Takes

Joel Embiid is the only athlete who gets clowned for being injured

Is Joel Embiid the only athlete in the history of sports that like gets clowned for being [injured]... For some reason Joelle em Bead always gets hurt and it's like, ha ha ha ha. What a great athlete that's can't stay healthy. Let's laugh in his face. I don't, he's the only athlete ever that, that anyone does that.

The Seahawks will move Giannis Antetokounmpo to Golden State

Do I? I think he might go actually to Golden State... Giannis would be open to finding other teams that are interested in collaborative effort on a basketball championship.

Giannis Antetokounmpo might be traded to the Chicago Bulls this week

Second [favorite to land Giannis] is Chicago Bulls at plus three ten... the rumors of him to the Bulls have always kind of been there being like, he loves Milwaukee so much that he's not gonna leave living in Milwaukee and commute. Which he could do, but it would be the most ridiculous thing ever.

Karl-Anthony Towns is a terrible fit for the Knicks

Was your initial reaction like mine, which was basically that KAT could not be a worst fit for this team?

New York is going to eat Karl-Anthony Towns alive

I think Knicks fans are going, I mean they were really mean to Julius Randall and if KA... I just don't think [New York] is going to eat him alive.

I will not celebrate a Team USA gold medal if the semi-final or final games are within 10 points

I'm gonna say right now I will not, I'm not okay with just a gold medal. I want domination. I want utter domination... I will not be celebrating a gold medal if we win the semi-finals—if the semi-finals or the finals games are within 10 points. Either of them. I will not be celebrating this gold medal.

I want to see the US Men's Basketball team dominate the Olympics like the 1992 Dream Team

I want to see domination. Like the original dream team. That's the statement. Where you don't use a timeout at all. Just mow them down.

Draymond Green has learned his lesson and won't punch anyone again

I predict that Draymond has learned his lesson. He won't do this again. I think that Draymond had a brief mental error, a brief moment where he blacked out a little bit, a heated gaming moment and he, he will not be making that mistake again. Draymond's a new man.

The NBA referee apology for the LeBron no-call was written by Rich Paul

They should've had like just posted a picture of them at the time while they were tweeting it cuz it's definitely Rich Paul with a gun to their head. Yeah. As they're sitting there, LeBron James definitely hit up NBA officiating was like, I need a public apology. I need people to know that, that you guys screwed that up.

The Sixers and Lakers are tanking for Victor Wembanyama

Tanking in the nba... there is a clear, clear, clear number. One Victor Wembanyama from France... so teams are tanking. The Sixers oh three trying to get 'em. Lakers oh three trying to get 'em.

The Mavericks will face the Bucks in the NBA Finals

I'm gonna go storyline Mavs Bucks. And everyone's just gonna be like the European invasion is is fully, fully here. Luca versus Giannis.

The Lakers will face the Celtics in the NBA Finals

Lakers, Celtics. There we go.

The Sixers will play the Grizzlies in the NBA Finals

Sixers, Grizzlies. Because that will just be easy for the Sixers.

The Suns will win the West because it's Chris Paul's year

I wanna change mine to the Suns because I really think that this is the... I think this is Chris Paul's year. This is the season for Chris Paul.

The 76ers might be back after James Harden threw a birthday cake off a boat

James Harden throwing a cake off the boat was fucking hilarious. ... I think the Sixers might be back.

The only two ways Kevin Durant can restore his legacy are by returning to the Thunder or waiting to play for the Sonics

The only two places Kevin Durant can go to restore his legacy is the Thunder or if he waits out for the Sonics and their franchise again. And it would be a believable story, everyone would root for Kevin Durant if he went to the Sonics and they have the picks to give up.

Grayson Allen belongs in jail for his dirty foul on Alex Caruso

Grayson Allen deserves to be in jail... he's a fucking scumbag piece of shit. [He] should be in jail, should be in hell.

The Bulls can compete with anyone in the Eastern Conference

I actually think [the Bulls] are very, very good. And they could compete with anyone in the east... the nets do not scare me.

LeAngelo Ball will be a rotation player for the Charlotte Hornets

My who's back is LeAngelo Ball. Back in summer league for the Hornets. 16 points. Love it. Five three-pointers made. Making a lot of noise. People saying he could be a rotation guy off the bench.

Alex Rodriguez is buying the Timberwolves specifically to move them to Seattle

It's definitely a move, though, for A-Rod. He is buying that team to move it. To Seattle.

At their respective peaks, Julius Randle is better than Chris Bosh

I kind of agree with that [the viral tweet]. Big J. Oh, he said at his peak, was Chris Bosh ever as good as Julius Randle? ... Drunk with power, which I am, I kind of agree with that.

The Brooklyn Nets are going to win the NBA Championship with their new coaching staff

The Nets are going to win the championship. How do they not? They signed Mike D'Antoni as an assistant, Amar'e Stoudemire. This also just has the makings of like a Hollywood movie ending where it's like these guys revolutionized basketball, they never won a title together and now they've won a title together.

The Miami Heat have a legitimate chance to beat the Lakers in the NBA Finals

I think the Heat have a legitimate chance. I mean I assume most people are saying that the same thing I think they did shoot they've got like four different guys that can show up on any given night and be the guy.

Bronny James joining FaZe Clan is a money-laundering scheme for Coach K

So we're gonna snitch on Bronny. What percentage of FaZe Clan does Coach K own? It's dark money that's going into no one knows who finances it.

Tom Thibodeau to the Knicks is not going to work

This is going to not work. Nothing screaming New York City like Tom Thibodeau... He went from like he didn't trust the ownership in GM in Chicago... now he's going to go work for James Dolan. I guarantee you Tim's decides just like he lives in Staten Island takes the ferry over every day.

The Lakers are peaking too early in the NBA season

The Lakers are really fucking good... peaking too early. They didn't even have Anthony Davis and LeBron the other night, and they fucking smoked the Thunder... I'm putting in the tickler file... peaking too early.

LeBron James should have received a technical foul for dunking in his son's AAU layup line

LeBron got in the layup line... Literally in the layup line. It was like throwing down dunks. He should have got a technical foul. They scored. He ran on the court, was celebrating with the team. You're not allowed to dunk in the layup line. That is a technical foul.

Coach K will leave Duke to coach LeBron James and Kyrie Irving in the NBA

I'm going to go pro, do the old Pete Carroll, bounce, and then go coach LeBron and Kyrie. I like that.

Kawhi Leonard will hate Toronto and his uncle will continue to speak for him

Kawhi Leonard, does he like Toronto or not? It was reported that he hates it. He didn't leave his hotel room during the All-Star game. Will he or will he not stay or play or ever do anything else on a basketball court because no one's talked to him in like 10 months and his uncle has taken his brain and is now speaking for him.

The Jabari Parker contract is a perfect risk for the Chicago Bulls

Jabari Parker, two-year, $40 million. It's actually the perfect risk by the Bulls to do that but it is very funny when you see the number 40 million and you realize that a guy who's got two torn ACLs is getting 40 million.

Andre Iguodala has regressed mightily and is now a washed-up bum

I also am going to put a little tickler file on Andre Iguodala being a washed-up bum. He passed up maybe the most wide-open three-pointer today, and my alerts went off in my brain, like, this guy's a bum now... Iguodala's actually regressed mightily. I'm like, well, guess what? Big Cat saw him pass up that 1-3. He got the bum tag.

The Timberwolves will upset the Rockets or Warriors if they make the playoffs

I got a take that if the Timberwolves make the playoffs, they're going to upset someone. Either the Rockets or the Warriors.

Zion Williamson has high school explosiveness, not NBA explosiveness

I'm going to squat on a Zion Williamson take. I'm going to say he doesn't have NBA explosiveness. Even though he has like a dunk video where he's just dunking. I'm going to say he has high school explosiveness, not NBA explosiveness.

The Rockets and Celtics will meet in the NBA Finals

Rocket Celtics calling it right now. [Warriors?] No. [The Rockets beat them] in seven.

Lonzo Ball playing well in Summer League means the Showtime Lakers are back

The Lakers are back. Oh! The Lake Show is back. So Lonzo Ball's been playing pretty well in the Summer League, and so that can only mean one thing, and that's the Showtime Lakers are back.