Takes

The 2016 Golden State Warriors will win the NBA title and become an all-time team

The Golden State Warriors won their 72nd game last night against the Spurs. So now they are an all-time team. Unless they don't win the title. If they don't win the title, then it really doesn't matter. But we all kind of assume they will win the title. The Spurs will probably give them a great series. They will be an all-time team.

The Cincinnati Reds don't suck and will be good this year.

Cincinnati Reds have been on a goddamn tear this year. 6-0 against the spread, 5-1, first place in the National League Central. ... they don't suck. ... I'm a big Reds fan from like way back in the day... the bottom line is I'm a big Reds fan is what I was getting at here.

I pick the Reds to win the World Series

The Reds are 3-0. You pick them to win the World Series. ... I think it said that we're going to win so many games this year that we can afford to have a really long hashtag.

Twitter is going to turn into a television station for a while

So Twitter just agreed to broadcast 10 of the 16 Thursday night football games next year. What's going to happen, I think, is Twitter's going to just turn into a television station for a while.

Hammer the Reds as underdogs this year and you will become a millionaire

Hammer the Reds this year. Hammer the Reds. They will be underdogs many, many times. You throw it on the Reds. You take that $10, put it right there. Probably make yourself $20, $17. Then you keep doing it. And hopefully the Reds never lose and you become a millionaire.

The Crying Michael Jordan meme will never die

The reason why the crying MJ meme will never die, and it's very simple, anyone who ever complains about it instantly gets the crying MJ meme on them so it's like it just it's a self-fulfilling you can't stop it.

I'm just not going to pay my taxes

Probably just not going to do them. [Taxes].

The Reds will finish in second place in the NL Central

Out of the NL Central, I've got the Reds followed up by the Cubs. I don't know. I think the Cubs are going to be a good wildcard team this year... If they come in second place in the division, I'm going to look like the smartest guy in baseball.

The Saturday Final Four games will go under because players can't shoot in the NRG Stadium dome

I told everyone i think two days ago the unders are going to come in on saturday no one can shoot in the houston [NRG] something or other dome. So take the unders.

The Cubs have a shot to win it all this year because their young players look professional

I think that's fine. You know, you got a lot of young guys that have really come up out of the minor leagues and have just absolutely performed, and they come up with so much confidence, and they really look professional, and it's exciting to see... You got a shot.

Villanova is a totally different team than they were earlier in the season when Oklahoma beat them

Villanova's a totally different team than what they faced early in the year. They were still trying to figure themselves out. Oklahoma had a little bit more of a veteran team. They played together. So, you know, that was an advantage for the Sooners. But, you know, if OU goes in there with the mindset like, hey, you know, we already beat this team by 25 and you start overlooking them... Your butt might be going home on Saturday.

Bet the unders for the Final Four because Houston's NRG Stadium is a very bad shooting stadium

Houston is a very, very bad shooting stadium. Very bad. It's in the big dome, the Reliant Energy Center, whatever the hell it's called. I think it went 7-1 unders last year when they played part of the tournament there.

Syracuse is a team of destiny to win the NCAA tournament

I'd probably put it on Syracuse at this point. I think they're a team of destiny. Might as well throw it some long shot odds. Have them win. I think I saw 10 to 1 to win the tournament. That's just two games. That's a nice little payday.

J.J. Watt will never actually come on the show

If I'm putting money on it, I'm saying that he's not going to come on the show and that he's just doing this as a one-time thing to try to get a brief amount of credit but not really following up on it.

There is a 42% chance J.J. Watt will eventually appear on Pardon My Take

I'll split the difference. I'm going to say there's like a—I guess it wouldn't be splitting the difference, but 42% chance he's going to come on.

Buddy Hield is essentially J.J. Redick in the NBA

I think he's going to be a good pro... He can average 15 a game in the league, but... he doesn't seem that much better than J.J. Redick was though. I think Buddy will be good... but I don't know if I'd take him third.

North Carolina is untouchable if they continue to hit three-pointers

UNC, the way to beat them is that they don't make threes, and for some reason they're making threes... if they're shooting like that, yeah, no one's touching them... If they shoot like they are, they're untouchable.

Villanova will win the National Championship

I'm going to have UNC and Nova in the final. I'm going to give it to Nova. I'm going to say Nova is just going to find a way. The ghost of Rollie Massimino, even though he's not dead. I feel like we could get that going, too.

Duke will be the #1 team in the country next season (2016-17)

Duke's going to be the number one team in the country next year. They're going to be amazing. So I want [Grayson Allen] back. I want him leading the charge.

Robert Griffin III's career will eventually be ended by a massive staph infection in the Browns' locker room

That is probably the last locker room that you want to be in if you're recovering from like a knee surgery... I could see this going very poorly for [Griffin]. Like he has some minor surgery in the off season and then his career is ended by a massive staph infection.

Robert Griffin III will start 6-8 games for the Browns, win three, and become a career backup after getting injured

Griffin will start six to eight games this year, and he'll win three of them. So it'll be like RG three and three. And then he'll get injured again, and then they'll bring in, you know, whichever quarterback that they draft at the second overall pick. And then Griffin will just be on the bench again, and then he'll be a career backup after that.

If Jeff Fisher is fired, he will spend six years on CBS before coaching the Raiders

What will happen to Jeff is if they go like 3-13, if they have fewer than six wins this year, he'll get fired. And then he'll be on CBS for like the next six years pretending to laugh during the pregame show. And then he'll go back to the Raiders or something like that.

If a pitcher ever dies on the mound, MLB will force pitchers to wear helmets and face contraptions

Well, so if a pitcher dies on the baseball mound, the game is going to like completely change. Right. They're going to make pitchers wear helmets and there may be even like some sort of weird face contraption. I don't know.

Indiana has found its next long-term head coach in Tom Crean

Has Indiana found its next head coach in Tom Crean? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think so. I mean, Tom Crean's done a really good job, I think, growing with this particular team. Once he cleaned out some guys over the last summer, yeah, I think they have.

Kansas will win the 2016 National Championship

I thought it was going to be Michigan State and North Kansas. And I like Kansas to win. I liked them before the tournament. I like them now.

The winner of the Indiana vs. North Carolina game will play for the National Championship

North Carolina, Indiana winner. I think it's going to play for [the title]. I do. I think that, you know, I think they'll beat the next team.

LeBron James will announce he is re-signing with the Cavs by re-following them on Twitter

I actually think what's happening is that LeBron unfollowed the Cavs and that when he signs his option... he's going to announce it by refollowing the Cavs. It's such a shitty, like not cool thing to do, but it's so lame that it perfectly fits something that he would think was a good idea.

Wisconsin will probably beat Notre Dame and then lose in a tragic, heartbreaking fashion

They'll probably beat Notre Dame and then maybe... be up by 10 against UNC. And I'm like, oh, man, I cannot believe the Badgers are going back to the Final Four. And then there'll be tragedy and heartbreak. And people will be sending me mean tweets.

Thomas Walkup will never play in the NBA

He's a 6'4 white dude who when he goes to the NBA, he'll get like his ankles broken in two seconds and dunked on. So he won't even get to go to the NBA.

Yale vs Duke Under is my lock of the century

That's my lock of the century. Put the money in the bank right now. It's done... if you start a good place to start is by betting the under on two teams that you hate. [Yale vs Duke]

Cincinnati will beat St. Joe's because they are too big and physical

I think Cincinnati, too big and too physical for St. Joe's. St. Joe's wants to play on the perimeter. Cincinnati will beat you up physically. They're not going to wow you with their jump-shooting ability, but I think they'll be able to get easy buckets. So I like Cincinnati in that game, laying the 2, 2.5.

Virginia will cover -7 against Butler on Saturday

Saturday, the game I like the most, at least initially, I don't know how Butler scores more than 50 points against Virginia. I think that's one where you can lay the seven with the Cavaliers and feel pretty confident about doing so.

Adam LaRoche's son will be the greatest hot take writer ever because he grew up in locker rooms

Adam LaRoche's kid... he is going to be the best hot take writer of all time. Could you imagine him fighting with like sabermetric nerds? Adam LaRoche's kid, his entire existence is towel whips, like, you know, pranks, guys, you know, calling each other [names]. His entire life is a locker room. I can't wait till he grows up and starts like just throwing his ideas of his worldviews around.

Virginia will lose because they lack players who can make late-game shots

I think Virginia is like almost identical to some of the Wisconsin teams... where they don't have guys who can just make shots late in the game when you need... They have the one guy and but everyone else... you need to make shots at the end of the games.

Duke stinks and could easily lose in the first round

And Duke stinks. This could be a year that Duke loses in the first round, which is my favorite year when that happens... No, they have five guys, and only one guy can rebound, and they don't have a bench.

The 'suh dude' trend will last until the end of the school year

I got to say at least until the end of the school year because it's already second semester and usually that won't wear off until the end.

I could catch 22 balls in a season as a slot receiver for Tom Brady

I feel like this is like a suggestive knock on one of the greatest slot receivers of all time, Danny Amendola... But I might be able to catch, I'd say, 22 balls.

Chris Long would catch 85 passes in a season from Tom Brady

I think you're selling yourself short because you're extremely humble... I'd put you upwards of like 80, 85.

I will not be signing with the Los Angeles Rams

Well, the team that just kicked me out onto the street, you know, was the St. Louis Rams. Now the Los Angeles Rams. I'd probably rather not play there.

I'm not betting any over-unders in the NCAA Tournament this year

I've decided that I'm not going to bet any over-unders in the March Madness tournament. I had the realization that I lose all my money just betting overs because that's all I do. I never bet unders.

Someone will eventually make a career out of just rewording Adam Schefter tweets

Some people are going to be really successful. There are going to be some people that make a career off of doing that [rewording other people's tweets] the best, and they'll eventually work their way to the top if they fake it long enough. The person who's going to be the best at marketing themselves doing that is going to be like a legitimate news source in 15 years.

FGCU (Dunk City) will be a 'dangerous' 16-seed because of their name brand

Dunk City, FGCU, I guarantee you there's going to be some people out there that say, watch out, this team could make some noise because you remember two years ago when they dunked on people. Even though they're going to be a 16 seed, there are going to be people out there that label them as a possible dark horse dangerous team.

Michigan State will be the most-picked non-one seed in Final Fours this year

Michigan State is a non-number one seed that could make some noise. Everyone will pick them in the Final Four now because you don't want to be the guy who goes all number one. So you're like, 'oh, yeah, I didn't go all number ones. I did Michigan State.'

Virginia will win the 2016 National Championship

I think Virginia [is the champion]. They're so tough. I watched them the other night, and obviously they didn't win the ACC championship, but I just think they have a good... they're a team I want to see, either Virginia or Michigan State.

Brock Osweiler is so tall that he will trip a lot in the NFL

Brock Osweiler. He's like six-eight. He's crazy tall, too tall. I feel like he's going to trip a lot in the NFL. Is that crazy?

The more lawsuits ESPN files against us, the stronger we get

I want to have them file lawsuits at me nonstop because the more they file, the stronger I get... the more lawsuits we have filed against us, the better we get.

The internet will side with us over ESPN in this legal battle

If I know anything about the Internet, the Internet's going to have our back. Nobody's going to side with ESPN on this. They're going to look real bad.

We will take down ESPN by replaying recordings of 'Pardon the Interruption' on our podcast feed

Maybe we just do a show and we just replay an entire Pardon the Interruption show. Like that's the whole podcast... This is how we're going to take down ESPN.

The Jaguars will sign a big free agent like Chris Ivory, cut him in two years because he didn't work out, and keep sucking.

The Jaguars have a ton of money, and everyone's going to say, wow, the Jaguars are going to make a big splash. Like, you know, like signing Chris Ivory in two years, they're going to cut him because he's like, he didn't work out and they're going to bring in a new coach and the Jaguars are going to keep sucking and it's going to be beautiful.

The Raiders will get good and then immediately move to L.A., totally screwing over the city of Oakland.

I think what's what's going to happen is you're going to see the Raiders get really good... or start to get good and then move to L.A. right as they get good and totally screw over the city of Oakland.