Takes

My career-high for points in an NBA game will be 59

59? [PFT: 59 points from Malik Monk. That's right in stone.] Yep.

Kevin Love is the perfect fall guy for LeBron James because he won't talk back

Actually we kind of predicted this, that Kevin Love was going to be the fall guy. Everyone knows you need a fall guy. Chris Carter told everyone, need a fall guy. Kevin Love is the perfect fall guy for LeBron [James] because Kevin Love's never going to say anything. He's not going to subtweet. He's just going to go about his business.

Bulls front office members Gar Foreman and John Paxson remain fuckheads

Gar Foreman and John Paxson remain fuckheads. [The Bulls] never even began, but yes, it is over. They're dead... You got trainers saying that they're worse than drug dealers. [Paxson], you choked out your coach, Vinny Del Negro, and punched him. Don't tell me that you have morals.

Lauri Markkanen is a bum who is soft and sucks

I find out they drafted... Lauri Markkanen from Arizona. I am now going to sell myself on this guy, which is going to be the greatest spin zone of all time, because we went to the Pac-12 championship game, and I think we said multiple times, this guy fucking sucks. He's a bum. He's soft.

Lauri Markkanen is 'Baby Dirk'

Here's my only Lauri Markkanen spin zone that I'm going to try to sell myself on. I think I'm just going to call him Baby Dirk. And just hope he grows into it. He's a white European dude. I'm just going to call him Baby Dirk and hope everyone's just like, hey, maybe he's Baby Dirk.

The Sacramento Kings actually had a good draft

Sacramento Kings. The Kings actually drafted well. So they got Fox, Justin Jackson, and Harry Giles from Duke. And I actually for a moment was like, is the world – are we still on earth right now?

Michael Jordan will mentally break Dwight Howard

Now we're going to get Jordan playing one-on-one with Dwight and just backing him down. He's going to dunk on him. Talking shit to him, beating his ass like he did to Kwame Brown. Worked out pretty well for him.

Phil Jackson is the Wile E. Coyote of the NBA

You could just make up a story like Phil Jackson was spotted walking around MSG with his hand in a toaster and his foot stuck in a bucket and he fell off a balcony, and his feet kept moving until he looked down, and then he fell. He's basically become the Wile E. Coyote of NBA.

LeBron James is the actual General Manager of the Cleveland Cavaliers

It's funny because people do make the joke that LeBron James is the GM of the Cavaliers, but you can tell from some of the trades. Like the Channing Frye trade, you can tell which one's not a LeBron trade. It's like if you listen to a Beatles album, you're like, Ringo wrote that song. I can tell that's a Ringo special.

Phil Jackson is dangerously close to tarnishing his NBA legacy

Phil Jackson, I think we've said this on this podcast, but he is dangerously close to tarnishing your legacy territory... as himself. Phil Jackson, his legacy as an NBA guy, mind, player, coach, GM... You always remember the last thing you did, and if he trades Porzingis and continues to make the worst team in the NBA even worse, that's some legacy talk.

Harry Giles has the potential to be a late first-round All-Star

I could definitely cheat and say Harry Giles, the freshman at Duke, because he's done the ACL thing twice. He's probably going to go in the 20s... But he was the number one high school recruit by some rankings when he went into Duke... From a talent standpoint, [he] is the most likely one.

Jonathan Isaac is the Tyrus Thomas of the 2017 NBA Draft

If you're giving me that comp, it's probably Jonathan Isaac from Florida State. Because on the high side of things, when you watch him and it's good, he's seven feet... he can shoot from three... when he's right, it is so impressive that you're sitting there and you're going, wait a minute, how come this guy's not going number one?

Luke Kennard will be drafted by the Pistons at pick 12

I don't think [Luke Kennard] gets past Detroit at 12.

Josh Jackson is a better fit for the Celtics than Markelle Fultz

Josh Jackson fits what the Celtics have more than Markelle Fultz. He's going to be able to defend a bunch of positions. He's going to be able to play a role that you guys need.

NBA prospects suck until they actually prove it in the league

I'm of the mindset that the best players in the world are currently in the NBA, and if you're not in the NBA yet, then you suck. I don't see anybody competing against the superstars for the next five to ten years. I haven't seen [Markelle Fultz] play, so he must suck.

Madison Square Garden is the best place to play in the NBA

My number one pick, my favorite city always to visit is New York. The Garden is one of the most fun places to play. Just the energy, even when they're not as good or even if they have more hype. It's always a good crowd, great city.

Phoenix is a sleeper NBA city with huge potential

Number two, kind of a sleeper city for me, is Phoenix. Young. It's a good time. Great weather always. I like to get in there a little early. Just take my claim, put them on the Mount Rushmore, and then when they do blow up, it's like, hey, I was here from the beginning.

Kevin Durant should lean into the 'fart face' rumors to be relatable

The reason why people hate you [Kevin Durant] right now is that you joined a 73-win team to win a title. Give us something to make you relatable. Be the fart face guy. It actually humanizes him a little bit, doesn't it?

Michael Jordan is the GOAT

Michael Jordan. The GOAT.

LeBron James is still fighting his inevitable baldness but will eventually have to give in

See, [LeBron] is fighting it. He's really still fighting it. Eventually, he'll come home, but he's putting up the good fight.

Draymond Green is an all-time classic heel

I'm a big fan of [Draymond Green]... all-time classic heel. He had a shirt that said Quickie in the Quicken Loans font... I need this feud, though, to keep going... because I think Draymond clearly gets under LeBron's skin.

LeBron James is still the best player in the NBA

I just want it on the record that I do still think LeBron is the best player in the NBA, but what Kevin Durant did in the finals was fantastic.

Kevin Durant lost his man card for spitting out a beer while celebrating

All the money in the world, all the championships in the world, they can't buy you back your man card. So he was in the locker room afterwards celebrating, took a sip of beer, and just spit it out all over himself.

The Warriors would have been a better team if they never added Kevin Durant

The concern I had with the Warriors... they kept their top three players, but other than that, they made major moves. They got rid of rim protection... for a guy that I thought was redundant... throughout the regular season, it was looking correct. Now, in the playoffs, it looks idiotic, and I got to own that.

Draymond Green is a poor man's LeBron James

Draymond is like a poor man's LeBron. Because Draymond is... a guy that can guard all five spots. A guy that can bring the ball up the court.

LeBron James is the greatest basketball player of all time

I think LeBron's the greatest player ever. You disagree with that, and we can have that discussion as well if you'd like.

LeBron James's legacy is intact only because the Cavaliers avoided a sweep

The two other stories we had, one is because the Cavs didn't get swept, LeBron's legacy is intact. It's a lot of legacy talk. If you get swept, the legacy is out.

LeBron James is a murderer and a scary dude on the basketball court

His intensity was night and day. Not just his intensity and his competitiveness. I mean, he has a killer instinct. He's a killer out there. He'll tear your head off and dunk it... He's an intense, scary dude. You don't want to get in his way.

The Ray Allen Game 6 shot in 2013 was the worst loss of my entire life

That Ray Allen shot and that loss was the worst loss in my entire life, easily... It was over. We won the championship. And then, bam, we missed free throws. They get offensive rebounds. They hit a couple threes, ending with that Ray Allen one. And we lost the game, and it was, like, just so crushing.

The Spurs were like the Blues Brothers on a mission from God in 2014

We were like the Blues Brothers on a mission from God that next season to get back to the finals and make right by that loss. And so once we got to the finals and matched up with Miami again, the rest was history.

The torch has been passed and now resides at Kevin Durant's mother's house

I am under the theory now that the torch has not only been passed, but it's comfortably sitting in Kevin Durant's mom's house. She has it on the mantle. She's the real MVP.

LeBron James has no killer instinct because he is a father of three

LeBron's a father of three, so this might have something to do with it, but he just has no killer instinct. He's too close to life. If you're the best player in the world, quotation marks, and you have the ball the way he had the ball at the end of the game, you take it to the hole and you try and get fouled. Or you at least ask for the ball.

The Warriors are a better team without Riley Curry

By the way, Riley Curry, where has she been this postseason? Hasn't been facing the music. Is it a little false flag? Are the Warriors a better team without Riley Curry?

Hakeem Olajuwon could beat pretty much anyone in NBA history one-on-one

The answer is Hakeem because Hakeem could pretty much beat anybody. Oh, it was Hakeem versus Shaq. So Robert Horry went on his show and was like, hey, I think Hakeem is better than Shaq.

The Cleveland Cavaliers have the worst hair of any team in NBA history

It just occurred to me, the Cavaliers are probably the NBA team with the worst hair of all time, and they're matched up against the team [Warriors] with the worst facial hair of all time.

The 1990s Bulls would beat the 2017 Warriors if played under 90s rules

The Warriors are built for an era where there's no handshaking, where the defensive rules are different. If they played during the Bulls 90s era, I think the Bulls team was built for those rules. So they would win.

LeBron James signs short contracts to force team management to stay aggressive

I don't think it's an accident he keeps signing these shorter contracts. He's not... LeBron James free agency not signing a five-year contract for a reason. I think he likes keeping his options open... The problem is [with long contracts] your team has no motivation to do anything for you. Plus all the money is locked up. They don't go bring anyone else in.

The Cavaliers are dead and have no chance in the 2017 NBA Finals

It is Monday, June 5th, and the Cavaliers are dead. They're dead... D-E-A-D, dead. I'm going to say it, and this is going to sound crazy. I actually feel a little bad for the Cavs. It's not fair. Like, what the Warriors are able to do is not fair.

The Warriors will beat the Cavaliers in a five-game 'gentleman's sweep'

I'm pretty confident... I'll give the Cavs one [game]. I want to hear the phrase gentleman's sweep again... I just really like that title.

If the Cavaliers come back to win the series, fans should unsubscribe from the podcast

You can quote me on this. If the Cavaliers end up coming back and winning this series, unsubscribe. For one day.

LeBron James ruined the competitiveness of the NBA and deserves to be swept

This fucking guy created this big three bullshit, this AAU friends and family banana boat in the summer bullshit. He started this shit. And now they created a big four... I hope they fucking swept. And then the nail will be in the fucking coffin. You're not like Mike. You're never going to be like fucking Mike.

Five Kurt Rambises with LeBron's brain would beat five Kurt Rambises with Michael Jordan's brain

Because it's slower and LeBron clearly has the size advantage... I just ran the numbers on my calculator, and I am going with LeBron on this. [Five Kurt Rambises with LeBron's brain versus five with MJ's brain]

Draymond Green did not actually kick LeBron James in the groin in the 2016 Finals

No, that didn't happen... I'm saying that LeBron James had no idea that he even hit the fabric when that happened, and not until he went to the locker room and he saw the videotape, and then he became LeBron Blames... The dick kick didn't happen.

The NBA is now Kevin Durant's league and the torch has been passed from LeBron James

Are you ready for my hot, hot, hot take from Game 1 of the NBA Finals? Hit me. The torch has been passed. It is Kevin Durant's league. Whose man's is the NBA? I said that, yeah. It's Kevin Durant's man's. Passed that off. He said, here you go, KD. It is your league now. Your league.

Matthew Dellavedova is the missing piece the Cavaliers need to stop the Warriors

I mean, clearly, Della Vadova's [Matthew Dellavedova] the missing piece. They need a defensive stopper on the team that can check somebody, and they don't have it.

The Cavaliers will win the 2017 NBA Finals in five games

That was not best player in the world night for LeBron James. He had an off night. That's okay. Because he passed the torch. I still think Cavs... Well, you know what? Cavs in five now. How about that?

The Kardashian curse is responsible for Tristan Thompson's poor performance

By the way, speaking of rebounding, Tristan Thompson, four rebounds tonight. Did you also hear that Khloe Kardashian's going around saying she's pregnant with his baby? So the Kardashian curse remains undefeated.

I'm picking the Cavs in seven over the Warriors

PFT, you're on the record as saying the Cavs in seven. Yes, Cavs in seven. Dangerous pick. I'm going out on their limb. Just because if I'm one of many people who are right, nobody gives a shit. But if I'm the only one who's right, then people pay attention.

The Warriors vs Cavs Finals will be a bloodbath and a forgettable postseason

I think the Warriors are going to. I think it's going to be a bloodbath. I think it's going to be the most forgettable postseason we've ever had.

Kevin Durant will be the NBA Finals MVP and play better than LeBron

I think Kevin Durant is taking this personally because he takes everything personally... I think Kevin Durant is going to be the MVP of the series. I think he's going to play even if not better than LeBron all series.