Takes

There will be no doinked field goals or extra points in Super Bowl 58

No fucking doinks. Oh no doinks. We're running it back. I got doinked big time last year and I just realized I'm talking about Moody and even his makes are close to being misses. And also last year it was Butker. But he's a good kicker. There's no chance he double doinks. No chance. So what I'm doing is I'm going to have my vengeance on the doink from last year. And I'm going to double my bet this year and go, no doinks.

MetLife Stadium is cursed

My Hot Seat is MetLife Stadium. It was recently announced that the very cursed stadium in the NFL world will be hosting the 2026 World Cup final... however, I believe they're switching it to grass. Correct? They are. But it's still cursed.

Andy Reid will never retire because he has no hobbies except football and cheeseburgers

Andy Reid, who is not gonna retire. This is all he does. I'm trying to get Andy to play golf. I'm trying to get him to go hunting. He just won't do it. Andy Reid also has a bucket list... it's just eating in different countries. My prediction, they win the Super Bowl, he probably goes to France. Eats his way through France.

Taylor Swift is absolutely good for football

Absolutely. And I'll tell you why... I think she's legitimate. I'm in my mid thirties. I'm cheering on my guy and I'm having fun at the game... anything that makes somebody a pro football fan from nothing can't be all bad.

The Chiefs will beat the 49ers 22-18 in Super Bowl LVIII

I think the Chiefs repeat. 23-20. [Big Cat: No, let's fix that.]... So 22-18. You get to 18, I mean, there's six... you could kick a lot of field goal. 22-18. The Chiefs, I have them winning. I'd like to see a repeat champ and I just hope people recognize what they're watching.

I completely bombed my stand-up comedy set

It was just, it was all downhill. I knew it was bad. My dad texted me after he just said, 'you okay'. I was, I was like, I'm, I was like, I'm fine... but even if I prepped a year, you can't, you can't teach public speaking.

Robbie Avila will be a breakout star if Indiana State makes the NCAA Tournament

Robbie Avila from Indiana State. ... He's got rec specs. And he is, if Indiana State gets to the tournament, which they are the best team in the Missouri Valley right now. We could have like a, this, this guy could like, capture the hearts of America.

My depth perception improved instantly after having LASIK surgery

The depth perception was the biggest thing. ... I just feel like the depth of a linebacker, like eight yards and 12 yards is completely different. ... It's just like, it's no second guess. It's no, it's no, it's no. Like I said, no second guessing. It's just trust and confirm and let it rip.

I was wrong: Brock Purdy is much better than Jimmy Garoppolo

I would like to correct myself at the end of the show. We, we were talking about Jimmy G and Brock Purdy. I did. I was like, oh, was Jimmy G's be, you know, is he that much worse than Brock Purdy? That was wrong. Brock Purdy's much better than Jimmy G... Brock Purdy is better both with his legs with taking shots.

Three championships in five years officially makes the Chiefs a dynasty

I think you can even zoom out and just say about the Chiefs if they win this game of Dynasty. Yeah. Because that's a rule, right? Dynasty talk. Three championships in five years. That's Dynasty. This is crowning them being the new dynasty.

Patrick Mahomes is a genuinely good guy who does a lot of charity work when cameras aren't there

I'm amazed at Patrick Mahomes. He's a legitimate good guy that I think has a really big heart. When you talk to their PR folks, they're like, you should see what this guy does when nobody's looking. When cameras aren't there... he does stuff that nobody has any idea about. Just 'cause he is a good guy.

I can't bet against Patrick Mahomes ever again

I can't bet against Mahomes anymore, man. Yep, yep. And I thought, I thought Baltimore would handle 'em. Yeah. I thought the bills, the bills had 'em... and this dude just finds a way to win. So if I bet against the guy, I'm like, that's crazy. I'm, I'm doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.

Patrick Mahomes' leadership was the key to his young receivers' success

He deserves a ton of credit because what Patrick Mahomes never did this entire season is give any type of complaint publicly about his wide receivers. And it's paying off now because he basically stood in front of the bullets for these guys to suck for the majority of the year... and get a Rashee Rice to a point where he's like an actually really good receiver.

Planes are having a moment right now

I think planes are having a moment. They are. You had Top Gun Maverick. You've got [Masters of the Air]. You've got Boeing. You've got that lady that got kicked off for farting on the plane. So a lot of stuff about planes recently.

Michigan fans would accept any amount of future sanctions for the 2023 National Title

He just won a national title. He beat Ohio State three years in a row. If you're a Michigan fan, you sign up for that a hundred times out of a hundred. No matter what happens after this. Who cares about sanctions?

The Ravens-Chiefs AFC Championship game will be a low-scoring defensive struggle

I actually think Chiefs-Ravens is a low scoring game. I think it's in the twenties... like 23-20. I think it's an amazing scene in Baltimore.

You must always defer the coin toss if you win it

Why would you not defer, why would you not get the ball back to, to start the second half? I just assumed that was like a, a cardinal fundamental rule. And then when you look at the stats... I think you should just defer every time.

Jim Harbaugh will be the head coach of the Chargers

I feel like this week we're gonna start getting some announcements. Bill Belichick for the Falcons, Harbaugh to the Chargers. Yep. That type of stuff.

Christian McCaffrey finishing 2023 with exactly 2023 all-purpose yards is the stat of the year

Did you know the history... Did you know that he also finished with 2023 All purpose Yards and he's the first player to ever finish with the same number of yards as the year... I think it's Stat of the year.

I'm going to play football as long as possible to avoid having to do sports media

Honestly, man, that's the last thing I want to do is be doing interviews to get myself behind a camera. So I'm gonna try to do this as long as possible and, and diminish those possibilities as much as I can.

My second son will have to play quarterback because he is too natural of a thrower

My second son for sure is going to have to play quarterback. I think he, he's just too natural a thrower. So I'm, oh man, that's great. Another line of Flacco would be awesome.

The Bills defense will have a hard time stopping Patrick Mahomes with their current injuries

I am very nervous for the Bills defense going up against Patrick Mahomes in the Playoffs. It feels like they're gonna have to patchwork something together here. And maybe, maybe they just have to just do like their offense just has to go nuclear. ... they've lost everything [on defense].

Liberty Football's 2.96 GPA is actually good for a team GPA

Liberty Football. They tweeted ... 2.96 cumulative GPA. ... It's actually not terrible for a team. It's really good. ... football team. It's the old, 'I didn't play school'.

Green Bay dominating Dallas was the biggest surprise of Wild Card weekend

I think the biggest surprise has to be Green Bay going in and winning the way they did. I thought they would hang around in the game, but to go in there and dominate the way they did, that was a bad look for Dallas.

The Kansas City Chiefs will beat the Miami Dolphins because Tua Tagovailoa cannot play in the cold

I don't see Tua winning this game... the stats that you had for Tua, you can just watch Tua when he plays in the cold. He looks very uncomfortable going on the road. Arrowhead is like one of the top two or three hardest places to play... I think I'm gonna take the Chiefs.

Travis Kelce to score a touchdown is the Super Wild Card prop of the year

Travis Kelce scored touchdowns plus money now. And the dolphins are not great guarding the tight end. And I do think that like when you get to the playoffs, Patrick Mahomes will be like, who can I trust? Travis Kelce's the guy I can trust.

I am switching my pick to the Detroit Lions over the Los Angeles Rams

I said Rams all week... and I've switched... I'm betting the Lions. I'm gonna take the Lions just because I don't want to make blood money off the Rams winning... I think the Lions are better.

Buffalo and Dallas are the two best teams in the NFL outside of San Francisco and Baltimore

The number two teams in each conference are pretty clearly Buffalo and Dallas. Not just the number two seeds, but the number two teams by both DVOA and weighted towards the end of the season. If somebody's gonna win this thing other than San Francisco or Baltimore, it's probably going to be Buffalo or Dallas.

Michigan was the best team in college football this year by a large margin

Washington fans, as much as it sucks right now, I just wanna say this, Michigan was always gonna win that game. That is what Michigan does... I really truly believe Michigan was the best team by a large margin in college football this year.

I hate watching playoff football on an app like Peacock

I hate the experience of watching a game on an app as opposed to watching on TV, where you can easily and elegantly and seamlessly flip back and forth and show off your skills going back to the game right as it's about to snap again... it's a playoff game and it stinks.

Michigan will win the National Championship but Washington plus the points is the smart bet

My heart is putting me on Washington, but my testicles are saying Michigan... I'm leaning towards betting Washington in the points. But I think Michigan's gonna win.

The only thing that can stop the 49ers is injuries or the Baltimore Ravens

The 49ers have the one seed all locked up... The only thing that can stop the 49ers are injuries and the Baltimore Ravens.

I am definitely playing next NFL season

That's a no brainer, bro. I mean, I've never had this low of a sack total in my career since rookie year. I'm already in my villain arc. I'm headed into my revenge season. I'm playing this and I'm already spurned.

Lamar Jackson has officially secured the 2023 NFL MVP

Ravens 56 Dolphins 19 Ravens. The one seed. This was an ass kicking. Lamar Jackson. MVP. Happy. We can be done with that discussion.

Kirk Cousins will return to the Minnesota Vikings next season

Is Kirk Cousins gonna come back? I think he's, I I would guess that he's gonna come back to the Vikings... He'd probably be okay with taking a pay cut just to avoid the nuisance of having to move your family to a new city... Kirk Cousins back to the Vikings. We're announcing that right now.

Antonio Pierce has earned the full-time head coaching job for the Raiders

I do think that Antonio Pierce has, has coached his way into being the full-time head coach. Agree. If they really wanna win this game, Mark Davis should announce before the game starts. Like you're giving away a scholarship like this, this Walk-on now has earned his position.

Having a clear vision is the most important tool for success in life

I put this number one in my book, be useful because I think that vision is the most important thing. If you don't have a very clear vision of what you want to accomplish in life, and if you don't have a very clear vision where you want to go, you don't have anything, you're just kind of like drifting around.

Admitting your mistakes is the only way to learn and improve

You learn, you know, sometimes even more from the failures than we do from the successes. And so we have to be very honest, when you fail, you have to be very, very honest... You've gotta go and just look in the mirror and say, you fucked up and here's what you did wrong. And then analyze it, and they take the blame for it.

The rivalry with Sylvester Stallone made both of them more successful and drove them to improve

Stallone by being so good made me better. So he gets, it's kind of like a competition. If you go to the Olympics and you're the only one that is running the a hundred meter sprint, you know, you're not gonna get the performance out of it as if, if a bunch of guys are chasing you. And so it's always kind of the competition that creates performance.

I will be in the best shape of my life when I turn 40

I have the double whammy of our birthday month is coming up and it's our last birthday in our thirties. And I am trying to tell myself that when I turn 40, I have to turn 40 in good shape in the best shape of my life... I'm going to put in a very concerted effort starting on Tuesday.

Mike Tomlin will find his way to nine wins

Whatever you wanna say about [Tomlin], he will find his way to nine wins. He's gonna find his way to nine wins. They had to win this game to find his way to nine wins... the Mike Tomlin path is set.

Shohei Ohtani to the Dodgers is not more impactful than Jackie Robinson

Ben Verlander... said that Shohei Ohtani to the Dodgers is the most important signing in Dodgers history... Jackie Robinson? ... Pretty impactful. The word impactful was really interesting to us. Most important, most impactful.

The Rams are officially a legitimate, good football team

I think we can say that the Rams are legit. Like they're, they're a good, they're a good team.

Ron Rivera will be fired by the Commanders

Do you think Ron Rivera will get fired? Yeah, I do.

Drops are contagious among wide receivers

Are drops contagious? They are. I, I, I, I honestly think it's not just one thing that you fix it, it, it comes down to, you know, guys working together to execute a play. ... It ultimately comes down to just practice and preparation.

Redshirting was the best thing that ever happened to me in college

The best thing that ever happened to me was I redshirted and was able to sit in the meetings and be at practice and run Scout team the year that we won the National Championship in '05 with Vince Young... I've told [Arch Manning], I said the best thing that ever happened to me was Redshirting. I know it's not that cool to do and it sucks, especially in this day and age, but like I'm just telling you, it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Nick Mullens is the ultimate backup gunslinger because you always want to watch him

Nick Mullens... he's the ultimate like backup gunslinger. Right. Yeah. I don't think a team will ever commit to Nick Mullens as being like the guy ever. But he's fun. At least you'll say this about Nick when he plays, you wanna watch the game because he's gonna do some crazy shit.

Vic Fangio is the reason I believe in the Dolphins

I stand by the fact... the whole reason that I have believed in the Dolphins in the last couple weeks is 'cause of Vic Fangio today. Their defense was awesome. Shut out. Hard to shut out a team in the NFL. It is, it is... That's why I believe in the Dolphins is Vic Fangio.

The 49ers are a freight train you should not bet against under any circumstances

49ers are a freight train right now and you should not get in front of them under any circumstances. Like if you're trying to bet against the 49ers right now, sit down and ask yourself like why am I doing this? They are really, really fucking good at football and every time they're healthy, they've killed everyone.

The Vikings will beat the Bengals because Brian Flores' defense will confuse Jake Browning

I kind of like the Vikings in this game. And I like him because Brian Flores... is doing stuff that people can't even figure out with his defense zone. Blitzes just... he's doing a lot of multiples... I think that this is gonna be Jake Browning's first test. True test because the Colts and the Jaguars aren't great defenses. The Vikings have been playing like a great defense.