Takes

The Steelers are in danger of their first losing season under Mike Tomlin

The Steelers are probably in danger of going below 500 for the first time. I would say that since Mike Tomlin took over the team.

Arthur Smith is a coach I have a crush on because he ran the ball 14 times in a row

Arthur Smith, I got my eye on you. I think I got a little crush on him... He literally like, this is the one thing you guys can't stop right now. And we are not gonna stop doing it until you figure out a way to stop it. He had an entire drive, 10 plays in a row, all runs. Then they started the next drive with another four runs in a row. God, do I love a coach who does that.

Carson Wentz is afraid every time he gets on the football field

I think Carson [Wentz] kind of wants to be put out of his misery... I don't think he likes playing football. I think he's afraid every time he gets on the football field that he is going to do something embarrassing, which means that if you have that mentality, you will do something very embarrassing.

The Commanders will not bring back Ron Rivera as head coach next year

I'm officially prepared now for a coaching search this off season. I don't think that they're gonna bring [Ron] Rivera back. I don't know if they'll fire him in the middle of the season or not, but I don't think that he's done anything to warrant having a future as the Washington Commander's head coach.

The Titans will win the AFC South because they always find a way

I think the Titans are just gonna find a way to win this division because that's just what they always do... You doubt the Titans and then they win.

Frank Reich is an example of 'height privilege' in coaching

I think that Frank Reich is an example of height privilege in this country. I think if he was short, if he looked like Matt Rhule, I think he would've already been fired... the gray hair just gives him a gravitas. He looks studious.

Joe Flacco is the next 'Colt-like' veteran quarterback for Indianapolis to pick up

If we're looking forward and figuring out, okay, who's the most Colt-like quarterback for them to pick up this season? It's Flacco. It has to be Joe Flacco. I don't know who else it could be.

Justin Fields will break the record for the lowest amount of completions for a 16-game starter

We do have a fun stat that we can track all year... It's the race for 166 and... 166 is the lowest amount of completions that I could find of a starter in 16 games. Doug Williams did it in 1979... right now Justin Fields is on pace for 145 completions this year.

Brian Daboll is the best of the first-year head coaches

I do think that as far as like first year coaches go [Brian] Daboll is the best. His best. I, I actually really like him... He's doing every single small thing perfectly.

The Detroit Lions are the most exciting team in football

I think the Lions are the most exciting team in football... I think that the lines are just straight up exciting football because I think they lead the league in points per game. Yep. And I think they lead the league in points given up per game.

Jared Goff has a Hall of Fame case based on his involvement in high-scoring games

Jared Goff has now been part of three of the top 20 highest scoring games. NFL history... That's pretty cool... quarterback, their job is a score points... Eventually Jared Goff will retire and it will be our job as friends of Jared to try to get him into the Hall of Fame.

The Houston Texans are a stock I would buy because they are tanking correctly

If the Texans are a stock right now I'm buying a shitload. I'm putting my paycheck into Texan stock... They have a shit loaded draft fixed... They are really bad... The Texans are doing a phenomenal job tanking. Yeah, they have.

The Raiders will be a 'watch out' team if they beat the Chiefs on Monday Night Football

The Raiders are back. The Broncos look terrible. The Raiders... if the Raiders can beat the Chiefs on Monday Night Football, watch out. That's gonna be great for just everyone being like watch out for the Raiders.

Bailey Zappy is 'the guy' for the Patriots

I think he is. He is. They let him throw, if they let him throw the ball, he's the guy when they let him throw the ball... there was a spark and an energy when Bailey Zappy was playing today... I was more excited today watching that game than pretty much any of the other games.

The Packers should be worried because they barely beat a third-string rookie quarterback

Packers, I don't know. You should be [worried]. Packers, you barely beat Bailey Zappy... you have a rookie quarterback, third string, you're playing it tied... go fucking win the game. I agree.

Wisconsin would hire Urban Meyer and put morals aside for a national title

Hypothetically, would you like to put your morals aside to win a national title? Yes. The answer's yes. The answer is yes.

Tua Tagovailoa should not have played against the Bengals on Thursday night

The bottom line is I think we talked about this on Sunday night, so it's not like news to us. [Tua] probably shouldn't have been playing tonight. It was scary, especially going into it. We knew that at least we had talked about it, that Tua should not have been in that game.

Jeff Bezos should invent an anti-concussion helmet for the NFL

Why hasn't Jeff Bezos tried to invent a machine that can definitively tell you if someone is concussed? Like a helmet that definitively makes it so you can't be concussed? He's invested in football now. He really has gotta put his money where his mouth is. Save football, Jeff Bezos.

The Bengals are still playing clunky and disorganized football

The Bengals, I don't wanna say they're like back because it does still feel like there's, they have drives where it's just very clunky and disorganized.

The Bengals have the best wide receivers in the NFL

They've got maybe the best receivers in the NFL. Definitively number one, the best receivers in the NFL. Don't ask us who numbers two and three are.

Aaron Judge will hit his 62nd home run tonight

He's hitting it tonight by the way. Sixty-two. I wanna get hurt. Oh my.

Eating 14 hot dogs over 12 hours is not an insane amount of food

The second place person should have 10 hour days. Second place person can probably get out in one day. If they just need 14 hot dogs, they have to bowl 160. I don't think that 14 hot dogs over 12 hours is like an insane amount.

I will win the season-long NFL picks competition

This is gonna be awesome. I mean, I'm gonna win so I'm not really worried about it.

Kirk Cousins is a good bet for the London game because the early start time means low ratings

I've molded this over in my head for a few days right now to figure out where we're at within an early game in London. Cuz it's kind of like an inverse primetime game. I think it's just so early that the ratings will be so low that I kind of want to bet on Kirk [Cousins] in this game.

The Falcons aren't as bad as people think they are

I also just like the Falcons at home, I've kind of a hot take on the Falcons. I actually don't think they're that bad. Their offense is fun. So they're not that bad. I've got a new tier for the Falcons in your power rankings. It's just 'they're not that bad.' They're not as bad as you think they are because their offense when they do get the ball to their playmakers, they're actually scoring a shitload of points.

Nick Chubb could rush for 2,000 yards this season

Nick Chubb. Could he do 2,000 yards this year? I think Nick Chubb is probably, he might be my favorite running back in the NFL. He's maybe not the best overall, he's definitely top five, but I think he's my favorite to watch. It would be crazy if Nick Chubb did it while also sharing carries with Kareem Hunt.

Adrian Peterson ruined the 2,000-yard rushing benchmark for everyone else

Adrian Peterson ruined the 2,000 yards because he did it right after he was coming off an ACL surgery. So everybody else from that point, if you got an ACL injury, it's like it's not that bad.

The Commanders actually beat the Eagles in three out of four quarters

I went back, I looked at the tape from last week, 24-8 against the Eagles, the Commanders, they actually only lost one quarter. So as we know it's a game a quarter, much like the NBA. And they lost the second quarter 24 to zero. They won the rest of the quarters cumulatively eight to zero. Sounds like the Commanders really beat the Eagles three times out of four to me.

The NFL and Nickelodeon rigged the Week 3 MVP award against Trevor Lawrence

Lamar Jackson had a great week. They put the vote out. Trevor Lawrence had 90% of the vote. Nickelodeon deleted the tweet and then just gave the award to Lamar Jackson. It's a scandal. It's a scandal going on. That's all I'm saying is stop the steal.

The Jaguars are being overrated due to beating two injured teams

I'm taking the Eagles here just because I think everyone, I like the Jaguars, nice team. But like put it into perspective, they beat a beat up Colts team that they always beat in Jacksonville and then they beat up a very beat up Chargers team. Then have to fly all the way across the country and play an Eagles team that's rolling. I think it's gonna be a little market correction.

The Ravens might be fraudulent

I just got baited. Yeah, you take the [over]. The Ravens defense sucks. Their defense, they're really bad. Like I'm, for the first time in my life, I'm considering using the word fraud. I think this Ravens team might be fraudulent. I think their defense is just that bad.

The Ravens purple jerseys are a brighter shade this season

I have noticed one thing about the Ravens, I think, and I don't think this is just me being weird about it. Their jerseys are brighter this year. Their purple jerseys. I think it's actually a completely different purple.

The Packers are not that good

The Packers are not that good. Brian Hoyer is due for a win. They'll, no, they won't be in the hungry dog because I'm not putting the Patriots in anymore.

Straight audiences will enjoy 'Bros' because it is a funny R-rated comedy, regardless of the gay lead characters

What you realize is one of the things straight people love about the movie is that in addition to it being really funny, I hope it is a peak behind the curtain at a culture that you think you know about... one of the straight guys in the audience, they asked him, 'What did you think of that?' And he said, 'I kind of felt like I was watching Jackass... it was so fucking funny I didn't care.' I actually thought that was amazing.

The 'Harry Styles spitting on Chris Pine' incident is more gay than the movie 'Bros'

I don't, people are spitting on each other. I'm like, Wow, you think Bros is gay? Harry Styles is spitting on Chris Pine. All right. That's just gay... I did watch the video. That movie [Don't Worry Darling] is just a lot of drama. I like the slap. The spit is the new slap.

I can survive for three weeks on the streets as a stray dog

How long do you think you could survive on the streets? Like a stray? Three weeks. I'm a warrior. I survived out there.

I am officially in my annual 'betting unders' phase

I'm starting to like betting unders and it's a phase I don't like and I do it every year. I win one under and I'm like, that was easy. I'm deep in it right now. I only look at the board and I'm like, 'Oh, I love all these unders.' It's gross. I'll phase out of it and get back to betting on the over for games that I like the under.

Daniel Jones has the worst internal clock of any quarterback in NFL history

Being able to actually focus on one game, it reminded me that Daniel Jones has the worst internal clock of any quarterback I've ever seen in my life. He's like just like 10 minutes either ahead or 10 minutes behind. But he is never on schedule.

Dan Quinn will be a head coach again, fail, and then return to being the best defensive coordinator in the league

Dan Quinn is a really fucking good defensive coach. He's gonna be a head coach again. I'm gonna call right out. Dan Quinn will be a head coach again and he's gonna go like eight and eight, then he's gonna go five and 11. Then he is gonna go five 11 again, get fired. Then he's gonna go somewhere, went to a Super Bowl and be the best coordinator in the league again.

Cooper Rush has played himself into a lucrative contract as a competent NFL backup

Cooper Rush three and O is a starter. Looked like Cooper Rush has now made himself a lot of money because he does, he's, he doesn't look incredible, but he looks more than competent as a backup... the ball kind of jumps off his hand sometimes... he's made himself a lot of money as a backup.

Jerry Jones actively seeks out and enjoys quarterback controversies for his team

Jerry fucking loves a quarterback controversy. Oh he loves it. That's what he gets out of. Hi, whatever hyperbaric chamber he sleeps to extend his life. That's how he gets out of that area in the morning. And he's like, I can't wait to stir up some controversy with my team and talk about the quarterback.

Joe DiMaggio's 56-game hitting streak is the most unbreakable record in sports

Joe DiMaggio's record is just the most 56 56 games in a row with getting a hit is just so stupid. That is so stupid. If, if we're doing a list that will never be touched of the most unbreakable records, I would say the, the hitting streak...

Kansas not being ranked in the Top 25 is a travesty based on 'helmet rankings'

Kansas not being ranked is a travesty as well. That is stupid. It's just that's a total helmet ranking. Yes. If they were any, like if Kansas were USC with the same resume, they'd be like three in the country.

Sean Clifford will eventually throw a backbreaking interception that ruins Penn State's season

Sean Clifford is the guy who Penn State will get to a point and I think they are very good, but he will throw just a backbreaking interception and every Penn State fan will be like, Why did I believe in Sean Clifford? Yeah, that will happen. They know it's gonna happen.

War should be replaced by a 'Space Olympics' where countries compete to blow up asteroids for mining rights

We drop so many bombs on Earth every day. Why don't we just throw all those bombs and blow something up and develop a point system and compete. Make it like a Space Olympics... and the winner gets like, I don't know, mining rights to certain natural resources. So your country is incentivized to get better at the Space Defenders game.

Dude Perfect's $100 million facility is the official tipping point of the American empire's decline

Dude Perfect is building a hundred million dude facility in somewhere in Texas... I think we're gonna look back on this in the history books... as signs of American decline. Why did this Empire Fall? No, it was [Dude Perfect] building a giant monument to themselves in central Texas to the tune of 150 million. That is the tipping point of our society as a whole.

Being a field goal holder is an easy job that even freshmen can do

I've been a holder. Really? Yeah. When I was like third string quarterback. It's an easy job. If you're a decent, if you're like can catch like they put like freshman as holders.

Greatness is a mindset rather than an ultimate goal

You talk about the name Greatness Wins. I think a lot of times people look at greatness and they think it's an ultimate goal. I look at it as a mindset, you know, so I look at having that mindset and anything that you want to achieve.

Yankee fans only care about what players do in the postseason to earn their pinstripes

You gotta do it in the playoffs. At least now you have to do it in the playoffs. Because there's this level of expectations that come with playing for the Yankees... Yankee fans pay attention to what you do in the postseason. They can pretty much care less [about the regular season].

Wade Boggs and Tony Gwynn might not have had long careers in today's analytics-driven MLB

Man, you just go through the Hall of Fame and just think of how many players because of Launch Angle and exit velocity probably would've never had a long career. Wade Boggs, Tony Gwynn... The job was to get a hit and get on base.