Takes

Nuclear-powered 'air cruises' are fake and would definitely crash

It's a plane cruise. Yeah. It's like a massive, massive, massive, bigger than whatever name like four aircraft carriers... 20 electric engines powered by nuclear fusion. I'm just going to say this. If this is real, I will absolutely laugh when it crashes and everyone dies. There's no way to test fly this until you actually make the real thing.

The NHL beat writer who celebrated with the Stanley Cup should be fired for a lack of integrity

There was a Colorado Avalanche beat writer that picked up the Stanley Cup and celebrated with the team and called it one of the best nights of his life. And frankly he should be executed. Yeah. Send him to the LIV tour. They should chop his head off. That's not what journalism is supposed to be in America. It's supposed to be fearless truth tellers, impartial scribes.

American arrogance is just a statement of fact because we are the best

Just arrogance is American. Well, we're the best. Is it arrogance? If you just know that you're the best or is it a statement of fact? Yeah. It's actually being humble because we don't say how good we are all the time when we could. Yeah. Winning. Winning is American.

All Duke players from the 2022 draft will be busts

All the Duke guys are going to be a bust. They can't win when it matters most because they lose when all the pressures on them... they did lose in the Final Four. They did send out their Hall of Fame coach out with a loss.

Jerking off is low-key gay

One, one is jerking off so easily. You're literally touching... Constantly touching it... Looking at it. Caressing it... You look forward to it.

A quarterback taking snaps under center is low-key gay

Our next pick is a quarterback under center... Pro-style offense. What does that mean? Putting his hands in you basically. The ass. Tom Brady has a very specific way that he likes his center's ass to be... he makes the center put a specific type of towel like in his ass cheeks.

Pirates shortstop O'Neil Cruz is the most electric player in baseball

This guy might be the most electric player I've ever seen in my life. 6'7" he's a shortstop. He ran 31.5 miles per hour. Hardest throw by an infielder in Major League Baseball this year, he threw a ball from shortstop to first 96.7 miles per hour. I am buying all my stock and O'Neil Cruz right now.

The US Open should only be won by Americans

Not to be xenophobic, but the US Open should be won by an American. So as far as I'm concerned, Will Zalatoris is the champion.

You shouldn't be able to win a Major while wearing braces

Not to teeth shame, but I don't think you should be able to win the US Open with braces... I'm happy that he's getting his teeth fixed... but in the moment the take was, this is bullshit. Take his trophy away.

The Lightning are the worst back-to-back champions of all time

The idea that the, the lightning might be the worst back-to-back champions of all time. If you look at the bubble when put an asterix on that, and then you look at them playing like maybe one of the worst Stanley cup champion or say like a finals teams in recent memory, like last 30 years and the Canadians, and now they finally run into a wagon in the Stanley cup finals.

The new lacrosse movie will be as impactful for the sport as Drive to Survive was for F1

The sport was honestly amazing. It was like, I think that it's going to be as huge for lacrosse as DRS [Drive to Survive] is revive was for F1. It was an amazing feature.

Any NBA team from the 1990s would die trying to defend the Golden State Warriors' movement and pick-and-rolls

Any team from the nineties that had to deal with the fucking pick and rolls and like the movement that the warriors do, like they would die. They would die. It's insane. The amount of they would be killed on the court... like NBA players didn't run. They didn't do a cardio in the nineties.

Steph Curry deserves the Finals MVP even if the Warriors lose

Our man Perk [Kendrick Perkins], carry the hell on, he said no matter what, win or lose, Steph Curry deserves this MVP. I'd be willing to trade in Billy not being vegan just for the ensuing takes that would come with Steph Curry winning the MVP and losing.

The NFL salary cap is not actually enforced

My theory is that the NFL just said, okay, we're going to make a salary cap... but they don't actually have a guy that's tracking it and enforcing actual penalties against them... smart teams, like the Rams and saints. They're just like, okay, we see through this game.

Steph Curry should win Finals MVP even if the Warriors lose the series

I'm hoping that we get a Celtic series win and Steph Curry gets his first finals MVP out of that. That would be the ultimate threading the needle.

The Warriors are dead

My fire Fest is obviously a, the warriors is dead. I truly believe that.

Coach John Calipari should receive a 17-year contract extension

Instead of is coach Calipari on the hot seat, it's how many years should we extend him? Because right now, right now, coach Cal has seven lane duck years. You're staring right in the face of it seven years where he does, he might, how can you recruit? Let's get him 10 more years on top of that.

The University of Washington is the new college basketball powerhouse

Washington is a great basketball school. Spencer Hawes, the Pacific Northwest is on the up and up. I mean, you look at the great products. They put out Markelle Fultz, Isaiah Thomas, Spencer Hawes. I mean they are. They're the new powerhouse right now. So it's no shame in losing a player [Keion Brooks Jr.] to the university of Washington.

The Boston Celtics are dead

The Boston Celtics are dead.

The Waterdogs are a disgrace and the worst team in the PLL

PLL Waterdogs. Fucking suck. That team is disgrace... Real quick reminder, Waterdogs are the worst team. When you think it can't go any lower wait until you see the Waterdogs.

Nadal winning mostly on clay makes him a Mickey Mouse champion

It's Mickey Mouse to have to only win on one surface. Well, I think he also won the Australian, right? ... 14 of his 22 are at Roland Garros.

The Warriors are dead

I think right now it's too early to do the thing that we all want to do, which we kind of like, we dipped our toe in earlier and said the warriors are dead. Fuck it. I'm just going to say it after game one, the warriors are dead.

If Steph Curry wins Finals MVP, he is a better basketball player than LeBron James

If Steph Curry wins an NBA finals MVP this year, I'm ready to be the first person to [say] that he's better than LeBron James purely at basketball.

The Heat would have won the series in 5 or 6 games if Jimmy Butler had any help

He's the only reason the series got to seven. He got drill help—if he got any help, the heat win the series in five or six.

The world ended in 2016 and we are currently in an afterlife simulation

There's a theory out there that the world ended in 2016. When that [Large Hadron Collider] opened up a massive black hole on earth and everything got sucked into it. And so everything you've experienced since then has been your particular version of heaven or hell, depending on if you were good or not prior to 2016.

Ime Udoka is the best at laying pipe among NBA coaches

You look at the Celtics Ime Udoka lays pipe better than any of these motherfuckers. Feels like he could spoil shit and he goes down. Yeah. She knows that he's not the whole package though.

Sean McVay is too much show and not enough go when it comes to sex

He seems like a little, like a too much show. Not enough. Correct. When it comes to fucking. Well he's he's got like, he likes to take his shirt off and do a dance. Like, you know, like Patrick Peyton watch himself.

The Heat lost Game 5 because fans were stuck in long concession lines at halftime

Halftime happens and then we come back. The arena is empty. The fans are all in the building... but most are stuck, still waiting in line for food and watching the game from the monitors... with an empty arena, it's basically shoot around for [the Celtics]. By the time the crowd was back from the concessions, the momentum had turned completely on its head.

The Warriors took Game 4 off against the Mavericks just to avoid the sweep and get a Game 5 gate

They up three [games]. Game four is in Dallas... they took a night off game four, 'Hey, let's make them travel all the way back out to the Bay Area... we'll blow they ass out.' They're playing with their food before they eat it. I got to believe it's over.

The best career move for a backup QB is to have one great game and then immediately get injured

When you're a backup quarterback in the NFL, the best thing you can do is have an awesome game and then immediately get injured and secure your like status as an NFL quarterback for 10 years.

The Celtics are the better team because they have won 10 out of 12 quarters in the series

The Celtics have played better than the Heat and every single one of the games. If you go by quarters, they've won 10 of them. Which to me means that they're the better team.

Jayson Tatum is a fraud and Jimmy Butler is the best player in the world

For right now, Jayson Tatum's a fraud. [Jimmy Butler] might be the best player in the world. Jason Tatum needed more help and Jimmy Butler might be the best player in the world.

Coach K is the worst NBA coach to never have coached in the NBA

Coach K would be a worst head coach than Calipari was when he was head coach. He's the worst NBA coach to never have coached in the NBA.

Tom Izzo is officially overrated

The take that I've probably been wrong about, Tom Izzo being overrated. I wanted to be the first person to say that Tom Izzo is overrated. So I think I accomplished that. And then I've been waiting that out. It's starting to look more and more like it's correct adjacent.

Chris Paul might not care as much about winning as his die-hard fans do

I've been seeing this guy [Chris Paul] and it's, I mean, this is long-term and you know, like in every relationship there's always somebody, the relationship seems to matter a lot more to... It's getting to the point where like, I don't want to say, like, I'm not, I'm not trying to be a victim in this, but like, you can care about somebody for so long. And then you wonder, I don't think this person could care as much as I do.

Kyle Korver is a better 3-point shooter than Steph Curry

I actually am looking at the list right now [Big Cat speaking]... Kyle Korver does have a higher percentage than Steph. [Salley]: You guys did cheat in college. I can tell because you only looking at the cliff notes. [Salley earlier arguing Dell Curry, Reggie Miller, Dale Ellis were better than Steph].

Kenny Pickett is superior to Mitch Trubisky because Kenny followed my fiancee on Instagram

Mitch gets picked up by the Steelers show Respect immediately. DM show the wife respect. I ain't get an answer. Now, you know Kenny Pickett followed me. Kenny Pickett's a fan of mine... after dinner, you know what I got? I got a follow from Kenny's fiancee. Oh wow. Follow. Not doing that holds more weight in my book than a message. So where I stand right now... Kenny ain't coming here to take part Kenny come in here to take over man.

Chris Paul is a fraud

I'm going to call it right now. I'm going to use a hard D-bomb. What's that? Hank? A fraud. ... Chris Paul is literally the best NBA player of all time that has sucked.

In-N-Out burger is so overhyped

But you go in the conversation as best tasting burger. We're not talking about all the bells and whistles of everything else. And I think that's what In-N-Out does... Great service, great experience, the ingredients yes, very quality. But again, we're talking about a great taste. We're talking about the best tasting burger out there and to me In-N-Out is so over-hyped.

Derrick Henry's long legs are detrimental in short yardage

I had this theory that Derrick Henry has super long legs for his height. ... I feel like it's actually detrimental in short yardage between the tackles, because people can wrap up his legs more. ... every time he like does well in short yardage, it's like in a sweep or he's bouncing out of the tackles.

It would be better for the future of the Mavericks if they lose Game 7 to the Suns

I'll take it one step further. How's this for take, it would actually be better for the future of the Dallas Mavericks. If they lose this game. ... if they had gotten blown out in the second round, then I feel like mark Cuban would kind of like have to go nuclear and try to put something good together and get like an awesome player to team up with Luca to take that next step.

The Grizzlies might actually be better without Ja Morant

We have a new narrative. That's very fun. Are the Grizzlies better? Without Ja Morant? ... the stat is the warriors or sorry, the Grizzlies are now I think 21 and six without Ja Morant.

Andrew Luck was never an elite quarterback because he ordered chicken at a steakhouse

Andrew Luck because I think you guys told me this, that when you went to the steakhouse St. Elmo's Steakhouse in Indianapolis, he doesn't eat steak, eats chicken. Correct. And that's how you knew he was not going to be an elite quarterback.

The NHL is potentially rigged for certain ratings-friendly matchups

The whole debate that we were having last night about the NHL being rigged? Because I think that you're insane for not thinking... the NHL would prefer to have caps first penguins. One last showdown between [Ovechkin and Crosby].

Chris Paul is the best player in the NBA who also sucks

Chris Paul, we, yeah, we did determine like, we all agree. He's awesome. But at the same time he sucks. And those are my favorite players. Like he is the best player in the NBA who also sucks ass.

I am 30% responsible for Dmitry Bivol's victory over Canelo Alvarez

How much of your win goes to Billy Football? [Bivol: 30%]. He taught me through the ball, you know, like right hand. [Billy: Activate the shoulders. I liked that he was also posting some pretty aggressive videos].

The NBA should limit teams to 30 three-point attempts per game

What if there was a limit to the amount of three point shots you could take? So teams now have to strategize essentially like you get to take 33 pointers again... Imagine going into a fourth quarter and being like, okay, the suns have 15, three pointers left and the Mavs have used all theirs.

The NBA should introduce a 'Flagrant 3' where the victim's team gets to pick a player on the other team to be kicked out

That should be a Flagrant 3. And if there's a Flagrant 3, here's the rule. The other team, they get to pick which one of your guys is kicked out of the game. Or you could take that player's dad. So Gary Payton comes back and plays for your team the next round.

Getting hit in the nuts is worse than childbirth

Women don't realize that childbirth is not that hard when you've gotten hit in the nuts. Your balls feel like they're going to explode and your stomach feels like it's going to cave inside of itself. It's like having all of your periods at once.

NBA players who get hit in the nuts should get a free shot to kick the offender back

If you get a flagrant one, you should get to kick the guy in the balls back in center court. How awesome would that be for fans? Tonight, I might see a guy just get smoked in the nuts.