Takes

Philadelphia fans will end up rooting for 'Passing Paisan' Tommy DeVito on Christmas

Tommy is gonna go into Philly and that crowd's gonna be rooting so hard for my guy. And they're gonna say, Hey, this guy, he's a good guy. Standup guy. He's one of us. We can't root against our guy. The passing paisan. I love that. And that's what I love about the city. Philadelphia.

Rupert Murdoch is 'going to die soon' after retiring

He's [Rupert Murdoch] going to die soon. He's like Choppa, you take him out of his job, he going to die... Rupert Murdoch, he's gonna fall down some stairs and die. I'm gonna call my shot right now. He's dead.

Austin Ekeler will score three touchdowns against the 49ers

I'm going to again say that Austin Ekeler is going triple dick. This shit out of him. The Niners are gonna be airtight triple dick. Let's go.

Justin Fields will have a magical performance against the Packers at Lambeau

Wouldn't it be nice. If a little passing on the torch, Justin Fields went up to Lambeau his first trip to Lambeau, beat the Packers... I definitely deep down, I won't let myself say it in a serious tone because I don't want to be mocked... but deep down I'm thinking like this could be magical.

Jimmy Butler is the top-one player in the NBA

Jimmy Butler is a king, top one player in the NBA. He got fined due to attempting to escalate the situation and also for not snitching.

Kirk Cousins is statistically the best quarterback of all time.

Statistically, the best quarterback of all time.

Julio Jones will score three touchdowns against the Browns

Julio Jones. The floodgates are open. He scored a touchdown last week. He's going to score three this week. Three touchdowns against the Cleveland Browns. Start him, start him, start him.

Bad things happen to Notre Dame when they wear their green uniforms

When Notre Dame wears their green uniforms, bad things happen. 2007, they lost 38-0 to USC. 2006, you might remember the Bush Push. In 2002, they lost to Boston College as 10-point favorites... When they wear the green uniforms, bad things happen.

Jay Cutler will return to the NFL to play for the 49ers

I know some people who know some people who know some people... heard Jay Cutler is going to be back for the San Francisco 49ers... I think Jay Cutler is going to be great in the San Francisco 49ers.

I will knock out Tex in the second round

Second round knockout. Woo! Boy. Actually, I'm 100% on board with that... I'm going to knock his ass out. Double sit-em. And my sleeper is the left-handed uppercut. Watch out for that in the second round when I fucking knock Tex's ass out.

Bitcoin is fake and people should buy land instead

My stardom is land. Bitcoin, currency, it's all fake. You can't see it. Buy something you can see with your own two eyeballs. Buy a plot. Buy an acre. Squat on it.

Devontae Mays is a sleeper who will put up big numbers for the Packers through the end of the season

My sleeper is Devontae Mays. Brett Hundley stinks. Look for him to put up some big numbers to the end of the season for the Packers. ... Where does he play? Green Bay. What position? Running back slash receiver.

Ricardo Lewis is a legitimate fantasy sleeper because of his target share

Ricardo Lewis. Great name, even better value. Pick him up. He has the most targets on the [Browns] this year.

I'm finally calling it: Kareem Hunt is my sleeper of the week

He's a rookie, but I'm finally going to pick him up on my waiver wire. I'm talking about Kareem Hunt. He's my sleeper of the week.

Julio Jones will go off in Week 4; pick him up off waivers if he's available

I'm going to start him, Julio Jones. He's going to go off this week. I guarantee it. Start him if you have him on your team. If you don't, pick him up off the waiver wire.

Fantasy owners should be able to suspend their own players from real-life games

As a fantasy football owner, if I owned Odell Beckham, I think that it should be within my right to actually suspend him. From real games. If a high enough percentage of Odell Beckham Jr.'s fantasy football owners are mad at him for doing something, then let's say above 65%.