Takes

Russell Wilson and Ciara's naked pregnancy photo shoot is extremely 'problematic' and too much

She's holding her naked five-year-old while she's naked. She's pregnant. Russell Wilson is naked with his face in her [behind], and he's holding her belly... At what point, though, is it like, this is just too much?

Adrian Peterson should walk across the country while holding a football to prove he doesn't have a fumbling problem

Adrian Peterson should walk across the country holding a football while people try to strip him showing that he can hold on to the rock... showing the news think about the news buzz where he's just like adrian peterson he's so crazy he's walking across the country.

Lavar Ball is just the basketball version of Kris Jenner

That Lavar Ball is just the basketball Kris Jenner. I don't know what that means, but I'm into it. He is basically going to market his sons so relentlessly and throw them in our face.

The Number 37 car will win the NASCAR race in Las Vegas this Sunday

We have a Natty Light Barstool race car in the Cobalt 400 on Sunday. We're going to be live there... Number 37 car. He's going to win. I feel good about it. I'm going to guarantee it for him.

Rugby is already huge in America

I'm going to take you one step further and say rugby is already huge in America. This was the, yeah, we're here. Get used to it.

Music and atmosphere in NBA arenas directly affects player rhythm and pace

It was like the sloppiest game ever, and that's not just because the Knicks are always sloppy, but it was like no one could get a rhythm... Then they put the music on in the second half, and the pace picked right up, and they almost hit the over... So it was clear that the music did actually affect the players.

Basketball is a 'candy-ass sport' because players require music and atmosphere to find a rhythm

See, this is why basketball is like a candy-ass sport. You need all these little distractions and stuff because there's so many breaks in the action. It's not like a nonstop thrill ride like the NFL is where you don't need any commercials or music playing or replays or anything like that.

A wolf has the advantage over Arian Foster because as an atheist, Foster is more afraid of death than the wolf is

I think the wolf has the advantage because a wolf doesn't care if it lives or if it dies. And an atheist, actually, that's all they care about is whether they live or die because they know that after they're dead, they're not going – they're dead forever. A Christian, they're fine with dying because they'll be like, hey, I'm going to heaven. Tebow would kick the shit out of a wolf.

I could easily kill a wolf one-on-one with my bare hands

I would be able to take a Wolf one-on-one... His point is exactly right. Wolves don't have thumbs. People forget that. So I would just grab the wolf's little neck and snap that thing. Wolf wouldn't even know what hit him. I'd take a dog treat and be like, here, wolf, have a dog treat, and then boom, strangle it.

Mitchell Trubisky changed his name to 'Mitchell' purely to avoid the 'Mitch the Bitch' nickname

I think he did that just simply so people can't say he's mitch the bitch which makes sense right

Robert Griffin III would be a better quarterback if he changed his name to 'Bobby Griffin'

Robert Griffin would actually be better if you change it to Bobby Griffin. That sounds like a quarterback. You make it shorter to make yourself seem like more of a leader. So why are you adding extra syllables on there?

John Ross should officially inherit Chris Johnson's 'Fast Chris Johnson' nickname after breaking his 40-yard dash record

I also think that Chris Johnson should be forced to give up the nickname Fast Chris Johnson, the best nickname maybe in the history of sports, and give it to John Ross.

Hometown saviors always work out well for the Cleveland Browns

He said that he would go play in Cleveland. He's a hometown kid. We all know that hometown quarterbacks work out really well for Cleveland. They're always saviors.

I could still average 10 points and 5 assists in the NBA right now

I still play with pros all the time. There's moments where you watch guys who just got paid $60, $70, $80 million for having marginal numbers where I'm not going to sit there and tell you, I feel like I can get nine or ten points a game in the league. I feel like I can get four or five assists in a game.

I have the best basketball game out of any talent currently working at ESPN (excluding former NBA players)

Who's got the best game out in Bristol? I would have to say me. [Besides people who played in the league.] Well, see, here's the thing. You don't see a lot of talent play in some of the games.

College athletes should be allowed to 'wet the beak' and get a cut of revenue when their names are on jerseys

I like seeing somebody naturally stick it each and every time to the NCAA when they can. Because the NCAA... they make $900 million at a minimum each and every year just off the TV rights to the tournament alone. That's worth having a conversation about. Let the kids wet the beak. Just a little bit. If I see my name on the back of a jersey multiple times in an arena that I'm playing at, just let me get a little bit of a taste of that.

Duke runs a guard-dominated offense because Coach K loves having the ball in guards' hands

Duke is a dominated guard offense. It's naturally what it is. K loves for the ball to be in the hands of guards. You see that with Luke Kennard, Grayson Allen, guards from the past as well... it's never been a staple of Duke to throw the ball down low and the big guy's going to get you 25 and 10. That's never been who they've been offensively.

Kansas is the most consistent team in the country, but I would pick Purdue to beat them in the tournament

I'm saying Kansas. See, I think Kansas is the most consistent team in the country. But if they get matched up against Purdue, I'll probably take Purdue in that ballgame. Because [Kansas has] no inside presence. That actually is really dumb of me to do because it is all about the matches.

Gonzaga will fail to reach the Final Four this year

Now I may lose a bet to Greenberg because I had a bet with Seth Greenberg before that they [Gonzaga] don't get the Final Four.

Chapel Hill was not a difficult place to play during my time at Duke

Chapel Hill wasn't difficult. I was undefeated in Chapel Hill. That wasn't a difficult place to play at all.

Tim Tebow's plan to adopt children from every continent is a red flag and an attempt to pre-plan a sexless marriage

This is a red flag. Let's be honest. If you're already pre-planning about not getting laid when you get married, hey, Tebow, hey, when you get married, you're not going to have sex anyways. His whole life, he's had a headache.

Jim Harbaugh wearing cleats on a charter flight is a 'maniac move'

Harbaugh wears cleats on the Charter's flights to games. So he pre-cleats. He cleats on the flight to the game. So, wow. [That's a maniac move.]

It is perfectly acceptable to take your shoes off on a cross-country flight

I always take my shoes off when I'm sitting on a very long flight, and I know my socks are clean... i don't care it's okay travel i've always said travel is one of those things where you just put your head down you worry about yourself don't don't look up if you want to take your shoes out that's fine

The most satisfying fart in life is when you get off a plane after holding it in the whole time

The two most satisfying farts that you can ever have. Number two is after a date, right? The girl gets out of the car and you rip it. Number one is when you get off of a plane and you've been holding it in the whole time.

Michael Jordan could still average 15 points and 5 assists in the NBA right now

I don't want to say it, but I think he knows that I know that he knows he could probably still drop like 15 with maybe five assists a night in the NBA.

If you can't motivate your sperm to swim, you can't lead an NFL team

I'd like to see them do the combine in the nude... make them jerk off into a cup, test their swimmers out. If you're a quarterback, if you can't motivate your sperm to swim, you can't lead a team.

Mitch Trubisky screwed himself by measuring 6'2" because of Hue Jackson's arbitrary height cutoff

Hugh Jackson, his cutoff for quarterbacks, 6'2". So Mitch Trubisky kind of screwed himself. He should have slouched a little bit, hoping that he went at 6'1"... [Hue] just said, if the quarterback's not 6'2 or taller, I don't want him.

Patrick Mahomes' small hands are a reason not to pick him in the draft

I also saw that Mahomes had small hands, so be careful of that. Don't worry about the fact that he played in a Kliff Kingsbury offense, and it was an air raid... His hands, a little undersized. That's why you shouldn't pick them. I actually like him. I think he actually would be good for them.

David Price being injured means he can't lose in the playoffs

Spin zone for David Price. If he is injured, he can't lose in the playoffs.

Kevin Durant will never be 100% for the rest of the season

I'm banking on Kevin Durant never being 100% for the rest of the year. Do you think the Warriors are now vulnerable, or is that just wishful thinking from someone who's a Warrior hater?

Kevin Durant likely won't lose his shooting rhythm despite his injury

He actually has a history of coming back from injury pretty well... he doesn't seem to lose his shooting rhythm. The thing that's a question mark... is that if he is 5%, 10% off, that's where you could see a big turn... it just wrecks all their form.

I want to see the Rockets and Warriors play in the playoffs

I have a lot of fun watching the Rockets play, so I'm kind of hoping that that matchup happens during the playoffs, in the second round, conference finals, whatever it is.

LeBron James reading 'The Godfather' while walking is a calculated camera stunt

Did you see last night LeBron walking from the bus to the locker room reading The Godfather? And did you also think that was the lamest, most ridiculous thing you've ever seen in your entire life?... He was doing it for camera. He wasn't actually reading.

DeMarcus Cousins will fail in New Orleans because he blames others for his problems

It does feel like he's the type of guy that blames everyone else for his problems because the refs are on him and his teammates stink... It feels like it's not going to work in New Orleans. It feels like he's that type of guy who's like, I'm so talented and the world kind of owes me something.

The Chicago Bulls front office has no clear vision

They just haven't had a clear vision, right? ... If they had decided we're going to rebuild, rebuild. If they decided we're going to build around Jimmy Butler, build around Jimmy Butler. Stop dangling his name in trade talks.

The Bulls will beat the Warriors on TNT and then lose to a shitty team

They're going to beat the Warriors tonight. It's a home game on TNT on a Thursday night. The Bulls will beat the Warriors, and I will say the Bulls are back, and that will happen. And that happens every single, like, every three weeks, and then they lose to some shitty-ass team.

The Bulls would be stupid to trade Jimmy Butler

I definitely do not [think they should trade Jimmy], and I don't understand the question. ... You are hoping to get a pick to draft a guy that you hope in three or four years will develop into someone as good as Jimmy Butler. ... Guess what is a guarantee of something? The guy on your roster who plays really well.

Lonzo Ball won't fall in the draft because of his father's quotes

I don't think so. ... If you're a pro team, I think it's pretty easy to step away from that and not have that be a big factor. I don't think anyone would pass on talent if they feel like if they believe in him for the roster.

The 49ers having no quarterbacks is liberating for Kyle Shanahan's play-calling

If you don't have any quarterbacks on your roster, then there's no chance that Kyle Shanahan is going to be able to call too many passing plays late in a game that they're winning... Shanahan's just taking away his ability to throw the ball too much.

Redskins GM Scott McCloughan has been dead for a year and is a Weekend at Bernie's situation

I think [Scott McCloughan] has been dead for a year... and so it's Bruce Allen who's just pretending like Scott [is alive]. That's actually a great move. If you want to deflect blame to somebody else, have a dead guy in the closet.

Northwestern basketball is annoying because journalists act like it's a plucky underdog story

Except for the fact that now we're going to get Greeny, Mike Wilbon, Rovell, all these fuckers shoving Northwestern plucky underdog down our throats. So I'm saying respect the fucking biz... We don't care about Northwestern basketball enough for you to tell us constantly.

Jaleel Okafor is the new king of not caring about defense

Jaleel Okafor is now the true I don't care about defense guy. ... He just took like three steps back and he's standing perfectly still. ... Didn't put a hand up. Didn't really move for a rebound.

It is officially the Washington Capitals' year to win the Stanley Cup

It is Wednesday, March 1st, and it is the Caps year... I'm even more irrationally confident now [after the Kevin Shattenkirk trade].

The Minnesota Wild are going to have a 'mump slump' after several players contracted the mumps

So it's the [Minnesota] Wild that has the mumps, right? So calling it right now, it's going to be a mump slump. There's your headline.

The Kirk Cousins franchise tag is a sign the Redskins still don't know if he's good

In Kirk Cousins' case, it's just a big sign that says, do we know if Kirk Cousins is good yet? No, we don't know.

Kirk Cousins is the best quarterback that sucks

I think Kirk Cousins will perpetually be, is he good or not? Yes, he is the best quarterback that sucks.

The Chicago Bears are a total dumpster fire for failing to retain drafted players

If Alshon does go get signed by another team... you ready for the list of Bears players on the roster that were drafted before 2013? Okay, that was the full list... Just make sure all your draft picks fail miserably... what a dumpster fire.

Female orgasms and the G-spot do not actually exist

Raven told Nick that her ex-boyfriend never gave her an orgasm. That's because orgasms don't exist for chicks. Oh, yeah. The old G-spot? ... That's the, hey, you know the Loch Ness Monster and Sasquatch in the G-spot?

Concussions are a private family matter and the government should stay out of it

Whether or not a kid has a concussion, that's a private matter. That's a family matter. It's nobody's business. Handle it behind closed doors. Keep your government Dr. Obamacare death panel hands off my son. I'm going to be the one to tell whether or not he's seeing double.

The five-foul rule in college basketball is the dumbest rule in sports

Also, hot seat, the foul, five fouls in college. Everyone gets mad about that, including myself. I hate that rule. I think it's the dumbest thing ever.