Takes

Novak Djokovic is the GOAT of tennis over Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal

I hate to say this but Novak's got to into slams in 2019. Federer has none. So he's better right now... he is the goat. All right, and he beat him in Wimbledon. No big deal.

The Tennessee football program is suffering from the Curse of Greg Schiano

24-point favorites. I'll say it. Curse of Greg Schiano. All you crazy Tennessee fans on Twitter. Thank you, Big Cat. Led by someone, I don't know, decided to oust Greg Schiano before he could even get the job and bring back Phil Fulmer.

Lincoln Riley's offensive gimmicks won't translate to the NFL

All those gimmicks won't play in the NFL. They don't translate. That's how, if you ever want to be a real naysayer online about the genius of Lincoln Riley, just respond to every breakdown of the Oklahoma plays. Be like, if he had to go up against an NFL D lineman, he'd be fucked.

Novak Djokovic is the GOAT of tennis

He [Djokovic] also probably wanted to let Nadal and Federer and Wawrinka can play each other. One of you idiots can win while the GOAT rests up his shoulder.

Comedy specials should be canceled because they require too much of a social stance

I want to cancel comedy specials. Because I'm sick of people telling me, I haven't seen the Chappelle special, but I know I'm not supposed to like it or I am supposed to. I just want to watch a comedy special and laugh, but now it's become something that I have to have a very strong opinion about.

The NCAA intentionally picks unjust transfer stories to distract from their multi-billion dollar business

I actually think the NCAA depicts these stories specifically they're like, we need to find a way where everyone would think our ruling is completely unjust and bullshit rule that way. So everyone talks about that and not the fact that we make billions of dollars and you know, like extort everyone and and and basically run a entire corporation that is bullshit.

Women are naturally designed to be football kickers

I think that women actually might have a natural advantage in their bodies when it comes to kicking because they don't have those clumsy testicles that you squish them. Sure when you kick true... They're probably designed to be kickers. I'm all for it. Let her kick Let her kick why not her.

Chick-fil-A would beat Popeyes if they released an extra spicy chicken sandwich

Develop an extra spicy chicken sandwich. If you go to market with extra spicy, that'll take all the buzz off Popeyes.

The Cubs didn't need Bryce Harper because they need professional hitters like Nicholas Castellanos

Bryce Harper would be a very redundant talent to what the Cubs have right now, and the Cubs need professional hitters, not more guys who hit home runs and strikeouts... I wish they had more [Nicholas] Castellanos, not more Harpers.

No one actually likes dad bods; it's a myth

No one actually likes dad bods. That's such a fucking myth. And to be like, have the glimmer of hope... No, that's not real.

Nathan Peterman is a rejuvenated and reinvented quarterback

I think that Nathan Peterman, whether it's here or somewhere else this year, if he gets in, I think he's a rejuvenated, reinvented QB, man. This guy, I've been very impressed by Nate so far.

Luke Willson would not work well in Bill Belichick's system

I don't think the Belichick system would work too well with him [Luke Willson].

Adam Schefter blew up Andrew Luck's retirement timeline and caused the boos in Indianapolis

Schefter did his job, but, dude, you are the reason why the timeline got moved up. You announced it and basically blew up Andrew Luck's entire plan of telling his teammates first and then telling the media... instead, Schefter dropped it in the middle of the third quarter of the game and Andrew Luck then left the field after the game to boos.

The NFL Combine question of whether a player is 'too smart' is actually a valid concern

When we always laugh about the Combine interviews and the Josh Rosen, like, is this player too smart? Yes, 100%. It absolutely is a real question... This is actually a perfect case where Andrew Luck is a very smart guy. He has a ton of interest outside of football. I think he loved football. I think the injuries made him fall out of love with football because he's like, you know what? There's more to life than this.

Breaking Bad is the best show in the history of television

Breaking Bad movie following the season finale... I'm very excited about that. Very excited. Best show in the history of television.

It is just an excuse for the Saints to blame the pass interference no-call for their NFC Championship loss

All I said was that it's just an excuse to blame one moment. And that's the truth. The reality is, as I've said before, if they were winning the game at the moment, or if that play would have ended the game, then that would be a valid argument. But the truth of the matter was the game was tied... You can't say that you for sure won the game based off the one play.

Christmas Day is the official start of the NBA season

People start caring about the NBA on Christmas Day. That is the official start of the season. They should just start it at that point and then move on from there because, yeah, football, we own the fall.

Manny Diaz is the perfect coach to bring Miami back because he is slightly shady

Manny Diaz is the perfect type of Miami coach where he walked in the door and was like, I'm bringing the U back. And then immediately started doing shit that pissed everyone off and was slightly shady. Manny Diaz had that boat party... He's doing the things that brings Miami back, so I'm all in on Manny Diaz.

The Popeyes spicy chicken sandwich is one of the best sandwiches ever

Unpopular opinion that Popeye's chicken sandwich is good. I'll die on that hill. No, it's really good. And I need to have another one.

Justin Tucker has the most swagger of any current NFL kicker

Out of all the kickers in the game right now, which one do you think has the most Morton Anderson in them? Swagger? I would say Justin Tucker in Baltimore.

Hue Jackson stunk as a head coach

I'm just kind over the Hue Jackson, everyone should feel bad for me, woe is me. You stunk as a head coach. You could be a good offensive coordinator. You stunk as a head coach. I think that's okay to say.

Zeke Elliott should sit out the entire 2019 season

If I'm Zeke, I'm sitting out the whole season. I got more power to Zeke on this one. Zeke, don't play this year at all.

Jon Gruden is the funniest coach in the NFL

Jon Gruden leads the league in being pumped... I fucking love them. I'm switching. We make fun of Jon Gruden. We make fun of the Raiders the whole hundred million dollar contract. I have switched. I want Jon Gruden to succeed because we need him in our lives for as long as possible.

The Antonio Brown helmet saga is officially exhausting

I am officially as well. So sick of Antonio Browns helmet. Yes, sick of the helmet but in love with the jumpsuit... just either find a helmet don't play with a helmet. I don't care. We might Riot if he continues to do the helmet stuff.

Devin Booker complaining about double teams in open runs is a soft move

Devin Booker was mad because Joakim Noah sent a double team on them. And Devin Booker was like, hey, we don't double team and open run... it just showed maybe Devin Booker is the s word soft... what more could work on your game than having a double-team you get double-teamed in the NBA. Why wouldn't she want to be double-teamed right here?

Sebastian Telfair was going to be the greatest NBA player of all time

Sebastian Telfair Through the Wire. I watched that movie like this kid is going to be... I was like this He's skipping College like he's dominating Dwight Howard. He is going to be the greatest NBA player of all time.

Joey Harrington was going to be an unbelievable NFL pro

I would have put my life my 20 no my 18 year old life on this guy being an unbelievable Pro Joey Harrington. I was convinced Joey Harrington was going to be so good... it was also like Oregon up-tempo. This is all new. Who is this guy? Joey Harrington, I was convinced I was going to be that dude.

Freddy Adu was going to save American soccer

I'm going to have to go with the goat Freddy Adu and we still don't know. He still could be great true... he was the first one I went to his very first game. DC United. I was there he got in after like I don't know 70 minutes. I was like if he's really good. He's probably be starting. That was my first clue. Yeah, but maybe he wouldn't be great.

Greg Oden was a better prospect than Kevin Durant

I was Big Time Greg Odin's better than Kevin Durant and I was like, how can you pass on a big man this good? I think I was probably biased because he played you know, I watched him play the Big Ten... I would have put everything on Greg Oden being that block.

Daisuke Matsuzaka's gyroball was the biggest lie in sports

Daisuke Matsuzaka... I was promised the gyro ball. I was promised the gyroball. Okay, and I never got the Gyro Bowl. I was told that he had like 500 different pitches that he could throw that he was going to come over and do things that no human arm had ever done before... then he came over and he threw like 93 on the black.

The NFL has the most boring quarterback controversies ever in 2019

This year, we've got the most boring quarterback controversies of all time, perhaps ever in the history of the NFL... Titans [Mariota/Tannehill], Dolphins [Fitzpatrick/Rosen].

Eli Manning is not a starting-caliber NFL quarterback anymore

Eli Manning's not a starting quarterback anymore. [Pat Shurmur] is saying Eli is our quarterback because John Mara is the owner.

Bill Walton should be the commentator for every sporting event televised

Bill Walton watching a baseball game is just, it's incredible. He should do way more games. I don't know why they haven't thought of this, but he should just do everything. When they do the Ocho on ESPN, it should just be Bill Walton.

Carolina Blue is the best shade of blue

I'll go Carolina blue. Who doesn't love that? Baby blue. Also, a.k.a.

Fullbacks are among the smartest players on the football field

Fullbacks get the rap that we're not smart people. I think they're some of the fucking smartest guys on the football field because we got to know every line scheme whether it's a run game or pass game... know every single route because they'll spread you out.

The NFL intentionally closed the helmet loophole to 'win' against Antonio Brown

At best, it's been horrible communication... At worst, I feel like they just want to win. They're just making it up as they go... once they recognized there was a loophole because they had failed to previously test the Schutt Air Advantage, they jammed that loophole shut to win.

Acquiring a cat is the first step toward retirement for an NFL player

I will say that acquiring a cat is the first step towards retirement. Yeah, you don't get a cat unless you're thinking about retiring. Second cat is he's retired. Absolutely.

Small dicks and dad bods are the defining trends of the decade

Small dicks are back. That's true. Small dicks are back. So shout out to me and all the other small dick guys, but dad bods and small dicks—it's our decade.

Conor McGregor has lost his punching power

Connors got no power. No power anymore. No power. [...] It's good advertising for Proper 12 though because it's like if you don't drink this whiskey, Conor McGregor might knock you out... [but the old man] just sat there and kept going on with his day.

Age 100 is the best age because everyone laughs at everything you say

If you get to a hundred, people think you walk on water. I think you're Jesus. [...] Everyone throws you parties. [...] If you're a hundred, people will just laugh at everything you say no matter what. You can go viral at a hundred for just existing.

Texas should trademark 'Horns Down' to sue people instead of complaining

Texas should just trademark the phrase 'horns down' and the motion 'horns down'. That way when everybody does it, they can actually sue them instead of just crying about it.

I am disappointed in Big Cat's flip-flopping on being an anti-vaxxer

I'm a little disappointed in your flip-flopping with anti-vax. [...] If you're going to pick a side, you have to stick to it. [...] What kind of example are you setting for your son without succumbing to peer pressure?

Pretending you were sprayed by a skunk is the ultimate work/school excuse

Saying that you got sprayed by a skunk... if you say 'I got sprayed by a skunk,' nobody will ever question you on that. [...] Skunk it. Free advice. Anybody use it. Never be questioned.

Green Bay is kind of a dump

We went up to Green Bay. Kind of a dump. We talked to Matt LaFleur about coaching Aaron Rodgers. They call it title town for a reason, folks.

Dak Prescott is not worth $40 million per year

I don't think he's worth 40 million dollars. And I think that you probably have to sit down, Dak, and be like, dude, I know that you want this much money, but would you rather this much money or maybe win a Super Bowl with the Dallas Cowboys?

Michael Porter Jr.'s spine is made of dust

My hot seat is Michael Porter Jr. You guys remember him? Remember he's in the NBA? Has yet to play a minute. His spine is made of dust.

Home Depot is the ultimate masculine experience if you don't ask for help

I successfully went to Home Depot and got what I needed without asking anyone. And there's no better feeling in the world. You feel like the manliest man that's ever walked Earth. It took me about 25 minutes to find the wood glue, but I did it.

Chappelle's Show is the greatest TV show of all time

Chappelle's show... Greatest show of all time. Undeniably the number one pick.

I don't think you can put an age on leadership

I don't think you can put any type of age on leadership. I saw Sean [McVay] firsthand and I thought he did as good a job as anybody I've been around in terms of getting the respect and the command from the team.

Pass interference review rules might actually favor the defense

Honestly, I think it could be an advantage from a defensive perspective, considering that all scoring plays are under automatic review. And you see a lot of rub or pick plays down in that red area. So it could actually help the defense.