Takes

Wisconsin has hit their ceiling and will never win a national title

I think they have got Wisconsin at about as close to the ceiling as you can be. I just don't know with Wisconsin. When they were rolling 10-11 wins every year, I think that's the ceiling right there.

Women are naturally designed to be football kickers

I think that women actually might have a natural advantage in their bodies when it comes to kicking because they don't have those clumsy testicles that you squish them. Sure when you kick true... They're probably designed to be kickers. I'm all for it. Let her kick Let her kick why not her.

The 'Seven-Year Bump' for NFL quarterbacks is real

Somebody actually put the stats together out there... they found out that nineteen out of twenty two quarterbacks entering year 7 had a better touchdown per attempt percentage... everyone except for Jay Cutler had a better completion percentage... Basically the seven-year bump is real.

Professional athletes FaceTime at a much higher rate than the general public

I've realized this the last few weeks on Hard Knocks. I think professional athletes FaceTime at a much higher rate than the rest of the public in general.

Chick-fil-A would beat Popeyes if they released an extra spicy chicken sandwich

Develop an extra spicy chicken sandwich. If you go to market with extra spicy, that'll take all the buzz off Popeyes.

Doug Gottlieb will steal anything that isn't nailed to the floor

I am slowly becoming a Doug Gottlieb fan just purely on the fact that if you don't have everything nailed to the floor, Doug Gottlieb will come and take it.

Dentists are scams

As far as I'm concerned, dentists are scams.

Getting old sucks, especially the hangovers

My first pick will be getting old sucks, especially hangovers. So hangovers getting worse and just the aging process is the worst.

Short people take over the world for moments and then are infamous for the rest of history

Short people take over the world. For moments. And then are infamous for the rest of history... Tall people run the world day to day. But ironically, they have to be looking over their shoulder.

No one actually likes dad bods; it's a myth

No one actually likes dad bods. That's such a fucking myth. And to be like, have the glimmer of hope... No, that's not real.

Luke Willson would not work well in Bill Belichick's system

I don't think the Belichick system would work too well with him [Luke Willson].

Felipe Franks still stinks as a college quarterback

[Felipe Franks] still stinks. He still stinks. But when Andrew Luck retired, the discourse shifted...

Jim Irsay paying Andrew Luck $25 million upon retirement is 'hush money'

I think that Irsay, in the fact that he's paying Andrew Luck $25 million, that's hush money right there. I don't know what Andrew Luck knows. He knows a lot of shit about a lot of shit, and he knows a lot of stuff about Jim Irsay.

The NFL Combine question of whether a player is 'too smart' is actually a valid concern

When we always laugh about the Combine interviews and the Josh Rosen, like, is this player too smart? Yes, 100%. It absolutely is a real question... This is actually a perfect case where Andrew Luck is a very smart guy. He has a ton of interest outside of football. I think he loved football. I think the injuries made him fall out of love with football because he's like, you know what? There's more to life than this.

Don't ever show up to a scheduled orgy

Once you schedule an orgy, don't show up to a scheduled orgy... because every dude, it's like going to Fyre Fest... it's just a bunch of finance bros from New York who are a little overweight... Little life hack. Don't show up to a scheduled orgy. Orgies just happen.

I only like Kirk Herbstreit when he acts as Lee Corso's guide

It's the only time that I like Kirk Herbstreit is when he's being Lee Corso's guide. I don't want to say seeing eye dog, but he's helping him with his sentences and finishing his thoughts for him. And that's the only time that I will ever like Kirk Herbstreit is when he's lending a hand like that.

It is just an excuse for the Saints to blame the pass interference no-call for their NFC Championship loss

All I said was that it's just an excuse to blame one moment. And that's the truth. The reality is, as I've said before, if they were winning the game at the moment, or if that play would have ended the game, then that would be a valid argument. But the truth of the matter was the game was tied... You can't say that you for sure won the game based off the one play.

The Lakers signed Dwight Howard to be the fall guy for LeBron James

Lakers fans, no matter what happens, no matter how shitty the team plays, they're going to hate LeBron or they're going to hate Dwight more than they hate LeBron. So LeBron has a real easy fall guy to point at and Dwight Howard and then be like, we got rid of the fall guy. Now it's time for us to gel as a team.

Christmas Day is the official start of the NBA season

People start caring about the NBA on Christmas Day. That is the official start of the season. They should just start it at that point and then move on from there because, yeah, football, we own the fall.

Jewel was the Rihanna of her time

Jewel was Rihanna before Rihanna. I'll say it. [Big Cat: That strong?] Yeah.

The Popeyes spicy chicken sandwich is one of the best sandwiches ever

Unpopular opinion that Popeye's chicken sandwich is good. I'll die on that hill. No, it's really good. And I need to have another one.

I would rather be stuck in any city in America than fly Spirit Airlines

I would rather get stuck in any city in America than fly Spirit Air. That's a fact... I click on it and bought it... my wife immediately said, 'did you buy us tickets on Spirit Air?'... we're never getting out of this airport.

Aaron Rodgers is a try-hard loser for his Canada Boys outfit

Three years after that joke was funny, and probably like 10 years after that joke was funny, Aaron Rodgers hopped on. Classic. Way to go, dude. You fucking try-hard loser.

No one in history has ever regretted getting a dog

No one regrets a dog. No, no ever that's facts.

Jon Gruden is the funniest coach in the NFL

Jon Gruden leads the league in being pumped... I fucking love them. I'm switching. We make fun of Jon Gruden. We make fun of the Raiders the whole hundred million dollar contract. I have switched. I want Jon Gruden to succeed because we need him in our lives for as long as possible.

The Antonio Brown helmet saga is officially exhausting

I am officially as well. So sick of Antonio Browns helmet. Yes, sick of the helmet but in love with the jumpsuit... just either find a helmet don't play with a helmet. I don't care. We might Riot if he continues to do the helmet stuff.

Todd Gurley using his cat to sell ads is disgusting and fraudulent content

Whoever makes ads out of their content. That's fucked up. It's disgusting. Yeah, like can you imagine using one of your pets as like a marketing thing or like Instagram starting a bit and then having it become an ad.

Devin Booker complaining about double teams in open runs is a soft move

Devin Booker was mad because Joakim Noah sent a double team on them. And Devin Booker was like, hey, we don't double team and open run... it just showed maybe Devin Booker is the s word soft... what more could work on your game than having a double-team you get double-teamed in the NBA. Why wouldn't she want to be double-teamed right here?

If you are over 13 years old and you complain about anything in a scrimmage, you are soft

Good rule of thumb is if you're playing in any sort of game and he sort of scrimmage that isn't an actual regular season game for a professional League just don't complain about shit. Stop complaining about stuff in practice.

The NFL has the most boring quarterback controversies ever in 2019

This year, we've got the most boring quarterback controversies of all time, perhaps ever in the history of the NFL... Titans [Mariota/Tannehill], Dolphins [Fitzpatrick/Rosen].

Bill Walton should be the commentator for every sporting event televised

Bill Walton watching a baseball game is just, it's incredible. He should do way more games. I don't know why they haven't thought of this, but he should just do everything. When they do the Ocho on ESPN, it should just be Bill Walton.

Carolina Blue is the best shade of blue

I'll go Carolina blue. Who doesn't love that? Baby blue. Also, a.k.a.

Gold is more valuable than money

I'm going to go with something better than money, gold. [Gold is more valuable than money.] It is.

Orange is the best Starburst flavor

I will go with orange. Best Starburst flavor, color of fire, Charmander.

The color of Taco Bell's Baja Blast is a top-tier shade of greenish-blue

I had a better way to describe it. It is. It's a good color. I had it written down. The color of Baja Blast. That's my last pick. Baja Blast greenish blue.

The 2019 Packers offense is set up perfectly for a versatile fullback like Danny Vitale

I told him, I did tell you this offense is set up sweet for [Danny Vitale]. I mean, his set of skills, you don't play Lorenzo Neal fullback anymore in the NFL... you're not just sledding downhill, smoking your face mask on another guy's face mask. You gotta be versatile. You gotta be able to catch 20 yard, 30 yard passes downfield and you gotta be able to run the football.

Fast players are at a disadvantage in 'slow' conditions like the long grass at Northwestern's stadium

Fast guys don't know how to run in slow conditions... Slow guys know how to run slow conditions. If you slow down enough. We went down to Chicago one time with Ryan Grant, one of the fastest guys I've ever played with. He would get out of the backfield and just start stumbling... those fast guys, they just can't handle that grass being that long.

The NFL should implement a 'fullback assist' as an official fantasy football statistic

We implemented a stat... a full-back assist. It's when you set a block on somebody and they score a touchdown. If they're lined up with a fullback and a running back within five yards, if the tailback scores a touchdown and you hit the block, then you get an assist, which is a stat that I feel like has been missing from the NFL for a very long time.

Fullbacks are among the smartest players on the football field

Fullbacks get the rap that we're not smart people. I think they're some of the fucking smartest guys on the football field because we got to know every line scheme whether it's a run game or pass game... know every single route because they'll spread you out.

The NFL intentionally closed the helmet loophole to 'win' against Antonio Brown

At best, it's been horrible communication... At worst, I feel like they just want to win. They're just making it up as they go... once they recognized there was a loophole because they had failed to previously test the Schutt Air Advantage, they jammed that loophole shut to win.

Peter King should not be allowed to use Twitter after 6:00 PM because he keeps falling for fake news parody accounts

Peter KingRetweeted a parody account... and said, has any player ever done more to shoot his way out of town before ever playing a game there?... Peter King way to go man nothing like eating the trash... I don't think he should be allowed to be on, like, Twitter past 6 p.m.

The Washington Redskins locker room is less safe than a WWI trench

You'd have better luck getting injured at the bottom of a trench in World War One than in that Redskins locker room right now with all the shit that's like creeping around.

Bill Belichick would easily kill Mike Vrabel in a steel cage match

Bill Belichick would kill Mike Vrabel. Bill Belichick's the type of guy that has like one move that he hits your neck and you just die. He's the old kung Fu Master that can still catch a fly with chopsticks and the young guy that's all jacked up can't do it.

Small dicks and dad bods are the defining trends of the decade

Small dicks are back. That's true. Small dicks are back. So shout out to me and all the other small dick guys, but dad bods and small dicks—it's our decade.

iPhone 'tapback' message reactions serve no purpose and the inventor should be exiled

I am in quite the text thread for my [fantasy football] league. Not only are is everybody just like replying with small little jokes, but they're also huge on the emphasizing things, the laughing at things—those extra buttons. They serve no extra purpose and I fucking hate those extra buttons because they fill up my phone notifications... the person that invented it should have to go live in Brazil for the rest of their life.

Age 21 is the best age because of the thrill of finally being legal to drink

I'll start with 21. Everyone's excited. Everyone had a fake ID in college, but when you turn 21 that first time you walk in the bar and you're like, 'yep, that's really me.' There's no thrill like that.

Age 4 is the best age because it is the last year of complete freedom before school

I'm going to go with 4. It is the last year before you're stuck in a school every single day for life. You're just playing all day every day. All you have to do is play games, watch Teletubbies and just chill. That is your last year of complete and total freedom in your life.

Age 100 is the best age because everyone laughs at everything you say

If you get to a hundred, people think you walk on water. I think you're Jesus. [...] Everyone throws you parties. [...] If you're a hundred, people will just laugh at everything you say no matter what. You can go viral at a hundred for just existing.

The only reason I have a successful acting career is because of my nickname

The only thing that has made me successful is my nickname [Topher]. I'm positive. There's nothing to do with the acting. Topher Grace is different than Chris. That's just a different vibe.

Green Bay should move the Packers franchise if they need gimmicks to get fans loud

It's a sad, sad day when the Packers need to find gimmicks to be louder. [...] If you have to ask the Green Bay fans to be louder, maybe just move the whole franchise.