Takes

I will start carrying a purse and painting my nails if the Bears start winning

I won't apologize for getting triggered by Caleb Williams. 'Cause then after the show on Wednesday, he went viral again. 'Cause he has a purse. I'm gonna get the same purse and I'm gonna start carrying it around. Listen, my guard is up... If we start winning football games, I'm paint my nails.

Caleb Williams having a fat ass is good for his power as a quarterback

Caleb Williams has aura. He's also got a fucking fat ass, which is good because that's the power to drive the football down the field. I want my quarterback to have a big ass drives the ball.

Nick Saban does not have a great track record for developing quarterbacks

Nick Saban not a great track record when developing quarterbacks. He's not a QB whisperer. They were just like showing Nick Saban as like this wise, like tell all Coach, which he is. But if you were to say one thing about Nick Saban it, that he is not like a quarterback whisperer.

Using Peyton Manning's bad rookie year to justify other rookie QBs struggling is dumb logic

To see Nick Saban use that same dumb logic was awesome. Every single person has been using that since Peyton Manning being like, if you a rookie sucks. You're like, well, Peyton Manning sucked.

Brandon Aiyuk does not want to come to the Patriots

Brandon Aiyuk rumors were were hustling and bustling... a report came out today, which isn't official that it's gonna happen with the Steelers. I think it means he doesn't want to come [to the Patriots].

You shouldn't stop printing money; you should print even more to solve inflation

You gotta go through the wall. So like when you're like, oh we printed so much money that it doesn't like it's not worth anything. That's when you print even more money. Right. You can't quit printing money. You gotta be committed to printing the money.

Lauri Markkanen is not worth $200 million

They just gave Lauri Markkanen a five year, 200 plus million dollar contract... He's not worth that much money. I'd pay him 35 [million].

Dealing with Hank in the morning is tougher than childbirth

Dealing with Hank when he wakes up in the morning. That's very tough. Yeah. Probably tougher than childbirth. If you actually have to do it. Like if childbirth verse, like if you're like, Hey, every day you have to just wake up Hank, I'd take childbirth.

Raider DNA is genetic and cannot be converted to

It's genetic. So you have it. It's either you got it or you don't. You what I mean's no Raiders conversion... sometimes I know we're in California right now, so you can Very Hollywood around. I was waiting for your blink. I saw a little twitching in the eyebrow [at the hosts].

The 2007 Patriots were likely the best team of all time despite their Super Bowl loss

Man, listen, we just went toe to toe with probably the best team of all time. And I still think probably the best team of all time, regardless that they didn't win the Super Bowl.

You only need grit when you are competing, not 24/7

I think it's all about where you are... If you are between the lines in the Galen Center, you gotta have grit, you know, and then maybe tonight at the Manhattan Beach Pier, you don't really need the grit know. And so it's a, it's all about your environment and where you're at at the time. You know, but you don't need grit 24 7. Right. You just need it when you're competing.

A basketball roster needs exactly three moxie guys and the rest grit guys to win

I don't think you can have a lot of moxie guys. Okay. So I would say moxie guys three. Okay. Right. And the rest grit. Yeah. And then you're gonna win. I think that's right because If you have too many moxie guys. Everyone, there's only one ball.

The Bengals at 13 to 1 are the best value on the Super Bowl odds board

Super Bowl odds. Bengals 13 to one. That's what jumps out. Ooh, I like it. That's what jumps out.

Djokovic is the undisputed GOAT of tennis after winning Olympic gold

Djokovic is the goat. One gold big deal. On Clay beating Nadal. Beat, beat the whole country of Spain.

Any NFL Top 100 list that doesn't have Patrick Mahomes at number one is insane

Tyreek Hill was named number one NFL player... And Patrick Mahomes is number four... I don't understand this list... You can't have a top 100 list of NFL players and not have Patrick Mahomes number one. Correct. Right now Mahomes should be number one.

NFL fans will hate the new kickoff rule at first simply because it is new

My prediction for this NFL season, I think people are gonna really hate the kickoff. 'cause we hate new things until like, we just get used to it and then we're like, oh, it's fine. It's basically the same.

Team USA failing to medal in 3x3 basketball is a national disgrace

Our three on three basketball team got eliminated. Didn't medal... Disgraceful so bad... I don't even know. How the fuck is this possible? Also, why don't we just send our, why isn't Jalen Brown in three and three?

John Gruden is secretly advising the Chiefs and is effectively on their coaching staff

John Gruden was at Chiefs practice today... he was wearing a Chiefs uniform and he was advising Chiefs coaches. Whoa. So I think John Gruden might be secretly on the Chiefs' coaching staff now. He's like Mid-hat right now with the Chiefs.

The 2024 White Sox are a historically bad anomaly, worse than the 1940s Phillies

The Chicago White Sox who are on a 20 game losing streak... If you just erased their 14 game losing streak and their 20 game losing streak, they would still have the worst winning percentage in baseball this year... Only two managers in baseball history have at least 200 games managed for the same team, and a winning percentage under 333... Pedro Grifol and a guy named Dr. James Prothro, who managed the Phillies during World War II.

The Sherrone Moore NCAA text deletion scandal won't be a big deal in a week

He [Sherrone Moore] deleted a couple text messages in regard to Connor Stalions and his possible knowledge on the situation... 52 text messages... I don't think anyone's gonna talk about this in a week from now.

Nothing makes you feel more like a man than winning an away game in terrible weather

To overcome an opponent, overcome them in their stadium and to overcome them in their stadium with the elements, then I would say Yeah. There's nothing that would make you feel more like a man than that.

Joe Hortiz is the best talent evaluator in football

Joe Hortiz, my brother said, I would love Joe... He undersold it, he undersold it. I, I, I, he's the one of the best evaluators in the game. I don't think there's anybody better after going through this off season in draft with Joe Hortiz.

I admit I was dead wrong about chickens being a nervous bird that shouldn't be eaten

Getting chickens? Raising chickens from chicks... I was eating a chicken something... and he [Brian Jennings] goes, yeah, he really shouldn't eat chicken. And then he, he, he was the one who explained to me that chicken chickens were a nervous bird... I maintained that... I went back. I was wrong. We're good. I was wrong. I, I think I, I was dead wrong.

My plan is still to coach football and then die

All you cared about was, I wanna play football for as long as I can play football, then coach football, then die. Has there been any change in that? [Harbaugh:] No. Still on track. Still on track. God willing and the, and the creek don't rises. You know, we're, we're on track. That's it.

I miss the ability to drink heavily without getting hangovers

Drinking without getting hungover. Right. Like I just used to like not get hangovers. And that's, and that's basically what I'm saying.

It is unpatriotic to take the under on the NFL Hall of Fame game

So great to hear the music. So great to bet the over, which I'm probably gonna lose, but I'm gonna take it anyways because it's unpatriotic to take the under on the Hall of Fame game.

Jordan Love deserves every dollar of the massive contract extension he received from the Packers

Jordan Love got paid and he made a lot of money and Tua got paid. He made a lot of money... [Jordan Love] deserves every dollar that he got.

Jim Harbaugh is going to win with the Chargers because winning is all he does

Jim Harbaugh, he's gonna win. That's all he does. He wins everywhere he goes. He's gonna figure out a way to win.

Joel Embiid is still a top three player on Team USA

He's still the top three player on this team. Steve Kerr has said that himself. Sometimes there's matchup things and guys who don't know Ball are going to try and criticize Joelle Embiid... he's gonna drop 30 against Puerto Rico.

Imane Khelif should be allowed to compete in women's boxing despite the testosterone controversy

From my limited reading, she was born a female and identify as a female. Just because she has some extra testosterone doesn't mean she shouldn't be fighting other females.

Jumping at the last second in a falling elevator will save your life

If you're an elevator and it falls and you jump at the end, you survive... I just looked it up. It's not true. It's not true. You would die.

TV reruns are actually actors performing the exact same script live for a second time

I used to think that when you'd watch a rerun of a show on TV, that it was an all new taping of the exact same script... I thought that like, I'd be watching Saved by the Bell... They're doing the same song, but they're just taping it again for us.

Chocolate milk comes from brown cows

I thought chocolate milk came from brown cows... I was up north driving past a brown cow and I pointed to my cousin, I said, you know, chocolate milk comes from those things.

Paul Walter Hauser should play Andy Reid in a movie about the coach's life

One [project] would be him [Paul Walter Hauser] playing Andy Reid in the Andy Reid story. I think he'd crush that.

The Celtics will win the 2024 NBA Championship because they are the deepest team

My prediction is... I think we're the best team left. I think we're the deepest team and if we can stay injury free... I feel like we really should win this thing. And I'm, and I'm hoping that we do.

The 'Dynasty' documentary was a slanted propaganda piece designed to get Robert Kraft more credit

It was basically Robert Kraft being like, I need more credit for everything that's happened... they slanted it so hard against Belichick that everyone who has watched the Patriots the last 20 years was like, this is not how it happened. I think it actually hurt him.

The 'Dynasty' documentary was an accurate, high-quality sports film that did not manipulate viewers

I haven't talked to a lot of people that are like, I don't know, like, I think we got manipulated a little bit... it was so well done. It's like a hundred percent rotten tomatoes watching it... I think it leaves people with the impression that that is how it was.

Aaron Rodgers will get injured again and then run for Vice President

He's probably gonna get injured again... He's gonna get injured and then he is gonna run for vice president and he's gonna become vice president of the United States.

I would have made more money than any actor in history if I had accepted the lead in 'Avatar'

I had a chance to be in Avatar... I probably would've made more money than any actor in history had I taken the part... It was 10% of the total earnings from the film... All I know is it made over 3 billion.

I would rather buy new clothes than walk through a spider-infested hallway to do laundry

I have to share that laundry room with three other units... there's spiders all the way up and down the wall... I'm afraid to go down there... So I bought new clothes, bought just essential stuff.

Dan Orlovsky had the worst sports take of the year on Mac Jones

The winner for the 2024 Take of the Year Takey is Dan Orlovsky. Dan Orlovsky incredible saying he believes Belichick will win another Super Bowl with Mac Jones at QB. Mac Jones is the best rookie QB that I have ever seen since doing this job when it comes to knowing where to go with the football, when to go with the football, and how to throw that football.

The NFL should limit players to 16 games in an 18-game season

18 game season, every player can only play a maximum of 16 games. I like it in theory because it just, it's chaos. It's a wrinkle, would be strategery would be awesome.

If Taylor Swift takes over Sundays, I need to see a sex tape

If Taylor Swift is gonna be taking over our Sundays, I'm gonna need to see a sex tape. These are my demands at Pardon My Take.

Rory McIlroy will never win another major

I don't think [Rory McIlroy] is ever gonna win a major. I don't think so either. He's gonna be one of those guys that you look back on and you're like, Colin Montgomery.

Joel Embiid will force a trade to the Knicks after the 76ers implode

The 76ers will implode with Paul George. And Joel Embiid will force himself to the Knicks.

WNBA Finals will be the third most-watched sport in the fall

The finals of the WNBA specifically will have the third most ratings in the fall. So behind college football and the NFL. There needs to be a third place. And WNBA finals will surpass the NBA opening, will surpass the NHL and it'll be the third most watched sport. It'll battle the World Series and it will be three.

Gus Edwards will lead the NFL in rushing touchdowns

Gus Edwards will lead the NFL in rushing touchdowns. Also Rookie of the Year [Ladd McConkey].

Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce will get engaged followed by a bad album

My preemptive take of the year is that Taylor Swift and Travis [Kelce] are going to get engaged. And then she's going to put out a terrible album. Because she's happy and she doesn't have any boyfriends to complain about. And then all her fans are going to start to hate her because her music sucks because she's happy with her personal life.

I'll bet my life that Hank will dunk

I believe Henry Lockwood is going to dunk. No, I actually 100% believe you're gonna dunk. Because you've been working out a lot. You've been training a lot.

The Patriots will have more combined wins than the Bears and Commanders

My preemptive take of the year is that Drake Maye in New England [Patriots] are going to have more combined wins than the Washington football team and Chicago Bears.