Takes

Saquon Barkley's 'kill mindset' quote will be used against him as soon as he has a bad game

My cool throne is the Giants fantasy people that are gonna draft Saquon Barkley. He said, it's kill mindset now. It's like, fuck everybody. I'm sure that won't be like a quote that gets turned around when it's like that quote and then him going like, 14 rushes for 60 yards.

Desmond Ridder 'is him' and is already NFL ready

My hot seat is Marcus Mariota... I watched the Jets Falcons game last night. I think Desmond Ridder is that guy. I think he is him... I think I'm ready to say based off watching him one time in the preseason that this is gonna be a guy that I will believe in for the next four years.

The Falcons do not have their quarterback of the future on their current roster

I think the Falcons don't have their quarterback of the future on the roster right now.

Geno Smith should be a first-half specialist and Drew Lock should be the closer

Geno Smith, I think plays pretty well based on recent experiences in like the first half. And then Drew Lock is good in garbage time. So I think they should put Geno Smith in, in the first half as the first half specialist. Drew Lock comes in as the closer.

Stephen A. Smith would win the Presidency if he ran

Stephen A. Smith said that he would run for president... I'll tell you this right now. Stephen A. Smith, you would win. Yes, you would win. Who would debate against Stephen A. Smith? He would literally go to Texas and mock the Cowboys and be like, I don't give a fuck about your votes and still win.

I could kick Dan Campbell's and Mike Vrabel's asses in a fight

[Do you think you could kick Dan Campbell's ass?] Yes. And Mike Vrabel also, I'd throw Mike Vrabel in there at the same time... I just can tell you, if you pull 10 wrestlers, they're gonna tell you, take the best wrestler over the best boxer. So it's debatable, but us wrestlers stick together.

The best wrestler in the world would defeat the best boxer in the world in a fight

I had a debate years ago... would you take the best wrestler in the world over the best boxer in the world? And obviously the table was unanimously for the best boxer. And I can just tell you, if you pull 10 wrestlers, they're gonna tell you, take the best wrestler over the best boxer. Us wrestlers stick together.

Buffalo will never build an indoor stadium

[Do you think that Buffalo would ever get an indoor stadium or would you want a dome?] No. Ever. This is Buffalo, right? And this is what part of what makes us unique.

No quarterback who wears a visor has ever won a Super Bowl

The only concern I have about Josh Allen is every year, it seems like he put, he keeps the visor on later and later and no quarterback that's ever worn a visor has won a Super Bowl.

Josh Allen is capable of throwing a Hail Mary 110 yards

Do you have a number in your mind for a Hail Mary? Probably like 110. I think he told me he can throw it 110 [yards]. What's crazy is he isn't even really that loose and he'll just unleash one down the field... he's got a cannon.

Chinese food is the unquestioned number one overall pick for leftovers

The first pick is the easiest pick in the entire history of Mount Rushmore, Chinese food. Number one, simple. It's so good. Just eat it cold, like some lo mein... beef and broccoli.

Chili is one of the strongest leftover foods because the flavors intensify the second day

Our second one is going to be chili. Chili's one of those things where the flavors get stronger the second day. I think it's a very strong pick.

Thanksgiving leftovers are a top-tier food category people can survive on for days

Thanksgiving leftovers. I mean, people survive off from Thursday to Sunday of whenever Thanksgiving weekend is off of Thanksgiving [food]. It's a pretty easy Mount Rushmore [pick].

Cold pasta has no carbs or calories

Here's a, here's a little fun fact for everyone as a nutritionist, pasta cold pasta has no carbs. So that's just a fact for everyone out there. No carbs, no calories, cold pasta. You can, whenever you eat cold pasta, the next day you could just eat so much of it.

Pie is a superior breakfast leftover to cake because it's essentially a pastry

The reason why I thought pie is because cake for breakfast is a little heavy. Whereas like an apple pie or blueberry pie, that almost feels like a breakfast food. It's not that dissimilar from a croissant or some sort of pastry or Danish.

Leftover steak makes for a top-tier sandwich when combined with mustard

We're gonna go with steak. Now hear me out. Making steak sandwiches the next day with mustard. There's people out there who know what I'm talking about. It's not a traditional one, but if you cut it up and warm it up in a pan, it's not that bad.

A half-drank blue Gatorade in the fridge is the perfect hangover leftover

Blue Gatorade in the fridge that you didn't finish next. Really good one. You wake up, you're thirsty as hell. You might be hungover and you see that partially [drunk]... sometimes that's the perfect amount of Gatorade to drink.

Mules are better workers than horses or donkeys

Mules are sterile and they're actually better workers than horses or donkeys. They're way better than horses. [How do they get born?] It takes one horse and one donkey. There's also zorses, that's a horse and a zebra.

Scott Frost's claim about Nebraska's offensive line puking 15-20 times per practice feels like a lie

Scott Frost announced that his team is puking. His offensive line is puking 15 to 20 times per practice. That doesn't feel like it's... I don't know. When it was announced, everyone on Twitter was just like, that feels like a lie.

Scott Frost should have been fired a couple of years ago

Scott Frost also is at a point now where like he should have probably been fired a couple years ago. And so he's like, what do I care? Let's just puke.

Al Michaels does not have a 'Thursday night voice'

I don't think he brings too much gravitas to Thursday night. Well, he doesn't have a Thursday night voice, especially... He's got a Sunday night or a Monday night voice. He does not have a Thursday night voice. There are certain people that have Thursday night voices out there. Al Michaels, no. I do not want to hear him on a week... I don't want to have to go to work for a full another day before the weekend when I hear Al Michaels' voice.

The Masked Singer started the rumor that Tom Brady was a contestant during his training camp absence

I've gone like overly woke on this now. And I think that it's a rumor that was started by the Masked Singer because people are definitely gonna be tuning in trying to figure out is that Tom Brady. It's the one show that you can basically get all the way through the episode being like maybe it is Tom Brady.

The future of sports broadcasting is in great hands

[I said] the future of sports broadcasting is in great hands [referring to the MLB kids' broadcast].

Jameis Winston and Michael Thomas are going to be a perfect quarterback-receiver duo

I actually think Jameis [Winston] is gonna love Michael Thomas. Yeah, because he is a big dude that kind of fits right in between linebackers that he can hit. It's Jameis' specialty.

Josh Rosen is putting up terrible stats on purpose as a bit

Josh Rosen... is on the Browns and in classic Josh Rosen fashion, he got in for, I think an entire half. He went seven for 20, for 88 yards. No TDs, no interceptions. I, he has to be doing this on purpose at this point. His stat lines are just so, so predictably exactly what they are every single time... It's a good bit. It really is.

Everyone has the primal potential to be a self-made king through nine ancestral tenets

Everybody's born with the same primal potential to be a self fucking made king. Right? And so this is what this is. My job is, is to turn everybody into a fucking king, these nine ancestral tents that I model, teaching and preaching... sleep, eat, move, shield, connect, cold, sun, fight and bond.

John Salley would still be playing in the NBA if he wasn't vegan

[John Salley] will probably still be playing in the NBA if he wasn't vegan. This is my counter. The name is liver king because liver is king. If you wanna be an alpha organism kicking ass in life, do what other alpha organisms do.

I do not take steroids; I only take 'PEDs' which stands for 'Prioritize, Execute, and Dominate'

I take PEDs. Yeah. I prioritize, execute and dominate every, every fucking morning. Every morning... [I'm] completely fucking around guys [about the acronym].

Wearing synthetic clothes and using deodorant will tank your testosterone

If you wear petrochemical clothing, if you wear xenoestrogen-laden perfumes, the deodorants... you're gonna tank your testosterone. Your estrogen goes up. You have less muscle, more fat.

I would eat a human liver if animal sources were unavailable

I got no problem taking a liver from a human. Well... if I needed to, I would. I would've no reservation of eating... When I can't get liver from something else... if all the animals have been hunted... and I need my liver, I got no problem taking a liver from a human.

Sunning your balls can improve androgens and is 'pretty primal'

If you sun your balls, there is a study. It's an older study, I think it's from like the fifties or sixties that shows that it does improve androgens, not necessarily testosterone... I think it's pretty fucking primal. Right? I mean, we, we didn't evolve essentially with clothes... I think it's pretty primal to do.

Calling another man 'buddy' or 'pal' is the ultimate subtle emasculation

Calling someone buddy or pal... buddying them. Total emasculation. And you just drop the pal or the buddy's like, okay buddy. That's just the worst. And it's very like, you can't really get mad because it is subtle enough. But dropping a buddy or a pal like Steven Cheah does it. And it drives me absolutely insane.

Helping a man off a boat is a major act of emasculation

Helping a man off a boat. Yes. Big time. If, if you're as a man taking another man's hand to step off the boat because you can't get to where that man is without him helping you. Brutal. That's super [emasculating] and it's, and it it's like, it really only happens in boats.

Controlling the remote at someone else's home is the ultimate power move

Controlling the remote at someone else's home. That is a big time emasculation move. Never let anyone else touch your own remote. If I go to your house right now and I sit down on your couch and I take the remote and I'm just cruising, if you don't fight me, you're a bitch.

Telling a man 'you're mad' when he's trying to make a point is a top-tier emasculation move

There's nothing more irritating actually than like being told that you're mad about something that you're not. And then your whole little world around you is like, people like, look how mad you are. Look how mad you are when you're not actually mad... Therefore our last pick is telling someone that they're mad. Just be like, you can't control your emotions. You're mad.

The best seats in an NFL stadium are the first row of the top level on the 50-yard line

The best seats are on the, on the, like the first row, top level 50 yard line. That's the all 22 baby. That's the all 22. You get, see everything.

The Big Ten has officially captured the greatest sports song by taking the CBS theme

The big 10 has captured the greatest sports song. I'll be honest... it's official. The big 10 has captured the greatest sports song... but it's, it's mine now, baby. It's mine now.

The NFL gave Deshaun Watson an 11-game suspension specifically so his return would be against the Texans

Why is it 11 games? That's a weird number. Right? So you look at the schedule that game that he'd be coming back would be against the Houston Texans. So they have to talk about it all the time throughout the entire game... Homecoming.

Any kid under 14 should run onto the field at baseball games because security won't tackle them

If you're under, let's say 14. I would say 14 is about the age where I don't think a security guard would tackle you. Why wouldn't you just run on the field? And then you go, you get slap on the wrist and they're like, they probably tell your parents like don't ever do that again.

Daniel Vogelbach will have a massive moment in late October for the Mets

That team, [Daniel] Vogelbach has just the perfect doing something huge in late October moment. Oh yeah, he's written for it... He is a hero in waiting. Like everyone knows that he stock by stock and Vogelbach right now. He will have a big moment.

The move for NFL preseason betting is to bet against every rookie coach that won their first game

I think the move this weekend is to reverse that and bet against money line every rookie coach that won their first preseason game because they got that win under the belt. Now they're like, you know what? I just wanna evaluate now.

Opening bottles with your teeth is a definitive sign of being a criminal

Opening bottles with your teeth... It is crazy. It blows my mind. Glass bottles are not supposed like your teeth or your teeth... some people I have, I have a friend that would do it. Like, do you have a bottle? I have a bottle opener. And he's like, no, let me do it with my teeth... it's concerning.

Owning a snake as a pet is a definitive pre-crime sign

Our first pick, we're gonna go with owning a snake as a pet. Anyone who owns snakes, fucking pre-crime city. You're just waiting for the snake to just escape in your house and then kill you in your sleep... If you own a snake, I just assume at some point you will commit a crime. It's part of your DNA.

Parents who put their children on leashes are committing a pre-crime

Our second pick is gonna be parents who put their kids on leashes... I understand that if you're in crowds, you don't want them running off. But just like, I don't know. I don't yeah. A leash on a kid is fucked up.

Being born in Northern Austria on April 20th, 1889 is the ultimate pre-crime indicator

Our second pick. I can't believe this one lasted this long actually for pre-crime is being born in Northern Austria on April 20th, 1889. Big time pre crime. Pre-crime I actually like just pre-death penalty. Just kill that baby.

Being a youth women's gymnastics coach without a daughter on the team should be an automatic jail sentence

If you're like a youth women's gymnastics coach and you don't have a daughter, you should automatically go to jail a hundred percent. Like without doubt, fucked up you have to be to be a gymnastics coach in general.

Interacting with porn stars online or buying them gifts off Amazon lists is major pre-crime behavior

Interacting with porn stars online. Whether it be the comments section or buying them like gifts off their Amazon gift lists. Yeah. Big time. Pre-crime. The Amazon gift lists are just wild. It's like I'm gonna buy my favorite porn star, like a vacuum cleaner for her house. Oh. And hopefully she'll fuck me.

Adult autograph seekers who bring suitcases and use 'orphans' to get items signed are criminals

Our last pick is adult autograph seekers. We've seen 'em recently at Bill's training camp when they were just like throwing shit on the field, especially the ones that show up with their suitcases filled with stuff and they run their operation like Oliver twist and they send their little orphans out to go get autographs and bring them back.

Eating fish for lunch in the office should be a real crime

We're gonna go with eating fish for lunch in the office. Should be a crime. Yeah. Should be, yeah. Should be a real, it should be a real crime. Yes. It's definitely pre-crime yes. Like you just have no standards or like, you know, empathy for any of your coworkers or peers.

Joe Burrow has an uncoachable 'it' factor that makes players want to go to war with him

We all knew what was in Joe Burrow from the person that he was, the leader that he was, and the player that he was. He just has that, that 'it' that you can't coach when it comes to football in general... he's that type of dude where you wanna go to war with him any day, any week. The person is the reason why you see the player.