Takes

I will bet Will Zalatoris for every Major until he finally wins one

I am now financially and emotionally attached to Will Zalatoris to a level that I will bet him significantly for every Major, until he wins one. And if he just becomes one of those guys that never wins one, well, my kids won't go to college.

The US Open should only be won by Americans

Not to be xenophobic, but the US Open should be won by an American. So as far as I'm concerned, Will Zalatoris is the champion.

You shouldn't be able to win a Major while wearing braces

Not to teeth shame, but I don't think you should be able to win the US Open with braces... I'm happy that he's getting his teeth fixed... but in the moment the take was, this is bullshit. Take his trophy away.

Sportsbooks should offer a 'Good Bet' cash-out option for $1 if you lose a bet by an inch

This is a new segment of our show... it's called, that was a fucking great bet and it should've counted. In fact, there should be an option... if you don't take the cash out and you lose by him missing a putt by an inch to a guy in braces, you should be able to cash out afterwards and just be like, Hey, that was a good fucking bet.

The Buffalo Bills will win the Super Bowl next year because Billy Foster finally won a Major

[Billy Foster] is the caddy for the [Buffalo Bills] of golf. That means that the [Buffalo] Bills are going to win the Super Bowl next year.

Matt Fitzpatrick's bunker shot on the 18th was iconic

We got an iconic shot out of it. We got a shot that we remember, the shot from the bunker on 18. That was an incredible, incredible approach that Fitzpatrick hit on that hole.

American sports stadiums need more unison crowd singing

SVP pointed out like we, as Americans have missed, like why did we miss the singing as a crowd phenomenon at sports events? Because it is instant chills no matter what... why did we miss the boat? We need more singing in stadiums.

The Celtics are a super young core and they will definitely be back in the Finals

It's like, they're super young and they're going to be back. And the position [Brad Stevens] is in... he is now going to be able to help the team get better through the front office. It's not drastic changes. Don't need to be made.

Steph Curry has accidentally ruined basketball for children

I don't like what he's done to the sport of basketball, but I like him... through no fault of his own. He's just, he's all the, every kid out there that doesn't grow... is like, you know what? I'm just going to shoot from half court now... and fun fact nobody's the next Steph.

Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith will reunite when LeBron James retires

Eventually they'll get back together. I actually think that they're going to get back together. When LeBron James retires, when he finally hangs up for good, they should do a reunion episode to debate his legacy.

I've officially signed a new contract with Barstool and the show will go on

I signed a contract on Thursday. So I'm coming back. The show goes on, start all the haters who are crying and weeping. This is the place... I love doing this show. There's no more fun place to work. So I'm happy to be sticking around here.

Joe Biden falling off his bicycle is one of the funniest clips of all time

Bicycles are back because Joe Biden falling off his bike was one of the funniest clips I've ever seen in my entire life. It was awesome. It was there's no more perfect timing... comedically videos out there.

Dan Dakich's take that the Pacers were wrong to pick Reggie Miller over Steve Alford is stupid

He tweeted interesting Pacers are praised for picking Reggie Miller over Steve Alford in 1987. Yet Pacers have not won a single thing... what we do know is nothing was won with Miller. That's. I mean, that's a, that's a hell of a take... it's a stupid take and we'd debate it.

The new NCAA Football video game should be simple for the 'common man'

I just hope they make the game for the common man and not for like the dudes that are playing for like a million dollars... I want it for the regular guy who's going to play, you know, a couple hours at night when they get home from work.

Pardon My Take should do a 'Worst Of' episode featuring the most awkward interviews

We've tossed around the idea on this show... that we should do a worst of where it's like literally our worst interview. Narrate maybe around it... I'm going to guarantee that for the audience, we're going to do a worst thing.

In stunts and comedy, getting hit in the balls is always funnier than getting hit in the head

Stick to hitting each other in the balls. Balls are funnier than headshots. Concussions are scary.

Billy Football has taken his position for granted and needed a suspension

I think Billy is very entertaining... The problem that I see going forward right now is that Billy has taken advantage of this show... and it reached a tipping point... because he didn't come to work. He was drunk and he didn't come to work... he is a weird combination of him kind of being entitled and kind of taking for granted the spot he's sitting in.

Steph Curry is now in the conversation for best basketball player of all time

Steph Curry is now in the conversation for best basketball player of all time, all time, but he still hasn't had the, the MVP trophy handed to him by the commissioner yet because we had the backup commissioner that filled in for silver and did that tonight.

Derrick White was the worst player in the last two games of the NBA Finals

I was going to wear this shirt that we just came out with for Derrick White, who fucking sucks is maybe the worst player in the last two games. So that was just dumb on my part. Cause I thought about it after game three and by the time the shirt was made, he was just an absolute garbage can.

The NBA Finals moment was too big for Jayson Tatum

Tatum might've just shown his true colors. Like that's, that's who he is under the bright lights. I don't know. But that's a good spin zone Hank.

The current Celtics are destined to be like the 2012 Thunder and never return to the Finals

I feel like the only real good comparison to the Celtics team is the fucking Thunder and they never got back.

Jayson Tatum would be an elite finisher if he simply used his frame and stopped avoiding contact

It is so bizarre watching [Jayson Tatum] go to the hoop... he goes to the basket and he avoids contact and then he gets mad when there's no foul, even though he avoided contact. If he can just figure out like, 'I'm a big person who's got a strong frame, I can just run over these people,' that might solve it right there.

Bench depth doesn't matter in the NBA Finals; you only need a tight seven-man rotation

We know this every year we learn this every year. We forget it during the regular season, like bench doesn't really matter in the NBA finals in the playoffs, deep in the playoffs. Like it does because you need like one or two guys, but guys that were really good at playing bench minutes in February, like, you need, you need a five that is going to play like 42 minutes.

Steph Curry has a strong case for the #2 point guard of all time and people will soon argue he's better than Magic Johnson

He's, I don't know where he is [ranking-wise], but number two point guard of all time. And I guess you could probably make the argument now that like, people will probably argue that he's better than Magic. I don't know, I'm not an NBA historian, but he is number two all time.

Steph Curry's record of 12 Finals games with 6+ threes is an untouchable statistical outlier

The number of NBA finals games where a player made at least six threes: Steph Curry has 12 of them. Second place all time is Clay Thompson with four of those games. Then after that, you've got Danny Green with three, Ray Allen with two... Steph Curry has 12 of those games.

I'm willing to admit that Steve Kerr might actually be a good coach

I think Steve Kerr might be a good coach... [He has] nine rings, I think he probably knows the sport of basketball. He did have a good moment of self-deprecation when they were like, 'how do you do it?' He's like, 'I just surround myself with superstars.'

I'm betting on the Lightning to win the Stanley Cup at +220 after their Game 1 loss

I think I'm going to take the Lightning at like plus 220... the Lightning forcing that to overtime, it felt like [the Avalanche] win Game 1, game over, but Lightning have done this before, come out slow... and they came back and fought hard.

The Lightning are the worst back-to-back champions of all time

The idea that the, the lightning might be the worst back-to-back champions of all time. If you look at the bubble when put an asterix on that, and then you look at them playing like maybe one of the worst Stanley cup champion or say like a finals teams in recent memory, like last 30 years and the Canadians, and now they finally run into a wagon in the Stanley cup finals.

Phil Mickelson's FIGJAM nickname was born from his habit of acting like the smartest guy in the room

[Phil Mickelson] had a reputation of being the smartest guy in the room and that rubbed some people the wrong way... any kind of topic, Phil was the expert. Sometimes it was eye-rolling type stuff... [FIGJAM] just stands for 'Fuck I'm Good, Just Ask Me.'

Will Zalatoris is a strong bet at the US Open because hard courses mitigate his poor putting

I liked Zalatoris because he's going to always be better on a hard golf course. Cause he's not a great putter. And this is if you can, if you can to put it to death at a us open, you're going to be up there because it's not going to be that much under par.

Justin Thomas is a top pick for the US Open because his motivation is higher after nearly winning the week before

Justin Thomas to me seems a good pick right now. I mean, I think it's actually good. He didn't win last week. It gives you just that little, extra bit of motivation and you don't get complacent because you're coming off a win.

MLB has been secretly switching to more 'lively' baseballs during specific games

I think they've like secretly been like switching in some good balls. Cause certain games, like on certain times, I don't want to say anything specific, but Or a lot of hard hit balls and they're going out of the park... off your bat... sometimes like there's balls that we hit and we're like, oh, that's gone. And then next thing you know, it's caught.

Corbin Burnes and Zac Gallen are the two toughest pitchers to face in MLB

I'd say Corbin Burnes owns me and Zac Gallen. I think one for 20-something combined off those two, just nasty. Off [Burnes], everything looks the same out of the hand... the high velocity cutter with the stuff moving off that big slider, curveball to get you off it.

The new lacrosse movie will be as impactful for the sport as Drive to Survive was for F1

The sport was honestly amazing. It was like, I think that it's going to be as huge for lacrosse as DRS [Drive to Survive] is revive was for F1. It was an amazing feature.

Blogging was easier in the early 2010s because there were fewer bloggers and more unique topics to cover

I think you blogged a different era. I will say... there were fewer bloggers and there were more topics to blog [about]... I think you could have, like when you put up 14 blogs, it's 14 blogs that no one else is blogging.

The early 2010s was the hardest era of blogging due to the sheer level of competition

The early 2010s was maybe the hardest era to blog in. You had the most competition, the fiercest competition... he [Billy Football] would've gotten chewed up and spit out in 2013.

The Celtics will still win the NBA Finals because they perform best when their backs are against the wall

I still think [the Celtics] are going to win the series. I do think that the last 10 minutes of game four and five, there was just some infuriating plays... But I do think that it's very relatable of the Celtics to just put everything off until the end... They're procrastinating. And then when their backs are against the wall, that's when they perform the best.

Neither the Warriors nor the Celtics are truly great teams compared to historical NBA champions

Is there a chance that neither of these teams are that great? I keep thinking that one team's going to assert themselves one or the other. And it's like, both these teams are very good. I'm saying neither of these teams are like, great... whoever wins this, I'm not going to walk away and be like, that team was one of the best championship teams I've ever seen.

NBA teams from the 1990s would be killed by the Warriors because they didn't do cardio

Any team from the nineties that had to deal with the fucking pick and rolls and like the movement that the Warriors do, like they would die. NBA players didn't run. They didn't do cardio in the nineties. They would be killed on the court.

Robert Williams III is the most impactful player on the Celtics

Robert Williams is by far the best player on the Celtics. You can see it too, when he's on the court. The difference, the respect that the Warriors show him by not driving the lane and attacking the rim versus when he's off the court.

The Celtics are a better overall team than the Warriors when playing at their peak

I think the Celtics still, if they play their best game are better as a team than the Warriors. The problem is if it's a close game late, the Warriors have so much more like we can win this game late than the Celtics.

Little Caesars pizza is trash and barely counts as pizza

Little Caesars is trash. It is trash. People forget... Caesars are just trash. It's like not pizza.

Zach Wilson is looking extra crispy in Jets training camp

Cool throne, Zach Wilson has been having great training camp. He went for nine 11 on 11 drills. So we're saying that he's looking extra crispy in camp. It's a pretty serious.

The Lightning will win the Stanley Cup because Andrei Vasilevskiy is the best goalie in the world

I lean towards goaltending. It's like having the number one ACE pitcher. It's like having the best quarterback, having the goal, the goalie that is the best in the world. It's like, how am I going to pick against that? I've honestly also said I will not pick against tip until they lose. I picked him to win the past two Stanley cups.

Cale Makar is a generational talent who could play forward in the NHL if he wanted to

I swear to God he could be a forward in the league. Like he could, if you put them up front, he could probably play wing and be fine and get fricking 80 points. Like he does defensively. So it's just a player, like a generational type talent who I love watching.

The Tampa Bay Lightning are top-three all-time NHL dynasties if they win a third straight Cup

With the parody in today and the salary cap, I have to put them top three greatest teams of all time. And people will say that's such recency bias, but not 32 teams in the league back then.

Andrei Vasilevskiy is the greatest 'clutch' goaltender in NHL history

Vasilevskiy in the last, I think eight games where you could knock a team out being eight and oh, giving up two goals. That has to be up there in terms of mindblowing stats in terms of a guy at the biggest moment being better than anyone else has ever been.

Never name a dog after a sports figure who hasn't already secured a Hall of Fame legacy

Never name your dogs after sports figures that aren't Hall of Famers... maybe don't name him after a player unless he's been at least two or three All-Star games. That's a good little rule of thumb.

The Squatty Potty is the medically superior way to defecate because of human evolution

I got it, bro. I got it. Okay. This is not a plug, but a Squatty potty... We sit regular, right? And that messes up our bowel movements. Right? So if he's leaning for a while... it could be coming out the wrong angle, but the Squatty potty lifts your knees to your chest. And the angles is downward. That's how we evolved to actually defecate.

Draymond Green is absolutely useless

My butthole is clenched. It was a very impressive performance from Steph Curry. He did everything for them. Klay Thompson, [Draymond]... I mean Klay played well, [Draymond's] absolutely useless.