Takes

The 2018 Cal Golden Bears football team will be good

How's Cal going to be this year? Good, right? I thought they were going to be good this year.

Duke basketball is entering a major championship window because of Zion Williamson

My cool throne is Duke basketball. So they're back. Zion Williamson, my guy. 6'10", 320 pounds... Dunked from the free throw line. Kyrie, Jason Tatum about to take over for the Celtics. So it's going to be a big, big window for Duke basketball.

Case Keenum is officially on 'Swag Watch' because Swag Kelly is nipping at his heels

My hot seat is Case Keenum because we are on Swag Watch 2018. Swag Kelly is now the second-string quarterback for the Denver Broncos, nipping at Case's heels, and he's looking pretty good doing it.

Hiring Scott Frost was a great decision that should have happened three years ago

Great decision. I wanted it to happen three years ago and actually voted for it... I suggested it, for lack of a better word... Scott Frost has the mechanisms and the – I would say he's cut from a good cloth to be able to do it.

Little League sound bites will soon become fake and self-aware, ruining the magic

Do you think there will be a point where these kids become a little self-aware and start doing this? Because Big Al is, like, so beautiful because he's genuine. But we're going to get to that point where they're going to try to start making sound bites and stuff, and it's going to ruin it.

LeBron James will win exactly one more NBA championship in his career

I'll go under [1.5]. I think he has one more. But usually these guys, this means they're done. Remember the Kobe stuff? We're like, oh, nobody wants him more than Kobe. You want it all you want. This is over.

Kawhi Leonard might stay in Toronto long-term because he'll realize how great the city is

Kawhi could be sitting here going, I'm not staying in Toronto. And then you're there. Toronto's awesome. Currency. Exactly.

Sex bots will be perfected before robot umpires or doctors

I think we're going – if history has taught us anything, it's that sex is always on the bleeding edge of technology. So after we perfect sex bots – Then we'll get around to making things like doctors, surgeons. Robot umps and robot baseball players.

Bill Snyder will retire and then un-retire during his five-year contract extension

The best part about that extension is he's going to retire and come back within those five years. Oh, absolutely. Yeah.

Rick Pitino will not survive Twitter

Rick Pitino even plans to start a Twitter account. Rick Pitino, listen to me right now. Do not create a Twitter account. You are not going to survive Twitter.com. This is not going to work, Rick. He is going to hate it.

Bob Wiley will be the breakout star of Hard Knocks with the Browns

If I had to guess, [Bob Wiley] is the guy, in my opinion, that's the most interesting. He's the most funny, gregarious. He's the most seasoned coach on that staff. He kind of looks a little bit like a walrus. And he's just the nicest guy with the most funny jokes. I think people are going to fall in love with him.

Hue Jackson will be the face of Hard Knocks because players love him and he has a boatload of personality

I think outside of Bob Wiley, I think Hue Jackson will probably be that next guy that becomes the face of the Browns Hard Knocks because he's got a lot of personality. He loves talking off the cuff. He's very passionate. He really loves his players, and he shows it. Players love him.

Sam Darnold is likely going to be the Jets' Week 1 starter

You think Darnold's going to start week one? It seems to be that way. I do follow the Jets on Twitter, and they seem to be really posting a lot about Mr. Darnold there. They seem to be really pushing for him there.

Urban Meyer will survive the Ohio State scandal because big-time programs protect winners

I actually think that [Urban Meyer] is going to survive it because that's how big-time football works. This guy wins a lot of football games, so we got to figure out a way to keep him. I think he'll still survive it. I think he'll get a four-game suspension right before Big Ten season.

Urban Meyer will eventually coach at Notre Dame

I think he's going to resurface in a few years at Notre Dame. If there's any organization that has a history of overlooking some of their leaders' past discrepancies, it's the Catholic Church. So I could see him joining up with Touchdown Jesus.

The Seattle Seahawks will finish the 2018 season with a 5-11 record.

When I tally it up, I look back at it and I go, how the heck did I get the Seahawks at 5-11? Because I didn't think they would be that bad either. But then I went back and looked at it. Their schedule is brutal. I mean, it is really, really tough. And I think those defensive losses are going to be felt.

Seahawks running back Chris Carson will rush for 1,200 yards this season.

Carson is coming back this year. He broke his leg last year. That guy is going to be an awesome running back. I'm standing on the table officially right now for Chris Carson. You heard it here first. That guy is going to run for like 1,200 yards.

Kirk Cousins is going to suck for the Vikings this year.

Kirk Cousins is going to suck this year. The answer is no [on whether he is good enough to get them past where they went a year ago].

The Green Bay Packers will face the Jacksonville Jaguars in Super Bowl LIII.

I had in my predictions the Super Bowl as Packers versus Jaguars. I think the Patriots are going to be... as long as Belichick and Brady are there, they're going to be fine. It's just that I don't think they're going to the Super Bowl. I think Jacksonville's legit.

Sam Darnold will be the first rookie quarterback to start a game in the 2018 season.

Who's going to be the first rookie quarterback to start a game? Darnold. I think Darnold's going to start sooner rather than later.

Josh Allen is going to be a big-time NFL quarterback despite his college stats.

Josh Allen's going to be a good quarterback, though, but I can't figure out for the life of me why that kid takes as much abuse as he does. Okay, his stats weren't good at Wyoming, but if you watch the tape, he was playing with bouncers and bartenders... he is going—it might take him a little seasoning—but he's going to be a big-time quarterback.

The Houston Texans and Denver Broncos will both sneak into the AFC playoffs this season.

[One team in each conference sneaking into the playoffs] I put the Texans and the Broncos in. I had two of them in the AFC.

The Cincinnati Bengals have a chance to be a sneaky playoff team in 2018.

Don't sleep on the Bengals either, by the way. You're going to laugh when I tell you that. The Bengals have a chance. Because they've got young talent on defense... Lawson and Willis... and that offensive line... I think it'll be better with getting Cordy Glenn in there.

Jon Gruden is going to be a disaster for the Raiders.

I think John Gruden is going to be such a disaster for the Raiders, but I am so excited to watch it. It's going to be three yards in a cloud of dust. They're going to get figured out by week three.

The Cleveland Browns will win seven games this year

I have something very brave to say. I think the Cleveland Browns are going to win seven games this year.

The Cleveland Browns are going to win the AFC North

I think they're going to win the division. And you know what? They're going to be fun as shit. I'm dead serious. They got Pac-Man [Adam Jones] coming in at cornerback maybe? They will definitely win more than – I'm going to say, yeah, like they're in that – yeah, they'll be scrappy. They'll be upgraded to scrappy.

The 2018-19 Lakers will be a 4 or 5 seed in the Western Conference

The Lakers shouldn't be very good this year, right? Yeah, I think probably like the four or five seed. Yeah, they'll finish somewhere around there.

Facebook is officially done as a relevant company

I'm calling my shot. I'm going to put the PFT death stake is going into Facebook right now. Wow. They're done. Have you been on Facebook recently? No. It's trash... it's all ants, trolls, and ants.

This is the year Ryan Tannehill finally takes the next step

The Ryan Tannehill knee brace, Tannehill 2.0. He is really leaning into this is the year that Ryan Tannehill takes the big step, the next step. I think it's awesome that wearable technology has gotten to the point where a quarterback can have their total QBR on their actual equipment.

Skip Bayless will blame LeBron James for destroying the American education system

Skip Bayless for saying that LeBron James is destroying the American educational system by making children stay up too late to watch West Coast games. Ruining America's future. He'll deputize himself to be the watchdog and guardian of America.

The Duke Blue Devils are definitely winning the national championship

The Duke Blue Devils are going to win the national championship. And this isn't a reverse jinx. I know you're thinking, Big Cat, you hate Duke. No, no, no. They're definitely going to win the national championship. You heard it here first. It's done.

The Cleveland Cavaliers will make the playoffs as a 7 or 8 seed this year without LeBron James

I think the Cavs are going to make the playoffs. That's my hot take. I think they're going to be like a 7 or an 8 seed.

Tim Tebow would definitely hit a home run if he were ever called up to the Major Leagues

If you think Tim Tebow would not have hit a home run in the major leagues, you do not know Tim Tebow, my friend. All the guy does is miracles. That's all he does.

Joe Flacco's mobility is night and day compared to last year

Joe Flacco's mobility is night and day compared to last year. He's healthy now. Flacco is full speed. The difference is evident. No limitations as a scrambler. Or even on designed runs. So they're opening up the playbook for Flacco. They're going to let him show off the wheels.

Kawhi Leonard will hate Toronto and his uncle will continue to speak for him

Kawhi Leonard, does he like Toronto or not? It was reported that he hates it. He didn't leave his hotel room during the All-Star game. Will he or will he not stay or play or ever do anything else on a basketball court because no one's talked to him in like 10 months and his uncle has taken his brain and is now speaking for him.

The XFL could be successful if it uses an NFL strike or lockout to poach players

I think that they might actually be onto something though if the CBA stuff doesn't get worked out because the NFL could go on strike or there might be a lockout. In which case the XFL has an opportunity to poach some players and get their season started, you know, while the NFL is not even playing. And I think that might actually work.

LSU will actually have a good quarterback this year

Plus, they've got a good quarterback this time. So we've said that a lot about LSU, but this is the year.

Fortnite being a distraction will be the biggest story of the 2018 college football season

I think we can all agree the big story of the 2018 college football season is going to be coaches being mad about Fortnite. I think that is going to be the big overarching story every single week.

Dabo Swinney will be the first coach to win a game of Fortnite to impress recruits

I'm going to make a prediction. I'm going to try to call my shot. Dabo [Swinney] is going to be the first one to ever win a game of Fortnite. To battle royale number one. Because he's going to start playing and being like, check it out, guys. I play Fortnite like you do.

The Oakland A's will make the Wild Card in 2018

The Oakland A's will happen to creep into that Wild Card spot in the AL. The Oakland A's will be playing meaningful and potential postseason baseball come the finish of... late September.

Bryce Harper will not be a National next year.

We commonly agree that, yes, Bryce Harper is no longer going to be a National next year.

Le'Veon Bell and the Steelers are never getting back together.

Le'Veon Bell and the Steelers are never, ever getting back together.

Le'Veon Bell will eventually sign with the Washington Redskins.

So, yeah, future Washington R-Word Le'Veon Bell. You heard it here first on Pardon My Take.

Yadier Molina will be the next player-manager for the St. Louis Cardinals.

Yadier's going to be the new player manager. That's what my sources are telling me.

If Christian Yelich ever wins a Home Run Derby, I will lick a crow's butthole.

If you win the Home Run Derby... I'm going to lick a crow's butthole. That's what I'll do. I'll one up the guy.

The Jabari Parker contract is a perfect risk for the Chicago Bulls

Jabari Parker, two-year, $40 million. It's actually the perfect risk by the Bulls to do that but it is very funny when you see the number 40 million and you realize that a guy who's got two torn ACLs is getting 40 million.

France will win the 2018 World Cup Final

I'm going to go with France as well. Mbappé is 19.

Croatia will win the 2018 World Cup because of the 'presence of smoke'

Taking Croatia because their presence of smoke.

Tiger Woods will have an incredible run at the British Open but lose to Lee Trevino

I predict that Tiger will have an incredible run, and ultimately, Lee Trevino will pip him.

Serena Williams is the 'GOAT' and will win another Grand Slam

And then on the other side, Serena. We know she did PEDs. She got a fetus... Serena is yeah, gonna win again so she's the goat. Everyone says best athlete of all time.