go out there and get a defense like that. As opposed to the first 12 weeks when it's like, you've got to get the next Sean McVay... now it's going to be, well, you can just go get Aaron Donald or Khalil Mack. It'll be good.

The Patriots' loss to the Dolphins will motivate them to a championship

It is one of those losses that... shows up in the beginning of a championship DVD. The Pats lost to the Dolphins in heartbreaking fashion. They fucked up their defense. They kind of woke up. They're going to go into the film room. Belichick's going to tear into them, and that's what's going to give them the motivation they need to push through the playoffs.

Alabama will kill Kyler Murray and Oklahoma in the playoffs

They will kill Kyler Murray when they play... There's nothing like an Alabama team that feels slighted in any way, and this is just perfect.

I will cut off my pinky if the Texans win the Super Bowl

I already said I was going to cut off my pinky if the fucking Texans win the Super Bowl.

The Cowboys will win the NFC East if they beat the Eagles in Week 14

This is the week that if the Cowboys beat the Eagles, they have basically won the NFC East. And it will be very hard for them to lose it.

The Texans will reach the Super Bowl if they secure a first-round bye

If they get a bye, I think they'll go to the Super Bowl. I will be officially nervous if they get a bye because the whole time I've been like, you know what? They have to win three games. There's no way they're going to win three playoff games.

Joe Flacco will eventually sign with the Washington Redskins and go 8-8 for three years

He might sign with the [Redskins] and just, like, make the commute from Baltimore... and go 8-8 for the next three years.

I'm riding the Mark Sanchez train with the Redskins

I'm riding the Sanchez train. ... Really glad they didn't sign Kaepernick because he didn't fit the style of Mark Sanchez.

Aaron Rodgers will play his best game of the season to prove Mike McCarthy was the problem

I feel like Aaron Rodgers is going to try to ball out so he can say Mike McCarthy was the problem. Absolutely. That is exactly what's going to go on. He's going to play the best game of the season.

Conor McGregor will never fight in boxing again

In boxing, no, unless it's some sad story 30 years from now. But no, not in boxing.

A reckoning regarding concussions and CTE is coming for the UFC

Oh, my God. Yeah, it's a matter of time. ... There's a lot of those guys who, I won't say names, a lot of famous guys you grew up watching who aren't doing well now. You see them get arrested or not doing well, but it's just a matter of time.

Urban Meyer will eventually be the head coach at USC

We'll just call him future USC head coach Urban Meyer.

Urban Meyer will absolutely coach again despite his current retirement

He's going to coach again, right? He's absolutely going to coach again. He's going to coach again.

The Eagles will not be successful for much longer despite their recent win

The other thing that happened on Monday Night Football, we had the Eagles somehow getting life. And if you look at the rest of their schedule, they will not have life.

Our next breaking news scoop is 100% guaranteed to be correct

The next piece of news that we break, 100% guarantee that it's correct. 100%. We are not going to take any more risks. We're going to get back in the winning streak.

Half the internet will hate whatever name the Seattle hockey team chooses

Whatever they're going to name [the Seattle hockey team], prediction, whatever they're going to name it, half the people on the internet are going to be mad. Half the people are going to like it just like their jerseys.

I hope to get into the Hall of Fame despite my mistakes

Look, I really hope and wish that I get in. But ultimately, that's not my decision. But I do think that I have a great opportunity... if that cost me the Hall of Fame, then I have no one to blame but myself.

I'm officially 'Done Chaining' the Carolina Panthers

I want to dun-chain the Panthers... The Panthers at 6-6 could easily catch someone and still get in the playoffs, but I honestly— Done chain them. I'm done chaining them. They're done. They don't have any fight. They look like shit.

The Houston Texans are a 'Team of Destiny' to win the Super Bowl

I said to you, by the end of the season, they will have so many stickers and patches on their uniforms and helmets because of all these people dying that are associated with the Texans... This is a team of destiny. They're really good.

The Cleveland Browns are my dark horse team for next year

I think it's a year early for the Browns. We'll put them in that pile. Okay, so they'll be the Regis Philbin pick next year. Yes, they're going to be our dark horse that no one sees coming.

LSU will beat UCF in the Fiesta Bowl

[UCF is] playing LSU, that's right. If they beat LSU, which they're not going to, we're not saying they are, but if they were to beat LSU by double digits, [they should get a shot at the national champion].

Jalen Hurts will be an Alabama legend but won't do anything in the NFL

He's going to be the classic, like, not going to do anything in the NFL, but just be an Alabama legend forever. He'll do autograph signings for so much money for the rest of his life.

The Office will be rebooted within the next six months

I'm now just going to call my shot that within six months, [The Office] will be rebooted... Hank Guarantee. Yep. Six months.

Bruce Arians is the primary name for the Packers head coaching job

Without question, the first name, and I think the only name... Bruce Arians has already been making noise about coaching the crowd. If I'm the Packers, I want Arians because I need somebody who's going to get through to Rodgers.

Mike McCarthy will be a top candidate for the Cleveland Browns job

Don't be surprised if McCarthy's name ends up at the top of the list in Cleveland... I'd be looking for current head coaches to maybe be thinking about trying to get to a place like Cleveland or Green Bay.

Marvin Lewis will return as the Bengals head coach for the 2019 season

Marvin Lewis has a contract through 2019, and Mike Brown, the owner of the team, does not like to pay people [who don't work]. So unless he walks away, I think he's going to be back.

Steve Wilks secured another year as the Cardinals head coach by beating the Packers

I think that Steve Wilks secured his future by getting Mike McCarthy fired today. Yeah, I think that gets him another year.

Either the Packers or the Browns will hire a current NFL head coach to fill their coaching vacancies

I think that one of those two teams [Packers or Browns] will seriously consider trying to hire another head coach from another NFL team... I'd be looking for current head coaches to maybe be thinking about trying to get to a place like Cleveland or Green Bay.

Le'Veon Bell will sign with the Jets for more than $17.5 million per year

I think the Jets, the Jets are the team. And I think the over-under is $17.5 million a year, and I'll take the over.

An NFL team will pick up Kareem Hunt off waivers

I think somebody's going to pick [Kareem Hunt] up... nobody wants to pick them up off waivers, but they're all thinking that somebody else is going to do it... I would actually, I think somebody's going to pick them up.

Sean Payton will be the head coach of the Dallas Cowboys in 2019

I've been saying for the last eight months that Sean Payton is going to be the coach of the Dallas Cowboys next year. I'm not saying that Jerry Jones won't offer up a meatball of a trade if he feels like it so he can give Sean Payton a John Gruden-type contract.

This is the week the Patriots propel themselves back to the top of the NFL

Everyone's been talking about the Rams, Chiefs, Saints. They've all been kind of shown as frauds. They have weaknesses. This will be the week the Pats propel themselves back to the top of the league.

Alabama would beat Notre Dame by 30 points

I don't think there's going to be much debate, guys, at the end of the weekend... which I think [Alabama] would beat Notre Dame by 30 points.

I don't think the Texans can win three playoff games to reach the Super Bowl

I don't think [the Texans] can win three playoff games, but I do think they can win two playoff games to then get to the Super Bowl. And then if they're in the Super Bowl, it's like... I don't even know what we do.

NASA's Mars Insight lander will find 'evidence of water' that we already knew about

They're going to maybe find traces of what might have been water a billion years ago. But the headlines are going to say evidence of water on Mars, which we already have.

The Denver Broncos will finish the season 9-7

They're going to go 9-7. I'm going to keep it [the Done Chain] on there.

The Jacksonville Jaguars are officially done-chained and their season is over.

Jaguars. Jaguars are a mess... So they're done chained officially. Apologies to them. But listen, we were talking about it before the show. The playoff picture is actually super fun this year because usually the fifth and sixth seed... you're like, that team sucks.