Takes

Duke isn't a good team, they just have good players

Duke is back to being back. But we're conveniently ignoring that Duke was down 15 in all these ACC tournament games... Duke is not a good team. They have good players, but they're not actually a good team. And SMU is a good team. So it wouldn't surprise me to see SMU win.

Gonzaga is the best team in the country

I actually like Gonzaga. I think Gonzaga's the best team in the country, and I know that's absolutely insane to say. I don't expect them to win at all, but I do think they're the best team and the most complete team.

I'm picking the winner of the Notre Dame-West Virginia game to reach the Final Four

Do you think I'm crazy to have the winner of the [Notre Dame-West Virginia] game in my Final Four? Because that's what I'm picking.

Louisville has scored 69 points more than any other program in tournament history

Louisville has scored 69 points in NCAA tournament more than any other program in the country... I swear to God, that's a fact. And then it gets even better... the program that has won the most games in college basketball history that has never scored 69 in the tournament is BYU.

Oklahoma State will beat Michigan

I like how the plane crash... negates like everything else we know about Michigan. This has become the story... Michigan beat some shitty Big Ten teams to win the tournament... and now we're going to pretend like they're actually a good team. I think Oklahoma State's going to win that game.

Rhode Island is the mid-major most likely to make noise in the tournament

I would say Rhode Island [is a team that can make some noise].

UCLA has no chance of making the Final Four

UNC, it feels like they're the most complete team in this region... but UCLA, there's no chance UCLA's going to the Final Four.

Indiana isn't playing NIT games at home because they don't want to show fans booing Tom Crean

The rumor is [Indiana] is not playing in the NIT at home because they don't want people to know that, they don't want to show people booing [Tom] Crean and they don't want to see the empty seats in Assembly Hall and stuff.

Jim Harbaugh's parents rooted for John in the Super Bowl because Jim would be unbearable with a ring

I bet you his parents were rooting for John to win that Super Bowl. Because Jim Harbaugh with a Super Bowl ring over John would be unbearable at any family gathering from that point on. He would wear it every Thanksgiving.

A 10-seed needs to win at least one game to 'make some noise' in the tournament

So, hey, there are a couple 10 seeds out there that could make some noise... We don't know what noise means, but it depends. It's like on a sliding scale, if a 15 seed comes within 10 points of beating a two seed, they made some noise... But if a 10 seed, they have to win at least one game to make some noise.

Darren Rovell is un-American for not filling out a March Madness bracket

Shout out Darren Rovell does not fill out a bracket. So that is a March Madness tradition for him telling the world that he doesn't fill out a bracket and he's un-American and basically a terrorist.

Wisconsin got screwed by the NCAA Tournament selection committee with an 8-seed

I am biased, but Wisconsin got fucked... they're an eight seed which I'm fine with because they haven't played well but Minnesota is a five seed and Wisconsin beat Minnesota two times this year.

Johnny Manziel is officially back and committed to a comeback after getting engaged

My who's back of the week is Johnny Football... Comeback season. He just got engaged to show that he's committed and he's making his comeback. So it seems like he's got everything going for him heading forward.

I would predict no babies are born nine months after March Madness starts

I would predict that there are like no babies born nine months after the start of March Madness because no guy out there is [finding success]... This is the weekend that a guy drinks too many beers, eats nachos, and then farts a lot and falls asleep on the couch.

Everyone needs to stop with the Chicago Cubs dynasty talk; they've only won one World Series

Stop with this dynasty talk. Okay? The dynasty is happening. The dynasty is on. Red Sox fans became insufferable, and now it's the Cub fans... Just get in the tournament, win a game, and get back to me.

Broadcasters should never bet on games they are announcing

I really gave up betting on games that I'm announcing... I would not recommend that any analyst or play-by-play guy do a game [they bet on] simply because it influences how you view the game and the athletes that are involved.

I believe some college coaches will 'cover the spread' to keep their alumni happy

I think the answer to your question is yes. I don't want to hedge on it. I think that there have been coaches certainly in the past who would cover for the alumni in a certain situation.

The best betting strategy for March Madness is to always take the underdogs

Underdogs, underdogs, underdogs. [They're always barking.]

Russell Wilson acts like a seventh grader who is in love for the first time

This is the behavior of a seventh grader who's in love for the first time... I just don't understand why you have to tell the world constantly that you love your wife.

It's time to start having the conversation: could Duke basketball beat the Brooklyn Nets?

In the year 2017... The Nets have won one single game at the Barclays [Center]. Duke has won now four games at the Barclays. So could Duke basketball beat the Nets? I think it's time to start having that conversation.

There is no point to checking out of a hotel; it's a vestige of the past

Explain to me what the reason of checking out of a hotel is... Today I walked down the lobby and there was a line all the way out the door of people waiting to check out. What is the point? They're nerds... Clocks are a vestige of the past. I tell my own time.

Both the Texans and the Browns won the Brock Osweiler trade, even though neither team got better

It's a rare trade where both teams I think both teams won this trade right but neither team got better right? It is a factual statement to say that the Browns, the Cleveland Browns, made a good trade that involved taking on Brock Osweiler in his contract which it sounds like they're going to cut him so it's just the contract but... both teams won.

I don't hate the Chicago Bears' three-year, $43 million contract for Mike Glennon

I don't want to say I predicted it, but I basically predicted it the whole way down to Ryan Pace seemingly negotiating against himself... Everyone flips out... i saw it was like 19 million guaranteed so it's probably a two-year contract they can probably let him go... so i don't really hate it and this is how this is step one of me talking myself into Mike Glennon.

I am officially a Baltimore Ravens fan because of the Joe Flacco and Danny Woodhead backfield

Danny Woodhead going to the Ravens... Him and Joe Flacco. I think I'm officially a Ravens fan. That's going to be the grittiest, elitist backfield. Grit Leap.

Alshon Jeffrey betting on himself with a one-year deal is a bad bet because he'll be injured by Week 3

Alshon Jeffrey to the Eagles. One year deal betting on himself betting on himself that he won't be injured by week three, which is a bad bet by Alshon.

The Washington Redskins are the worst organization in professional sports

I mean, i think that they're the worst organization in pro sports name me one that's worse than the Redskins... the Browns are above the Redskins right now.

Bill Belichick intentionally shifts the Patriots' one weakness every year so other teams can't catch up

I have a theory now that Belichick just makes sure he shifts what the Patriots' one weakness is every year so no team can catch up. You don't get the bulk on him.

Magic Johnson was the absolutely right hire to lead the Lakers' front office

Absolutely. We love Magic... Everything Magic does is fit. Magic is one of those rare beacons of hope. He's just like—Magic is perfect. The best thing David Stern ever did was with Magic Johnson.

Solar energy is the biggest no-brainer in the history of the world

Think of it as a solar. Solar energy is the biggest no-brainer in the history of the world. Are you kidding? It is so sunny out there. More solar energy hits the Earth every day... Every day. Don't whine. Don't complain. I'm choosing solar power.

Performance-enhancing drug use in sports is the moral equivalent of Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme

I am opposed to performance-enhancing drug use because in competition where you have a level playing field because that world is the same as what Bernie Madoff did. Because Bernie Madoff, he lied. He cheated, he stole, and he bullied his way to the top.

Larry Bird is the greatest player I ever played with

Greatest player I ever played with... He made us all play better... Larry never got tired of just torching other people, and he's incredibly driven. He's a brilliant guy. He loves to portray himself as the hick from French Lick. Don't ever buy into that. This guy is so sharp, and so smart, and so pure.

Larry Bird, John Wooden, and Jerry Garcia are all effectively the same person

Understand that Larry Bird and John Wooden and Jerry Garcia are all the same person. And this sense of humanity, the sense of selflessness, the sense of leadership, the sense of assuming responsibility to be the guy and to be able to deliver every single night.

The 2017 Chicago Bears should have hired a coach like John Wooden to provide structure and discipline

The way we do this show... Coach Wooden... Structure, organization, discipline, focus, you know, platform. And that's where the sacrifice comes in... Hopefully we achieve something here today.

Tim Tebow's performance in spring training proves he only knows how to contribute

He grounded into a double play, but he drove in a run... All Tim Tebow does is contribute. I think that's one of those things that you have to look at and be like, you know, this is one of these intangibles that we talk about.

Adam Schefter is a beta who isn't 'man enough' to cheat on his wife

I don't think Schefter, I don't think he's, like, enough of a man to be a cuck... Schefter's a beta. Nobody except for his wife wants to have sex with him.

Kevin Durant is a front-running coward and a baby back bitch

Kevin Durant, pros. He's probably top three NBA player, probably best scorer, pure scorer in the NBA. Cons, skinny knees, slouches, and is a coward, front-running coward, and a baby back bitch.

Aldon Smith is a huge free agent signing for the California criminal justice system

Aldon Smith got arrested again... Huge free agent signing for the California criminal justice system. Aldon Smith, two to five years. Longest yard. There you go.

Russell Westbrook has the best stats in the NBA, but his team is not good

Russell Westbrook, who by far has the best stats, but his team is not good. Is he just the guy that's always the best player in the league and has been for the last 10 years? [LeBron James].

Kevin Durant is the real NBA MVP because the Warriors are struggling without him

But you forgot the dark horse, the guy who gets injured, and the team's not as good, Kevin Durant. When he gets his knee injury and everyone says, well look at the Warriors now. They're 2-2 since he got injured. Maybe he's the MVP, even though he's not going to play the entire season.

James Harden's MVP argument is just that he isn't as terrible at defense as he used to be

Basically James Harden's whole argument is he's not as shitty at defense as he used to be. He tries a little bit on defense. Was he slow playing us this entire time? Like sitting and bagging us on defense and just waiting for a season to give half of a shit?

Dirk Nowitzki has one of the most underrated careers in NBA history

[Dirk Nowitzki] is by far one of the most underrated careers because you kind of just forgot about him after he won the finals but he has been like quietly incredible for so so long.

ESPN on-air personalities are 'snowflakes' on the hot seat due to massive impending cuts

My hot seat is all the snowflake on-air personalities at ESPN. Big time cuts coming soon.

Kyle Shanahan is making a huge mistake by trading for Kirk Cousins as a first-year coach

Kyle Shanahan... Looks like he's going to trade for Kirk Cousins. Big mistake, Kyle. We as football guys, guys know the last thing you want to do if you're a new coach is get your guy in there day one. Because then you have no excuse.

There is a massive difference between 'playing hurt' and 'playing in pain,' and all great athletes play through pain

There's a difference between playing hurt and playing in pain. Everybody's in pain all the time when you're playing. You push yourself. The athletes, you become great because that's what you want to do.

It is impossible to find happiness or move forward in life without a loving partnership

It's hard to move forward in life unless you're happy in love, that partnership. I'm a team guy. I've always been about the team.

Bill Russell is the greatest basketball player ever and a personal hero

Bill Russell, my basketball hero, favorite player ever on and off the court. Champions, mental acuity, emotional commitment.

David Stern is the most important man in the history of basketball

David Stern, the most important man in the history of all basketball. He's PFT's size. Little tiny guy over here in a world built for preschool children, right? But here's David Stern, who never shot a basket, but he brought the business acumen... to use the NBA to make the world a better place.

ESPN should hire Bill Belichick for one day specifically to fire all the employees they are cutting

I think they should bring in Bill Belichick, hire him one day contract, have him fire everyone, soften the blow. Because when Bill Belichick fires you, it means you could still be at the peak... He's doing it one year too early. And he's actually doing you a favor by letting you get on the market and test the waters.

Mike Glennon will be a great and perfect quarterback for the Chicago Bears (Spinzone)

Mike Glennon's gonna be great for the Bears he's gonna be perfect and he is exactly he's exactly who the Bears would get in this situation because when you look at all the Bears quarterbacks they all suck but at one point you were able to say to yourself, 'maybe.'

The Chicago Bears essentially bid against themselves to sign Mike Glennon

I think the Bears got into bidding war with themselves. I don't think anyone else is going after Mike Glennon. And the price keeps going up... Ryan Pace is the only guy at the table.