Takes

Small ball needs to come back to baseball

There's they need to bring back small ball. Nobody's playing small ball anymore. I sound like my grandfather... You get on first base, it's easy to steal second base. You get a seeing-eye single here and there, bring that shit back. Small ball wins. That's what it's all about. You got to zig while everybody else zags. No more bunts.

The Lakers are Anthony Davis's team, not LeBron's

All I got right now is it's Anthony Davis's team. I think we can all agree on that. I said you fail to we really need some more injuries so that we can be like the Lakers barely [won].

The Lakers will win the NBA Finals in 5 games

Shoot, Lakers in five, Friday night. You know what, let's do it.

The Dolphins will upset the Seahawks in a low-scoring game

I think something funny is going to happen here... I think that the Dolphins could do this, they could win and like a 19 to 14 game.

I am officially out on the Eagles

The Eagles are just, they're so sad. I'm done. I'm done. You're pulling the cord on him? Yeah, right. I can't. I'm thinking that they are the same team that won the Super Bowl and I'm just done, I'm done.

The Ravens are officially frauds until they win a big playoff game

I've called the [Ravens] frauds until you guys win a big game... is it fair that I'm keeping you guys motivated by saying your frauds until you win a game where either you come back from a big deficit or win a playoff game?

The Ravens aren't motivated by external 'fraud' labels

It motivates us. I wouldn't necessarily say that because we really don't care what people think on the outside... it's not because of you [Big Cat] saying that or anybody else saying that but it's just because of how we are in our on our team.

NFL referees intentionally do not do their jobs correctly when it comes to the Saints

At the end of the day, we all know that the refs aren't going to actually do their jobs when it comes to us.

A running back cannot wear a jersey number in the 40s

Anything in the 40s? I can't wear... I don't think I could pull the 40 off... I'm a guy to like stay in the 20s man like to stand in 20.

The Baltimore Ravens are frauds until they can win from behind

The Baltimore Ravens are frauds. They are F-R-A-U-D-S frauds. They panic, they look terrible on Monday Night Football. The stat was 18 and 0 with a ten-point lead, 0 and 5 with a ten-point deficit. They can't come from behind. They're very good team, but kind of like Oregon back in the day with Chip Kelly... until I see it, I don't trust that the Ravens offense can work when it gets in a hole.

The Baltimore Ravens are the Houston Rockets of the NFL

Are the Baltimore Ravens the Houston Rockets of the NFL? Their analytics are Mickey Mouse-ish. By any objective measurement the Baltimore Ravens are awesome... and then in the playoffs the Chiefs are going to beat them by 40. They shit pump all the bad teams, but when the chips are down... they fall short.

I agree that the 3-0 Bears are frauds and not an exceptional team

I have a lot of Ravens fans be like, 'dude, the Bears are frauds.' I agree that they [the Bears] kind of are. I don't think the Bears are like an exceptional team. I won't apologize for three and oh, while also thinking like, 'yeah, this might not end so well.'

The Ravens will score 45 points a game over their next three games against the Washington Football Team, Bengals, and Eagles

They're going to kill the Washington football team. They're going to kill the Bengals. They're going to kill the Eagles the next three weeks... They're going to pop off with 45 points a game. They should beat the [Washington] football team by 30 points.

If a lineman over 300 pounds scores a touchdown, it should automatically be worth seven points

I'd also like to point out that if a lineman scores a touchdown, if the player is over 300 pounds, it should count as seven and then the extra point is one. That's just so cool. Agreed, but you can't go for two.

Undecided voters deserve to be pushed off a building

If you're an undecided voter you deserve to be pushed off a building. If you don't know who you're going to vote for, do they exist? If you're an undecided voter tweet at us and let us know because I'm so interested in how you put on a hat in the morning without giving yourself a concussion.

I am betting a front-runner parlay on the Yankees and Lakers to both win titles this month

I might put a front-runner parlay down and go Yankees, Lakers, the Cowboys, Alabama football, and Duke basketball this year. We're going chalk.

Lavar Ball needs to be put on a boat and pushed out to sea so he doesn't ruin LaMelo's career

Lavar Ball is on the hot seat. LaMelo basically has to convince teams to just drown him out. They just have to put him on a medium-sized yacht, push him out to sea, no Wi-Fi, and just send him out until it's an appropriate time where he can't ruin your career.

The New York Jets head coaching job is the worst job in America

I think it's probably the worst job in America right now, coaching the New York Jets. I'm taking my name out of the hat unless I could just do it but not do it... I'll do it under the condition that I get to coach from the booth and I'm not showing up to work.

Odell Beckham Jr. will be criticized for video game streaming as soon as he misses a route

Odell, he started a video game stream. He isn't in the hot seat yet, but as soon as he does anything, you know, mess up on the field, everyone is going to be like: 'you should have been in your playbook and not playing video games.'

Dion Waiters is guaranteed an NBA championship ring because he played for both the Lakers and the Heat this season

Dion Waiters... he's guaranteed to get a ring because he was on the Heat earlier in the season [and is now on the Lakers]. I'm guaranteed to get a ring regardless of who wins.

Tyler Glasnow is the nastiest pitcher in the MLB

I think Tyler Glasnow might be the nastiest pitcher in the league. Like on two pitches too, like way above average fastball, way above average breaking ball. He throws a 93 mile an hour cutter that nobody can hit. That dude is filth.

If a pitcher calls themselves a 'bad motherfucker' on the mound, they have to follow it up with a fastball, not a slider

[Amir Garrett] mouthed 'I'm a bad motherfucker' and then he threw a slider. If you say that, you got to bring the fastball, right? If you say 'I'm filthy,' then you can throw the slider, because then you're implementing the filth. But if you drop like a 'nasty' or something, you're going heater.

The Cubs will beat the Athletics in six games to win the World Series

The World Series coming from the National is gonna be the Chicago Cubs and coming from the American is going to be the Oakland A's. And I'm going to go with the Cubs in six.

Passing the football is a bad idea because two of the three possible outcomes are negative

When you call a pass play... three things can happen and two of them are bad. I mean, you can pass an interception or [an incompletion]. Why is that? It's that simple.

Army and Navy players are not on the same team until their military service is completely finished

Everyone wants to tell the very nice warm and fuzzy story that we're on the same [team]. We're not. We're not until it's over. Until the service side is done. After you play Army football, after you serve your country, that's when you [and Navy players] become on the same team.

An NFL player has definitely already played a game while COVID-positive this year

I guarantee that there has been an NFL player that has played a game this year with coronavirus and it might be on the Titans. The NFL's plan was let's just keep it all hush-hush until a team has an outbreak... I'm pretty sure that you can test negative the day of a game and then start becoming contagious later that day.

Josh Allen is an elite quarterback

Very clearly. I'll say it. Josh Allen is an elite quarterback. Josh Allen is elite. He's elite and it's gonna be awesome watching him play against the...

Mitch Trubisky should be converted to a running back in a Wildcat-style role

Mitch led the team in rushing today... why not [be a running back] and he could every now and then throw it he could be taysom hill. Yes. Let us be a running back then I won't feel guilty about watching Mitch be on the sidelines. We could put him in the offense Matt Nagy you can have someone who can blame... have Mitch be a running back and Nick Foles would be the quarterback.

The Las Vegas Raiders are going to be two and four after their next three games

The Raiders are not they're good ish, but they have a really bad schedule coming up. So I think this could be they have the bills at the Chiefs and the Yeah, those could all be losses and we could be sitting here saying the bills are the Raiders are now two and four and it doesn't look like the promising season that we all thought it was going to be.

Joe Judge is a college football coach and his style won't work in the NFL

Joe judge. You should have been a college coach and this is not going to work out like, you know, the type of guys who are just built for college football like close your eyes. Could PJ Fleck be coaching in the NFL probably not. He's great college football coach... This guy should be the coach fucking Western Michigan or you know Miami Ohio like and then he'll get a job at Illinois or you know Purdue and make a nice living, but this might be a little too big for Jojo.

The Houston Texans will be 3-3 very quickly after their 0-3 start

So the Texans, they are my pinky team... the schedule they're no longer schedule fucked. They're playing the Vikings, the Jaguars and the Titans so they could they could they could write this ship pretty quickly here and they could be three and three very quickly.

Justin Herbert is already a good quarterback

I'm ready to go out on a big limb right now. Ready? I think the Justin Herbert is a good quarterback. I think that he will be good.

The Cowboys will soon be 5-2

I'm ready to declare by the way the Dallas Cowboys are the best one and two team in the NFL. Yeah, they're actually gonna I'm actually scared because I want to like laugh at them... they're going to be 5 and 2.

The Eagles need to give Jalen Hurts a shot over Carson Wentz

Honestly, I would start looking to Jalen Hurts. I'm telling you don't think the guys in the locker room are not murmuring happening though. Somehow. I don't think they're not murmuring about. Amen. We may need to just give him a limited role and give him a shot because this is ridiculous.

Adam Gase is not built to be a head coach in New York

The head coach of a franchise in New York. He's not built like that man. Yeah, he's not built like that... I haven't seen anything from him that makes me think that the players [are with] him or that the players are playing for more that he's done anything to win that team over.

Erik Spoelstra is the only reason LeBron James won championships in Miami

Spoelstra's a very good coach. Honestly I'm a huge advocate of Spoelstra and he's the only reason that LeBron James ever won those championships in Miami in the first place.

The Miami Heat have a legitimate chance to beat the Lakers in the NBA Finals

I think the Heat have a legitimate chance. I mean I assume most people are saying that the same thing I think they did shoot they've got like four different guys that can show up on any given night and be the guy.

Jimmy Butler is a top-five player in the NBA right now

Jimmy Butler could be top-five player ever ever. I thought I'd play right now. Absolutely.

The NFL should require the highest-drafted quarterback to start behind Ryan Fitzpatrick for three games

They should make a rule that whoever drafts the highest quarterback has to start Fitzpatrick for at least three games at the start of the season. So like Trevor Lawrence when he goes to the Eagles, [Fitzpatrick] should have to start for them.

Trey Lance will be a first-round NFL draft pick

Trey Lance is going to be a first rounder probably... This mock draft I'm reading right now has Trey Lance late in the first round to the [Saints].

Sports talk show hosts should be required to wear shirts and ties because unbuttoned collars look unprofessional

I actually think all sports radio talk show hosts should wear shirts and ties. Enough of this unbuttoned top thing. I think you look unprofessional when you do it. I'd rather listen to Max Kellerman be wildly incorrect than somebody that doesn't look like... I can almost see Colin Cowherd's nipples right now.

Every college football team should be eligible for bowl games this year regardless of their record

Every single team is eligible. I hope that they make 200 bowls. I hope they make the maximum amount of bowls, even if it's like a bunch of teams that have one win have them play all together... the shittier the team the better.

The Lakers successfully rigged the officiating by officially complaining to the NBA about LeBron James not getting enough foul calls

LeBron and the Lakers have rigged it because they officially complained to the NBA that LeBron isn't getting enough fouls called, and look at that, he has I think like six free-throw trips tonight... They complained about the fouls and then all of a sudden he gets fouled a billion times.

I will cut off the tip of my pinky if the Houston Texans win the Super Bowl this year

If the Houston Texans win the Super Bowl this year, I will cut off from the nail up tip of my pinky left hand. It's on.

Intelligence is better defined by curiosity and problem-solving than by memorization

I submit to you that most challenges in this world are best served not by someone who memorized the encyclopedia but by someone who has a deep sense of curiosity and tools to empower that curiosity to figure stuff out.

The primary reason people watch sports is to have a default topic of conversation to use with strangers or friends

The reason why we watch sports collectively is that it gives you something to talk about with a stranger if the conversation otherwise lags, or with a friend. If everyone was enlightened in a hundred different subjects, then the conversation would never lag because you could talk about leaves and insects... so you're not limited to that.

Suggesting humans are the only life in the universe is inexcusably egocentric

To suggest that we're the only life in the universe would be inexcusably egocentric... Recognizing the likelihood of there being life in the universe is not the same thing as agreeing with UFO enthusiasts.

Eating a steak is effectively eating solar power

Essentially all energy that drives life on Earth's surface comes from the Sun. So if you are a meat eater and you have a steak, the steak came from a cow. Cows are vegetarian; they eat leaves and grains that got their energy from sunlight. So when you're eating a steak, you're actually eating solar power.

Russell Wilson's controversial lateral was physically legitimate in the reference frame of the runners

In the reference frame of the quarterback and the running back, it was a legitimate lateral. From the reference frame of the grid, the ball moved forward. But you're penalizing players for running fast. I think as long as Russell Wilson stayed ahead of the other runner while he threw it, the spirit of a lateral is being preserved.

LSU's roster depth will prevent them from falling off a map despite losing starters

They do have some really good players coming back because they recruited well... You'll be able to see how deep their recruiting has been in the last few years because they're going to roll out a 2D defensive line that they feel very comfortable with. I mean they've got talent, it's not like they're going to fall off the map.