Takes

Rudy Gay is the most apathetic star in basketball

There's no one who is as good at basketball but cared less about playing basketball than Rudy Gay. That guy was just so apathetic to who won or lost a game.

Twitter's 280-character limit is too much reading

280 characters is too many, too much reading. I agree. Just reading in general, I think they should have reduced it by half.

The NBA is officially the emo league

I'd like to just say I'm done with the word petty to describe the NBA. We passed petty like a year and a half ago. I think emo is now the correct answer.

Sam Ponder's tweets are the legal definition of 'interference with contractual relations'

There is a doctrine in the law called interference with contractual relations. Knowing that you are about to enter into some kind of a business relationship with a third party... if someone attempts to have that contract stopped. That is the very definition of this case, of that tort.

Aaron Rodgers is the best quarterback in the NFL because the Packers are trash without him

The Packers' Monday Night Football performance just proves, and I've said it for a long time... Aaron Rodgers is the best quarterback in the NFL because that team sucks without him. He makes everything good. And you put Brett Hundley in there and they look like a shell of themselves.

Any potential player ejection in the NFL should be reviewable

I think that we are at the point in this game where any potential ejection ought to be reviewable... because if everything's about players' safety... then if there are egregious acts that don't get called, even if they get called and they're not ejected and should be, then I think replay ought to be able to jump in.

Dwayne Wade is serving as LeBron James' ventriloquist for callouts

I like what Dwayne Wade's doing because now we see AI, the evolution of technology. LeBron no longer has to subtweet. He can just use Dwayne Wade as a little ventriloquist.

Carlos Correa should hand over his man card for proposing right after winning the World Series

Yeah, that's a problem for me because you don't want to propose at the best possible time of your life because everything's downhill from there. It's too much of a good thing... You're basically giving yourself Christmas and your birthday on the exact same day.

The Houston Astros should have kept the center field hill

I wish that they had kept that hill because that is the dumbest thing that has ever been put in a baseball field, and it needed to stay.

Major League Baseball is better when the Dodgers are disappointed

The Major League Baseball is better when the Dodgers are good. That's what people always say. I don't really believe that. I like Los Angelinos to be very disappointed in all their sports because they have everything else.

Deshaun Watson would have failed on the Browns because they ruin all quarterbacks

Deshaun Watson is forever going to be the could-have-been-on-the-Browns guy. But what people don't realize is he would have sucked on the Browns because that's what the Browns do to quarterbacks.

The Raiders have lost their mojo because they aren't getting enough penalties

Jack Del Rio said that they've lost their mojo. You want to know why? Because they're like one of the least penalized teams in the NFL. That's not Raiders football.

Bill Belichick spearheaded the Jimmy Garoppolo trade and wasn't forced into it by Robert Kraft

What I was told was that this is definitely Belichick running the show here... this was a trade that Belichick took on himself... I think it is really Belichick kind of spearheading it.

Men's college basketball is more physical than the NBA

Every NBA coach will tell you that men's college basketball is more physical than the NBA... they still let you beat the shit out of each other instead of calling the fouls that they call in the NBA.

Steph Curry would not be as successful if NBA refs allowed the physicality of college basketball

You think if they let – If they let guys in the NBA handle Steph Curry the way they handle college kids in college, he'd be able to do what he does? Absolutely not.

The NFL is the toughest sport to coach in the world

To me, the toughest sport to coach is the NFL. So those guys, to me, are the best coaches in the world.

Facial hair is an aphrodisiac for women because it shows you can hunt and gather

Facial hair on a man, that is an aphrodisiac for women because it shows that you can provide for a family, you can hunt, you can gather, you can do it all.

NFL catch rules are bullshit after the Zach Miller non-touchdown

I am still so fucking mad about Zach Miller and that catch that wasn't a catch that was a catch. And I know, I know that this is, you know, the Calvin Johnson rule... but this is fucking bullshit. And it's the reason why, even though I love sports, I hate sports... I was that mad that Zach Miller broke his leg for nothing.

Roger Goodell is incompetent for not having blackmail on Jerry Jones

If you want to point your finger at [Goodell] for one thing... it's his complete negligence and incompetence for not being able to pick up any sort of compromising material on Jerry Jones... He's really not that difficult to compromise.

The 'shark photo' was the beginning of the end for Jim McElwain at Florida

I'd say it all went south when we all just thought that Jim McElwain was fucking a shark... When you have to hold a press conference saying you did not fuck a shark, that probably means the job's not for you.

Jonathan Quinn is the worst quarterback to ever play more than one game in the NFL

Jonathan Quinn might be the worst quarterback to ever play more than one game in the NFL.

High school football coaching in America fails to prepare quarterbacks for the college spread offense

what we're seeing at the college level is all these high school kids are running like fancy, like pro-style offenses where they just hand the ball off and they play under center too much and they're not preparing kids enough for the college game to play in the spread offense.

You cannot lead a clubhouse while wearing adult braces

[Joe Girardi's] problem was he could never recover from having braces. Adult braces. You can't be a leader of men with adult braces... if you can't straighten your teeth out, you can't straighten out a clubhouse.

The TV show should have remained titled Pardon My Take rather than changing it to Barstool Van Talk

I was against the name change. I thought [Pardon My Take] made sense from a branding standpoint from what we've built right here to bring our audience over to television. I thought it made all the sense in the world to keep the show's name as [Pardon My Take].

I stand by the totality of my work despite previous offensive comments used to cancel the show

I've said many things that I'm sure if you showed to me today, I'd be like, eh, probably not the best. But I think more than anything, more than like one tweet or one word you said, you should be judged by the totality of everything you've done. And I will stand by everything I've done at Barstool. I'll stand by the platform that it's given me. I'll stand by the audience that I've built.

Pete Rose belongs in the Baseball Hall of Fame as a player

As a baseball player, put him in the Hall of Fame. Don't let him hold a job. That's it. If you cheat in grad school, I don't take away from your undergrad degree. And that's the way I look at it with Pete. He did something wrong as a manager. Now, if you can prove he bet as a player, then I wouldn't put him in the Hall of Fame.

I would have easily beaten Skip Bayless in a game of one-on-one basketball

[Skip Bayless] is in good shape. But if we're shooting, then I would steal his lunch money. I would have lit up Skip Bayless.

Austin, Texas is a bad sports town for trying to steal the Columbus Crew

Austin, Texas. Bad sports town... they are currently in the midst of cucking the Columbus Crew. They're trying to steal the Crew, which is a Talking Soccer. They're trying to steal an MLS team and bring them down to Austin, Texas.

College football is more fun when Notre Dame is good

Notre Dame is back. And it's going to be fun. It's going to be fun to watch Notre Dame get their hopes all the way up. College football is significantly more fun when Notre Dame is back.

Kyrie Irving telling a fan to 'suck my dick' was worth the $25,000 fine

Kyrie got fined 25,000 that's not that much totally worth it to say suck my dick to fan yes absolutely yeah... Saying suck my dick in Philly is like the nicest thing you can do. That's the Philadelphia hello.

Any NBA coach who picks up their landline desk phone is a bad coach

I would fire Jason Kidd if I were the Bucks... what coach is at their desk just picking up their phone? Their landline. If you're an NBA coach and you've picked up your landline in the last 10 years, you're a bad coach.

You cannot have a championship drought if you have never won a title

The Astros, the Indians are the longest drought for Major League Baseball. Yes. For a championship. The Rangers are second longest. The Astros are third. The Rangers and the Astros have never won a World Series. Can you have a drought if you've never won a World Series? Because I say no.

85% of The Ringer's basketball podcasters are 'hipsters' who rely too much on stats

85% of the people that are on the Ringer podcast discussing basketball, they're hipsters. In terms of the stat, stat, stat... I want an eye test. I don't want geometry. Can you play or can you not play?

Tobey Maguire is the worst basketball player I've ever seen

The worst basketball player I've ever seen is Tobey Maguire. That motherfucker. Stick to the poker tables, you nerd.

Freezing Reese's Peanut Butter Cups is the best way to eat them

Reese's, put them in the freezer, kids. That's the next level stuff. Everyone knows that.

The Bulls' practice fight is a result of a failure in leadership from John Paxson

This starts from the top. This is leadership from the top. This is John Paxson, who has famously gotten a choking match with Vinny Del Negro... It's a good culture that the Bulls have.

Joe Maddon is not a great in-game manager

I don't think he's that great in-game. I think he's pretty good at rallying a team and getting a team together and getting the most out of a young team, but I would say in-game he leaves a little to desire.

Ronda Rousey is underrated for what she built in women's MMA

Underrated. Look at what she did. Look at what she built. She started it all... That whole combination of what she was is what built the women's mixed martial arts world. It's like a chicken and the egg phenomenon.

The replay rule for runners coming off the bag is the worst rule in baseball

It worked in the Cubs' favor, but I think it's the worst rule in baseball when a guy comes off of a bag and they hold a slide for like a second longer and he's off by a centimeter and they watch a million replays like, yeah, you know what? He was out.

Ernie Johnson and Ron Darling are the least electric duo to call an elimination game

Ernie Johnson and Ron Darling. Maybe the least electric duo to call an elimination game in sports. It sounded like they were just hanging out... It sounded like Ernie Johnson was on the phone with his wife in the other hand, and then he'd just pop into the mic and be like, that's a double.

I miss Joe Buck's 'big game' voice

I'm going to say it. I miss Joe Buck... Joe Buck has a big game voice. That's a fact. Yeah, he could say the exact same things that Ernie Johnson says, but there's something about Joe Buck. You hear that voice, and you know what? It's pageantry.

Umpires are more likely to be lenient with Trevor Bauer because he supports Donald Trump

I think he would be more likely to be a successful pitcher as a Trump supporter because I'm going to go out on a limb and say that most umpires are probably Trump supporters. Blue Lives Matter. That's what they call umpires... I feel like Country Joe [West] might be pulling the lever for Trump... umpires would be more likely to be lenient with a Trump-supporting pitcher.

Mark Brunell is dead to Jaguars fans because he cried on TV

This is actually a fun fact for most Jaguars fans out there. Mark Brunell's dead to us. Yeah, because he cried... about football... you can't cry about that.

Whataburger's actual burgers are trash

Whataburger is trash... Whenever you talk about a burger joint, you're talking about the burger. You can't say you've got to try Whataburger, but the chicken's really good. I know this great rib joint, but you've got to try the salmon.

A manager getting ejected rallies the team like a big hit in hockey

When a manager gets kicked out, it rallies the troops like a big hit in hockey.

The chicken definitely came before the egg

I think it had to be the chicken. How did that chicken get made if there was going to be an egg? ... I feel like [God] just created the chicken and boom, the egg was next.

There has never been a quarterback better at playing the position than Peyton Manning

When it comes to quarterback, being a quarterback and quarterbacking in the National Football League, there hasn't been a quarterback better than Peyton Manning. ... coming up to the line, being a quarterback, there's not a greater quarterback than Peyton Manning.

If I played offense I would be a tight end because I know how to beat defensive coverages

I'd probably be a tight end. That's a position that I know. I guard tight ends every single day. ... I understand what works, what doesn't work, how to beat the guys on defense because that's where my foundation is.

The Chargers won the Eli Manning-Philip Rivers trade once and for all

Odell Beckham, more like 0-5, Odell Beckham. The Giants remain winless, and the Chargers win the Eli Manning-Philip Rivers trade once and for all.

The early 2000s Miami Hurricanes defense could have beaten NFL teams

I agree. I mean, it was some, we could have beat some NFL teams, absolutely. [Could you have taken the Browns?] Absolutely.