Takes

NIL recruits who underperform will be roasted like professionals

I realized now that how bad this is going to be for the kids. If they suck. Oh yeah. They're going to get roasted. Cause there's always been the, oh, they're just kids. Well, a five-star is getting nine and a half million dollars and he stinks. People are going to fucking cruise.

Russell Wilson's 'first ever pass' video at AS Monaco's facility is absurdly corny

Russell Wilson threw the first ever football at AS Monaco's practice field. It was wild. He did a whole Instagram video and he's like, check this out guys. No one's ever thrown a football on this field. And then he threw it. He broke the seal on. It was fucking nuts.

Deshaun Watson will be suspended indefinitely for at least one year

Sean was suspended for, for a year, for a year, but also indefinitely. They're going to drop that one on, on Friday. Yup. Yup. Right before 4th of July.

Baker Mayfield will have no choice but to play for the Browns this season

I want to see baker have to play for the Browns this year. I don't think he will. I would be. I don't think he has a choice. I don't know. He's not gonna play football maybe. No. And he would come off looking very soft. If that happened. If he was like, I refuse to play football for you. Cause you were mean to me. No chance he'll play.

Baker Mayfield will have no choice but to play for the Browns this season if he's not traded

I want to see baker have to play for the Browns this year. I don't think he will. I would be. I don't think he has a choice. I don't know. He's not gonna play football maybe. No. And he would come off looking very soft. If that happened.

The Tampa Bay Lightning will come back and win the 2022 Stanley Cup

Tampa is coming back and winning this thing really? But I've been, I've been on Tampa for the past two years. I've picked them the wind, the last two cups. And I picked them again this year. Cause I won't pick them until they lose.

Game 4 is the pivotal game of the Stanley Cup Final

I'd say that it's gonna come down to pivotal game for winner that game... if they lose it, it's over no way that they went three in a row.

Wayne Gretzky's dominance over his peers will never be seen again

Just given how much he was better than his peers at that time. I don't think that we're ever going to see anything like it. I think Lemieux was close... Wayne was like three times as good. Maybe four times as good as some guys... The sheer dominance and the amount of points that somebody could produce and comparable to the better overall competition, it's just going to be very diff Wayne was just so much more ahead of his time.

I could shoot an even par to qualify for the US Open through local qualifiers

I, I think I could get through the, the locals. You have to go play it's one round. Right? ... If you're going to put it this, or you go out and shoot even par that day, it could be enough to get you through local.

Your dependency on coffee becomes absolute after age 30

Your dependency on coffee after you turn the age of 30... You're thinking you're taking on more responsibilities, whether it's with work, whether it's the fact that you have a family, you know, if you have kids, you gotta be cranking at least four or five cups a day, even to just get your fucking day started.

Hangovers become two-to-three day events after you turn 35

Overall, dude, I cannot, cannot go out if I have something to do the next day... if I'm up till two in the morning drinking, I'm actually done for like two to three days. Oh... Monday, you're a terrible Tuesday. It creeps in and then Wednesday, you're not hung over. You just don't feel right.

Watching athletes who are younger than you is demoralizing

When you get past your thirties, something that really sucks is all the athletes you're watching are younger than you. And being like, like you start calling athletes, kid, and like, shit like that, where you're like, oh, okay. Like Luca Doncic is like 13 years younger than me. Like that shit just like, kind of fucks you up.

Your sex drive takes a significant hit after 30

I think this is the obvious one sex drive. After the age of the guy. You don't want to hump. I'm not. I feel like just wearing like new balances... I just, I dunno, I just like, I'd rather just fucking not do it.

Using subtitles and needing the volume lower becomes mandatory in your 30s

I watch everything in subtitles now... I had to ask the DJ to turn the music down a little bit because I couldn't hear people talk. Cause like I was trying to have a conversation. I was like, this is just too loud. So just the sound and like subtitles, like all that shit changes.

Losing weight becomes functionally impossible after age 30

I can't lose weight... metabolism. I, I can't just be like, oh, I'm going to eat a salad for four days in a row and lose 10 pounds. That doesn't happen anymore.

The Detroit Pistons are back

The Detroit Pistons are back... the main takeaway, I know this sounds crazy to say, but Jaden Ivey falling to five... Jaden Ivey and Cade Cunningham. They're building. You fuck with that. Because let's build. It's that's why Jaden Ivey going to the Detroit, the Pistons are back.

The Orlando Magic are five years away from being any good

Paolo Banchero, he went first overall. Credit to coach K for going out on a high note right there. I can never really tell with some of these players, like you go to a team like Orlando, that's just dog shit. To me, they're like probably five years away from being any good.

All Duke players from the 2022 draft will be busts

All the Duke guys are going to be a bust. They can't win when it matters most because they lose when all the pressures on them... they did lose in the Final Four. They did send out their Hall of Fame coach out with a loss.

Jerking off is low-key gay

One, one is jerking off so easily. You're literally touching... Constantly touching it... Looking at it. Caressing it... You look forward to it.

Grady Dick will be the first white American drafted first overall since 1977

The guy that's going to break the streak. I'm calling my shot right now. He's going to go to Kansas and his name's Grady Dick... There's no better shooter in this class.

A quarterback taking snaps under center is low-key gay

Our next pick is a quarterback under center... Pro-style offense. What does that mean? Putting his hands in you basically. The ass. Tom Brady has a very specific way that he likes his center's ass to be... he makes the center put a specific type of towel like in his ass cheeks.

The Avalanche vs Lightning series is over; the Cup is in the building

I'm pretty excited for my Avalanche bet. I'm feeling comfortable about it because this does feel like a game seven now... This is game seven for the Lightning. And it's a game two for the Avalanche... Are we sure the Lightning are good? Are, do they just have Vasilevskiy... The Avalanche just look like the far fresher, far faster [team].

Arch Manning's commitment to Texas is final

Arch Manning has made his decision... Texas fans are very excited. I also just took a quick look around the internet and there's a lot of people coping being like, he's not going to play for them. Like you think that's actually his final decision? Yes, I do think it is.

Arch Manning is going to be a bust

I'm kind of in that train [that Arch Manning is a bust], but just because just for the takes, you got to zig when everybody else zags. And he hasn't shown me that much of an arm. He's like running over a little kids in his high school games.

Kevin Durant will stay on the Nets for one more year and leave in 2023

I think KD will be on the Nets this year. And then next year is when he'll be like, I'm out.

Familiarity with Brookline was a massive advantage in the US Open

[Knowing the course] Massive. Yeah. I just feel like, because I had success there before I just felt, I did feel like really confident throughout the whole week. I just felt I was so comfortable where I needed to go... There wasn't one shot out there that I felt intimidated by.

Companies are forced by society to change their logos for Pride Month

I think companies are forced to do it now because if you don't do what people will riot outside your place and say that you're anti-trans, anti-gay, you're anti this. I think society forced it on people because if you don't put it up, that means that you hate everyone.

The Catholic Church is low-key gay

We're going to go with the Catholic church... The drama, the costumes, the pageantry of it all. Super theater. They wear dresses, they're spraying water, there's smokes going on, there's candlelight, singalongs. Pageantry of it all.

Sharing a bed on vacation with friends is low-key gay

It's sharing a bed on vacation. 10 guys in a room trying to save money and Cancun or Daytona beach all cozy it up in the same bed. I was on a bachelor party in Vermont. I was sitting in a hot tub with six of my friends and we were like, this is kind of gay.

Scratching and sniffing your own balls is low-key gay

I'm going to say the scratch and sniff. Scratching your balls. Bringing the nut sack... all that musk and everything. Just cuddle it out. Like you can't get enough of it. It gives kids gay. When you're masturbating, smelling your own bowl, you're getting off on the smell.

Eating dessert or sweets is low-key gay

Eating dessert. Very good. Any sweets, any kind of cupcake, any kind of pastry with whipped cream. Fruit is gay, strawberries. Whipped cream is very gay.

I would be just as good at golf with only three clubs

I don't think that I would be significantly worse at golf if I only had a driver, a seven iron and a putter. I don't think I would shave any strokes off my game by incorporating irons three through six.

I am a huge LIV Golf fan because the golfers are good and it's free on YouTube

I've been watching the LIV Tour since it started. I will continue to watch it. I'm a huge LIV fan. I'm just like put sports in front of me if they're entertaining and good golfers, I'll probably tune in, especially if it's free on YouTube.

Brooks Koepka joined LIV Golf because he doesn't enjoy the grind of regular PGA events

I wasn't surprised that Brooks [Koepka] is going up. His brother's on the tour. I also think like there hasn't been anyone who shocked me... Brooks has battled some knee injuries. He doesn't love playing a regular PGA events all the time... He shows up for the majors.

The Lightning are perfectly set up to win the Stanley Cup if they win Game 4

The Lightning are set up so perfectly where they've done this now a few times in these playoffs where they start slow in a series. And so if they win game four, you're just going to be like, well, here it goes. It's happening again.

John Wall will be a great player as soon as he leaves the Rockets

He's still a good player, right? He's totally healthy now. Yes, he has no lingering foot injuries. He's back. I feel like he's going to be a great player as soon as he gets off the Rockets.

The 2022 Qatar World Cup is one of the worst overall sports tournaments in history

It's really one of the worst overall tournaments of all time ever... we're doing an entire world cup in the middle of the desert where we have to blast air conditioning and do the tournament in the middle of American football.

The Yankees are definitely cheating to prepare baseballs because they are winning too much

The Yankees are probably definitely doing something different with their balls [because they win every game]... in baseball, if you're not cheating, you're not trying. And so every single team is cheating in a certain way. This seems like they're closing a pretty big cheating loophole.

Pirates shortstop O'Neil Cruz is the most electric player in baseball

This guy might be the most electric player I've ever seen in my life. 6'7" he's a shortstop. He ran 31.5 miles per hour. Hardest throw by an infielder in Major League Baseball this year, he threw a ball from shortstop to first 96.7 miles per hour. I am buying all my stock and O'Neil Cruz right now.

The Phoenix Suns will win the 2023 NBA title in six games

I know the truth. I've been able to—the Chris Paul thing. I'm good to go. I can't wait. Suns in six next season.

Chris Paul will not be a successful head coach because he lacks patience

I actually don't know if [Chris Paul] would have the patience for it. You can keep holding these guys to a standard that they're never ever going to meet, because they don't even comprehend that that's possible. I don't know if those guys [like Chris Paul] are the best coaches.

I would rather have Alzheimer's than go through the effort of learning a new language

I would rather have Alzheimer's [than] learn a new language. sitting down and trying to learn an entirely new language... fluent in a new language would take so much.

Paolo Banchero is the best player in the 2022 draft class right now

I don't think there's any debate that Paolo [Banchero] is the best player of the three of [Jabari Smith Jr.] and Chet [Holmgren] right now. The job is to go star hunting. Paolo just took over as a 6'10" playmaker dribbling off a high ball screens. To me that's what the game is.

Jabari Smith Jr. will be a better shooter in the NBA than in college

I still think [Jabari Smith Jr.] took a lot of bad shots because Auburn's guards were terrible. I think he'll be even a better shooter in the NBA.

The high-end talent in the 2022 NBA Draft ends after Jaden Ivey

Everyone's talked up—does it end after those three guys [Banchero, Holmgren, Smith]? I think it ends after [Jaden] Ivey. I do think he's that good. There's just something to be said about a guy that moves unlike everybody else. They don't make a lot of people that move on a basketball court like Jaden Ivey.

Jeremy Sochan will be a winning player that every NBA team wants

I just think that [Jeremy] Sochan's got some way that he's wired, that he's going to impact games in a very unique [way]. I think he's the kind of guy, if it goes right, that every team's like, shit, we need somebody like that. He gets out there with his edge, his athleticism, and he just impacts basketball games.

Benedict Mathurin has the most 'dog' in him of any player in the draft

If you're just traveling on dog alone, dog alone, it would be [Benedict] Mathurin. He's got some juice to him too.

Ousmane Dieng is better than his lottery projection because of his size and elite playmaking mind

I like [Ousmane Dieng] more than where he's promised in the lottery... he has the mind that works... he's so big and he has the mind that works, he's just like, 'Oh cool, two guys are with me, let me just throw it over the top of you.' He's legitimately 6'10... I don't think he'll be there for where he's promised in the lottery.

Shaedon Sharpe is a candidate to be a draft bust because of concerns about his head and limited tape

The [Shaedon] Sharpe part of it is a little weird for me... to this point, it hasn't made a ton of sense to me. And when I watched the [tape]... even his answers to stuff sometimes I'd be like, 'where is this guy's head at?' Even though I get it, he's really, really young. But the stuff that he even saw that I had access to, I didn't really like.

Will Zalatoris has to figure out his putting based on vibes

I actually afterwards said that Will Zalatoris has to figure out his putting... I do strokes gained by vibes. He missed a big putt. He, I would say he lost somewhere around $50,000 worth of strokes gained for me personally.