Takes

Tom Brady is the greatest quarterback of all time

That's why he's the greatest quarterback of all time. No, we can say he is the greatest quarterback of all time.

Super Bowl security will be significantly upgraded next year after how easily we snuck in

My prediction is that next year there's going to be a major upgrade in security. Because we were able to get around way too, way too easily. ... We had the Captain Crunch barcode.

Terrell Owens not being in the Hall of Fame is the biggest joke of all time

But seriously, T.O. not being in the Hall of Fame is probably the biggest joke of all time. What is he, second most in reception yards?

The National Anthem for Super Bowl LI will be under two minutes and fifteen seconds

I got the under 2:15 [on the National Anthem]. I did a little research... Lady Antebellum did it [two years ago] and it was only two minutes.

Ernie Adams is the secret genius behind Bill Belichick's success

I think Ernie Adams made Bill Belichick. That's an interesting thing to talk about because people don't know what Ernie Adams does. ... Ernie's a football Rain Man. When you go to Vegas, you're going to take Rain Man here to count cards. Ernie Adams is Bill Belichick's card counter. ... The Malcolm Butler play. They went over us and over us. Ernie drew up that Pete Carroll offensive red zone pass play just in case it came to a play on the one-yard line. ... Ernie Adams made that happen.

Tom Brady will play until he is 45 or 46 years old

How many more years do you think Tom Brady plays? Three. His dad, Tom Sr. and Tom, I think it's 45, 46, realistically. I don't know how long that body...

Tom Brady is a 'medical science miracle'

And Tom Brady's playing. He's 39. 39, right? And he's getting better. A medical science miracle.

NFL security is on the hot seat for letting PFT Commenter sneak into Media Night

Hot seat is is NFL security. The I mean, the all of the bands, the pronouncements that NFL makes and and PFT just waltzes right right in.

The Patriots will win Super Bowl LI in a high-scoring game

A high-scoring Super Bowl and the Patriots win a close game in the 30s. Take the over.

The Redskins will use the franchise tag on Kirk Cousins again this offseason

Kirk Cousins. He's not going to make it right now. Is he going to get paid over $100 million by the Redskins this offseason? No. He'll get the franchise tag. Again? 23-8, yeah.

The Raiders have a 65% chance of moving to Las Vegas and 35% chance to San Diego

I'd say right now it's probably 65% Vegas, 35% maybe San Diego. I thought it was pretty much a done deal by now. Can you come up with $650 million to get this thing to go right?

The Patriots will win Super Bowl 51 and cover the three-point spread

I'm taking the Patriots minus the three points in the big game. ... Patriots 36, [Falcons] 17.

Matt Ryan is an elite quarterback

We're going to get Is Matt Ryan Elite. Ooh, yes. It's already started a little bit. We called it a couple weeks ago. That's going to be a huge one.

I would love to play running back

I would love to play running back. Whoa, that's another headline grab. I think any receiver in my position would love to play running back. Because people always say he's just a running back when he gets the ball in his hand.

The Steelers are like Michigan football because they count championships won before the Super Bowl era

That's a classic Steelers move to count the championships that you won before the Super Bowl was a thing. I'm saying that's a classic thing to reach back. Well, in 1920, we won the big contest. We call that Michigan football.

The Patriots are a better team specifically because of Dion Lewis

Actually, the real reason is Dion Lewis. They are 14-0 when [Lewis] plays. [Brady's] a system quarterback, in other words.

You would be insane to bet the under on the 60.5 total for the Packers-Falcons game

The story of this game, though, over-under is 61.5 now? 60.5. And you would be insane if you bet the under. I do think the over is going to be the play here. There's nothing better than watching a game, having the over, and having it be a points bukkake.

I would rather have two more years of Tom Brady than five years of Jimmy Garoppolo and two first-round picks

[I'd take] Brady. I think we're going to have both, but Brady in that situation. [Even over Garoppolo for five years and two first round picks].

Bill Belichick intentionally messes up social media app names to mess with the media

This is the second time that Belichick has intentionally messed up two apps. I think that Belichick knows a lot more about social media than he's letting on... Belichick pretends to not know what Facebook is... he's just absolutely fucking with the media and just putting on this show like, oh, I don't know what any of this is. And meanwhile, he goes out behind the curtain. He's got five cell phones and he immediately checks all his players' accounts.

Aaron Rodgers is trying to 'cuck' Brett Favre's legacy

Uncoachable. He's now trying to cuck Brett Favre's legacy like a kid just running around back there. Brett Favre was the ultimate draw something up in the dirt. It's like the last thing that Brett Favre has. He was an old school gunslinger. Just go out there and I'll hit you. And now Aaron Rodgers is taking that from him.

Pete Carroll is a cheater for lying on injury reports

My hot seat is Pete Carroll, coach of the Seattle Cheahawks. Got caught cheating... by lying about his injury report saying Richard Sherman, he had an injury the whole season, and he basically lied on the injury report every single week... his crime was lying and cheating.

Toronto does not support the Bills like Buffalo does and is a boring environment

It felt like we were playing somewhere in Europe or somewhere in a foreign country. They didn't really support the team. I never saw a stadium so dead and so boring when a team played in Toronto. They just didn't support the Bills like they did when they played in Buffalo.

Los Angeles is not ready to support two NFL teams

I don't think L.A. is ready for two football teams. They're still trying to get their feet on their own with the Rams, even though they didn't play well this last year... they don't show up until halftime.

Roger Goodell is ducking Foxborough by choosing to attend the NFC Championship game

Goodell... We predicted it. This was a shocker, actually. I thought Goodell would think better of it and go to Foxborough and get spit on by our boss. But it turns out, I guess, he's Will Panson. He's afraid of some bad people from New England.

I am done with Brock Osweiler forever

I am seriously, though. I'm done with Brock Osweiler. I'm done with him forever. He's ruined football games for me, multiple football games for me this year. Stop trying to make Brock Osweiler happen.

Tony Romo will try to get released by the Cowboys rather than traded

I expect that Tony Romo is going to try to get himself released... You guys decided to move on. I want to stay. I want to compete for the starting job. You won't let me. Why do you insist on trading me to another team? Now, how the Cowboys respond to that is going to be the big question because Jerry Jones has an asset under contract... I think he's going to try to get released.

Devin Hester is a Hall of Famer and will eventually get in

I think he is. Well, if any kicker or punter is worthy of getting in, Devin Hester is worthy of getting in, and I think he eventually will. Now, that doesn't mean he gets in on the first try, but I think eventually he's going to get in. You've got to find a spot for a guy who was transcendent in what he did in the return game.

Rex Ryan will not get another chance as an NFL head coach

I don't think he will. How about at the college level? Wouldn't he be a very good college coach? I mean, could you see him recruit the hell out of guys? I think he's going to end up in TV, though. I'm not sure he's going to be as good as they think he's going to be, but I think he's going to end up in TV.

The Chargers moving to LA is like a friend crashing on your couch for a couple years

The chargers didn't even tell the rams they just told twitter... 'whoops hey guys in the rams, we're gonna crash on your couch for a couple years is that okay? ... maybe we'd go halvesies on your apartment ... let us use your stadium. I'll buy you an In-N-Out burger on Friday night.'

Hiring Sean McVay is the NFL equivalent of a 45-year-old divorcé finding an 18-year-old with fake boobs

It's basically if you're married and you're like 45 years old and you get divorced, the next thing you do is you find an 18-year-old with like fake boobs, no job, that sort of thing... you'd go for the opposite [of Jeff Fisher].

I'm taking the Falcons over the Seahawks because this is Matt Ryan's MVP year

I'm taking the Falcons. I'm laying the points. This is Matt Ryan's year. High-flying offense. Matt Ryan, MVP guy. His year.

Andy Reid is the greatest coach of all time as long as he has a bye week to rest

Andy Reid off a bye is the greatest coach of all time. It's a classic fat guy behavior. You just need to rest a little. Just give me a minute to catch my breath, a week to catch my breath. And I'll mentally be ready.

Tony Romo on the sideline will be a huge distraction for Dak Prescott in the playoffs

Romo getting FaceTime every time Dak screws up just a little bit is going to be delicious. Tony on the sideline, and Dak throws an early interception, or the Packers go up a little bit. Show me Tony Romo. Show me Tony Romo. Troy Aikman's going to talk about it.

The Packers will beat the Cowboys because Aaron Rodgers will be motivated by how much Dak Prescott loves his family

I'm taking the Packers... if you read the USA Today article about Dak Prescott... it was him talking about his family. That is bulletin board material for Aaron Rodgers, right? Oh, Mr. Big Shot with the family. Oh, you talk to the family? ... You don't send your family all your Christmas gifts back two months later in a totally normal move?

The NFL draft process will pick apart college kids' characters for minor things like smoking weed or their parents' divorce

As soon as college football ends, it's draft season... We've got to pick apart these 21-year-olds, really dig into it. Stuff like, have you smoked weed? Do your teammates like you? Is your mother a prostitute? ... Did your parents get divorced because of you?

If you are going on a boat party before a playoff game, you better win that game

This is a classic if you're going to go on a boat party. It's the old Tony Romo with Jessica Simpson and Cabo rule. If you're going to go hang out before a playoff game, you better win that fucking playoff game.

Kirk Cousins will get a long-term contract because he looks the part of a quarterback

Do you know what Kirk has going for him? He looks the part. That's really what it is... That's why Matt Barkley is still in the league. That's why Jimmy Clausen is—throw them in a pair of shorts... they look good.

The Patriots will walk right to the Super Bowl

The AFC playoff picture is awful. The Patriots are going to walk right to the Super Bowl.

The Falcons are actually a good team

[The Falcons] are. If you go look back at their schedule, they could be anywhere from 16-0 or 0-16 if you just count the wins as losses and the losses as wins.

The Saturday Wild Card game featuring the Texans is a tradition of bad football that everyone hates

The Texans are playing the first wildcard game on Saturday that everyone's going to hate and always features really bad quarterback play. Tradition like any other.

Pardon My Take is responsible for making punting cool again

Did we bring punting back? Yeah, we made punting cool again. I've seen it everywhere since Punt Week. Ooh, punters this, punters that. These punters, they're so cool.

Eli Manning is a prankster who likes to crop dust and fart on teammates

Eli is the kind of guy, like, he's definitely smart, but, like, likes the pranky, slapsticky type stuff. And, like, it'll just – he'll be sitting down in a meeting or something talking to someone, and he'll kind of crop dust you or just, like, drive by, fart you, and then just walk away. He's a big fart guy, yeah.

Tom Savage is a one-week wonder

I think Tom Savage is a one-week wonder.

The Vikings' trade for Sam Bradford was a dumb move

I always told you guys that Sam Bradford trade was a fucking dumb move. The Titans and the Lions. Let's check the tape on that one. Yeah, we'll check the tape maybe after New Year's.

I would never work for another NFL team because being a Raider is not fungible

I've been approached a number of times... since leaving the Raiders. I don't [have interest] for two primary reasons. I was a Raider. I spent almost 30 years as a Raider. And to me, that's not fungible... I don't know that I could ever wear the colors of another team.

There is a substantial chance the Raiders move to Las Vegas

I certainly think there's a substantial chance that they do, but the end of that story is not yet written... the team seems very, very committed to leaving Oakland.

The Raiders are officially 'back' this year

The Raiders are headed for the playoffs. They've clinched a spot, and now it remains to be seen what they do with that opportunity... Of course they're back this year. They're back. Raiders are back.

It is yet to be proven if Derek Carr can win in cold weather

We saw that the team had some problems in Kansas City. Some people want to attribute that to the pinky. I don't necessarily agree that we should be pointing to a pinky... We'll see because the team could have to travel to New England. We don't yet know if that will be the case.

Everyone should bet the over on the 2016 Boca Raton Bowl

Also, let's all bet the over for fun. Just together... Yeah, we're going to hammer the over. Hammer it. Big time.

I accurately predicted Jeff Fisher would get fired during the second week of December

I swear to God, after Sunday night's show... I said, Jeff Fisher's going to get fired this week.