Takes

Justin Herbert wearing red contact lenses for intimidation or visibility is soft

It sounds bad. Sounds soft If you're, if you're wearing red contact lenses to try to be more intimidating. Yeah. Like he could just wear normal contact.

The Chargers need a playoff win for this season to be a success

We need a playoff win. You need a playoff win. We need one bad but last year we had like the easiest schedule in the league and this year it's pretty difficult.

Matt Harvey will regain his form and have a good season now that he's left the Mets

Matt Harvey's going to still have a good year in his career left simply because it's the Mets... If you're a team looking for a pitcher, you should probably take a flyer on Matt Harvey because it would just be so perfect Mets for Matt Harvey to regain his form.

The new Monday Night Football booth will be Joe Tessitore, Jason Witten, and Booger McFarland

Booger, he got the gig as first reported by me. The Monday Night Football gig. So it's going to be Booger, Jason Witten, and then [Joe Tessitore]... as far as I know, the first to say it was me.

The claim that LeBron James gains seven pounds during a single game is stupid junk science

The fact that LeBron James gained seven pounds during a game is probably the stupidest thing I've ever heard. As big junk science fans, we've heard a lot of ridiculous claims.

The Warriors' greatness allows them to openly disrespect the rest of the league

I love any team that reaches that level of greatness where they can blatantly just spit in your face and say, you're not going to beat us... We get drunk. We can skip games. We skip practices. This is all just a formality for us because when it comes to the playoffs, we're going to kick your ass.

Sam Bradford is the first player who isn't 'injured', he is just always hurt

He's [Bradford] not injured. He he's just, injured all the time. He's just always hurt. Yeah, so then you come home after a day of darting and you're like, I'm not drunk. I'm fine... That's what Sam Bradford's knee is. It's the new normal.

Big Ben's trainers should make him sit in a cold tub if his injuries actually required as much ice as he wears

Icing down after practice [Big Ben] had like five huge bags on him. I don't even think that was a real tape job... trainers did not do that because think about this way if you're so injured that you need like six bags of ice the trainers are going to make you sit down, right? You're going to be sitting your ass in a cold tub.

Marian Hossa is the best player Patrick Sharp ever played with and it's not even close

Patrick Sharp, who has played on a lot of three Stanley Cup teams and Team Canada, once told me that Marian Hossa was the best player he's ever played with, and it wasn't even close.

Athletes injured outside their sport should be forced to play that other sport until they get a 'sports-related' injury

I've always said that if you get injured in a manner outside of the sport that you play, you should be forced to continue playing the sport until you develop a sports-related injury... keep skating out there until it devolves into a massive hockey injury.

Joel Embiid will stop being funny on Twitter when he starts playing poorly or getting hurt more

I predicted like a month ago how Joel would not be so funny on Twitter when he starts fucking up. So this is the first one. He's injured like every other day. He's got a lot of time to go back and forth. Take away his umlaut over the Joel. You're just Joel now.

Winning a game with the Browns would be the biggest moment of RG3's career

If he won the last game of the season and the Browns were winless going into it, that is the biggest moment in RG3's career.

Rob Gronkowski might retire at 69 touchdowns just for the joke

Rob Gronkowski might retire just for the joke... No, but it's like a destiny thing. It really is a destiny thing. I don't think he wants to retire, but it's written in the stars.

The Patriots will be fine without Rob Gronkowski because Martellus Bennett is a very talented tight end

The good news for the Patriots is they do have [Martellus] Bennett, right? And Bennett is a really good tight end. The Patriots, yeah, they'll take a step back, but it's not the end of the world.

Dez Bryant did not actually cut his finger making soup

I have a feeling he wasn't making soup. I have a feeling he cut his finger doing something else. Are we staying woke on this one? This seems a little sus, as Hank would say.

Terrelle Pryor is the Cleveland Browns' best quarterback option because everyone else will get injured

So they asked him if he was going to be willing to play quarterback because obviously if you're a Cleveland Browns quarterback, it's like being in the movie Final Destination. They've already lost two. They've got [Cody] Kessler. So Kessler is going to get hurt this weekend, too. And they said, Terrell, would you play? And he goes, I cut my finger off for the team.

Adam LaRoche's retirement over his son being in the clubhouse was just 'hurt feelings'

Adam LaRoche quit because his feelings were hurt. He got his feelings hurt... your feelings are hurt because the White Sox basically said, hey, Adam, you're a 14 year old best friend. You can't bring him around anymore.

Adam LaRoche's son will be the greatest hot take writer ever because he grew up in locker rooms

Adam LaRoche's kid... he is going to be the best hot take writer of all time. Could you imagine him fighting with like sabermetric nerds? Adam LaRoche's kid, his entire existence is towel whips, like, you know, pranks, guys, you know, calling each other [names]. His entire life is a locker room. I can't wait till he grows up and starts like just throwing his ideas of his worldviews around.

Derrick Rose is in a permanent state of being so hurt that he's actually injured

With Derrick Rose. I, I say he is injured by a thousand hertz. Like he's gotten hurt so many times that it's all like just one big injury for him right now at this point. His body is just in a permanent state of being so hurt that it's injured... His mind, body and soul.