Takes

Bobby Petrino will stay at Louisville for the long term because he is a man of faith

Love Petrino. I feel like Petrino's a good guy. He's got the whole faith of the program behind him. He's not going anywhere. Oh, man, after they go undefeated and they beat Houston too, Petrino's sticking around for the long term. He's not going to Texas or LSU next year.

LSU will look like a completely different team under Coach O

I think you're actually going to see a lot of stuff, a lot of different stuff from LSU when they take the field Saturday night against Missouri.

Lane Kiffin will get a head coaching job and be fired within a year

My hot seat is going to be Lane Kiffin. He's probably going to get a head coaching job after this year. It seems about time. And that immediately puts him back on the hot seat because he'll get fired within a year.

LSU will go after Nick Saban to replace Les Miles

One name that's floating around that LSU is allegedly going to go after, Nick Saban. LSU wants Nick Saban to coach their football team.

Coach O would be an awesome cult leader

I don't know, but it sounds like Coach O would be an awesome cult leader.

The Miami Hurricanes are officially 'back'

The U is back. Of Miami. Okay. The U is back. They have three huge wins against Florida A&M, Florida Atlantic, and Appalachian State. So 3-0 to start the season. I think they're definitely back.

LSU will win their first game under Ed Orgeron because of the 'interim coach boost'

There's no chance that LSU doesn't win their next game. Coach O, he's the fiery guy.

Mississippi State will beat UMass 35-14

I still think Mississippi State gets the W, but I think it'll be closer than the experts think. I'm going 35-14.

Do not schedule North Dakota State because they will stomp you

Do not schedule the [Bison] because they will stomp you if you do. Add Iowa to the list of teams that have gone down to the Bison. Now Minnesota, Kansas, Kansas State, Iowa State, Iowa... have all been beaten and stomped on by the Bison.

Alabama will beat Ole Miss because their defense isn't good

I'm going Alabama. I think they get it done. Yeah. I'm not sold on the Ole Miss defense at all.

Virginia Tech will upset Tennessee at Bristol Motor Speedway

I got Virginia Tech because Appalachian State pushed Tennessee to the brink... Appalachian State should not even be on the same playing level as Tennessee. I got Virginia Tech in the upset.

The SEC is dead in 2016 except for Alabama

Do you think the stories about the SEC being dead are correct? I do, except for Alabama. because Alabama looked good last weekend against USC.

Texas is back after upsetting Notre Dame

Swoops for the win. Texas is back, folks. They upset Number 10 Notre Dame. And what an amazing win for the Texas Longhorns.

Texas is back

I'm going to ask the question right now. Is Texas back? Texas is back. I think Texas is back. I mean, it was a statement win. Charlie Strong, he needed a statement win, right? Now he's back.

Wisconsin is the mediocre pushover neighbor of college football

Wisconsin's never back. They're never gone. They're just there. We literally are just like the neighbor who you can be like, hey, can I borrow your lawnmower and just not give it back for three months? And you know he's never going to come ask. It's a total pushover.

Notre Dame is heading in the wrong direction

If you had to describe Notre Dame for the last seven years, it's perfectly this. Are they back? Question mark. They've been almost back, sort of back, never fully back. But I think now they're going the wrong direction. Now they're set back.

College football overtime should be replaced by a coaching fist fight or Oklahoma drill

I think that if we actually just had the coaches have a fist fight, like a boxing thing. Or maybe the coaches do the Oklahoma drill in the middle [of the field]. Who wouldn't watch that?

Nick Saban doesn't have sex, he just 'soaks' and watches film

I don't think that Saban has sex. I think that Saban just soaks. You know what soaking is? Yeah, it's the Mormon thing. He just soaks it for a while. And then he's watching film, grading players at the same time.

Christian McCaffrey should have won the Heisman Trophy

Last year, Christian McCaffrey, the best football player on planet Earth, he should have won the Heisman, but he didn't get it because he's a Christian and maybe a white male, but mostly because he's Christian.

The SEC is 'bad' this year (2016)

RIP to the SEC, who's bad this year.

LSU does not have a good quarterback and will continue to struggle passing the ball

Turns out LSU doesn't have a good quarterback. Oh, you think? No doy. The 10,000th year that Les Miles has a quarterback that can't throw the ball.

Alabama will lose at least one game due to a brutal road schedule at Tennessee and LSU

The other top three teams in the SEC are LSU, Tennessee, and Ole Miss, and they play each of those three on the road. So it's a brutal schedule for Alabama... I'm going to say the two toughest ones are Tennessee because Tennessee is on the road... and then, of course, the LSU game.

Ohio State will win the Big Ten because they will be experienced by the end of the season

I went with Ohio State. And the reason is when they play their big games... By week 11, they'll be an experienced team. So I think they can win those two games [Michigan and Michigan State] and hence win the Big Ten this year.

The Washington Huskies are the #1 surprise team and a dark horse for the national title

My number one surprise team this year is the Washington Huskies... I've got Washington as my number one surprise team this year.

Iowa has a chance of running the table and going 12-0 again in 2016

I think Iowa's got a chance of going 12-0 again this year... I think they've got a chance of running the table.

Texas will be the most improved team in the country and see a massive win total jump

I have Texas my number one most improved team in the country... I think Texas will show a big change in record and have one of the biggest change in win totals this year.

Florida State will win the 2016 National Championship

As far as the national title this year, I did go with Florida State... I think Florida State can take it all home this year.

This is the year one conference gets two teams into the College Football Playoff

I think this is the year where one conference gets two teams in. Now, that's going to leave two of the Power Five conferences unhappy at the end of the year, but I think this is the year it happens.

Northwestern will hit the over on 6.5 wins

Northwestern, six and a half. I'm going to go with over... I'm going to have to go with over the six and a half.

LSU will win the College Football National Championship

On Saturday and the rest of the weekend, I picked LSU to win everything... My final team, and the winner is LSU. I think LSU wins it. You talk about, and you know, everyone's on Alabama. I'm not against Alabama, but if you look at LSU's recruiting classes... these guys are five, six, seven, eight. I mean, there's really, you know, there's not that much difference.

Ohio State will be a playoff team because they remind me of the 1986 Hurricanes

I like Ohio State. They remind me a lot of our 86th University of Miami team, Hurricanes. We had 12 players drafted. Ohio State had 12 players drafted. Everyone thought that we were gloom, doomed the next year, and we came back in 87 and won the national championship.

Stanford will win the Pac-10 this year

Prediction for Stanford football this year. Well, I can't... I have a hard time saying winner of the Pac-12, so I'm going to say the winner of the Pac-10 still.

I'm betting on Ole Miss week one because Hugh Freeze held a fake funeral for himself

As people who know my gambling problem, I will be betting Ole Miss week one without a doubt. If you bury a football, if you plan a fake funeral for yourself, if a beloved mascot dies, that team's going to win the next game.

Wisconsin threw the 2014 Big Ten Championship game so Ohio State could make the College Football Playoff

Wisconsin threw the 2014 Big Ten championship game 59-0 so that Ohio State could go to the national championship game... Barry Alvarez, Wisconsin AD, sits on the selection committee... He knew, hey, listen, if we're going to get the Big Ten into the national championship, they've got to put a whooping down. Hey, Wisconsin – Go ahead and roll over. 59-0. Let's make it a bloodbath.

Urban Meyer will win a national title before he has another health issue

I think that [Urban Meyer] is going to win a national title before another national title. [Big Cat: Before another fake heart attack?] There was nothing fake about it, Big Cat... Show some concern for your fellow human beings.

Nick Saban is a spiteful, vindictive, irrational baby of a man

So you're saying that Nick Saban is a spiteful, vindictive, irrational baby of a man? You think? No doy. I like that this guy actually thought like he was going to just tell Nick Saban he's quitting. And Nick would be like, you know what? Best of luck to you, man.

Mississippi State is going to struggle this year because Dak Prescott is gone

I'm going to say Mississippi State is going to struggle a little bit this year just simply because we don't have Dak Prescott on the field anymore for us.

Tennessee will win the SEC East because they have the fewest question marks

Like in the SEC East, you've got to go with Tennessee just simply because they've got a lot of talent coming back and they don't have as many question marks as, say, like Georgia or Florida or anybody else.

Texas A&M is the sleeper team to contend in the SEC West

But I'm really intrigued, and this is possibly my sleeper team in the SEC West, Texas A&M. Nobody's talking about them. John Chavis is in his second year. I'm going sleeper team to possibly contend Texas A&M.

Dan Mullen won't leave Mississippi State until he has another 10-win season

I think his window of opportunity for leaving went out the window the year that Mississippi State went to number one in 2014, and I think he's going to have to do something or have another 10-win season before he can leave Starkville.

Everyone in the SEC cheats, but only the dumb ones get caught

And you know what everybody in the SEC says? Everybody cheats. It's just the dumb ones that get caught.

Playing football in the South makes you immune to the justice system

This just shows the cultural difference between the North and the South, the anti-pussification of America by Alabama, where if you play football, you basically are immune to the justice system. That's never actually backfired.

Jim Harbaugh is a civil rights leader fighting against NCAA persecution of football

I'm glad that Harbaugh finally has the guts to stand up for Division I major conference men's college football coaches. ... Harbaugh, thank you for standing up for the rights of the most persecuted people in America.

Nick Saban will shiv and gut Jim Harbaugh to win football games

I have a feeling Jim Harbaugh thinks that this is like a fight that can just be played out on the field. And then next thing you know, Nick Saban's going to shiv him in to the side and gut him to death. But literally. Nick Saban will stab a man if it means winning more football games.

Ohio State is the toughest atmosphere in the Big Ten

I would probably say, I mean, I got to say Ohio State, you know, I mean, the great atmosphere, loud, you know, I mean, and obviously you're going to play against a good football team when you're there.

Nebraska football is an unsuccessful program if they aren't playing for championships

I want to see them back. I want to see them, you know, if Nebraska isn't playing for national championships, it's an unsuccessful year.

LSU at night is the hardest stadium to play in the SEC

And the hardest [place to play] is probably like LSU. At night. Yeah, that's rough.

Liking bikini photos on Instagram proves Jim Harbaugh isn't a sociopath

The fact that he's going on Instagram and liking pictures of chicks in bikinis, that means maybe there's some hope for Harbaugh after all. ... Maybe he is human.