Takes

I'm going to 'shock the world' and win the Masters this week.

I say we shock the world to win the thing. I've been thinking a lot about it. I feel like not winning's less fun than winning. So I'm kind of just gonna go for it.

The Eagles are running a coordinated attack on Jalen Hurts to prepare for moving on from him

This is a coordinated attack... they're trying to get ready, get everyone ready for a move that's coming to get rid of Jalen Hurts. Because it did feel like a, 'Hey, we're not, we're getting everyone ready in the mindset.' We're basically giving you ammo so when this happens, you could say, 'Aha, it was because of all this.'

AJ Brown will be traded to the New England Patriots

[AJ Brown is] gone no matter what... New England. [In my] unbiased mind, he's still gone.

Duke players suffered severe concussions from the UNC court-storming earlier in the season

I think it's also important to remember that Duke likely had several players that were suffering from severe concussions after the storming of the court that UNC had against them... it's sad that they were forced to continue playing for the rest of the season after such a violent act happened to 'em.

High Point is not a real school; it is a four-year post-high school vacation

High Point isn't a real school. It's vacation. It's vacation use four years of post high school vacation... Students in Madison right now still have another like, solid month and a half of Winter. High Point is going and eating ice cream and in their shorts and flip flops and having steaks.

The Ravens failed Max Crosby's physical intentionally to pivot to Trey Hendrickson

It's almost like they had it ready to go. They pivot to Trey Hendrickson. It feels like they had, by the letter of the law, they had the ability to fail [Crosby] for the physical because he's not ready to play. Technically the Ravens didn't break any rules, they just used it to get someone better that just came available.

The Washington Wizards are the ones who deserve credit for Bam Adebayo's 83 points

My take is that 83 should mostly be given credit to the Washington Wizards. It should be like the Wizards allowed one man to score 83 points against them on this day. The Wizards showing up to cities and playing basketball games should not be tolerated by those cities.

The Arnold Palmer umbrella logo exists because Palmer saw a woman getting out of a car with an umbrella and got horny

Arnold Palmer stood up and then he looked outside. He saw a really hot chick getting out of the car and she had an umbrella and he's like, 'fellas, I've got it: umbrellas. We gotta do umbrellas.' So he just got horny. He got horny for a chick he happened to see and he's like, 'we're doing umbrellas.'

The Minnesota Vikings are a likely landing spot for Kyler Murray if Arizona moves on

I'm curious to see if Minnesota checks that [Kyler Murray] out. That could be interesting, right? You look so short in purple.

Norway shouldn't count in the Winter Olympic medal standings because they invented all the sports

Norway's like the friend that's like, 'Hey, do you want to come to my house and play all my video games and I'll beat you at all of them?' That's what Norway does. If you take out Norway, which you should, we [the US] dominated these Olympics.

Andrew Hill will win Olympic gold in short track speed skating because everyone else will crash

We got one American left in the competition. Eagles fan, Bucks County. Andrew Hill. ... We're gonna be rooting for Andrew Hill. He's 18 to one. ... Survive the crashes. But yeah, this sport is awesome because they just wipe out so hard.

Sam Darnold is a top five quarterback in the NFL

Sam Darnold. Good guy. Elite quarterback elite. Elite, elite. Top five. [Big Cat: Gimme your top five.] Drake Maye. Sam Darnold. Josh Allen, Caleb Williams, Jayden Daniels.

The skeleton is a joke of a sport that anyone could do with three years of training

The skeleton is a joke. [Max: I think that's actually like proven fact that the average amount of person to take, they have three years experience.] When I watch the Best Loser win by a fraction of a second, I'm like, well that guy just decided to do luge. 99.9% of the world just doesn't do luge.

The Washington Wizards are 100% guaranteed to make the playoffs next season.

I am now a Wizards fan... I'm thinking the [playoffs] for sure next year... A hundred percent guaranteed. We're gonna be better than the [6% of the league]... You can't get to the [playoffs] unless you get in the [play-in].

Kayshon Boutte will score a 40+ yard receiving touchdown in Super Bowl 60

[Kayshon Boutte] to score a 40 plus yard receiving touchdown that's plus 1200.

Sam Darnold will turn the ball over once or twice and effectively hand the game to the Patriots in the Super Bowl.

I think they're gonna go after [Sam Darnold] early in this game. I think that's, that's how you win this game... because he will give you one or two. I've seen it before with the Jets.

I bet on Josh Dobbs to win Super Bowl MVP for the Patriots

I got a massive bet on the Patriots. I also put a bet on, on Josh Dobbs to win Super Bowl MVP. The New England Patriot, Patriot... Big time Patriot.

Giannis Antetokounmpo might be traded to the Chicago Bulls this week

Second [favorite to land Giannis] is Chicago Bulls at plus three ten... the rumors of him to the Bulls have always kind of been there being like, he loves Milwaukee so much that he's not gonna leave living in Milwaukee and commute. Which he could do, but it would be the most ridiculous thing ever.

PFT Commenter bet $40,000 on the Patriots money line to win Super Bowl 60

Hank, I did submit the $40,000 bet on the Patriots money line. It's in the DraftKings sportsbook. I put that in. We're good to go. At the very least, you can sleep comfortably knowing that if the Patriots lose, I will have lost $40,000 out of my own pocket.

Hank dismisses Drake May's shoulder injury and calls Twitter doctors 'fake doctors'

He missed a couple throws. He'll be fine. He's a young buck. All the fake doctors on Twitter are making stuff up, but I'm not concerned about his shoulder. They act like they're in the know. They're just watching the same football that we are.

Daily ice cream consumption can reduce diabetes risk by 50%

Ice cream might save the planet. The healthy fats in ice cream can protect you against so many things... 50% reduction in diabetes [from] one serving a day. I believe it.

I am betting $80,000 on the New England Patriots money line in Super Bowl 60

Commenter always pays his bets... so 80 grand. Just straight up money line. If the Patriots win the Super Bowl, you go 80 grand. Fuck it. I love it.

I will finish Justin Gaethje within the first three rounds at UFC 324

We're not gonna see championship rounds... he's getting finished in the first three. I'd love to knock him out. You know what I mean? With a cartwheel kick or something. Something spectacular.

TV companies are intentionally degrading the quality of old game broadcasts to sell 4K TVs

I think somebody's going back and making the feeds worse... If you try to watch a game that's from the year 2009. Yeah. Online. Yeah. It, it looks like it was shot in a, a basement camcorder situation... I swear to God, when we watch football in 2009, it looked good on tv. It didn't look like that.

The Bears are just going to win the Super Bowl

And I, in that moment [after the Cole Kmet touchdown] was like, I think the Bears are just gonna win the Super Bowl. They're just gonna, they're just gonna pull Miracle After Miracle, because that play was so dead.

The Seahawks will beat the Broncos in the Super Bowl.

I've got the Seahawks beating the Bears in Seattle and then I've got the Seahawks beating the Broncos in the Super Bowl. Ooh. A little Seahawk. And I know it's chalky... just because they're higher seeds doesn't mean they're better teams.

LeBron James will announce his retirement at the All-Star Game

He's gonna announce he's retiring at the All-Star game. They're gonna rig it so that he can win the all-star MVP. It's in LA. And then he's gonna say, I'm retiring.

The Bears can reach the Super Bowl if they manage to get three takeaways per game.

Bears can go to the Super Bowl if they get three takeaways a game. I do [believe that]. I am very confident in Caleb Williams. The offense has to start fast.

Tyler Shuck is the hands-down NFL Offensive Rookie of the Year

Could you imagine this guy not winning rookie of the year? No. Oh, he is a rookie that your hands down easily. Hands down.

Drake Maye is going to win the NFL MVP

Congratulations. It, it feels like Drake Maye's gonna win the MVP. It does. It, it definitely feels that way. Yeah. Matthew Stafford's Monday Night Performance kind of cemented it.

The Steelers will beat the Texans in the playoffs

If they win on Sunday night, they will beat the Texans. That's a fact. I'm not worried about the Texans. I was worried about the Bills and the other teams and the Jaguars. But I think they could beat the Texans.

Tyler Shough should win NFL Offensive Rookie of the Year

Tyler Shough today with his wide receiver two and three out, RB one, two, and three out... takes the Saints down the field time and time again... there's just something about Tyler Shough... He should win Rookie of the Year. Shook of the year.

The Steelers will win at least two playoff games this season

I'm thinking two playoff wins... Minimum two playoff wins right now. And listen, I mean, can you say [Aaron] Rogers has been pretty damn good this year? Yes... He's dialed in.

John Harbaugh or Lamar Jackson won't be with the Ravens next season

If I had to guess, it does not feel like next year both those guys [Harbaugh and Lamar Jackson] are gonna be there... there's just enough weirdness around the Ravens that it feels like they're gonna make a change.

The Arizona Cardinals are guaranteed to move on from Kyler Murray

They want to be able to move on from Kyler Murray and they're gonna move on from him. They're probably gonna have to release him. And then the question becomes who wants him?

JMU isn't like Liberty; they will be competitive in the playoff

We're not fucking Liberty, dude. We have sex at James Madison University. It's encouraged, it's mandatory. ... If one of those teams keeps it competitive, they might not change the format too much.

Travis Kelce will likely retire after this season

If I'm Kansas City, first of all, we gotta figure out what's Travis Kelce gonna do and it, you know, I would guess that he's gonna retire, but I have zero inside information on that.

The Eagles will lead the Commanders 36-17 next week before the game gets interesting

The Eagles are gonna be up 36 to 17 [against the Commanders next Saturday]. I want the Commanders' sound off and then hopefully JMU gets off to like a seven-nothing lead before everything goes to shit.

The Saints should win the NFC South after Tyler Schuck's takeover

Tyler Schuck might be the real deal. ... Everything post-Shuck should count. They should win the NFC South. Shuck should be a playoff quarterback this year.

George Pickens will record two touchdowns and 140 receiving yards on Christmas Day

Christmas Day, George Pickens: two touchdowns, 140 yards [against the Commanders].

Kalen DeBoer would pick up the phone if Michigan called him for their head coaching vacancy

I do think Kalen DeBoer would pick up the phone. Obviously he's got his hands full right now with the playoffs.

I will stop cussing for the rest of the season if Philip Rivers beats the Seahawks

If Philip Rivers, if they win, I won't cuss for the rest of football season. Yeah. I'm gonna stop cussing. It would be that magical of a moment.

I'm officially nervous about my pinky bet because the Texans look like they could win the Super Bowl

I'm officially nervous though because I thought you guys [the Texans] were cooked. I'm an idiot... and yeah, that's at stake right now. So you guys are my pinky team and it's very scary with the way you guys are playing football. I think they can absolutely win the Super Bowl... I'm fucked.

The Packers look like Super Bowl favorites

I think that the Packers looked like the team that would be maybe favored to win the Super Bowl the way they played today.

Texas Tech can win the National Championship because of their defense

I am in the belief that Texas Tech can do it with that defense... Texas Tech is a 'yes' for me [to win a national title] because of that defense. They're going to be stretched where they haven't been stretched before.

The AFC playoffs will go through New England because the Patriots are the most solidified team in the conference.

I've been in the belief... that the home field [in the AFC] was gonna go through New England. I, I firmly believe that because of the schedule and seeing them in person Monday night. ... New England is more solidified and I would lean towards them getting home field.

The 2026 World Cup draw will be rigged in favor of the United States.

The World Cup draw is tomorrow. ... I think this is gonna be the most rigged draw ever for the United States. And I put together my, this is my pick for our group: USA, Iran, South Africa, New Zealand.

Ed Orgeron will return to LSU as part of Lane Kiffin's new coaching staff

I think there's a high chance that he [Kiffin] puts Coach O on his staff... Why wouldn't you want Coach O on the LSU staff? You want him back.

Mike Tomlin and the Steelers are likely to break up after this season

My Hot Seat is Mike Tomlin and the Steelers. Because I actually think that he might, this might be it... they don't change anything. And it's, I mean, TJ Watt said it. I think the bills ran the same play 27 times on Sunday. Yeah. That's insane. It feels like this is finally [the end].

Texas should not be in the College Football Playoff because they lost to Florida

I have a take and, and people will probably say this is wrong, but it's my take... Texas is out... That Florida lost. I know they have three very good wins... that's not a playoff team.