Takes

Duke will be the #1 team in the country next season (2016-17)

Duke's going to be the number one team in the country next year. They're going to be amazing. So I want [Grayson Allen] back. I want him leading the charge.

Robert Griffin III's career will eventually be ended by a massive staph infection in the Browns' locker room

That is probably the last locker room that you want to be in if you're recovering from like a knee surgery... I could see this going very poorly for [Griffin]. Like he has some minor surgery in the off season and then his career is ended by a massive staph infection.

Robert Griffin III will start 6-8 games for the Browns, win three, and become a career backup after getting injured

Griffin will start six to eight games this year, and he'll win three of them. So it'll be like RG three and three. And then he'll get injured again, and then they'll bring in, you know, whichever quarterback that they draft at the second overall pick. And then Griffin will just be on the bench again, and then he'll be a career backup after that.

If Jeff Fisher is fired, he will spend six years on CBS before coaching the Raiders

What will happen to Jeff is if they go like 3-13, if they have fewer than six wins this year, he'll get fired. And then he'll be on CBS for like the next six years pretending to laugh during the pregame show. And then he'll go back to the Raiders or something like that.

If a pitcher ever dies on the mound, MLB will force pitchers to wear helmets and face contraptions

Well, so if a pitcher dies on the baseball mound, the game is going to like completely change. Right. They're going to make pitchers wear helmets and there may be even like some sort of weird face contraption. I don't know.

Indiana has found its next long-term head coach in Tom Crean

Has Indiana found its next head coach in Tom Crean? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think so. I mean, Tom Crean's done a really good job, I think, growing with this particular team. Once he cleaned out some guys over the last summer, yeah, I think they have.

Kansas will win the 2016 National Championship

I thought it was going to be Michigan State and North Kansas. And I like Kansas to win. I liked them before the tournament. I like them now.

The winner of the Indiana vs. North Carolina game will play for the National Championship

North Carolina, Indiana winner. I think it's going to play for [the title]. I do. I think that, you know, I think they'll beat the next team.

LeBron James will announce he is re-signing with the Cavs by re-following them on Twitter

I actually think what's happening is that LeBron unfollowed the Cavs and that when he signs his option... he's going to announce it by refollowing the Cavs. It's such a shitty, like not cool thing to do, but it's so lame that it perfectly fits something that he would think was a good idea.

Wisconsin will probably beat Notre Dame and then lose in a tragic, heartbreaking fashion

They'll probably beat Notre Dame and then maybe... be up by 10 against UNC. And I'm like, oh, man, I cannot believe the Badgers are going back to the Final Four. And then there'll be tragedy and heartbreak. And people will be sending me mean tweets.

Thomas Walkup will never play in the NBA

He's a 6'4 white dude who when he goes to the NBA, he'll get like his ankles broken in two seconds and dunked on. So he won't even get to go to the NBA.

Yale vs Duke Under is my lock of the century

That's my lock of the century. Put the money in the bank right now. It's done... if you start a good place to start is by betting the under on two teams that you hate. [Yale vs Duke]

Cincinnati will beat St. Joe's because they are too big and physical

I think Cincinnati, too big and too physical for St. Joe's. St. Joe's wants to play on the perimeter. Cincinnati will beat you up physically. They're not going to wow you with their jump-shooting ability, but I think they'll be able to get easy buckets. So I like Cincinnati in that game, laying the 2, 2.5.

Virginia will cover -7 against Butler on Saturday

Saturday, the game I like the most, at least initially, I don't know how Butler scores more than 50 points against Virginia. I think that's one where you can lay the seven with the Cavaliers and feel pretty confident about doing so.

Adam LaRoche's son will be the greatest hot take writer ever because he grew up in locker rooms

Adam LaRoche's kid... he is going to be the best hot take writer of all time. Could you imagine him fighting with like sabermetric nerds? Adam LaRoche's kid, his entire existence is towel whips, like, you know, pranks, guys, you know, calling each other [names]. His entire life is a locker room. I can't wait till he grows up and starts like just throwing his ideas of his worldviews around.

Virginia will lose because they lack players who can make late-game shots

I think Virginia is like almost identical to some of the Wisconsin teams... where they don't have guys who can just make shots late in the game when you need... They have the one guy and but everyone else... you need to make shots at the end of the games.

Duke stinks and could easily lose in the first round

And Duke stinks. This could be a year that Duke loses in the first round, which is my favorite year when that happens... No, they have five guys, and only one guy can rebound, and they don't have a bench.

The 'suh dude' trend will last until the end of the school year

I got to say at least until the end of the school year because it's already second semester and usually that won't wear off until the end.

I could catch 22 balls in a season as a slot receiver for Tom Brady

I feel like this is like a suggestive knock on one of the greatest slot receivers of all time, Danny Amendola... But I might be able to catch, I'd say, 22 balls.

Chris Long would catch 85 passes in a season from Tom Brady

I think you're selling yourself short because you're extremely humble... I'd put you upwards of like 80, 85.

I will not be signing with the Los Angeles Rams

Well, the team that just kicked me out onto the street, you know, was the St. Louis Rams. Now the Los Angeles Rams. I'd probably rather not play there.

I'm not betting any over-unders in the NCAA Tournament this year

I've decided that I'm not going to bet any over-unders in the March Madness tournament. I had the realization that I lose all my money just betting overs because that's all I do. I never bet unders.

Someone will eventually make a career out of just rewording Adam Schefter tweets

Some people are going to be really successful. There are going to be some people that make a career off of doing that [rewording other people's tweets] the best, and they'll eventually work their way to the top if they fake it long enough. The person who's going to be the best at marketing themselves doing that is going to be like a legitimate news source in 15 years.

FGCU (Dunk City) will be a 'dangerous' 16-seed because of their name brand

Dunk City, FGCU, I guarantee you there's going to be some people out there that say, watch out, this team could make some noise because you remember two years ago when they dunked on people. Even though they're going to be a 16 seed, there are going to be people out there that label them as a possible dark horse dangerous team.

Michigan State will be the most-picked non-one seed in Final Fours this year

Michigan State is a non-number one seed that could make some noise. Everyone will pick them in the Final Four now because you don't want to be the guy who goes all number one. So you're like, 'oh, yeah, I didn't go all number ones. I did Michigan State.'

Virginia will win the 2016 National Championship

I think Virginia [is the champion]. They're so tough. I watched them the other night, and obviously they didn't win the ACC championship, but I just think they have a good... they're a team I want to see, either Virginia or Michigan State.

Brock Osweiler is so tall that he will trip a lot in the NFL

Brock Osweiler. He's like six-eight. He's crazy tall, too tall. I feel like he's going to trip a lot in the NFL. Is that crazy?

The more lawsuits ESPN files against us, the stronger we get

I want to have them file lawsuits at me nonstop because the more they file, the stronger I get... the more lawsuits we have filed against us, the better we get.

The internet will side with us over ESPN in this legal battle

If I know anything about the Internet, the Internet's going to have our back. Nobody's going to side with ESPN on this. They're going to look real bad.

We will take down ESPN by replaying recordings of 'Pardon the Interruption' on our podcast feed

Maybe we just do a show and we just replay an entire Pardon the Interruption show. Like that's the whole podcast... This is how we're going to take down ESPN.

The Jaguars will sign a big free agent like Chris Ivory, cut him in two years because he didn't work out, and keep sucking.

The Jaguars have a ton of money, and everyone's going to say, wow, the Jaguars are going to make a big splash. Like, you know, like signing Chris Ivory in two years, they're going to cut him because he's like, he didn't work out and they're going to bring in a new coach and the Jaguars are going to keep sucking and it's going to be beautiful.

The Raiders will get good and then immediately move to L.A., totally screwing over the city of Oakland.

I think what's what's going to happen is you're going to see the Raiders get really good... or start to get good and then move to L.A. right as they get good and totally screw over the city of Oakland.

Matthew Stafford will be the worst quarterback in the NFC North without Calvin Johnson.

Matt Stafford is getting paid a shitload of money, and now he's probably going to be the worst quarterback in the NFC North. And it looks like it's not going to get better for him... because call me crazy, but I'm not so sure that the Jim Bob Cooter offense is legit.

Johnny Manziel can be saved by the Denver Broncos

Johnny Manziel can be saved by the Denver Broncos. Von Miller has been talking about Johnny Manziel going to the Broncos... I'm pretty sure a locker room that just won the Super Bowl is going to be like, Johnny, don't fuck around. More importantly, Denver... is known as Menver because it's like 75% dudes... Johnny won't have as much opportunity for the ladies in Menver.

Pardon My Take will be the best place for sports arguments until we develop drug problems and tap out

This is gonna be the best place to get all your sports arguments and debates for the next several years until we both develop severe drug problems and tap out, have to have to take a couple years off. And then we'll have a reunion and they'll do like a behind the music on us.

Chris Jones' NFL Combine wardrobe malfunction will ultimately work in his favor

Everyone knows his name. I think that that actually is gonna work in his favor. This is probably the best possible way to let the whole world know. Like, hey, it is, I'm just, I'm about to become an NFL player, make millions of dollars and Oh yeah. Did you see my [genitals] flop out of the pants?

Pardon My Take will change the entire world of podcasting

It's gonna change the entire world of podcasting. No, I mean I'm not, I'm not raising my voice. What I'm saying I'm not quivering. Like that's just the cold hard truth.

Pardon My Take Will Join A Cult

We're gonna join a cult. Cult week.

Pardon My Take Will Do Airport Reviews

We're gonna do airport reviews. We're gonna review airports.

Dan Campbell might be the first interim head coach to win a Super Bowl

I personally think [Dan Campbell] might be the first interim head coach to win a Super Bowl.

Aaron Rodgers has about 40 wins left in his body before he starts to suck

Quarterback wins are kind of like a woman's eggs. Because most people don't realize it but a woman, she's only born with a finite number of eggs. So with quarterbacks, it's the exact same thing because they've only got a certain amount of wins that are in their system. If they don't space them out, then they start to regress early. I think he's got about 40 wins left in his body before he starts to suck.