Takes

The 2022 Celtics are essentially the 1991 Bulls

Are these Celtics the new version of the Bulls? Hmm. Sort of a dynasty, right? ... 91 finals, Jordan and Pippen knocked off the Lakers who were in the finals for the sixth time in eight years... Tatum and Brown face the Warriors who were in the finals for the sixth time in eight years.

The Celtics will win the NBA Finals in six games

Celtics in six. God-willing I wasn't there Friday, but... Celtics in six.

The Warriors will win the NBA Finals in six games

Warriors and six and I'm gonna eat a shit ton of meat in Boston.

The Warriors will win the NBA Finals in five games

Warriors in five.

Red Bull is cheating in Formula 1

I've found my perfect niche niches that I don't watch any second of the race. And then just say someone cheated after. Cause it was great. It was like, I didn't watch a second a Monaco. And then I was like red bull cheats.

The Maryland Terrapins are an absolute wagon after their perfect 2022 season

Maryland Terrapins completed a perfect 18-0 season beating Cornell in the national championship game. Crazy. Their past two seasons have been pretty insane because they are 33 and 1... they're an absolute wagon.

Podcasting is the biggest scam of all time

I honestly think podcasting is. I mean, we're really pulling the biggest scam of all time over on people. This is complete bullshit. You know what I mean? Like, and, but it takes no effort. If you happen to know how to fucking talk, you just fucking waltz into an easy, like, we kind of all hit a lottery here.

Ime Udoka is the best at laying pipe among NBA coaches

You look at the Celtics Ime Udoka lays pipe better than any of these motherfuckers. Feels like he could spoil shit and he goes down. Yeah. She knows that he's not the whole package though.

Giannis Antetokounmpo is the best player in the NBA

Lately my best player in the NBA, best player in the NBA, works hard as fuck. Truly like he's younger than me, but an inspiration to me... Mr. Antetokounmpo, is there anything I can do for like truly a hero of mine?

The Celtics' 2022 Finals run should have a 'Middleton Asterisk' because the Bucks were missing their second best player

Boston's bitch ass. Getting lucky with [Khris] Middleton. What? I'm calling the Middleton asterisk, which I will not allow them to enjoy this championship, should it happen. And it won't.

Lamar Jackson is better than anyone could have expected

Then we drafted Lamar and I was like, I was watching that draft being like, this is over, I'm done with football, just don't draft Lamar... And then we got him. He's better than you ever could have fucking expected.

The Bengals are 'piece of shit' frauds who only made the Super Bowl because things lined up perfectly

I think they have as good a chance to the fucking piece of shit Bengals. They can suck my fucking dick... everything did kind of line up for them, but still, you know that it was because of him [Joe Burrow] that fucking line suck dick.

Sean McVay is too much show and not enough go when it comes to sex

He seems like a little, like a too much show. Not enough. Correct. When it comes to fucking. Well he's he's got like, he likes to take his shirt off and do a dance. Like, you know, like Patrick Peyton watch himself.

Comedians are not modern-day philosophers; they are just clowns trying to get attention

Comedians are clowns, we're the lowest form of show business... people say comedians are the modern day philosophers. I think our modern day philosophers are philosophers... They're not getting drunk and trying to get pussy from a waitress. I'm not making any points. I'm here to have a good ass time.

The Oilers vs. Avalanche series will be absolute fireworks

I'm so excited for that series. Oilers verse Avalanche is going to be fireworks... they broke a record in that last game with four goals in like a minute and a half back and forth.

The Lightning will kill the Rangers in the Eastern Conference Finals

And then you kept on saying the lightning are going to kill him... [Memes] Yeah. A four. Not that sweet. Really? No, that's probably not going to happen. It's a rest verse rust.

A pro athlete who slaps another man over fantasy football needs to chill out

If you're a professional athlete. If you're, if you're playing for so much money that you have to slap another man, maybe take a step back and be like, this might not be for me.

Returning to the NBA Finals is the crowning achievement for the Warriors' core

This feels like the crowning achievement for this group, to be able to go back there [the NBA Finals] after all the injuries, after KD came and left after guys are in and out and they've rebuilt themselves with that core of Klay, Steph and Draymond, and Steve Kerr there.

The Warriors would have made eight straight NBA Finals if not for injuries

I'm willing to make a giant excuse for the Warriors for the two out of the eight years that they did not make the finals. It's all because of injuries. Like the Warriors should have been in the finals eight years in a row.

If the Warriors rebound the ball well, they cannot be beaten

I feel like if they rebound, they can't be beat. And low-key, the Warriors are pretty good rebounding team. They're not the soft Warriors that people used to hate on a few years ago. I think they were like top five or top six in the NBA and rebounds this year.

The Heat lost Game 5 because fans were stuck in concession lines, leaving the arena empty for the Celtics' 'shoot around' second half

I have a theory... The reason why the Heat lost on Wednesday night... halftime happens and then we come back. The arena is empty. The fans are all in the building... but most are stuck, still waiting in line for food... so the Celtics get opening possession and with an empty arena, it's basically shoot around for them.

Whoever won Game 5 of the Celtics-Heat series was guaranteed to win the series

I think if the, whoever won that game [Game 5] was going to win the series, Celtics are the better team.

The 'Heat Culture' of monitoring body fat is overrated and likely common across the NBA

I had one person who got very mad at me that I implied that other teams might check body fat, not just the Heat... I'm pretty sure every team's got trainers. What if you get stuck outside with a skin calipers?

Nathan MacKinnon's coast-to-coast goal against the Blues was one of the greatest ever, but will be forgotten because the Avalanche lost the game

Mackinnon was maybe had the greatest goal ever that everyone's going to forget... coast to coast, like insane goal. If you just watched the last three seconds... you'd think it was an insane goal.

The NHL is currently much better than the NBA

Basically what we can take away from these hockey playoffs is that NHL is way better than the NBA right now. The hockey games have been incredible.

The 2022 NBA playoffs have been great because of the unpredictability of the blowouts

I've enjoyed it thoroughly... You can either have what we've had this post season where it's a shitload of blow outs, but you can't really predict which team is going to blow which team out.

One-on-one basketball is the true, pure essence of the sport

One-on-one is the true essence of basketball. There's one-on-one and five on five, true matchups, but one-on-ones the true pure essence of basketball. I mean, we all grew up playing one-on-one.

Kyrie Irving's skill set is so advanced it would be difficult for prime LeBron James to guard him one-on-one

Kyrie will be tough for LeBron to even guard in his prime. Right. We haven't really seen Kyrie skillset. We've seen snippets, but it's hard to really, really display your ultimate skillset in a five-on-five setting.

Dwight Howard is the most disrespectful omission from the NBA Top 75 list

I don't take away from anybody that was on that list... but Dwight Howard to me is really the most disrespectful one [omission]. His prime years was phenomenal. Like he was the most dominant big in our game in his prime years.

If Grant Hill had stayed healthy, we would have created a dynasty in Orlando

If Grant Hill was healthy... I make it to the NBA finals with the Orlando Magic. We would have created a dynasty for sure.

I was born with natural God-given talent that allowed me to excel at any sport without even practicing

I was born with a natural ability, natural skillset. Like you could drop, God just dropped me on earth and was like 'son, you could play baseball, basketball, football, pick your choice'. I could throw a football 60 yards. I could throw a baseball 88 miles per hour in high school. I ran a four four or four five. And I could play basketball. This was without practicing to anything.

The Warriors likely took Game 4 off against the Mavericks just to secure a lucrative Game 5 home gate

They up three [games]. Game four is in Dallas... they took a night off game four, 'Hey, let's make them travel all the way back out to the Bay Area. Take that flight. We'll blow they ass out.'

The Celtics will beat the Heat and advance to the NBA Finals

Nah, it's over. It's over Friday night. Celtics will be, make an appearance into the NBA finals.

Apple Watches are the primary tool used for cheating in modern academia

Apple watches in my opinion, ruined academia because literally they're the number one thing used to cheat... It's just rampant uses. I've never had an apple watch, but I wanted to buy one just because like, it would have been so much easier.

The XFL should have a 'fake college' loophole to allow older players to qualify for tryouts

I'm going to find out I've got my agents and representatives reaching out to find out the details... or if maybe there's a fake college that I can enroll in in order to qualify for the XFL.

I have harder and tougher hands than Billy Football

I honestly I'll I'll like disavow my own title. I have stronger and tougher hands than [Billy Football]. I don't want the title. I don't want the belt. Admitting I have soft hands... they're soft. But you don't have hard hands. You are not as tough as you think you are.

The Warriors might be Bulletproof and can come back from any deficit

The warriors might be the only team that can be Bulletproof... they can come back from anything.

The Mavericks' formula for winning is Luka Doncic scoring 28 while three other starters score in the high teens

That's the formula more [Mark] Cuban should just be like, Hey, every night Luka you go out there and you score 28 and also have like three other starters in the late teens, early twenties.

Bam Adebayo defers too much to Jimmy Butler when they are on the floor together

I do think that there is something to the fact that like when Jimmy Butler, when he's on your team, like he has to be the alpha... and bam, we'll step into the dog roll when Jimmy's not there. But when he's around, he's always going to be the one that's like deferential to us and like lacks a little bit of confidence in himself because Jimmy's out there doing his Jimmy thing.

Robert Williams III is the most important defender on the Celtics

100%. If Robert Williams [III] was healthy all year, he would have been the defensive player [of the year].

The Celtics will close out the Heat in Game 6 on Friday

I'm planning on going on Friday... I'm expecting it to be a closing match. Confetti.

Jaylen Brown will win NBA Finals MVP over Jayson Tatum

Jaylen Brown finals MVP... it's like, they're going to try and lock up Jayson [Tatum].

The Colorado Avalanche are destined to win the Stanley Cup this year

I'm just convinced that the avalanche, that this is their year, this is their, I feel like they're just...

Dipping Oreos in water is better than dipping them in milk

I brought forward to the world, the art of dipping your Oreos and water, essentially washing them taste delicious, better than milk.

Indianapolis is the best city for the NFL Combine and it should never move

It is the best city for it. We, they should never move it from Indy. It's perfectly set up for it.

The Arizona Cardinals' Hard Knocks season will be fun because the team will fall apart

The beginning of this, the hard knocks will be all cheery and awesome. And then everything will fall apart and it will be fun to watch.

The best career move for a backup QB is to have one great game and then immediately get injured

When you're a backup quarterback in the NFL, the best thing you can do is have an awesome game and then immediately get injured and secure your like status as an NFL quarterback for 10 years.

Trey Lance will be the 49ers' starting quarterback in Week 1

I'm saying Trey Lance. [George Kittle is] nodding with approval right now.

Tom Brady should keep playing until he has eight Super Bowl rings

I personally think his career doesn't really, eh, you know, I think you can't really make a judgment on his career until he has eight Superbowl. So I think he, he, if he really wanted to achieve something, he should just continue to play and see if he can win another ring.

Every Super Bowl-winning team has an elite tight end

If you look at like the last or ever, how many Superbowl winning teams, every team has had like a really, really talented Titan on their team.