Takes

The Gallagher brothers should break up during the Oasis reunion tour to stay true to their brand

I would be disappointed if they didn't break up during the tour. That means that they've changed. And I want the same Oasis. If you're buying tickets for this, part of the rush is spending all that money... not knowing if that concert's ever gonna go.

E11EVEN in Miami is the #1 place in the world to celebrate a sports championship

Crowd surfing with the Stanley Cup at 11. If you've been to 11, it is quite something. That might be the number one place to celebrate a championship. It's, I don't even understand how 11 exists. It's a club that's also a strip club, but not a strip club.

World War III is overrated and the term is being overused

My Who's Back of the Week is World War III. We're doing it again, boys. I think this is the fifth World War III that's happened in the last four years. ... I'm so sick of everyone saying World War III just started.

Jonathan Toews signing with the Winnipeg Jets is the perfect way for him to end his career

Jonathan Toews. He's back, he signed with the Winnipeg Jets, his hometown team. ... I'm happy he's able to now play again. Hopefully end his career the right way. 'cause it really sucked the way it ended in Chicago.

Morgan Wallen is fully back after his recent controversies

Morgan Wallen... he had some controversies, you know, throwing a chair over their ledge... I just feel like he was a fantastic star. I think he's so back.

MLB is intentionally stealing home runs by making baseball seams higher

Rob Man-fraud is back. They're trying to steal dingers from you... the seams on the baseballs this year are higher than they have been in the past and it's stealing dingers away from everybody.

The era of the 'Featured Barber' and high-priced haircuts is officially here

The barbers are up... you pull up, they only do the app appointments... they're like 60 to 80 dollars... then there's guys down a little bit further down the street doing featured spots... book your appointment now.

Victor Wembanyama will kill everyone next season after training as a monk

I do feel like this is gonna be [Wembanyama] fucks everybody up next season because he's Yeah. He's figured out like secret ancient martial arts.

I would fight Marlon's Man in a Rough N' Rowdy match.

I'm not ashamed to beat up a 68-year-old man... I'll fight you in Rough N' Rowdy Marlon's Man. Balls in your court.

The Oilers will win the Stanley Cup in seven games

I think it's Oilers. I got Oilers in seven. I think it's Oilers.

The Florida Panthers will win the Stanley Cup in five games

I'll go Panthers in five.

Anne Hathaway has a fixation for scouting gritty athletes like OG Anunoby and Danny Woodhead

Anne Hathaway is back. And if you look at the stats. A guy Riggs posted about this OG Anunoby ran into Anne Hathaway Courtside. He was jumping outta bounds to save a ball. Since that moment he's been, he's had 24.3 points per game. Now Anne Hathaway is leaning into it. So she's like posting pictures of OG Anunoby on her Instagram. The one other obscure ish athlete that she's developed a fixation for over her career was Danny Woodhead. She's a massive Danny Woodhead fan.

We have reached the point where AI-generated videos are officially indistinguishable from reality.

AI is back. 'cause I think half the pod, not just Hank this time, got got fooled with a fake man on the street video that's done using all AI. And we've reached the point where now we can't tell we, we officially can't. Sometimes we should be able to tell, but now I feel like it's just, it's, we're we're fucked.

Jim Irsay lived exactly how a billionaire NFL owner should live

I think Jim Irsay is the closest to how I would wanna live my life if I was a billionaire. He had a football team... He collected sick guitars... He lived how you should live if you are a billionaire.

Jim Irsay was the first NFL owner with the 'balls' to stand up to Dan Snyder

I will never forget the fact that he is the first owner to have the balls to say fuck you to Dan Snyder when Snyder threatened to blackmail every other owner. And he goes, yeah, try me. 'cause everything that I've done is out in the open.

The show 'The Librarians: The Next Chapter' looks like the dumbest show of all time

The librarians, the next chapter. They're showing these commercials in all these games. It like it. I can't believe it's a real show that is being made. It looks like this is the best whose guy ever dumb this fucking show of all time.

The Rockies firing Bud Black won't change anything because owner Dick Monfort is the real problem.

The Rockies fired Bud Black... the owner, Dick Monfort, being like, 'we're all trying to find out how this happened.' It's you, dude. You're the piece of shit.

The Rock is the best movie ever made

The Rock is Back. And if you haven't seen The Rock it may, it might be the best movie ever made... It is the perfect movie. It's got everything. Sean Connery, Nick Cage, prisons, terrorists.

Abdul Carter is a loser for trying to take the retired numbers of Lawrence Taylor and Phil Simms

Is Abdul Carter a loser? I it's very weird. A weird tumble guy of all time... to on day one, go into your new company and be like, I want the numbers of the two most famous guys that everybody loves. Lawrence Taylor... then he's like, all right, how about Phil Simms? No, pick your own number man.

LeBron James only releases post-elimination injury reports to build a protective narrative for his legacy

With LeBron it's interesting because the, the whole like you know, build, building in your narrative. Your excuse after the fact. It's something he's done a couple times... but he always has to remind us that he's injured always. And to not play a hypothetical game, it was just so extra to be like, if game six had happened tonight, yeah. He would not be playing.

100 dedicated humans could easily defeat one gorilla in a fight

I think a hundred friends could be one gorilla. Everybody just gotta be dedicated to the shit. And that sparked a debate across the internet... I am firmly of the belief that a hundred people could easily be go a fight.

Warren Zevon is arguably the greatest songwriter of all time

Warren Zevon might be my favorite songwriter of all time. And he's, he's deserved being in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for a while. It's insane he wasn't.

Jordan Hudson is a smart marketer and the brains in her relationship with Bill Belichick

She's an incredible marketer. She is. I think she's the brains in that relationship. Jordan, if you can land us Bill Belichick on PMT, you can interrupt as many times as you want. We're a Pro-Girlfriend podcast. That's fact.

Bill Belichick may be in a 'reverse conservatorship' with his younger girlfriend

It feels like reverse. Using an older person with the younger person... you get a little older and you can't take care of yourself and then someone comes and takes care of you and then also takes everything.

Kidney stone pain is worse than childbirth

Also, the doctor again for the second time told me that this pain is worse than childbirth. Which I will not be saying to any women, but it's true... I've given birth to like 13 kidney stones. I'm as tough as Philip Rivers' wife.

Donald Trump reports his weight as 224 pounds specifically to troll the media and trigger a reaction

He's actually lost weight. He's 224... 6'3" 224. So that is that's RG3... I think that he does that now. Like at first I think he was lying about it. Now he lies about it because he knows that people are going to make fun of him for lying about it.

Brooks Koepka is my pick to win the Masters this year

I gotta pick for you guys... I'm thinking Brooks [Koepka]. I like that he's won there before. I bet Brooks every single year. I'm a loyal guy.

Ja Morant's addiction to fake guns is the best addiction of all time

Ja Morant can't quit holding fake guns. It's the, it's the best addiction of all time. I respect the hell outta that... the NBA coming down on him for his fake guns is bullshit. Just ignoring all the history of Ja Morant with real guns. I love that shit. It's behavior that like a five-year-old would do.

Aaron Rodgers will announce his signing with the Steelers on Pat McAfee's live show

The theory is that Aaron Rodgers is waiting for [Pat McAfee's Pittsburgh show] to come out on stage and say I'm going to be a Pittsburgh Steeler to fuck over the mainstream media. Which I would love. That would be awesome... I kind of like every now and then a player stealing it from the insiders and being like, I control my own message.

The Impractical Jokers are 'sex creeps'

The impractical Joker suck ass... turns out two of the four creeps. Sex creeps. Allegedly. Allegedly. It was Joe and it was Myrrh. Allegedly. Okay. So Joe alleged, well I also wanna say for Joe, he has now checked himself into inpatient treatment. Smart for being a sex creep... Joe Gato is seeking treatment for, I guess being a sex creep. So he is been hitting up high school girls, hanging out with them, touching their stomachs, doing weird shit. And then Mur was allegedly deeming a bunch of underage girls too.

Hammocks are the most overrated thing in the world.

I have a hammock take: they suck. Most overrated thing in the world. It's thinking about getting out of a hammock—getting out of a hammock sucks. I don't trust them. I get into hammocks and it's a problem.

Nice furniture does not belong outside

Nice furniture should not be outside... the maintenance is not worth the comfort. It's fucking outdoors.

Jim Morrison might still be alive and faked his death in 1971.

My other who's back of the week is Jim Morrison, maybe. Oh, he might be alive. Apparently there's a documentary on Apple TV that claims that he's still alive. He says that he did not die in Paris in 1971. They said that he faked his own death and there was never an autopsy done. I think he lives somewhere in the Midwest right now. The liver king might still be alive.

Borgs (Blackout Rage Gallons) are ratchet

My other, who's back of the week is... Borg. Blackout rage gallon. Foul... I've seen... people name 'em and stuff... it's so ratchet.

The sun was switched out 40 years ago for a new, worse sun

I found guys... that think that actually this is a different sun that was, that we switched the sun out like 40 years ago and it's the new sun and it's worse for you... I gotta do some more research on the new sun guys.

Chernobyl was an inside job by Russia to discourage nuclear energy and protect their gas interests

I had one the other day that actually I completely believe that Chernobyl was on purpose. Everyone was doing nuclear power plants and Russia has a shitload of oil and gas and so they're like, Hey, let's blow up a nuclear PowerPoint plant and scare the fuck outta everyone about nuclear energy. And everyone stopped doing nuclear energy or inside job.

The NBA needs a Celtics-Lakers Finals for the ratings

The Lakers were scaring me. They've been, you know, they won eight straight. They were playing really well and it, you know the conspiracy of how does Luca end up in la? The NBA needs a Celtics. Lakers NBA finals for ratings. Yep.

Beards are causing baseball injuries because the face is connected to the elbow

My who's back is baseball injuries 'cause Garrett Cole's out for the year... Bad Tommy John. They should never change the rules about shaving your face. Like this, this would not have happened if he was clean shaven. That's true. That's your, your face. Your face is connected to your shoulder, to your elbow.

Bill Belichick's Hard Knocks at UNC will be a massive recruiting commercial for the Tar Heels

I'm actually excited to watch this. Yeah. I wanna see it is gonna be a giant commercial for UNC. That's the reason why he's doing it. Obviously. Smart. It's smart. It's very smart. You get a lot of publicity. Guys wanna come play for you.

The Celtics are officially 'all the way back' as title favorites

The Celtics waxed [the Knicks]... it's back on. All, all the way back on. The last five, they've won each by minimum 13.

JJ Watt will come out of retirement to play for the Cincinnati Bengals

JJ Watt is back. He is probably going to come out of retirement to play for the Bengals... I'm rooting for that to happen. I think he would be able to do it.

Paul George has uploaded more podcast clips to YouTube than he has made field goals since joining the 76ers.

Since joining the Sixers, Paul George has uploaded more podcast clips to YouTube—228—than field goals made—191. Respect the grind. His social guy is doing a great job. Like 228 podcast clips... you know how to generate revenue. That's pretty good. But then the field goals made, 191... that doesn't sound quite as great.

If the Bears had drafted Patrick Mahomes, he would look as bad as he did in Super Bowl 59 every single game.

I saw an insult tweet tonight that hurt me, but also was very accurate. It said, if you ever wondered what it would look like if the Bears had drafted Patrick Mahomes, [this is what it looks like]. So that was an insult tweet. I think he was just stating the fact that this is what it would look like.

The Mavericks are only making their internal situation worse following the 'worst trade ever' of the Luka and Kyrie era.

It's still crazy that they're somehow making it worse. The worst trade ever. They're making it worse. [Context: discussing Mavericks governor Patrick Dumont's statements about team culture and Luka's work ethic].

Rory McIlroy is officially back and this will be the year he finally turns it around to win the Masters

My Who's Back of the week is Rory McIlroy. He's smashing. He won the AT&T Pro-Am at Pebble Beach. This might be his year... he might turn it around. [Golf doesn't start until the Masters] This might be his year to win it.

Madison Keys' victory over Aryna Sabalenka proves that America is once again a dominant force in professional tennis.

Ariana Sabalenka, notorious best women's tennis player. Got number one seed... Got smoked by Madison Keys, American 19th seed in the tournament. Major upset. USA Aussie Open Champion America's back.

Duke is a formidable team, but their dominance is skewed by the fact that the ACC is currently a weak conference.

Duke is a problem, but the ACC fucking sucks. So I'm just gonna tell myself that they're good only because they're killing everyone in the ACC.

The Wisconsin Badgers are playing well enough to make a deep run in the NCAA tournament.

I have started to believe in the Wisconsin Badgers who are ranked and their offense is actually awesome and they wap threes... I actually believe that they could make a, a run.

College basketball needs 'asshole' coaches like Dan Hurley to be interesting.

College basketball needs asshole coaches. That's what it was built on... I need a coach K, I need a like as much as I hate Coach K, he has that that like, ah, I hate him. I wanna root against him. Dan Hurley is that if you hate him, that's good for college basketball. So I want him to do whatever he wants to do.

TikTok will never actually get banned

I think they said they're, they're doing like a 90 day extension and then it might be banned again, but there's just no way that it ever gets banned.