Takes

Clemson freshman Cade Klubnik is a future Hall of Famer after seeing just five passes

This kid for Clemson [Cade Klubnik] is a future Hall of Famer... I've seen five passes from him. Hall of Famer, talking gold jacket folks. Where were you when we said this?

Hugh Freeze is the 'Football Guy of the Year' after coaching from a hospital bed

Hugh Freeze, Liberty head coach... He coached from a hospital bed. That's going to be impossible to beat. The football guy of the year moment in week one.

Dino Babers is the classiest head coach in college football

Dino Babers might be leading the league right now in terms of the amount of times you have to say the word classy when you discuss him... Dino Babers is the classiest of the class head coach in college football.

Tom Herman's hand job scandal is actually a step in the right direction for his marriage

I'm not going to pretend to know what goes on behind the scenes between Tom Herman and his wife. My guess is knowing how Tom Herman acts just in general, he's probably kind of a dick all the time. And her finding out that he was getting alleged hand jobs is probably the most normal laid back thing that Tom Herman does. So she's like, this is actually a step in the right direction for a marriage.

Recruits will overlook a coach's personal scandals if the program is high-level enough

I'd say most kids probably would go play for that coach [who frequents massage parlors] if it was a high enough program. Hey, 17-year-old jock kid that is being recruited, your coach is so famous for being a good head coach that he's getting handjobs all the time... I bet you don't want to play for him.

Winning big college football games requires changing up jerseys to get everyone excited

That's how you win football games. That's how you win big football games. You change up the jerseys, get everyone excited, don't pay the players, put all that money into doing different jerseys every week. New helmets.

The Big Ten Championship game should be played outdoors to neutralize speed and favor Big Ten style football

It's kind of stupid that the Big Ten... plays a championship game indoors, don't you think? I think speed should be neutralized. That's probably why Wisconsin lost. Maybe play it in cold, like gross field. ... That's football. Nobody likes offense anyways.

Jeff Brohm is a true-blue football guy because he runs an up-tempo offense to get his heart rate going

Jeff Brohm is like everything he does. He's just such an underrated – he needs more national attention as a football guy... Very rarely do you have a true blue football guy who also likes to play a little up-tempo offense. He just does it because he gets his heart rate going.

Mike Gundy has decided to be a crazy person for the rest of his career as a branding move

I think what happened was he went out and he saw how good it felt to say something crazy and be perceived as like a crazy dangerous person in public that he's like you know what I'm just going to be fucking nuts for the rest of my career that's my brand that's what I'm going with I'm going to out crazy Mike Leach.

Nick Saban is using Hitler-style propaganda to motivate Alabama

This is actually a real technique that Hitler used. To just make up fake news and pretend that you're oppressed. It's called propaganda. Saban's Goebbels. So you're in charge of thinking of all these bad things to say about Alabama.

Chip Kelly will be the offensive coordinator for LSU

I'm just going to put this out here. Chip Kelly to LSU. Offense coordinator? I'm just saying, Chip Kelly to LSU, even though him and Coach O, they don't speak the same language.

Ed Orgeron is officially the greatest interim coach of all time

Is he officially the greatest interim coach of all time? His last head coaching stint at Ole Miss, where he went 10-25... he's won more games as an interim coach than a head coach.

Nick Saban would actually kill a reporter on camera if it didn't stop him from coaching the next week

Nick Saban actually would kill a reporter, I think, on camera. If he could still coach next week, if he could coach in the Iron Bowl, even though he killed a reporter at halftime, he would do it.

It is a breath of fresh air for a Penn State coach like James Franklin to keep things in-house

I think it's a good breath of fresh air for a Penn State coach to keep things in-house. What happens in the locker room stays in the locker room. You don't need to be bringing that home.

Nick Saban views every election as a threat to his recruiting

Saban's a smart guy... Saban knows that he has to recruit Republicans from Republican and Democratic families. So he sees every election as a threat to his recruiting.

Jim Harbaugh and Nick Saban are the same person because they are so committed to the process they don't know the score

I think [Harbaugh] and Saban are the same dude... they are so committed to the process. I would be shocked if Nick Saban knew what the score was in the middle of the game.

Coach Orgeron is a cult leader whose novelty will wear off because he is not smart enough to sustain success.

The thing with Coach O is he's basically a cult leader, right? He gets in, and he gets these kids really, really fired up because he's got a huge personality... But he's too dumb to be a good cult leader. So, like, the novelty of being in a cult and really enjoying your cult status, like, it's going to wear off pretty quickly.

LSU will win their first game under Ed Orgeron because of the 'interim coach boost'

There's no chance that LSU doesn't win their next game. Coach O, he's the fiery guy.

Nick Saban doesn't have sex, he just 'soaks' and watches film

I don't think that Saban has sex. I think that Saban just soaks. You know what soaking is? Yeah, it's the Mormon thing. He just soaks it for a while. And then he's watching film, grading players at the same time.