Takes

Chargers vs. Bengals will end in a tie

You know what this guy makes me think of right here? This game absolutely makes me think. Tie. Yeah. I predict a tie... My numbers are telling me this is going to be a tie this week.

I am betting on the Lions moneyline because Tim Boyle is so bad it's funny

After all that shit that I talked about Tim Boyle, I'm going to bet on the Lions' money line. I'm betting on Tim Boyle, the worst quarterback maybe ever to play in the NFL.

I am betting the over 41.5 in the Bears-Lions Thanksgiving game

I'm also going to take Tim Boyle. I'm going to take the over 41 and a half in that game. It's the dumbest pick I've ever made... Wouldn't it be cool if it was a Tim Boyle-Andy Dalton shootout?

The Seahawks will win this week because you don't lose an 'end of an era' game

The big thing with this game is it feels like everyone is writing off, not just the Seahawks but an era. So when you have an era ending, the Pete Carroll, the Russell Wilson era, I feels like you got to take the Seahawks because you don't lose end of an era games.

If the Chiefs lose this weekend, they are done as contenders

I think if the Chiefs lose, I'm taking the 'Dunn' chain out. I'm thinking about throwing it on the Chiefs... I'm done thinking the Chiefs are just going to flip the switch and become the Chiefs of two years ago.

The Patriots will win the Super Bowl if they beat the Browns convincingly

As I've said the whole season, last week was going to decide how I feel about the rest of the season. They won. I'm now in 'soupy' mode. So if they're going to go to the 'soupy', they've got to win this game [against the Browns] convincingly.

Tom Brady killed the Chiefs dynasty before it even started

The Chiefs are so bad... Tom Brady killed the Chiefs. I think not enough people are talking about it. He ended their dynasty. It wasn't really a dynasty, though... He snuffed out, he traveled back in time, baby Hitler'd the Chiefs dynasty.

The Detroit Lions will beat the Philadelphia Eagles outright

I agree with you, Hank. I think the lions are going to win outright... I'm strictly viewing this game as a matchup between Dan Campbell and Nick Sirianni. And I feel like, I feel like Dan Campbell just takes a shit all over Nick Sirianni's brain.

The Browns will beat the Cardinals and hand them their first loss

My favorite favorite is the Browns, minus three... I also just think the Cardinals are due for – they've been flirting with it. They're due for a loss, and they're due for the Browns to run the ball down their throat. I do think the Browns are going to beat them. I think the Browns are going to man up on them.

The Bears will cover +4.5 against the Packers

I actually think the Bears might win, but Bears plus 4.5... I have a feeling their defense is playing well... By the end of the week, I'm like, we're going to fucking win this game. Jalen Johnson's going to lock down Davante Adams. If the Bears win this game, they are now officially a borderline playoff team.

The Packers will dominate the Bengals by 10 points

My favorite's going to be the Packers. Minus three against the Bengals. I see this being a 10-point, never in doubt, Aaron Rodgers kind of dominates game.

The Dolphins might beat the Buccaneers outright

I'm going with Buccaneers versus Dolphins. They're minus 10. I think they're going to cover. I think the Dolphins might win outright. Seriously.

The Browns and Chargers will stay under the total (The 'Lunder')

I'm with Hank and Liam. I am calling this a Lunder. Lunder 45. Lunder, yes.

Mac Jones might be overwhelmed by the moment of Tom Brady's return to Foxborough

The moment might actually be too big for Mac Jones because he's obviously a rookie quarterback and he feels like he's got a lot of responsibility... just knowing that he's been entrusted to try to take over that legacy from Tom Brady, but then getting to see it up close and personal.

Mike Tomlin is a lock to cover or win as a 6+ point underdog

I'm taking the Steelers plus seven. I realized Mike Tomlin as an underdog... Mike Tomlin is a six plus point underdog is nine, three, and one against the spread. I think they win this game outright.

Dak Prescott is a great value bet at 13-1 to win the MVP

Dak Prescott, 13 to one to win the MVP because you got to look at the narrative comeback. Everyone wants, you know, America, especially the, the writers want the Cowboys to be good so they can talk about it.

Panthers vs Cowboys Under 51.5 is my lock of the year

My under, this is almost a lock for me actually. In my Billy metrics. This is my first, my lock of the year so far. Panthers Cowboys under 51 and a half... every single game that the Panthers have played in this year, the total has been exactly 33.

The Las Vegas Raiders are the most fraudulent 2-0 team in the NFL.

The Raiders are the most fraudulent 2-0 team... I don't know if they're that good. I think they're okay. They're not that good.

NFL teams should sit their starting quarterback when playing against Aaron Donald to avoid injury.

Anytime a team plays Aaron Donald, they should sit their starting quarterback.

The Chicago Bears defense will successfully slow down the Browns' running game.

The one thing that I'm at least a little confident about is that the bears do, they will be able to like slow down the run game.

The Jets will upset the Patriots in Week 2

Jets are going to win. It's going to be upset. [Zach Wilson] is a guy who can beat the Patriots.

I will bet heavy on the Chargers this year to hedge against my own Washington expectations

I'm going to bet heavy on the Chargers. ... Because I regrettably have expectations for the Washington football team. But I'm going to bet against them because I've made the decision in my brain of how many dollars I'm willing to pay for a win.

Jameis Winston and Taysom Hill are on the same level and Sean Payton will tank

Whatever's happening at the Saints organization. I put Jameis and Taysom on the same level. I think Sean Payton is going to tank for a high draft pick.

Gonzaga will win the National Championship

I'm going to take Gonzaga. I think they're going to win. I think it's going to be an awesome game.

Loyola Chicago will reach the 2021 Final Four

Loyola has a path to the Final Four here that's not that hard. So you should have put them higher because now it's going to happen. They're going to get to the Final Four.

Creighton will upset #1 overall seed Gonzaga in the Sweet 16

I think they're [Gonzaga] getting upset. Yep. Against Creighton? Yep. With the P-word [Greg McDermott's plantation comment]? Yep.

Mick Cronin wasted the 'dad hug' momentum by seeing his father in the first round instead of the Sweet 16

The whole storyline of not seeing his dad, not hugging his dad for two years... he used it in the first weekend. He should have brought his dad out for this weekend. Then they win this game. I truly believe that. They're showing Hep Cronin in the stands and being like, man, after this game, they're going to get the hug. They somehow find a way. A dad game is a game changer.

My Final Four picks: Gonzaga, UConn, Illinois, and Arkansas

I have Gonzaga, UConn, Huskies are back, Illinois. And Arkansas. That's my Final Four.

I'm betting the over on a half-interception for Tom Brady in the Super Bowl

Tom Brady over a half of an interception. So he's got to throw one. I think he's going to throw – I think Tom Brady's going to play well, but I also think he's going to take his shots.

Tails never fails on the Super Bowl coin toss

I usually go with tails never fails. ... It's tails. I'm betting tails. There you go. Tails never fails.

The Packers will easily beat the Buccaneers because of the cold weather at Lambeau

I think Green Bay is going to be able to handle it pretty easily. The weather right now, it's scheduled to be 29 degrees and snowy in Lambeau Field. That, to me, that's a Packers win. God is on their side this week.

Aaron Rodgers will eventually become the full-time host of Jeopardy!

I actually think that Aaron Rodgers is going to eventually be the full-time host of Jeopardy. I think he's going to be, after he retires, I think he will. I think Aaron Rodgers is going to like doing it too much, and it combines all his favorite things: mustaches, being smarter than everybody, and letting everybody know that you're smarter than them.

The Bills will win the AFC Championship, possibly convincingly

I said it on Monday, and I'm sticking with it. I think the Bills are going to win, and I wouldn't be surprised if they win convincingly.

A parlay strategy involving five underdogs has a 50% likelihood of profit

I plugged in 32 outcomes, and then once each outcome happens, you see how much money you stand on winning in that moment... this actually has a 50% likelihood of being positive.

Ryan Tannehill is a great quarterback, but he still actually stinks

Ryan Tannehill still stinks. I don't have anything beyond my eyes that told me that he still deserves not to be honest my guts right. It's my guts that are telling me that he still stinks. I just I still don't trust him. I've never trusted Ryan Tannehill... he is just been delaying the stinking.

Daniel Jones is JaMarcus Russell 2.0 because of his turnover rate

Daniel Jones and JaMarcus Russell had the same player in terms of turnovers... I will bring you know what I want. I will bring that exact same energy starting this weekend Daniel Jones. I'm going to run with that but is he is JaMarcus Russell 2.0.

The Rams are winning the Super Bowl

the biggest winning Super Bowl the revs winning the Super Bowl. Yeah, I want on the record. Really. Yeah. Wow, but you don't like golf. I love Jared go. You said you hated to no one of my best friends in this world... Jared has the experience. Aryans he's been there before this time. He's gonna get revenge.

The Seahawks defense is soft

I'm going to say that I think that the the Seahawks defense I'm going to use the S word. I think they're soft. I'll link their sauce sauce. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry, you know, what's terrible, you know, I'm doing right now. I'm giving side I to I'm throwing shade. Yeah all the s words for Seattle's defense know they're really I think that the Niners come out and just absolutely take their soul from them.

The Eagles will win the NFC East with a losing record like 3-5-1

The Eagles win the NFC East at like 3-5-1. The Eagles, they should have stopped playing right now. Yes, 1-2-1 is good enough to get you top of the NFC East this season.

The Bears will beat the Colts

Colts-Bears, Nick Foles baby... I don't know why the Bears are underdogs, but we're doing this... I think that the Bears are gonna win this game.

The Dolphins will upset the Seahawks in a low-scoring game

I think something funny is going to happen here... I think that the Dolphins could do this, they could win and like a 19 to 14 game.

I am betting a front-runner parlay on the Yankees and Lakers to both win titles this month

I might put a front-runner parlay down and go Yankees, Lakers, the Cowboys, Alabama football, and Duke basketball this year. We're going chalk.

I will cut off the tip of my pinky if the Houston Texans win the Super Bowl this year

If the Houston Texans win the Super Bowl this year, I will cut off from the nail up tip of my pinky left hand. It's on.

The Bears will beat the Giants by 10 points in Week 2

I'll say it for you. I think the Bears win this game by 10 points. I'm very nervous for this game. But I'm nervous for every Bears game.

The Jets are the 'disgusting' underdog pick of the week against the 49ers

I kind of like the Jets here... Once having the same thought and everyone's betting the 49ers... this is going to be my dog of the week. It's the hold your nose. This is disgusting. You're going to hate yourself at like 1:35 on Sunday when it's 17 to three 49ers, but you're not dead yet.

The 'Can't Lose' Parlay: Eagles, Colts, and Bills money lines will all hit

I have my can't lose parlay the first one of the year. It cannot lose. Eagles, Colts, Bills money line. There's no chance that loses. It says it right in the name. I'm telling you right now there is no way it loses.

The Cleveland Cavaliers will have five coaches in an 18-month span

I want them to fire their interim between the end of the season because they're going for the record. I think this is their fourth... I need them to get five coaches in like the span of 18 months. I think that's absolutely a hundred percent likely to happen.

I might get an NFL call-up as a 'camp leg' based on my XFL kicking film

I'm also thinking that there's an outside chance that with what I've put on film already and what I will continue to put on film, maybe I get a call for a training camp for an NFL team. Maybe I'm a camp leg... They need camp legs. I'm not worse than Vinatieri. I'm a better kicker than the greatest kicker of all time.

Deebo Samuel will score the first touchdown of Super Bowl 54

I'm also going to make a bold prediction. I think that the Niners are going to hit them with a play-action bomb on the first drive... It's going to Debo [Samuel]. He's going to Debo for six. First score Debo Samuel for six points.

I am a better kicker than the kickers at Alabama

Alabama could do a lot worse. Dude, I'm a better kicker than Alabama. Saban would have another chip if he had you as a kicker. That's a fact.