Takes

The next trend in the NBA will be drafting the fattest team possible

The Warriors got good by doing the opposite of everybody else. They went small. There's going to be a swing soon. You want to get out in front of that and just draft the fattest team possible.

The Knicks should sign Dwight Howard to form a 'Big Three' with Carmelo Anthony and Derrick Rose

Dwight Howard might come to New York... Dwight Howard, Derrick Rose, Carmelo Anthony. Whoa. Talk about some fucking all-stars, bro. That's a big three, man.

Ezekiel Elliott will rush for at least 200 yards in his rookie season

I think [Ezekiel Elliott] is going to put up like bare minimum at least – you can quote me on this – at least 200 yards this year. At least.

LeBron James will go play minor league baseball for the Chicago White Sox

LeBron James is going to go play minor league baseball for the Chicago White Sox.

LeBron James will sign with the Lakers and change his name to LeBron Bryant

I'm going to say number one, the Lakers, and he switches his name to LeBron Bryant and wears Kobe Bryant's jersey all next year.

LeBron James would have entertained leaving Cleveland if they had lost the 2016 Finals

I think if he didn't win the title... You know, you can put a lot of different scenarios together. I think he probably would have thought about leaving. I think obviously now winning, he can't go nowhere. But I did believe if they did lose, he would have entertained. But I thought he would try to go west.

Skip Bayless will get 'West Coast soft' and lose his edge at Fox Sports

I don't think that what they're going to do with him on Fox Sports is going to be nearly as good because he's going to get West Coast soft. He's not going to have somebody as fiery to debate. It's like separating two dogs from each other that have grown up together their whole life.

Pre-game Prediction: The Cavaliers will win Game 7 and LeBron James will have a 40-15-10 stat line

Cavs are going to win. LeBron is going to have 40, 15, and 10. Steph Curry, injury talk. Draymond [Green] is going to have a meltdown, probably kick someone in the balls. Cleveland is going to burn to the ground in happiness, and I'm going to have to spend the rest of my life defending Michael Jordan's legacy against LeBron James.

Pre-game Prediction: The Warriors will win Game 7 by 20 points and LeBron James will get injured

The Cavs are going to lose [by 20]. LeBron's going to get injured in the first half, and people are just going to always talk about how if he had played healthy, they would have won.

Game 7 Prediction: The Cavaliers will beat the Warriors 93-89, Kevin Love will dominate the boards, and Stephen Curry will choke

My prediction is I feel like the Cavs are going to take this one somewhere in the neighborhood of 93 to 89. I don't expect [Kevin] Love to have a big night scoring, but I do think he's going to make a statement on the boards... [Matthew] Dellavedova is going to have zero personal fouls, zero turnovers... Curry is going to choke big time again. I'd be shocked if he got above 17 points total... I've got a final score of somewhere in the neighborhood of 93 to 89 Cleveland.

LeBron James should leave Cleveland now because his mission in town is accomplished

My question is, is this the worst thing that could ever happen in Cleveland? Like, is LeBron James gone now? Like, is his mission in town over? Why would you want to stay in Cleveland if you're LeBron? Like, what if he goes back to Miami?

Whoever signs Harrison Barnes to a max deal this offseason—like the Suns—is making a huge mistake

I want to give an advanced thoughts and prayers to whoever signs Harrison Barnes to a max deal this offseason... if we're power ranking, like, which team would be the team to load up on a whole shitload of Harrison Barnes, I'm going to guess the Suns. So thoughts and prayers to the Suns for making a terrible decision.

The 2018 NBA Finals will be the Charlotte Hornets vs. the Seattle SuperSonics

2018 NBA Final predictions, give us a winner as well. Hornets in five... Hornets versus Sonics. Sonics are back. Hornets in five. Book it.

The Warriors will beat the Cavaliers 107-91 in Game 7 of the NBA Finals

My prediction for Game 7 is... It's going to be 107-91 Warriors.

I predict LeBron James and the Cavaliers will win Game 7

I unfortunately think LeBron is going to win game seven, and it's going to be torturous to watch.

The Warriors will beat the Cavaliers by 15 points in Game 7 of the NBA Finals

I think Steph's going to play, Warriors by 15.

The Bulls will dangle Jimmy Butler and Derrick Rose in trade talks all summer but trade neither, leading to a dysfunctional locker room

The Bulls are such a fucking shit show because what they're going to do is they're going to dangle Jimmy Butler and Derrick Rose all summer long. They're not going to trade either, and they're both going to come back and be grumpy as fuck and hate the front office.

The winning score at the 2016 U.S. Open will be plus 25

I heard the winning score is going to be like plus 25. Doesn't matter with DraftKings it will be fun the triple bogeys will be exhilarating.

The Ducks will play the Capitals in the 2018 Stanley Cup Final and Ovechkin will be on the Ducks

I've got the Ducks and the Capitals. Ducks and Caps. And Ovechkin's not on the team anymore, by the way. Ovechkin's on the Ducks.

The Oilers will face the Panthers in the 2018 Stanley Cup Final because they'll hoard more first-round picks

I got the Oilers because they probably have – they're going to somehow figure out a way to get like six more first-round picks between now and 2018. And the Florida Panthers.

Phil Kessel will celebrate a Stanley Cup win by eating whatever he wants all summer, possibly filling the Cup with queso or hot dog water

Phil Kessel, though, you think he eats now. If he's a Stanley Cup champion, you can eat whatever you want for the rest of the summer... I wouldn't be shocked if that was a story that came out in a couple months or, like I said, just some hot dogs. Like some good old hot dog water and some boiled hot dogs.

The Cavaliers will lose the 2016 NBA Finals in six games

The series hasn't started yet... real talk... they're going to lose in six.

The NBA will give the Cavs the 'David Stern treatment' with favorable officiating in Game 4

I think they're going to win game four. And I think we're going to get another David Stern treatment where they'll get some calls. And game five and six, the Warriors will punish them.

Destin is a better play to win the Belmont Stakes than Exaggerator

Destin, who ran in the Kentucky Derby, didn't have the best of trips... Todd Pletcher trains him. Now he gives him five weeks off, and he brings him back to the Belmont fresh. And I think that makes a horse like Destin a much better play than a horse like Exaggerator.

Trent Richardson is definitely taking steroids if he thinks he is a Hall of Famer

Pre-crime. Trent Richardson is going to be using steroids. I'd say it's a fair assumption. He obviously has not taken any performance-enhancing drugs... but he hasn't been taking PEDs [yet].

The US Men's National Soccer Team could make some noise in the next two World Cups

I'd say that [soccer is] better than ever. I would say not this World Cup and next World Cup. The U.S. could really make some noise.

Game 3 of the 2016 NBA Finals is a 'can't lose' for the Cavaliers

I think it's a can't lose because if they lose it, then the series has officially begun and then Steph Curry is going to just put the nail in the coffin in game four. So they have to win it because if they lose it, then they won't win another one.

The San Jose Sharks have no chance to come back against the Penguins in the 2016 Stanley Cup Final

Done. Done. Oh, that's not a chance. Like it was pretty stupid. They would even waste the money that it costs to pay for the private jet out to play the game and lose and then have to fly home. ... They're just a better team overall.

The Cavaliers are officially dead after Game 2 of the 2016 NBA Finals

The Cavaliers are officially dead. I feel confident about this time. I've done this before, and I had to eat some crow... because the Cavaliers have been blown out now two times and it looks like [it's over].

The Cavaliers are finished in the 2016 NBA Finals

Cavs, done or finished. It's looking pretty bad, man. I actually thought they were going to win tonight. It's looking pretty bad. I'm going to say they're finished.

The summer of 2016 is when soccer officially catches on in the US, especially if they can get a 'big tie' against Brazil

This is the summer it catches on. You watch. Some people have called it the summer of soccer. I think so. If they could get a big tie against like a Brazil or something, that's the launching point for soccer being the biggest sport in America.

LeBron James will have to move cities or fire his team if the Cavs lose the Finals

It looks like LeBron [James] is going to either have to move cities again or fire his whole team.

Warriors in 7 over the Cavaliers

Warriors in 7. In a heartbreaker in Oracle Arena. It's going to be a heartbreaker.

Cavaliers in 7 over the Warriors

I unfortunately have the Cavs in 7. I think the Cavs are going to win.

Kevin Durant will leave the OKC Thunder

I'm finished with him. I think that Durant's going to leave, and I hope that he does, and he's going to go to the Wizards or the Celtics or the Clippers or the Lakers or the Spurs or the Rockets.

Russell Westbrook will win scoring titles but only lead the Thunder to the 8th seed without Kevin Durant

I want Westbrook to shine. I want Westbrook to shoot like 60 shots a game... I think it's time for Westbrook to just be the superstar he is and score average like 40 points a game and barely get the Thunder into the playoffs like the eighth seed.

Kevin Durant is the Dan Marino of the NBA

Is it fair to say that Kevin Durant is potentially like the Dan Marino of the NBA? You got to start having that conversation, though. Like, is he the best player that will never win a championship?

Chris Humphries will never win an NBA title

If Chris Humphries is ever going to win a national championship, I don't think that he'll win a title. Curse. Curse. Sorry, Chris. You're on the list.

The Cavaliers will not lose another home game as long as I leave my wallet in the arena

The Cleveland Cavaliers have not lost a game since I left my wallet in the Q... My wallet's going to be in there until the end of the finals and then I'll get it back because I think my wallet has actually helped the Cavs. So if I keep the wallet there, the Cavs aren't going to lose a home game.

Lacrosse will be more popular than baseball in 50 years

Lacrosse is going to be more popular than baseball in 50 years.

The Thunder will smoke the Warriors in Game 6

I think the Thunder are going to smoke the Warriors in game six.

The San Jose Sharks will defeat the Pittsburgh Penguins in the Stanley Cup Finals

The Stanley Cup finals. Sharks eat penguins. Not to brag, but I called it. Yes, you did. Because it was the only matchup that could occur in nature.

The Cavaliers will beat the Raptors and face the Thunder in the NBA Finals

So we got the Cavs are going to win. They're going to most likely face the Thunder. [PFT: Oh, you want to get in this?] No, let's do Tressel, then we're going to get to it. I'm just saying that was a bold statement you just made.

The Warriors are done and will not win the Western Conference Finals

I have the Warriors as done. They are done this season. The Thunder are going to win this series. They are not finished, and the window is half closed.

If the Warriors lose in the playoffs and don't sign Kevin Durant, their championship window is closed

No Kevin Durant plus a Warriors exit this year. Windows closed.

The Rio Olympics will be defined by corruption and extortion

Not only is the water full of poop in Rio, but the people that they hired to clean it up stole the money. So pretty classic Olympics we got going on here, folks. We got the environmental stuff. We got the extortion. We got corruption.

The Warriors' season is over

The Warriors are dead. They're in the grave, man. It's done. It's done. Three to one. They're going back to Oakland. They're not looking like the same team.

I expect the NBA Finals to be Thunder vs. Cavaliers

I think it's going to be Thunder, Cavs in the finals. But if there's two teams that can disrupt that, it's the Raptors and the Warriors.

LeBron James will eventually injure himself while flopping

He's going to flop at some point and do that extra thing that he does and, like, turn his ankle during the flop. And at that point, is it a flop anymore? It's going to be amazing.

LeBron James will dominate Game 4 against the Raptors and rip their hearts out

LeBron is going to come out in game four and he is going to rip the heart out of the Toronto Raptors... what he's going to do is he's going to step on their throats, and Drake is going to be crying at the bench... this is a LeBron James game, game four.