Takes

I am confident enough in the Cubs to book flights for the NLCS early

We are booking our flights to go to Chicago for NLCS game one and two. No chance this backfires on you at all. No chance.

LSU will look like a completely different team under Coach O

I think you're actually going to see a lot of stuff, a lot of different stuff from LSU when they take the field Saturday night against Missouri.

Bet heavily against Butler because their bulldog mascot tore its ACL

Butler University's bulldog mascot... he tore his ACL. So he's only out for two weeks... so bet against Butler heavily.

Lane Kiffin will get a head coaching job and be fired within a year

My hot seat is going to be Lane Kiffin. He's probably going to get a head coaching job after this year. It seems about time. And that immediately puts him back on the hot seat because he'll get fired within a year.

The Patriots are definitely winning the Super Bowl this year

You think the Patriots are going to win the Super Bowl? Sure. Come on. Don't say sure. Just say yes or no. Yes. I mean, how could they not?

LSU will win their first game under Ed Orgeron because of the 'interim coach boost'

There's no chance that LSU doesn't win their next game. Coach O, he's the fiery guy.

Mississippi State will beat UMass 35-14

I still think Mississippi State gets the W, but I think it'll be closer than the experts think. I'm going 35-14.

Deadspin under Univision ownership will not change as much as people think

I do not think that Deadspin under Univision will change as much as people think. The question will be, will the guys who are running Deadspin now stick around for the long haul or will there be a sort of an editorial change? But I don't think Univision bought Deadspin not to have Deadspin.

ESPN's future is secure despite cord-cutting

ESPN is a billion-dollar machine. They are not in trouble at all in terms of long-term standing... I think eventually we will get to a point where you will be able to purchase ESPN Singular on whatever device you use... they're still going to get millions and millions of people to make that purchase.

Terrelle Pryor is the Cleveland Browns' best quarterback option because everyone else will get injured

So they asked him if he was going to be willing to play quarterback because obviously if you're a Cleveland Browns quarterback, it's like being in the movie Final Destination. They've already lost two. They've got [Cody] Kessler. So Kessler is going to get hurt this weekend, too. And they said, Terrell, would you play? And he goes, I cut my finger off for the team.

Whoever wins the NL Wild Card will beat the Cubs

No one wants to win this wild card spot which means whoever wins is going to beat the Cubs... God damn it. I actually can't have that thought right now.

Carson Wentz will look like a deflated Ben Roethlisberger in two years

Carson Wentz strikes me as the kind of guy that's going to get fat later, though... Two years from now, Carson Wentz is going to look like a slightly deflated and less aggressive Ben Roethlisberger.

Andy Reid is a mediocre coach who will never win a Super Bowl

Andy Reid is just kind of there all the time... He's not threatening. He's not going to win a Super Bowl, but he's going to make your team okay.

The Chicago Cubs will win the 2016 World Series

I'd like to say congratulations to the 2016, um, world series champion Chicago Cubs. All right, well, congrats to the future World Series champions.

Tom Brady will be the best he's ever been in 2016 because he is angry

I think New England's going to go 14-2 or 15-1. I think Tom Brady's so angry right now, and he's going to be the best player he's ever been. So that's my AFC story.

The Panthers and Cardinals will meet in the NFC Championship game

I'll put Cam Newton back in the Super Bowl just because I'm boring like that. I think maybe Arizona would be my fourth team. Give me that NFC championship right there.

The Bears will beat the Eagles 24-20 on Monday Night Football

If I had to give you my score prediction, I would say Bears win 24-20. That's what the streets in Bakersfield are saying. I don't know what them motherfuckers [in Philly] are saying, nigga. That's what the fuck I'm saying.

Bill Belichick would actually sign Jeff Garcia off the street

Realistically, you guys are thinking I'm joking about this. Jeff Garcia. If you don't think that Belichick would actually sign Jeff Garcia, you're an idiot because he would. He has been looking at Garcia's number in his phone and just staring at it almost pressing call for the last two hours.

The Rams will beat the Seahawks this week

I think [Jeff Fisher] is going to beat the Seahawks this week.

Alabama will beat Ole Miss because their defense isn't good

I'm going Alabama. I think they get it done. Yeah. I'm not sold on the Ole Miss defense at all.

Jeff Fisher is on the hot seat because Hollywood demands style over substance

I'm gonna say Jeff Fisher... You live in Hollywood. You got to score some points. Flash. They've canceled series out in Hollywood for less than just a week one dud. Fisher, he's always been a Hollywood guy, right? He's always been a big glitz, glamour... But if you don't get the results, I think that he's going to be on the hot seat.

The Jaguars are officially back if they beat the Chargers

If we win, I feel like the Jaguars are back. I'll say that... we have the Ravens and the Colts after that... I feel like the next 15 are winnable.

Jimmy Garoppolo is the future quarterback of the Chicago Bears

Future Bear quarterback, Jimmy Garoppolo. If you say it enough, people are going to start getting it in their head... Jimmy Garoppolo from Illinois, Eastern Illinois product. Bears.

Matthew Stafford will finally make the leap this year because Calvin Johnson was holding him back

Is this the year that Matt Stafford finally makes the leap? I'm going to say yes. Calvin Johnson was holding him back. Better without Calvin Johnson. He can spread the ball around.

The Chicago Cubs will win the 2016 World Series

I'm happy for you that in about a month from now, you're going to be celebrating a world's championship on the north side... It's impossible to fathom you guys not getting to the World Series. And then from there, momentum will carry you through.

The Jaguars will go 8-8 this year

Everybody declared that the book reader Blake Bortles was ready to turn the corner and so on. But the fact their offensive line is bad, and I think they go 8-8 this year.

Honey mustard will eventually go the way of the sun-dried tomato

Honey mustard... I feel that it likely is going to ultimately go the way of the sun-dried tomato... Sun-dried tomato had about half a dozen years at the top... then just vanished. Honey mustard, it's fine it's here now, but I won't miss it when it's gone tomorrow.

My Week 1 NFL Lock is the Jaguars +5.5 at home against the Packers

This is my stone cold lock of the week. I've got the Jaguars at home, jagging off big time, plus five and a half against the Packers.

The Bears will win outright against the Texans in Week 1

Bears are going to win outright. Just a heads up, everyone.

The next Larry the Goldfish will survive for at least two or three days

I think this next Larry is going to survive for a while... I think there's a lot of things we can do differently with this Larry that will make him live for at least two or three days.

The Packers will beat the Ravens in the 2016 Super Bowl

I got Packers over Panthers in the NFC... Ravens over Patriots in AFC. It is the return of the Ravens in 2016. I got Ravens Packers in the Super Bowl with the Packers winning.

Joe Flacco is going to get himself back into the elite conversation by making it to the Super Bowl

Joe Flacco is going to get himself back into the elite conversation by making it to the Super Bowl. But when he doesn't win, that would actually — I would demand a raise here at Barstool if Joe Flacco made it. That would give me so much content.

Virginia Tech will upset Tennessee at Bristol Motor Speedway

I got Virginia Tech because Appalachian State pushed Tennessee to the brink... Appalachian State should not even be on the same playing level as Tennessee. I got Virginia Tech in the upset.

Texas is back

I'm going to ask the question right now. Is Texas back? Texas is back. I think Texas is back. I mean, it was a statement win. Charlie Strong, he needed a statement win, right? Now he's back.

Notre Dame is heading in the wrong direction

If you had to describe Notre Dame for the last seven years, it's perfectly this. Are they back? Question mark. They've been almost back, sort of back, never fully back. But I think now they're going the wrong direction. Now they're set back.

The Chicago Bears will win the NFC North in 2016

I got the Chicago Bears [to win the NFC North]. Love that move [signing Josh Sitton]. And also, Teddy Bridgewater got hurt. So, the only team I was worried about was the Vikings. And now they're out of the way.

The Arizona Cardinals will win the NFC West

NFC picks out west. I've got the Cardinals. I like Bruce Arians. I feel like everyone's played with Bruce Arians at some point.

The New York Giants will win the NFC East because Ben McAdoo is the best-dressed coach

I'm going to take the Giants and Ben McAdoo, the head coach, the best-dressed coach in the NFL.

Ellen DeGeneres will get pregnant this year

I would love to see Ellen DeGeneres get it done [get pregnant]. I think this might be the year she thinks she's sexy. And I would like to see a Skip Bayless Ellen DeGeneres kid.

Russell Wilson will have a kid by February 2017

My new pick is Russell Wilson. Russell Wilson is deaf[initely]—now that I think about it, Russell Wilson is absolutely—he's going to have a kid. He for sure is having a kid. I'm going to call it February of next year.

The Vikings will make the playoffs with Sam Bradford

I think the Vikings are going to probably go to the playoffs now. [PFT: I think you're insane.] I think that their defense is good enough, and I think more than anything, it's a mental thing. You have to show your team that you're not going to just punt on the year.

Alabama will lose at least one game due to a brutal road schedule at Tennessee and LSU

The other top three teams in the SEC are LSU, Tennessee, and Ole Miss, and they play each of those three on the road. So it's a brutal schedule for Alabama... I'm going to say the two toughest ones are Tennessee because Tennessee is on the road... and then, of course, the LSU game.

Ohio State will win the Big Ten because they will be experienced by the end of the season

I went with Ohio State. And the reason is when they play their big games... By week 11, they'll be an experienced team. So I think they can win those two games [Michigan and Michigan State] and hence win the Big Ten this year.

The Washington Huskies are the #1 surprise team and a dark horse for the national title

My number one surprise team this year is the Washington Huskies... I've got Washington as my number one surprise team this year.

Iowa has a chance of running the table and going 12-0 again in 2016

I think Iowa's got a chance of going 12-0 again this year... I think they've got a chance of running the table.

Texas will be the most improved team in the country and see a massive win total jump

I have Texas my number one most improved team in the country... I think Texas will show a big change in record and have one of the biggest change in win totals this year.

Florida State will win the 2016 National Championship

As far as the national title this year, I did go with Florida State... I think Florida State can take it all home this year.

This is the year one conference gets two teams into the College Football Playoff

I think this is the year where one conference gets two teams in. Now, that's going to leave two of the Power Five conferences unhappy at the end of the year, but I think this is the year it happens.

Northwestern will hit the over on 6.5 wins

Northwestern, six and a half. I'm going to go with over... I'm going to have to go with over the six and a half.

The Timberwolves will be the savior of Minnesota sports with Tom Thibodeau

The Timberwolves are going to be good. Tom Thibodeau is here to save you, Minnesota. So let's just... Sometimes it's good to just be like, you know what? Cancel this entire season. We're just going to go on to the next one. And guess what? The next one's pretty damn good.