Takes

Carson Wentz is a better choice than Kirk Cousins

I would go with Wentz over Cousins for one very important reason... The moment it goes to shit, Cousins can't do anything. Wentz has the athleticism to try to make chicken salad on the fly. That separates him from Cousins... and for what he's getting paid versus what Cousins's getting paid, I take Wentz.

Tom Brady un-retired because he didn't want to share his Hall of Fame induction with Ben Roethlisberger

Tom Brady saw the writing on the wall. He's like, five years now. I don't want to get my [Hall of Fame] ceremony cut by big Ben [Roethlisberger]. So I'll just cuck the kids and stuff.

Tennessee got screwed as a 3 seed and should have been a 2 seed

I think that Tennessee got fucked too. They did. Tennessee got dry fucked. Her three seed. They should have been at two seed should have been one of the top two seeds, in my opinion, duke fucked duke. Yes. Duke, fuck Tennessee. Tennessee should have that two seat.

Amari Cooper is perpetually not as good as his hype

Amari Cooper is firmly in my mind, a guy who like just is perpetually, not as good as his hype. He's a guy who you will forever want to be a clear cut number one. And he will never be that. So you know what I'm saying? Like, you're always wanting Amari Cooper to be the guy. And I don't think he ever will be the guy. I mean, CD lamb's better than him.

South Dakota State will upset Providence in the first round

South Dakota state has not lost a game since early December, they've won 30 games. They shoot just under 45% from three as a team. I'm taking South Dakota state over Providence.

Malik Willis will either be a Hall of Famer or a complete bust

Like he could actually like, you know, it's either going to translate and he's going to be like Patrick Mahomes or it's not. One of those things where it's... so like hall-of-famer or bust. Exactly. Yep. I like that.

I am the biggest Carson Wentz super fan in the world right now

I've reached this point in my bargaining stage where I think I'm the biggest Carson Wentz super fan in the world right now. I've had some time to think it through logically... Carson Wentz's ceiling is better than any quarterback in that division. Now, all we have to do is to get him to play at his ceiling on an average basis.

Malik Willis has the most fuckable spiral in the 2022 draft

Number one. Malik Willis. God damn moon bomb. And the thing is, I love how the ball turns over on his long balls. It points up when it's going up and when it's going down, it points down and it looks like an absolute cruise missile.

Jabari Smith is the best jump shooter I have ever coached

Go ahead and doubt [Jabari Smith]. Good luck. I'm just telling you do not doubt that kid. He is one of the greatest competitors that I've ever coached. He's the best jump shooter I've ever coached, and that's actually at any position.

Ben Simmons is actually right-handed but shoots left-handed

I've told Ben that [he's right-handed]... he disagrees with me, but when I watch him, right. He does it with his right hand. If I asked him to throw, he would do it with his right hand... I think he's a right-hand person that shoots the basketball left-hand.

Coach K’s legacy is shot because he lost his last game at Cameron Indoor to UNC

Give me your thoughts, so real on the game because you have to admit like [Coach K's] legacy is completely shot now. That's what everyone's going to remember about Coach K is [the loss].

Desmond Ridder has 'fuckable spirals'

Desmond Ridder has nice spiral, Cincinnati guy. He gives me Justin Herbert type vibes... fuckable spirals for fuckable spirals. If you see a spiral, you're like, damn that spiral sexy.

Joe Rogan is not a racist

I know him to be a lot of things. A racist is not what he is. I can promise you that. He's a lot of things. Trust me. I don't, the guy's fucking flawed. Like all of us... My dad says, I'm very proud of the son I raised that you will be a loyal to a friend in a moment like this.

The Liver King is shorter because he didn't go through the agricultural revolution

He's come for short too... Well, you see, he didn't go through the agricultural revolution. So he was, he's still the size of the early ancestor, tall for his era. You didn't go to the agricultural revolution yet.

Kliff Kingsbury could have had the Oklahoma head coaching job if he wanted it

I get a call from somebody, not in the Kliff Kingsbury camp, connected to the [Sooners]... and they said, are you aware of the fact that Oklahoma is kind of after him? ...I made a couple more calls and found out that if he wanted that job, he could have it. Now. Now it was portrayed as I'm giving Kliff Kingsbury leverage. I could care less.

Tom Brady was in talks to be a limited owner of the Miami Dolphins

He was retiring. I mean, there were other plans he's doing a movie. He was talked about as a limited owner of the Miami Dolphins. His family was at like, the decision had been made. He was retiring and we reported it.

The Commanders should trade for Carson Wentz

Carson Wentz. I, I think we should put them in Washington just to see PFT's soul leave his body.

Kyler Murray will go play baseball when he's 28 years old

It's wild. I don't know how this, I mean, yeah, they're going to pay him and then he's going to be upset and he's going to be more upset and they're not going to win. He's going to be more upset. And then he's going to, I feel like when he's like 28, he's gonna be like, I'm going to go play baseball.

Tom Izzo is overrated

I picked a really bad time to unearth the Tom Izzo is overrated thing.

NIL deals at Power 5 schools are often just booster kickbacks, not real endorsements

Tell me what have you seen them [Power 5 recruits] endorse? ... How can you get a million dollars worth of endorsements for a kid at these power fives and nobody sees nothing? ... At least if you say you're going to do something, we got to at least see it. The NCAA should hold people accountable if they say they got a deal.

MLB will realize people don't miss baseball as much as they think if the lockout continues

If baseball doesn't start the season and play a full season, they're going to learn very quickly that they miscalculated the world's need for baseball. I wouldn't notice fully until like late June and be like, where the fuck is my baseball?

Tom Izzo is an overrated coach

I'm finally being vindicated on my take I've been squatting on for six years... about Tom Izzo. If you're saying he's an all-time great, he's definitely overrated. If you want to be considered one of the best coaches, you have to win a second championship.

I'd rather have 11 Mitchell Trubiskys playing every position than Carson Wentz at quarterback

I saw that the Washington Commanders were targeting Carson Wentz as their quarterback. I would rather literally have 11 Mitchell Trubiskys playing every position than Carson Wentz at quarterback.

The Juwan Howard incident was great for college basketball

I'm smashing the good for college basketball button. Of course it is awesome for college basketball... Rivalries in college sports where it's always on the cusp of turning violent. That's just good for the sport and nothing bad happened.

Aaron Rodgers macro-doses mushrooms and LSD in the offseason

If you don't believe my take that Aaron Rodgers is straight up macro doses mushrooms and LSD in the off season, go listen to his most recent interview... he's doing some really freaky shit.

Phil Mickelson is naive and selfish for his Saudi comments

I love what a dumb ass Bryson is... Phil Mickelson, oopsie... I thought Phil Mickelson was naive, selfish, egotistical, and ignorant because he, you need to kick him when he was down... he actually wrapped all the contexts in the world around that quote.

In a bar fight, ask 'what did you just say?' then punch them while they repeat it

If you do find yourself in a fight... the guy says something to you, ask and be like, what'd you just say? And then as he starts to repeat himself, that's when you punch him because he's focused on remembering what he just said... He never expects the punch in that situation.

Coach K blocked Tommy Amaker from the Duke head coaching job to protect Jon Scheyer's career

There's a report coming out a new book that Tommy Amaker was going to be named next head coach of duke... and coach K got on a zoom with them and essentially said, I can't have you taking this job because that would set John shier back in his career. So we want you to take your name out of consideration and out of respect for coach K Tommy Amaker realized that this job search thing was apparently he had been offered the job already until coach K stepped in.

Kyler Murray leads the league in nonsense

All of this nonsense is not what I'm about. Never has been, never will be... All that says it, all, all of this nonsense that I, that I directly caused is I'm not. And you can make the case that this is just more nonsense, correct? I think Kyler Murray leads the league in nonsense.

I could record two points and a rebound in an NBA game

That was the thing on the, on the team plane home one year or one flight, we said, I can get you two points in, in a rebound in NBA game. You could? Yeah, I think I could, but rebound, the rebound would be tough.

Eli Apple is the most disliked player in the NFL

Do you think that there's a more disliked player in the NFL than Eli Apple? Cause they picked on him and it was like every single player that was watching the game, current players, were just roasting the fuck out of him. Like he was getting just dragged by guys that are like the third wide out on some of the worst teams.

The Super Bowl score will be 32-26 Bengals for a Scorigami

The prop is obvious. It's Scorigami on the Barstool Sportsbook... got to be aligned and take 32-26 Bengals. That would be a Scorigami.

Home runs are going to increase because MLB stopped testing for steroids

My cool throne are yobbos, dingers, home runs, whatever you want to call them. Because for the first time in 20 years, Major League Baseball is stopping testing its players for steroids... I love it. Everybody use the ball and juice to go back and forth.

Christian McCaffrey and the Carolina Panthers are dead to me in Fantasy Football

Carolina Panthers. Nothing. Yeah. I like that. So Chris McCaffrey officially dead to you now. He is dead to me. You know? What's so funny when I auto drafted him... I said to myself, he's going to get injured... So never Carolina Panthers.

Jackass Forever should be nominated for an Oscar for the joy it gives the world

Give Jackass an Oscar. Yeah. There's one of Nobel peace prize. It's ridiculous that those Hollywood phoneys have not given Jackass an Oscar yet. It should at least be nominated because the amount of joy that they've given to the world, it kicks the shit out of every other director and every other comedy group. Like it's insane. The work that they put in and they've sacrificed their bodies to make us laugh.

Coach K is a hypocritical fraud for refusing halftime media interviews

Whoa. Are you, are you just realizing now that huge [hypocrite] fraud? Well, no. Jake is just realizing now because it's about halftime interview with the media. He never does halftime because he plays, plays on the roof. That's crazy. Like I understand he's a legend for whatever, but just take the interview.

The NFL will force Stephen Ross to sell the Miami Dolphins

I think that they're going to force him [Stephen Ross] to sell the team. I think this is the only way that an owner could be forced to sell. Because owners have so many skeletons in their closet that they're never going to vote another guy out... But when you start involving like changing the outcomes of games and bribing coaches, things like that. I feel like this is, this is a great excuse for owners to try to sell the team or try to vote them out.

Major Biden should be the animal mascot for the Washington Commanders

I'm hoping that since we're the commanders, which is the name of one of Joe Biden's dogs, the good one, Major Biden becomes the animal mascot. That'd be awesome to have him just patrolling the sidelines, biting the opponent, pissing and shitting all over himself. That's what I want.

The ACC is rigged and the referees are bullshit

Also, my Fyre Fest is the ACC refs are fucking bullshit. ACC's rigged. I'm going to get an investigation. What they did to Louisville on Tuesday night will not stand. So I stand with Louisville and all the people who are angry about that game.

Stephen Ross should be removed from the league if he truly offered Brian Flores money to lose games

He also says that Stephen Ross, the owner of the Miami Dolphins, offered to pay him $100,000 for every loss during the 2019 season to help the team get a better draft spot... If this is true... Roger Goodell should probably get Stephen Ross out of the league, right?

The Chiefs' loss to the Bengals is more heartbreaking than the Bills' 13-second loss

I think that this loss for the chiefs is more heartbreaking than the Bill's loss. Because here's why... Bills went shot for shot. They gave it their all... the chiefs were up at halftime... they're about to put the Bengals away, go to the super bowl. And they in that all falls apart like that. To me, it's bad game that you just keep replaying in your head.

The Chiefs missed their window to be a dominant dynasty

When you start to lose a lot or you don't win what you're expected to. When I get there, like what you were saying, they're going to, they're not going to be the same dominant chiefs for over and over and over and over and over again, they have to change. Like they're missing their window. Their window missed.

Kyle Shanahan has a psychological issue with holding 4th quarter leads in big games

Kyle Shanahan now... there's enough evidence out there to say something is up with Kyle Shanahan late in games. So the last four times... where a team has blown a double digit lead in the fourth quarter, Kyle Shanahan has been part of three out of four of those... something happens. He panicked.

Tom Brady will come out of retirement within five years

I'm just going to assume that Tom Brady could come back at any point in the next like five years. It would not shock me if at his like induction ceremony to the hall of fame, Tom Brady announces that he's coming back to the NFL as he's getting inducted, just to fuck them over for one more year.

The Bengals are a 'team of destiny' and will beat the Chiefs in the AFC Championship Game

I'm going with the Bengals. Cause they're I think they're a team of destiny. Joe, Joe Burrow. This is the first number one pick to ever go to the AFC championship or a championship game into his third or second year.

If Aaron Rodgers goes to the Broncos and beats Mahomes twice a year, he's the GOAT

If Aaron Rodgers goes to the Broncos... he does get to have these primetime duels with Patrick Mahomes twice a year. It would be like if he starts beating Patrick Mahomes' brains in kind of re-figures his legacy. He has to be regarded as the greatest quarterback of all time.

Caleb Williams will transfer to the Wisconsin Badgers

I've fully bought into the fact that Caleb Williams might be a Wisconsin Badger and it's makes no sense. And his choices are between Wisconsin, LSU and USC... I've sold myself on it and I've sold myself on him coming. He's the number one recruit in all football.

Mike McCarthy will be fired as Cowboys head coach exactly one year from today

Mike McCarthy is the lamest of ducks right now because he knows that Sean, this is Sean Payton's job. I'm first reporting it right now. Mike McCarthy has been fired as head coach of the Dallas Cowboys exactly a year from today, minus two weeks.

Barry Bonds is the best baseball player of all time and should be the first person re-inducted into the Hall of Fame

Barry Bonds is a Hall of Famer. He's the best baseball player of all time. You could say that Barry Bonds should be the first—if you were to get rid of everybody in the Hall of Fame, Barry Bonds should be the first person re-inducted.

The only way to stop Patrick Mahomes is to install Kliff Kingsbury as his head coach

The only thing you can do to stop Patrick Mahomes is install Kliff Kingsbury as his head coach. He's the only person that's been able to bottle them up.