Takes

A joint bachelor party between the groom and bride is a terrible idea

Don't do this. This is a bad idea. One side is not happy about this. Deep down they don't really want to do it. The only way this can work is if you have about a 90% clearance rate on both sides of the groomsmen and the bridesmaids being single... otherwise don't do it. It's never fun.

The Seahawks won the Russell Wilson trade because they got Geno Smith

I think it's time to ask the question, Big Cat: who won the Russell Wilson [for] Drew Lock trade? I mean, without Drew Lock, there would be no Geno Smith. Running back right now, cooking. Geno is literally writing back to everybody this week. He's doing a Rich Bisaccia and handwriting letters to everybody that hated on him.

The Bills aren't built to win in Florida or win close games

I think the Bills just can't play in Florida because they had the Jacksonville game last year, they had the Tampa Bay game last year and they have this one. They're not built for the sunshine state. They're also not built to win close games right at all. They've got 20 straight wins by double digit scores and they have zero wins in their last six one-score games.

The Dolphins are for real because they won a tough defensive game

I walked away from this being like, yeah, the dolphins are for real, for real. Because remember we talked about Mike McDaniel when he has to face adversity, when he has to win the tough games, this was a tough fucking game. They had the ball for 20 minutes. The bills had the ball for 40. Like they had to dig deep and their defense had to make big fucking plays and they were able to do it.

The Dolphins will be 11-0 in December

I think there's a chance that after this game they might be favored in every game until December... that's when they go to Buffalo... so we might have 11 and oh. That's call my shot. 11 and oh in December.

Matt Nagy will ruin the Kansas City Chiefs from within

If I had to guess, I would say that [Eric Bieniemy] and Patrick Mahomes's relationship is probably not on the best terms right now... because they got [Matt Nagy] who's now the assistant quarterbacks coach in Kansas City. So he's probably... telling Patrick Mahomes, like, you should hear what Bieniemy says to you about in the coaches' meetings. He mother fucks you. He definitely will ruin that franchise from within. Absolutely. He probably called the fake field goal.

Jeff Bezos should buy the Bears and sign Lamar Jackson

If I were Jeff Bezos, I would buy a team... I would buy the bears. I'd just walk up to the McCaskeys and say, 'Hey, listen old people, here's 10 billion. I'm buying the bears.'... Now I'm gonna give Lamar Jackson the richest contract in NFL history, plus I'm gonna throw in like a 10th of a 10th of a percent of equity... and I'm just gonna fuck up the entire process for everyone else. Then you just get a great team instantly.

The Eagles are the best team in the NFL

The three and oh Eagles. The best team in the national football league... I mean, listen, MVP Jalen Hurts. Talk about a guy... The Eagles don't even have to play the second halves. Like they haven't had to... no, no, the Eagles are the real deal. I think we all, a lot of people were talking about, oh, the commanders is a trap spot for the Eagles. No, no, no. You know, trap spot? Super Bowl contending Philadelphia Eagles.

Jalen Hurts is an MVP candidate

That's MVP Jalen Hurts, because we should start that discussion, right Max? Absolutely. I mean, listen, MVP Jalen Hurts. Talk about a guy... Through three games he's over a thousand yards combined, seven touchdowns... Lamar's MVP season, he had 1035 yards, eight touchdowns. So less yards, one more touchdown. Let's start talking about Jalen Hurts being MVP candidate.

Justin Fields is bad and making me sad

Justin Fields. He's bad. I'll just say it, he's bad. And actually, I don't even have to say it myself because he said it. He said he played like ass. He played like trash... This is a bad two in one bears team... History is just in a sick fucking way repeating itself where there's a terrible bears quarterback link to this abysmal stat of a lack of completions through three games... I think he's actually taken over for the Josh Rosen stat line. It hurts so bad.

The Titans are a value bet to win the AFC South at +260

Titans plus 260 to win the AFC South right now. I don't think the Titans are good, but it's Mike Vrabel and you never know... they'll hang around and they'll definitely have one of those [games] like at the Chiefs, they're probably gonna win.

The Eagles are going to have a perfect 20-0 season

I actually think the Eagles are gonna go have a perfect season. 20 and 0. Perfect season Philadelphia. Congratulations.

The Bengals have the best (or second best) receiving core in the NFL

I actually think [the Bengals] might have the best receiving core in the NFL... Boyd, Higgins, Jamar Chase as their top three. That's pretty good... I probably would take the Dolphins [if thinking top-heavy], but depth, that's probably the Bengals.

Trevor Lawrence is officially a 'guy'

I'm gonna say it right now. Trevor Lawrence is a guy... I'm gonna say he's good. And I think the Jaguars are going up my power rankings... I think they're good. I have a 'probably good'. I think they might just be good... I'm buying the Jaguars. I'm hitting the Jaguars. Jaguars fans, this is, you've been waiting for this moment for a very long time.

The Jaguars are likely to be 6-2 heading into November

I'm looking at [the Jaguars] schedule... they have Texans, Colts, Giants, Broncos. I, the Jaguars we could be sitting here and the Jaguars could be like six and two maybe.

The Seahawks are dog shit and won't be favored in many games

I actually think that [the Seahawks] are dog shit... they're bad... they might not be favored in more than a handful of games.

The Packers will probably win the Super Bowl and it's a nightmare

I'm officially like Packers will probably win the Super Bowl and my worst nightmares will come true... I am officially nervous about the Packers because their defense is legit. And I was looking at their schedule and I'm even more nervous because it feels like they have a four game stretch here where they're gonna just get to figure shit out offensively.

Max Homa must be on the Ryder Cup team

If max isn't on the Ryder Cup team... we riot. It's a travesty of justice... He went four and oh in his matches, he had an electric walk in putt on the 18th green on Friday to win his match and the USA dominated and won the Presidents Cup.

Zach Wilson is officially cleared and the Jets will beat the Steelers

My 'who's back' is Zach Wilson. He's officially back and cleared to play next week against Pittsburgh... a game we can win... Sola said after in the press conference. I broke the fucking news. If anyone else tries to say they broke the news on Sunday... Billy football had it 1:00 AM Monday morning. Facts.

Jacoby Brissett might actually be a legitimate starting quarterback

I think Jacoby Brissett might be a guy. I just think Jacoby Brissett deserves credit because he's playing great football and he's been put in a situation that's probably not ideal knowing that like you're playing for your own job for your own future, but you also know that this isn't your team.

Replacing Mitchell Trubisky with Kenny Pickett won't solve the Steelers' problems

I don't think that the problems that they have to solve can be solved by going to Kenny Pickett. In fact, I think it would just kind of screw with Kenny Pickett a little bit because the team, they put him in an obviously flawed team.

A Browns Super Bowl win with Deshaun Watson would be the most hated of all time

What if the Browns go to the Super Bowl and Deshaun Watson is the quarterback... America hates this shit out of them. It should be their moment, their crowning moment of like this team has never won a Super Bowl... and you win the most hateable Super Bowl of all time.

The Vikings will have a strong bounce-back game against the Lions

Vikings minus six. I kind of like this clock game. I kind of like this bounce back game. I like Kirk Cousins at one o'clock. Perfect Kirk Cousins.

The Bengals are a lock as my 'Game of the Month' against the Jets

Bengals minus five. It's my game of the month on the Jets. I'm terrified of how much I love the Bengals. It is like a panic button game if they lose this game... they have to win this game.

The Panthers will cover +3 against the Saints

My underdog is very gross. I'm taking the Panthers plus three against the Saints... I mean, Jameis [Winston] has a broken back. I don't know. And I feel like pain everywhere. The Panthers are so bad, but a division home dog.

Kyler Murray looks like a toddler running around with a stolen phone

The greatest description I saw of Kyler Murray is that he looks like a toddler running around with a stolen phone.

The Ravens defense is absolute garbage

My over is the Patriots Ravens over 44. The Ravens defense is absolute garbage. It sucks. It stinks. It's trash.

Betting the under on NFL prime-time games is a proven winning strategy

My under I'm gonna do the Broncos Niners under 44 and a half. Tommy gave us a stat. It was something like the last 45 prime time games, it's 30 and 15 to the under. And I was like, oh, that's why I lose all my money. So I'm done. I'm gonna try to ride the wave now.

The Raiders and Derek Carr are on different pages regarding 'how to win'

I think we might have a little bit of Josh McDaniels and Derek Carr on different pages watch... Josh McDaniels says 'you can't win until you learn how not to lose.' But now Derek Carr last week said 'we have to learn how to win.' It feels like they're on different pages. It's a red flag.

A three-technique defensive lineman is the most important position on defense

If I gave you a team and 10 of the guys on defense were average... what would your position be? Well, I say it would be a defensive lineman. And then I would say, okay, who is the closest defender to the quarterback? And so I would say three technique... I've had a privilege of being around a special Hall of Fame three technique in Warren Sapp.

Justin Tucker will be the greatest kicker ever if he continues his current path

If [Tucker] continues on this path, he'll be the greatest ever. I hate to say that cause I was pretty good, but... I think Justin Tucker is kicking around 90 like for his career. 92%? That's an insane number.

The NFL will eventually see a 70-yard field goal in a game

We're gonna see a 70 yard field goal. I think I feel like I set that two or three years ago... The 60 yard is like the new 50 and the 70 yards gonna be like the new 60.

NFL kickers are now expected to be 100% accurate inside 40 yards

I mean, I make 50, 40 yards and in. You make a hundred percent. You have to in the NFL, you cannot miss inside 40 yards ever.

New York is a bad sports town because Yankees fans celebrate team records too much

This is embarrassing that [Yankees fans] are celebrating this hard when they just went down from four to three in the bottom of the ninth. Are the Yankees a bad sports town? Yes... I just don't get all the hoopla around it... Whatever, it's a team record. He's going for a team record.

Fans who return historic baseballs for little reward are likely getting paid secretly

I have a take. I think that [MLB teams] are paying these guys a lot, but they don't make it public how much they're giving them because they don't wanna raise the price for future type memorabilia. All those times you're like, oh, this person's stupid for just taking that much... I think they're getting paid off behind the scenes.

The Bills and Eagles will play in the Super Bowl

I don't wanna overreact PFT, but the bills and Eagles are playing in the super bowl.

I am officially done believing in Kirk Cousins

I've been fooled by Kirk cousins for the last time, for the last time. That was the last time that he's gonna fool me for the last time last night.

Jalen Hurts is the most likable player in the NFL

Jalen Hurts is like the most likable dude in the NFL. I mean, just the way he handled the whole Alabama thing shows that he's a great dude and a great teammate. Like there's a lot of guys that would've handled it very differently.

I don't see how the Eagles or Bills miss the Super Bowl

I watched the games last night, right after put in a bet. Barstool sports book plus 1850 Eagles bills Super bowl. Anything less is an object... I don't know how either of these teams don't make the super bowl.

Minnesota is a bad sports town for not retiring Randy Moss's number

Minnesota, what the fuck are you doing? Not retiring Randy Moss's number... The fact that you have someone a tight end wearing 84, Randy Moss's number. I don't wanna say it Hank, but bad sports town. That's a bad sports town move to not retire one of the greatest wide receivers of all time.

The Titans are in for a tough year because they have lost the 'rise to the occasion' edge they used to have

It's gonna be a tough year for the Titans. It doesn't feel... that was a game that Titans a couple years ago go in and win like 10 point underdogs because they always would rise to those occasions and they were never in that game. That was an absolute beat down.

Georgia's defense is currently an NFL-level unit

They're an NFL team, Georgia. Their defense is an NFL defense. It's just three years away from being in an NFL defense.

Urban Meyer would win a national championship at Nebraska

Urban Meyer at Nebraska. I I'm confidently saying they will be in a college football playoff. And I would say, if he stays there, if you told me he's staying there for 10 years, I'd say they'd win a national championship. He's that good of a coach?

A college team running the triple option with five-star recruits would be unstoppable

I would love to just see the triple option with elite athletes, cuz no one, I would love to just see the triple option with elite athletes and how much it would fuck everyone up. Cause I don't know how you would defend it. If you had like five star dudes buying in to triple option.

The Texas A&M yell leaders are actually good because they are so bad

I've gone full circle on the yell leaders. I think I kind of like 'em now. Because they're so bad. They keep going revital and the videos keep going out... they're so bad now that I think that they're good.

Marcus Freeman might not be a good coach

Marcus Freeman's in trouble a little bit, a little bit. He might not be a good coach. I'm actually gonna say that. He's not.

Albert Pujols will not reach 700 career home runs

Pujols isn't gonna hit 700... [but] he would be the goat of all goats if he did that. [Foul ball guy] already is, think about the odds of that happening. It's impossible. If he gets [700], it's still the most like calling your shot on that is the most impressive stunt of all time. There's zero chance.

Magnus Carlsen is likely the one using vibrating anal beads to cheat at chess

I think that Magnus... he's recognizing that the guy that he's playing against is stealing his trick, which is also using anal beads. Whoever smelt it, Delta. I think Magnus Carlson is the guy with the anal beads that's accusing our maybe our baby goat, our American goat.

Magnus Carlsen is a 'baby back bitch' for quitting the chess tournament

And then they, they, they finally have another matchup yesterday and Magnus quits after one move. He retires. And he disconnects his entire computer. I might not be this goat thing might not be working out. He might, he might be baby back bitch.

Russell Wilson is identically copying Tom Brady's social media videos

Russell Wilson has just completely ripped off his [Brady's] post game videos like identical. And it was it. I mean, it's so Russ it's so Russ and for doing it for a 16, 9 win against the Texans was even better. Everything was, was exactly identical going from the, the intro, the different cuts, the type of filters, the music.