Takes

The iPod is the greatest Apple product ever invented

I was talking shit about Apple products last week. This is probably the greatest Apple product ever invented, but they announced today that they're discontinuing the iPod.

The only mock drafts worth trusting are the ones released immediately after the actual draft ends.

These are really the only mock drafts that I truly trust are the ones that come out right after the actual draft, looking ahead to next year. I think they always get that exactly correct.

Andrew Luck was never an elite quarterback because he ordered chicken at a steakhouse

Andrew Luck because I think you guys told me this, that when you went to the steakhouse St. Elmo's Steakhouse in Indianapolis, he doesn't eat steak, eats chicken. Correct. And that's how you knew he was not going to be an elite quarterback.

EA Sports FIFA is dead because of the rebranding to EA Sports FC

EA Sports and FIFA are dead. 2023. It's been rebranded as EA Sports FC.

The word 'pal' is the most disrespectful thing you can call someone

I'd rather get slapped in the face. I'd rather get some, somebody spit in my face too. And then pal me. It's like... basically giving me a hug opposed to what's up pal. Can you pass a salt? Okay pal. You're just like, no problem pal. Ruins dinner.

The Capitals can force a Game 7 because they have found a reliable goalie in Ilya Samsonov.

I actually don't [think it's curtains] because they have a goalie, they found a goalie... Samsonov last night and every game pretty much has been really solid since he came in. I think the capitals can at least force game seven.

NHL scoring is up because of power play strategies and better talent

The scoring staying up has a lot to do with the power plays and also just the games. Good right now. I think hockey's, I think the ratings are up... I think because of all the penalties called. So people's complaint right now is that it's not even, it doesn't even feel like hockey, some games... It's turned into just survive five on five, wait till you get a power play.

No Canadian NHL team will win the Stanley Cup this year

I don't think Canada is going to win the Stanley cup. You're a maple leafs hater. You're an Edmonton Oilers alum... I just think the Leafs have this vibe about them... I don't know if [the Oilers] can figure it out.

Maple Leafs fans are cocky despite having zero championship success in the modern era.

Maple Leafs recently, they're just very cocky about the Leafs for no reason. Yankees fans are a joke, but the Leafs... they haven't won a cup since '67, they haven't gotten out of the first round in 20 years. If they could show a little humility and kind of admit that they're the joke, I wouldn't hate them as much.

The Maple Leafs have a legitimate mental block when leading series

The maple leafs recently, while leading well down in the series, they're like seven or eight and three, well tied in the series. There are about 500 to eight and eight. And when leading these series, they're one to nine. So it's more of like, it might be a legit mental thing.

Cale Makar is currently the best player in the NHL

Right now Cale Makar is the best player in the league. He is a fucking treat to watch every single game. He's doing things that I've never seen before really done. Like he's the McDavid of defensemen.

The Avalanche need Nazem Kadri to keep his cool to win the Stanley Cup.

Three playoffs in a row, [Nazem Kadri] has been suspended. He plays on the edge. He's one of those guys that makes teams good... but he can't control his temper. He has to just keep his cool, right? Because he's actually one of those guys that they need to win the cup.

I won't pick against the Lightning until they actually lose a series

I said I won't pick against them [Lightning] until they don't win. So I am on the Lightning. I want the Lightning, but I'm going to be very surprised if the Avs don't win the Stanley Cup.

The NHL is potentially rigged for certain ratings-friendly matchups

The whole debate that we were having last night about the NHL being rigged? Because I think that you're insane for not thinking... the NHL would prefer to have caps first penguins. One last showdown between [Ovechkin and Crosby].

Superstar treatment from referees is natural human bias rather than a league conspiracy.

I think protecting the superstars happens on its own... it's just a general referee bias that happens in all sports that you're going to call a Tom Brady differently than you call a Mike Glennon. That's just human bias. I don't think there's anything rigged about that.

America needs night golf with floodlights on 18-hole courses

Why in America do we not have night golf? ... you can get a short, you know, a four or 5,000 yard, 18 hole course. So they're all short par fours or par threes and play golf at night. Tee off at 10 o'clock with your buddies.

Career decisions and outcomes in your twenties are ultimately inconsequential to the rest of your life.

Don't compare yourself to [classmates]. You're going to feel like you have to compare yourself to them... it doesn't mean anything for the course of your life. What you do in your twenties can be ultimately inconsequential to what happens for the rest of your life. So don't rush into being an adult too quick.

Unspayed ferrets will die if they do not get pregnant

Unspayed ferrets will die if they don't get pregnant. Die of stress.

The Bears are 80-1 to win the Super Bowl right now and anything is possible

I think the Bears right now are 80 to one to win the Super Bowl. So anything's possible, but it was insane.

Rich Strike should be retired immediately following the Kentucky Derby win

If I was Rich Strike's owner right now, you just gotta retire this horse. You gotta be like, I'm going out on top. It should just be put out to stud for the rest of its career. Never let it race again because you're never going to reach [this again].

Rich Strike's 80-1 win saves the sport of horse racing

Wouldn't it be perfect if you have an 80 to one a shot that everyone's going to look at and be like '$30,000, we could have bought this horse.' I guarantee everyone was saying that after... it's going to save horse racing this year. When you had Bob Baffert looming over everything and some bad vibes, 80 to one fixes everything.

Rich Strike will not win the Preakness

Rich Strike is a dog. Hold on. Horse racing needs a bad boy... but he's not going to win the Preakness. So it will be, it will go away quickly.

There is a 0% chance that Jordan Poole's knee tug actually injured Ja Morant

There's a 0% chance that he could have actually been hurt on it. And it was a situation where we slowed it down and watch it over and over. It's like, but that's not how it happened. It happened in real speed, not this super, super slow-mo... I just don't know how that could have hurt him.

Marcus Smart was clearly fouled on his three-point attempt against the Bucks

I mentioned the refs. I was only specifically talking about the last play of the game. When Marcus Smart clearly got a fouled shooting a three and they called it on the floor, only got two free throws and kind of ended the game basically.

The Celtics win Game 3 if Jayson Tatum plays even average basketball

Jayson Tatum went four for 19. He did not play well... If he just plays average, they win that game.

Chris Paul is the best player in the NBA who also sucks

Chris Paul, we, yeah, we did determine like, we all agree. He's awesome. But at the same time he sucks. And those are my favorite players. Like he is the best player in the NBA who also sucks ass.

James Harden is actually playing himself into shape in front of our very eyes

I would be worried that James Harden is actually playing himself into shape in front of our very eyes. He actually took it coast to coast a couple of times tonight; didn't have to stop for breath or hit the oxygen tank halfway.

My confidence in the Heat winning the series is down to a 6.5 or 7 out of 10

After game one [my confidence] was at a nine. After game two was at nine and a half. After game three was at like an eight... winning the series, now it's down to like six and a half or seven.

I am fully bought in on the Capitals because they have magic on the team

My confidence is at a 10 right now, Jake, as a Caps fan I'm fully bought in now. I'm back to thinking that this could be our year. [Ovechkin] looks healthy, he's laying people out. That was a shit pumping that we saw on Saturday... there's a little bit of magic on this team. It might happen again.

Carlos Alcaraz is making the tennis world go crazy by beating the top three seeds

Carlos Alcaraz... 19 year old, beat Rafa, Djokovic and Zverev who apparently is the number two. So he beat one, two and three on his way to the championship. Tennis is back. I mean, sports world is on fire because of this kid.

It is not Ryan Tannehill's job to mentor Malik Willis

I've got a couple of things to say about this first thing, is it he's right. It's not his job to like teach another man how to take your job. I don't think there's a workplace in America where that's your expectation to train somebody to make you unemployed.

This could be the season for the New York Mets

The New York Mets... seven runs in the ninth inning. They won eight to seven on Thursday night. Just this could be the season; the first team to 20 wins. And that was one of the craziest comebacks I've seen in an individual baseball game.

Winning tournaments when no one is watching is my MO

I fly way, way, way under the radar. I'm glad this tournament didn't sound like a video game... I saw the Derby yesterday. Everyone's very, very focused on other things other than the golf. And that's, I feel like when I'm the most, most powerful.

I am going for my third made cut in a row in majors at the PGA Championship and I feel very confident

I'm going for three made cuts in majors in a row, which hasn't been done in a while for most people. So that's definitely step one. But yeah, I feel confident. I feel comfortable. I'm excited. I've been playing good on hard golf courses lately.

I am 30% responsible for Dmitry Bivol's victory over Canelo Alvarez

How much of your win goes to Billy Football? [Bivol: 30%]. He taught me through the ball, you know, like right hand. [Billy: Activate the shoulders. I liked that].

Canelo picking me up during the fight was a sign of fatigue and nerves

I just thought, oh, he's a little bit nervous. And he wants to show me how he's strong, but it wasn't good for him because I see he's a little bit tired. And he lost his part. He waste his power on this moment.

Chris Paul is confirmed 'good' at basketball, but he's not 'great' yet

Chris Paul has always been good. In fact, the word good is the perfect word. That's a good word to describe Chris Paul. He's good... He's not great yet. But I mean, he looks unstoppable.

I want Chris Paul to fail so I can keep making fun of Ryan Russillo

I really don't want to lose this take. I don't want him to win a championship. Then we can't have this take. That's very fun to throw around and just pretend that it's all about rings... Ryan Russillo has made it to a point where it's like, I want Chris Paul to fail because I know how much it matters to him. And that's really what male friendship is about.

Male friendship is essentially about rooting for your friends' sports teams to fail so you can laugh at them.

If you break down like what male friendship is about, it's essentially like rooting for your other friends to fail. It's not like fail in a terrible, terrible way, like their life ruined, but the thing they love in sports, you want to see it fail so that you can laugh at them. There's no better gift you can give your friends than have that happen to one of your teams.

Luka Doncic's lack of conditioning is actually a good sign for Mavericks fans

It's actually a great lesson in life of why you should always stay a little bit overweight because you can always say I haven't peaked. I can still reach my level of best shape of my life. And when I do, y'all better watch out. And that's what Luka can do.

James Harden is no longer an elite player or a number one option

We know James Harden actually isn't an elite player in the NBA anymore. He's not a number one option on any team. No, he's just not... James Harden isn't good enough to win a series on his own. He's not even good enough to make a series competitive on home.

The NHL won the sports rivalry tonight because there are no NBA games and hockey has the TNT spotlight to itself.

Thursday night, Cinco de Mayo [is] the greatest achievement of hockey versus NBA rivalry... the NBA is not playing because NHL is on TNT tonight. Like the NHL won tonight.

The NBA should move the three-point line back three feet to open up the mid-range game and improve the product.

I think if anything you can just say like move the three point line out, move it further out... move it back like three feet back it way the fuck up. And you can get that... then you'd only have the top players shooting threes still at that point. And then it would open up the mid-range game so much. I think it might actually be a better product.

The NBA should limit teams to 30 three-point attempts per game

What if there was a limit to the amount of three point shots you could take? So teams now have to strategize essentially like you get to take 33 pointers again... Imagine going into a fourth quarter and being like, okay, the suns have 15, three pointers left and the Mavs have used all theirs.

This is the year the Toronto Maple Leafs finally figure it out

Leaf's are fine. They'll figure it out. That's the Leaf's year. I'm still confident in the boys up north.

Don't worry about Taiba's lack of experience in the Kentucky Derby; horse racing has changed and horses run less often now.

No horse in more than a century has won the Kentucky Derby with only two previous lifetime starts. I don't care about that. Staff times have changed and thoroughbred racing horses are running less and less often than they used to. So if you like [Taiba] to win, the Kentucky Derby don't pay any attention to his inexperience.

The Japanese horse Crown Pride is a legitimate threat in the Kentucky Derby

Every day in the last two weeks, big cat, it is looking more and more possible... He has been sensational here in Churchill Downs. And this morning he had a workout... everyone was like, holy crap, did you see that Japanese horse work this morning? I mean, the horse looks great.

The Kentucky Derby is the best litmus test of greatness of any race in America.

The Derby is probably the best litmus test of greatness of any race in America. So the 20 horses is part of that... what it takes win the Kentucky Derby: the patience, the acceleration, the ability to hit the holes when you need to hit the holes, the overall talent to beat the best horses [of] a generation.

Epicenter is my pick to win the Kentucky Derby

Epicenter is the perfect horse to take advantage of an inside post position because he has tactical speed... I think it's a great post position for Epicenter, probably why that's why I'm picking him.

Nest is an absolute standout to win the Kentucky Oaks.

I love Nest. Nest is the program favorite, which surprised me... she was the two-year-old filly champion. I think Nest is an absolute standout to win the Kentucky Oaks.