Takes

Drafting a quarterback in the first round gives a fan base a one-year pass to ignore all negatives

Drafting a quarterback in the first round really does give you a new pep in your step lease on life where you're like, we have at least a year to just only look at the positive and ignore all the negatives. Even if he sucks for half of those games, you could still be like, well, you saw how good he was in that one game.

I'm officially out on all Big 12 defensive players

Tyree Wilson to the Raiders, I just, I'm bust all Big 12 defensive players. If you're a defensive player [from the Big 12], I would not touch you in the first round.

The Ravens fleeced themselves by giving Lamar Jackson $185 million guaranteed

Lamar Jackson is still a Raven... he got 185 million guaranteed. That's a lot of money to guarantee to a running back. And I mean the Ravens kind of, they fleeced themselves on that one. Like who? Nobody in their right mind was gonna trade anything worth anything for that guy.

Bryce Young has the lowest ceiling among the top 2023 QB prospects

I think at the end of the day, if you're Carolina, you want a guy that's gonna play week one. And the guy that's most ready to play in week one is Bryce. Yeah. But he is also got the lowest ceiling because he's been coached by the best of the best at Alabama... you're seeing the peak of his game playing in the SEC where these other quarterbacks, you haven't seen [Anthony] Richardson reach his peak yet.

Caleb Williams would be the first overall pick in the 2023 draft if he were eligible

Caleb Williams... He'd be the first pick in this year's draft if he could come out... there's not a clear cut. If he was in this draft it would be Caleb Williams and then everybody else. He's that good.

The Jets are definitely going to the playoffs and might make a Super Bowl run

Jets are definitely gonna go to the playoffs. They might make a run Super Bowls. I'm actually so hyped. They top five defense. They have weapons and they have Aaron Rodgers. I really don't see how this goes wrong.

Jordan Love is not that guy

Jordan Love not that guy. I'm just gonna enjoy it until he proves that he eventually obviously is gonna become that guy. Cause that's what the Packers do. But I have a little window here where I can talk shit and be like, maybe I'll be right.

The Houston Texans will not take CJ Stroud at number two

I'm not hearing that anymore. I'm hearing it's coming down to Tyre Wilson from Texas Tech... or Will Anderson, the outside linebacker. I'll be surprised [if they draft a quarterback].

Will Levis will be drafted by the Indianapolis Colts at number four

I still, all the information I'm getting is that Will Levis is gonna go [number] four [to the Colts].

Aaron Rodgers will officially be a New York Jet by Wednesday

He will be a jet by Wednesday. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. So when this runs Aaron... I will be shocked if the two teams have not agreed the terms on Aaron Rodgers going to the New York Jets.

There will be two running backs drafted in the first round

There's gonna be two running backs taken in the first round this year. So if, if you got one of those prop bets and it's one and a half, I believe take the over, it's gonna be two in the first round.

Zay Flowers will be the first wide receiver drafted

I think Zay Flowers from Boston College can be the first receiver picked ahead of Jackson Smith-Njigba, which I think would surprise a lot of people.

The Houston Texans will draft CJ Stroud with the second pick

The quarterback thing. I feel like Rice [Young] is going one and then after that... I'm just gonna kind of trust my gut and go back to what makes the most logical sense. And I'm just gonna put Stroud to Houston [at #2].

The New England Patriots will trade back from the 14th pick

Belichick loves to just trade back and accumulate fifth rounders. I don't think that they're gonna pick at 14.

Bryce Young is 90% likely to be the #1 pick for the Panthers

90% I would say right now as we record this, yes he's a panther, but crazy stuff does happen... but as of right now, Bryce Young's a panther.

The Texans might draft Tyree Wilson over Will Anderson at #2

The four down defensive lineman is Tyree Wilson, that's the guy. And the highest paid defensive line coach in the league is this guy Chris Kociurek... he's a Texas Tech guy. And he would know Tyree Wilson... I'm not just saying because one guy went to Alabama [Anderson], they're taking Will Anderson.

Jalen Carter will not fall out of the top 10 in the draft

I'd be shocked, shocked if Jalen Carter fell out of the top 10. The Seahawks at five, Jalen Carter's a perfect fit... You go right down to the Eagles at 10.

The Aaron Rodgers trade to the Jets will likely happen on Night 2 of the draft

They will get Rodgers, my prediction is night two, it probably goes down. And it might involve one of those, the 42nd or 43rd pick, which they have back to back.

CJ Stroud is a risky draft pick because he is an Ohio State quarterback

CJ Stroud is a very good QB. Very, very good. The only thing is that I got against him is that he's an Ohio State quarterback. And how many really great Ohio State quarterbacks we've seen coming out that just haven't really panned out

Bryce Young is too small and has a slender frame that will lead to injuries

I get the Bryce Young hype. I get it. The thing is... you can't put 30 pounds on Bryce Young. His frame is, his frame is just, it does, it's not gonna work. If you look at his frame, he's slender at the shoulders... Because of that, like, he's gonna be more injury prone.

Anthony Richardson is a 'follower' because he copied Will Levis hitting the ceiling at his pro day

Anthony Richardson did it and said that he hit the roof on purpose because Will Levis did it. This is my red flag. I want my quarterback to be a leader, not a follower. Like he was copying someone else. He was like following the lead.

Hendon Hooker will be the best quarterback of the 2023 draft class

Hendon Hooker wins... I think Hendon Hooker has the best combination of falling to a bad spot and having good enough talent to like make it in the long run.

Adrian Peterson will sign with the Indianapolis Colts in 2023

I fully expect Adrian Peterson to be on the Colts next year. Which makes so much sense. Like I could see it in my head him backing up Jonathan Taylor and just being like, fuck this, why aren't I getting my carries?

Josh Harris will successfully buy the Washington Commanders

I believe that Josh will get this done. That's my prediction. I believe that Josh will get this done... and I'm rooting for him. He grew up in Washington. I think he'll be a really good owner of that team.

Josh Harris will officially be the new owner of the Commanders

It was announced today. It's Josh Harris. He's gonna take over the team... He's already an owner, kind of, of an NFL team. He's a part owner of the Steelers. They're gonna vote him in. It's, this is a done deal and it's gonna happen and everything's gonna be good.

Zach Wilson is the 'real winner' of the Jets failing to acquire Aaron Rodgers quickly

You know who's the real winner right now? Zach Wilson... I think for Zach Wilson, the best case scenario is that you don't have to play. More tape is bad tape. Just be a Zach Wilson... This is actually the nightmare scenario for Zach Wilson. Because he could back up Aaron Rodgers for a year. They win a Super Bowl hypothetically, and then he's now like, had a year to study behind Aaron and people are like, wow, Zach Wilson might be good.

The Mac Jones and Bill Belichick feud is a media-driven narrative that won't result in a trade

Mac Jones is my quarterback. And this is a media driven narrative to try and create division within the most successful NFL franchise of the past 25 years... They also aren't going to trade him. The only person who reported that was Mike Florio, who's one of the greatest fiction of the 21st century.

Patrick Mahomes would not perform well in Kyle Shanahan's highly structured offense

I don't actually think Mahomes would do that well in [Shanahan's offense]... I think it's too structured for Mahomes' play style. [The Chiefs] let him cook more often than not.

I can read defensive progressions at a higher level than half the starting quarterbacks in the NFL

How many NFL teams do you think you could start for now... I believe I can read that progression and deliver a ball that is gonna be completed [better than half the league]... It's the ability to read down the field progressions... I can honestly say that I believe I can read that at that progression and deliver a ball that is gonna be completed.

Lamar Jackson isn't worth $200 million guaranteed because offensive coordinators prefer passers

If we were to pull up [Lamar Jackson's] best game, you would probably be like, all right, do you really pay him 200 million? Guaranteed... a lot of offensive coordinators they want to throw the ball.

Brandon Staley was supposed to turn the Chargers into a championship team

I thought Brandon Staley was gonna turn this whole Chargers thing around. I was like, this guy knows Ball. This guy has, it's a new C word team. Forget your father's Chargers.

Anthony Richardson is a better talent than Cam Newton was at the same age

Anthony Richardson is better than Cam Newton right now... When they were both this age, whatever age they were. Yeah... That SEC wasn't the same as today's SEC? No. It's much harder. It's much harder to win in today's SEC.

Asante Samuel is just bitter because the Patriots wouldn't pay him

He's bitter. He's bitter... He signed with the Eagles. And he was mad that he said the Patriots offered him half as much as like what he was should have been getting.

The day Dan Snyder sells the Commanders will be the best day of my sports life

Washington Capital Stanley Cup is day number one of my sports life Nationals, nationals World Series, probably number two. And then I would put Dan Snyder selling the team. No... I'm gonna put this number one. I think this is a better day because it opens up the entire future of my football fandom.

The Washington Commanders should temporarily revert to 'Washington Football Team' before rebranding as the 'Hogs'

I hope that Josh Harris... they buy the team. And I hope they're like, you know what? This name sucks. The commander sucks. Nobody cares about it. Hogs. And then I hope they say, okay, we need a year to figure out what the end name of the team's gonna be. So we're gonna go back to the football team for a year. And then the year after that, they announced the new team name. Hogs would be great.

Mike McCarthy's body is composed of 90% fart

I said that he [Mike McCarthy] he's 90% fart in that picture. Yeah. His body's just composed the fart. ... if you took, if you did the 23 and me test, it'd be like 10% Irish, 90% fart.

The Ravens management has completely disrespected and mishandled Lamar Jackson

Steve Bisciotti and Eric DeCosta have fucked the city of Baltimore in its ass. That's where I would like to start. The fucking treatment of Lamar Jackson is inexcusable. How the fuck are we gonna lose Lamar over Nothing. ... It's like a fucking fat guy with a little ass dick who's got a hot girlfriend. We lucked into Lamar... and then we just fucking have taken him for granted.

Lamar Jackson deserves the same fully guaranteed contract as Bradley Beal

The most valuable position, in the most valuable fucking league. And they're like, oh, because of an accounting issue, we can't pay these guys guaranteed money. ... A fucking MVP quarterback should be able to get the same contract as fucking Bradley Beal. He literally wants Bradley Beal's contract. Five for two 50. That's, are you kidding me? What the fuck are we talking about?

If Bill Belichick gets Lamar Jackson, the Patriots will win a Super Bowl

If he goes to the fucking Patriots, they will win his Super Bowl. They win. ... You take a guy who's been completely underutilized... and you put him with the Patriots, who now fucking Bill Belichick has something to prove. ... Belichick has that horse cock. That's why the Broncos wanted it.

I hate the idea of the Eagles signing Ezekiel Elliott

I fucking hate Ezekiel Elliott. [Hank: Clip it].

The NFL salary cap is not real

The Saints have been in and out of Cap Hell so many times in the last five years. Every year it's like, well, nope. Cap Hell coming up for the Saints. The salary cap is not real. It doesn't exist.

Roger Goodell is actually awesome at his job despite everyone hating him

For everything that he has hated for and he's hated for a lot... he does an incredible job. It's like he was designed in a lab just to absorb blows and make a shitload of money for the NFL. And he's done both, like basically the best you could possibly do.

Aaron Rodgers and Zach Wilson being in the same room will fix Wilson's career

Aaron Rodgers... he might be the one guy that's able to fix what are the fuck's happening in Zach Wilson... Aaron Rodgers and Zach Wilson being in the same quarterback room is going to actually help... At least they do Ayahuasca together.

The Jets are immediate Super Bowl contenders with Aaron Rodgers

I think the Jets are immediately a Super Bowl contender once [Aaron] Rodgers on the team... everything's up for the Bears. Fuck him. He's gone.

Aaron Rodgers is a bitch for how he's handling his decision

Aaron Rodgers is being a fucking bitch. He is being a real bitch. This is like vindication for me where everyone has slowly been like, dude, just make a decision. This is annoying. You're holding everyone else up.

Sam Darnold going to the 49ers means Tom Brady is not going there

I think the fact that they signed Sam Darnold means that we can probably take Tom Brady out of the question of if he's going to the 49ers.

Taylor Heinicke will beat out Desmond Ridder for the Falcons starting job

My prediction is that he's going to be the starting quarterback next year. I think he's going to beat out Desmond Ridder in camp. That's just what Taylor Heinicke does.

Aaron Rodgers makes the Jets a Super Bowl contender

Aaron Rodgers on the Jets. You guys will be a Super Bowl contender. I really do believe that. I agree. Memes, you getting excited? Super Bowl, Super Bowl contender. No. Yes. No, absolutely. I'm just a disbelief that I, he has, he hasn't traded yet. Okay. But if he's on the team, you are a Super Bowl contender. In my mind.

The Bears fleeced the Panthers in the trade for the number one pick

The Bears have made a big trade on Friday afternoon... Fleeced, they fleeced somebody got fleeced, I don't know who asked me in three years, but somebody got fleeced. I love the trade for many different reasons because we need draft capital.

The Panthers will draft CJ Stroud with the number one overall pick

The Panthers seem like they're, somebody leaked something because CJ Stroud went from being like plus 600 plus 400 in some places to now he's like negative money to be the number one overall pick. So somebody somewhere knows that the Panthers love CJ Stroud.