Takes

My Mount Rushmore of all-time teammates includes Greg Oden, Marc Gasol, Zach Randolph, and Rudy Gay

I'd probably have to say Greg [Oden] for one... Marc Gasol... Honestly, I think Zeebo, Zach Randolph for sure... My fourth might be like Rudy Gay. He was a good teammate.

MJ is the greatest of all time

As much as I obviously don't want to get in the debate because I obviously everyone knows where I stand. MJ, greatest of all time.

Kobe Bryant is the greatest of all time

But I think to avoid this debate, the stance of this podcast is just going to be Kobe. We're just Kobe guys. Kobe is the greatest of all time. Just so we never have to debate this again.

The NBA Eastern Conference is boring and predictable because of LeBron James

I haven't watched a single Eastern Conference game in full because it's so boring and it's so predictable and it's just going to be LeBron James ducking his head, driving to the hole... getting fouled, making the layup half the time, and the other time crying because he didn't get fouled.

The Golden State Warriors are unlikable because of Steph Curry, Klay Thompson, and Steve Kerr

I don't like Steph. He's a baby back bitch. Yeah, yeah. Klay Thompson's got a fucked up goatee. Steve Kerr's milking it. [With] spinal fluid. Yeah.

I love Draymond Green's evolution into a master troll

Draymond Green I'm really liking what he's doing he's become such a master troll not only with the Kelly Olynyk call out where he just randomly said he's a dirty player he also has been trolling jazz fans... I love players that just never forget rivalries.

Kelly Olynyk is a very dirty player

Kelly's a very dirty player. Well, he's dirty looking. I think that's what [Draymond] meant... He's the guy who, when you play pick up hoops, he's going to elbow you in the face getting a rebound.

I would have beaten the Jazz if I hadn't injured my foot

Second, I probably was lashing out because it was probably right... I'm just assuming it was right after a Bulls loss. [Big Cat] Third... You were probably gambling on some of the games. [Big Cat] Because you guys were going to win that series against the Jazz if you hadn't stubbed your toe like you did. [Big Cat] I stubbed my foot.

Kawhi Leonard is my favorite player to watch in the playoffs

Favorite player in the playoffs? To watch, like, Kawhi, probably.

The 2008 Celtics are right to be upset with Ray Allen

I mean, it is a good point. I mean, guys that you've been with for a long time or that you've won with or lost with or struggled with and gone through those ups and downs, I mean, I think it is a good point to keep that communication and not just say, okay, well, I'm on a different team now, so I'm done.

The Cavaliers only won the 2016 NBA Finals because of Draymond Green's suspension and Andrew Bogut's injury

I really don't think Cleveland wins if Draymond doesn't get suspended and Bogut doesn't get hurt. So sometimes you've got to have, like, a little luck in the playoffs. Not to say that Cleveland didn't deserve to win. I think they did... But, I mean, it's just – you can't really decide, like, who's going to win the finals until you actually get to that point.

An NBA series doesn't actually start until the road team wins a game

Everyone's going to win on their home court... The series technically hasn't started unless the road team wins. [Big Cat]: That's when the series starts.

Kelly Olynyk's face makes people want to punch him the moment he steps on the court

He's the kind of guy that steps on the court and everybody wants to punch him from the get-go. You're looking for an excuse. When Kelly Olynyk is on the court with you, you're taking any excuse that you can get to just punch him in the face.

Isaiah Thomas should get a gold tooth or no teeth at all to save money on mouthguards

I think [Isaiah Thomas] should go no teeth overall. Gold tooth. Save a shitload of money on mouthguards.

Utah Jazz coach Quin Snyder looks like he has cocaine oozing out of his pores.

Quinn Snyder sweating all the time and just cocaine oozing out of his pores. I don't know if he actually uses cocaine, but you have to admit he looks like he does. I'm a fan of that.

Tyronn Lue has Stockholm Syndrome and has absorbed LeBron James's mentality

It sounds to me like he [Tyronn Lue] has Stockholm Syndrome. Because this is something that LeBron James would say about himself. Like, leading this Cavs team is the hardest job... I think he's kind of absorbed his stars mentality a little bit.

Trading Jimmy Butler would be 'categorically insane' for the Bulls

The idea of trading Jimmy Butler is so absolutely categorically insane.

I'm not convinced Doc Rivers is actually a good NBA coach

Doc Rivers also is one of those coaches that... are we sure he's a good coach? I'm not sure. He won with some really good talent, but he also has lost with some really good talent a lot. So are we sure he's good? Very, very wonky career for Doc Rivers as a coach.

Russell Westbrook distrusts his teammates more than any player I've ever seen

I don't think I've ever seen—and don't tell him I said this because he'll get very upset at me—I don't think I've ever seen one player distrust his teammates more than Russell Westbrook. Unbelievable season, but he really was like, these guys fucking suck, and I need to make sure they never get the ball.

I am officially off the James Harden train because of his playing style and Kinesio tape

I just want to say I am officially off the James Harden train. I can't stand that guy. It's the kinesio tape. It's also how he wears his shorts. And it's the thing that he does where he's coming off a screen and he acts like he was shooting the ball at half court the whole time.

The Bulls' failure to adjust against the Celtics is embarrassing and lazy coaching

Wade said Bulls didn't make adjustments between game three and four because they just played low energy and didn't need a new game plan. They then lost game four. So Fred Hoiberg just like, yeah, you know what, guys? Low energy, I'm not going to coach. ... Fuck that.

The NBA first round this year has been far superior to the NHL first round

The NBA first round this year has been far superior to the NHL first round. I know there's been a lot of overtime games, but like you said, there's no Game 7s. And the NBA feels like... last year was really bad. This year, there have been some really compelling stories, and we have a lot of fights going on.

Russell Westbrook is ruining the Oklahoma City Thunder

The answer to both questions is yes [is Westbrook ruining the Thunder]. Russ needs to respect the biz.

Tim Duncan is the least charismatic superstar in the history of sports

The Spurs built this entire dynasty on the least charismatic superstar of all time in Tim Duncan. And then Tim Duncan had a baby and basically told the baby, don't ever speak or show any emotion.

The Chicago Bulls should give everyone on the team a contract extension because they were up 2-0 against the Celtics

I say stay the course. Maybe a contract extension. Give everybody an extension. They were going to beat the No. 1 seed.

LeBron James feels scripted and forced compared to the cool cockiness of Michael Jordan

I respect [LeBron] as an athlete... I just feel like he's a little scripted. Everything he does is calculated where I feel like people compare him to Jordan where I'm like, Jordan was so much cooler. He just carried that cool cockiness where I feel like, it's forced by LeBron.

LeBron James should be in the GOAT conversation with Michael Jordan

I'm one of these guys who says that LeBron should be in the conversation with Jordan. ... Michael Jordan, probably the best NBA player of all time... but [LeBron] should be in the conversation.

LeBron James has a fake Instagram account for creeping on people

LeBron said that Coachella looked fun, but LeBron isn't on any social media. ... ZeroDark3023. So no Twitter, no Instagram, but Coachella looked fun. ... LeBron James has a Finstagram out there that he uses to creep on people. He has a fake Instagram. ... Shocker. LeBron James, not on social media, but says that Coachella looked fun. Hmm.

A block is the new dunk in basketball

Quick embrace debate: is a block the new dunk? [PFT: Yes. I think so, too.] I do think that the way [Draymond Green] was blocking guys, that was better than more momentum than a huge ruckus dunk.

LeBron James has never actually read The Godfather book

You read the Godfather book for the 7,000th time in a row, even though I don't think you ever read it the first time.

Jimmy Butler is a slightly better player than Paul George

I think [Jimmy] Butler is a pinch better [than Paul George].

NBA bench depth beyond the 8th man doesn't matter in the playoffs

The [ten-man depth] does not matter. I'm a big believer in the seven and eight teams. ... If none of these ten guys can beat LeBron, what the hell does it matter?

You have to suck for a long time before you are allowed to be good in the NBA

I'm a big pay your dues guy. So I can appreciate that. You have to suck for a while before you're allowed to be good at it. Those are the rules. It took Jesus like 30 years before he started washing whores' feet and making miracles. You got to pay your dues. You got to go out there. You got to be a carpenter for a while before you can be a messiah.

Chris Paul's legacy will be as the best point guard in the league who also liked to punch people in the balls

His [Chris Paul's] legacy is going to be like, when he was healthy, he was the best point guard in the league and also liked to punch people in the balls.

I wouldn't be opposed to the NBA shortening the 82-game regular season

Well, I wouldn't be opposed to shortening it [the NBA season] a little bit. I think the bigger issue of rest and all that is what you have to address first.

Tony Romo is a coward if he doesn't check into the Mavericks game

I'd just like to say that if Tony Romo doesn't play, if he doesn't choose coach out to get in that game, he's a coward. Doesn't love the game.

The Knicks plus 12.5 against the Grizzlies was the worst gambling beat of all time

The Knicks were plus 12.5 against the Grizzlies. The game was over. The Knicks were down 10. They were covering. The Grizzlies were just dribbling the ball out. And then with, like, three seconds left, the Grizzlies player threw up a 40-footer just as, like, kind of a fun shot as time expired. Nothing but net. They won by 13.

The Steph Curry 'Oxblood' shoes aren't actually that bad

I don't think they're that bad. That's all I was saying. I wouldn't wear them and buy them myself, but the way the internet freaks out about them, it's the worst thing in the world. There's been much worse NBA player shoes.

LeBron James is at his most dangerous when he claims he doesn't care about a game

This was a classic LeBron game because when LeBron says he doesn't care about a game, that's when he's going to rip your heart out. When he's like, 'regular season, who cares? Why are you asking me? I'm a champion,' and then he's like, 'I really fucking care deep down and I'm going to go and drop a million points.'

LeBron James only wears 'bunsen burner' goggles as an excuse for potential failure

He literally just wears these things [goggles] so that then he can say these things were screwing with me... or he can look tough in front of the cameras... Bunsen burner goggles mixed with a guy that goes to a shooting range for the first time.

NBA players are right to sit out games if we judge them solely on championship rings

I actually want to point the finger back at the fans and media for this one. Because if there's one thing that all the fans and media do is they count rings... If these guys are sitting out because they're trying to win rings, I mean, they're literally trying to put themselves in the best position to win the thing that we judge their entire worth on.

The Golden State Warriors are baby back bitches

Anytime the Warriors get discussed on this show, it gets hot. Because they're baby back bitches.

Performance-enhancing drug use in sports is the moral equivalent of Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme

I am opposed to performance-enhancing drug use because in competition where you have a level playing field because that world is the same as what Bernie Madoff did. Because Bernie Madoff, he lied. He cheated, he stole, and he bullied his way to the top.

Larry Bird is the greatest player I ever played with

Greatest player I ever played with... He made us all play better... Larry never got tired of just torching other people, and he's incredibly driven. He's a brilliant guy. He loves to portray himself as the hick from French Lick. Don't ever buy into that. This guy is so sharp, and so smart, and so pure.

Kevin Durant is a front-running coward and a baby back bitch

Kevin Durant, pros. He's probably top three NBA player, probably best scorer, pure scorer in the NBA. Cons, skinny knees, slouches, and is a coward, front-running coward, and a baby back bitch.

James Harden's MVP argument is just that he isn't as terrible at defense as he used to be

Basically James Harden's whole argument is he's not as shitty at defense as he used to be. He tries a little bit on defense. Was he slow playing us this entire time? Like sitting and bagging us on defense and just waiting for a season to give half of a shit?

Dirk Nowitzki has one of the most underrated careers in NBA history

[Dirk Nowitzki] is by far one of the most underrated careers because you kind of just forgot about him after he won the finals but he has been like quietly incredible for so so long.

Bill Russell is the greatest basketball player ever and a personal hero

Bill Russell, my basketball hero, favorite player ever on and off the court. Champions, mental acuity, emotional commitment.

David Stern is the most important man in the history of basketball

David Stern, the most important man in the history of all basketball. He's PFT's size. Little tiny guy over here in a world built for preschool children, right? But here's David Stern, who never shot a basket, but he brought the business acumen... to use the NBA to make the world a better place.

Music and atmosphere in NBA arenas directly affects player rhythm and pace

It was like the sloppiest game ever, and that's not just because the Knicks are always sloppy, but it was like no one could get a rhythm... Then they put the music on in the second half, and the pace picked right up, and they almost hit the over... So it was clear that the music did actually affect the players.