Takes

The logic of Scientology makes the most sense compared to other religions

Scientology is a way to answer questions. Religion is a way of answering questions. Before any of them start extorting you for money and then they all become frauds, Scientology makes the most sense.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. New Orleans Saints game was the 1,000-unit lock of my career

I'm leaving you with a 1,000-unit game of my career. Tampa Bay Bucs minus 4 by 40. [Referring to the 2020 regular season matchup]

I am a superhuman athlete on the level of Jesse Owens and Jim Brown

I'm superhuman. In seventh grade, 1974, Long Island, it was Jesse Owens, Jim Brown, Stu Feiner. I mean, that's how it went down. I was a legend.

Olympic horses should receive medals instead of the human riders

Why are we giving the people who ride on the horses medals? Like, shouldn't these medals go to the horses? ... How come the horse doesn't get that medal?

The Water Dogs are terrible and I will fire everyone if they don't get their shit together

The Water Dogs... fucking suck. I'm so sick of this team. They're terrible. I watch every game... We need an enforcer... get your fucking shit together guys. This is the last call. Otherwise, I'm firing everyone. I don't think I have that authority. But if I do, I will fire everyone.

Shohei Ohtani is the next Babe Ruth and exactly what baseball needs

Shohei Ohtani... he's doing it all. So he's in the Home Run Derby... then he's going to pitch in the All-Star game. And he's going DH in the All-Star game. And this guy, like this is what baseball needs. ... I'm pumped for Shohei Ohtani to be the next Babe Ruth.

Rob Manfred should refuse to drug test Shohei Ohtani for the good of the sport

Rob Manfred, do not piss test Shohei Ohtani whatever you do. I don't care what he's on right now. The only way you could fuck this up is if you stuck a little test strip into a stream of urine and then you just were just a big bummer for America.

Giannis Antetokounmpo is potentially just a 'system center' for the Bucks

Brooke Lopez dropped 33 tonight. 15 of 18. Brooke Lopez. Absolutely dominant. Is Giannis a system center? I don't know if people are saying [it], but yeah, that's how bad that is.

The Bucks will beat the Hawks in seven games if Trae Young remains out

I do think that if Trae Young doesn't come back in the series, I think the Bucks will probably win the series. And seven, I'm gonna say seven. So the Hawks will win another game, but it's just a bummer. It just feels like a bummer.

Chris Paul deserves all the accolades for his legacy-defining Game 6

Chris Paul legacy game, Skip [Bayless] challenged him. He came through that second half when they came, when the Clippers looked like they were coming back and Chris Paul came back in the game. He ended up with 41. He ended up with an all time great flopping performance. He deserves all of the credit.

Chris Paul winning the NBA title would be the 'John Elway method' of silencing critics

Chris Paul though, is doing a great method here. The John Elway method is what we'll call it where there's many years where people kind of shit on you and like, 'Hey, can't win the big one.' And then if he goes all the way and wins this NBA title, the amount of love that Chris Paul will get, it will make it all worth it.

The Clippers deserve credit for reaching the Western Conference Finals despite losing Kawhi Leonard

I'm going to give him [Paul George] at least a little bit credit for the Clippers, like losing Kawhi and still getting to this point. I have no problem still mocking [Paul George] when he fucks up and says something stupid, but I'm going to give him at least a little bit credit.

Steve Ballmer needs to work on his stamina after his 'leg jerking' celebration

Steve Ballmer, I'm going to say it right now. He's got to work on his stamina in the off season because I've never seen someone gets so gassed after jerking off their two friends' legs quite like Steve Ballmer.

Players who flop should be legally allowed to be shoved on the court

There was a technical debt that had been accrued on the part of Chris Paul over the course of that game with the flops... at that point, you should be allowed to shove him and actually get your jollies in, make contact with him to even up that debt that exists.

The Phoenix Suns will sweep the NBA Finals

Suns in four is our prediction for the NBA finals, this [NBA Finals]. Give Chris Paul the accolades that he deserves.

Pardon My Take officially endorses Alex O'Connell (AOC) as their first NIL athlete

Our first PMT athlete is AOC. Alex O'Connell from Creighton, Creighton basketball. The headlines: PMT officially endorses AOC. We understand the value of the worker. Alex O'Connell, welcome. You are number one, A1.

College teams that embrace NIL immediately will be the most successful

The teams that embrace the NIL are clearly going to be the best at it... LSU in terms of just straight up embracing it... The second that they announced it, they put out that video... You can either fight against it and lose, or you can try to be the very best at it.

I will never be 'Team Bryson' and his caddy quitting is his own fault

I will never in my entire life be team Bryson ever... If he keeps having everyone in his life quit on him, I will continue silently feeling a little bit bad for the guy because I have a heart. [But] the guy makes millions of dollars playing golf and he's got [no friends] because of himself. That should be a wake-up call.

I am pissed that NIL started after my 2017 college career

Everyone's, you know, selling merch, being a Twitch streamer and making money off of their likeness... I was in college [in 2017]... kind of pissed that this happened so many years later and not when I was in college. I literally sold merch back in 2017.

Giannis Antetokounmpo's ligaments are made of rubber bands because a normal body would have 'blown up' after that injury

Giannis, I don't know, he like broke his leg. ACL? Yeah. Doctor David PFT says, 'I personally think it's an MCL.' ... but whatever it is, his ligaments are not made out of ligaments. They're made out of like rubber bands. Because it's crazy. Like my leg would have, my body would have just blown up, given up at that point.

NBA teams should sign stars and then only play them once the role players have won the early playoff series

Reggie Miller was mega right about resting the players. You should just, the new formula should be you sign star players and then you just try to win all the playoff series against inferior teams with your role guys. And then you put your stars back in for the fight.

The 2021 NBA Playoff injuries are mostly freak occurrences rather than a result of the shortened season

I still believe... that this is the weirdest playoffs ever... a lot of these injuries are kind of freak injuries that I don't know if that has anything to do with playing the season was shortened rests off of the bubble. I just think there's a lot of freak injuries. They've happened all at once.

The Hawks would have beaten the Bucks in Game 4 even if Giannis didn't get hurt

I do think the Hawks would have, they kind of were going to win this game without Giannis getting hurt. Like I know Hank just sitting there just saying 'game' after every made shot, that was pre-injury. The Hawks were playing like a spirited, like, Hey, we're coming out here, everyone in the world thinks we have no chance without Trae Young, fuck the world.

Ty Lue deserves all the credit for the Clippers' toughness and for being a really good coach

The never say die Clippers who look—we're a Suns podcast, but credit where credit is due—the Clippers are a fucking tough ass team. They just don't quit. And Ty Lue deserves all the credit in the world for being a really good coach that everyone kind of has clowned, myself included.

The NBA Finals will be Suns vs. Hawks

I think it's going to be Suns-Hawks and Suns in four. Suns Hawks, Suns and four.

The Tampa Bay Lightning are cheating by exploiting NHL salary cap rules

I do feel like we should take some time to point out the fact that the Lightning, the cap gymnastics on the part of the Lightning... I find one way to make an excuse out of my prediction of the Canadians winning. And that's just like putting all my eggs in the 'these guys cheat by exploiting the cap' basket.

Harry Kane will miss a penalty kick for England in the Euro semi-finals

I like England. The problem with England is right now they, they looked convincing and they're winning against Germany... that is prime like Harry Kane's gonna miss a penalty kick in the semi-finals he's going to sky it. Like Baggio hit the moon with it.

Flaming cheese (Saganaki) is the best Greek invention because it's like an experience

The flaming saganaki, the flaming cheese. That shit is awesome. It's like going to hibachi. It's like, you clap for it. It's an experience, like, 'oh shit, they lit the cheese on fire!'

Achilles is a liability and would be the first Greek legend I'd cut from the team

Achilles. [He's] gotta go. Liability. See ya. Listen, best ability is availability.

The 'Sopranos' prequel being a movie is worrisome because it's hard to compact 7 seasons of quality into 2 hours

The trailer for the new movie—it's a movie. I thought it was a TV show and the fact that it's a movie is a little bit worrisome... I just feel like it's going to be hard to—the TV show was so good because you can extend the episodes, make them long, have it played out over seven seasons. And they try and compact it all into two hours, it's worrisome.

Scotty Pippen is doing a great job promoting his bourbon because his controversial takes are keeping him in the news

I actually think he's doing a great job of pitching this bourbon... because everyone's talking about Scotty Pippen, but calling Phil Jackson racist for drawing up a winning play to Toni Kukoc... it goes against everything that everyone knows... he's on a scorched earth tour just getting back at everybody.

Goody bags are the best part of the two-year-old birthday party circuit

My Who's Back is goody bags. I've been doing the two-year-old birthday party circuit... they fucking rock. You get a gift for going to a party. It's incredible. It's amazing. It's the best.

Dave and Buster's is the greatest first date spot imaginable

Dave and Buster's is the greatest first date spot imaginable. That's actually a fact, scientific, because there's no awkward silence that a Space Invaders laser blaster can't disintegrate.

American sports owners like Stan Kroenke and the Glazers tried to turn European football into WrestleMania

And in came the American sports owners... Stan Kroenke, who it's not clear to me actually knows he owns Arsenal... you've got the Glazers... and they've got ideas... it was a bit like that old sci-fi show V where we welcomed in the aliens who seem nice... to try and turn what is precious, what has grown over a century, just that evolution, the history, the traditions, and to try and turn that into WrestleMania was a bit dark.

The United States will win the World Cup in Roger Bennett's children's lifetime

The America will be world champions... in your children's lifetime.

I always root for overtime when I'm broadcasting a game

I'm always rooting for overtime. Always rooting for overtime. I love when you're sitting up there and you're broadcasting... and you'd hit the talk back and say to your buddies... 'if we get this and that, we could get eight points this way' and try to work your way towards overtime.

Celebrity boxing exhibitions are fine as cash grabs, but it's a problem when the public believes they are watching real fights

I'm all for anybody—boxing is unbridled capitalism, right?... I'm fine with the cash grab... exhibitions are never going away. The problem is, is when the public actually believes they're watching a fight. Floyd Mayweather going to sit in there and telling you... 'I'm just going to go in and just do this and carry the guy and dance around.' But when the public actually thinks they're watching a fight and are talking about it as if it's a fight... that's where I don't go for it.

The growth of legalized sports gambling is the best thing that will happen to sports broadcasting

I actually think that the growth of gambling and accessibility is going to be the best thing that happens to our business because nothing's going to be meaningless. There is no meaningless. It doesn't matter what the score is. It also doesn't matter what the game is. It matters what the handle is, where the juice is, where the action is.

Cristiano Ronaldo is not a top three Ronaldo

It's time that we have an honest conversation about Ronaldo. I don't even think he's a top three Ronaldo. You've got Ronaldo, you've got Ronaldinho, who is named Ronaldo... Fat Ronaldo. He's number six overall Ronaldo.

Federico Chiesa is going to be one of the best players in the entire world

Chiesa is going to be one of the best players in the entire world. I'm just putting an eyeball stamp on it. I said that last week. Then he had that awesome goal. Chiesa, Chiesa, Chiesa.

The Hawks can only beat the Bucks if Kevin Huerter has an unconscious game

I also think it's going to be very tough for the Hawks to win [the series] unless you have a Kevin Huerter is unconscious game. If Red Velvet's unconscious, then you have a chance... But if you don't get him involved, then, like, what?

The Bucks will win the series against the Hawks in five or six games

I do think the Bucks are going to win this series in five or six. But... you know, who knows? Trae Young. You just got to say Trae Young at the end of everything nice you say about a Hawks opponent.

Sports would be better if we got rid of replay entirely

What if we just got rid of replay in every sport? I feel like we've gone so far in the direction of getting it right to the point where we're getting it wrong... I enjoy sports more when we're not taking all these positives... What if we just stopped reviewing everything in the NFL?

The Suns will beat the Clippers in five games

But yeah, it feels like it's Suns in five because Chris Paul was terrible. I think Chris Paul was also just gassed... but he ended up making just enough shots to keep them ahead.

Stanley Cup is 'Coming Home' for the Montreal Canadiens because they are America's team

I think the Canadiens are now officially America's team. It feels like it's coming home. Is it coming home? It's coming home. It's coming home for the Canadiens.

The Waterdogs need to hire Mike Vick as their coach

I think we should contact Mike Vick about coaching the Waterdogs because it's gotten to that point. Yeah. It's gotten to that point. I'm okay with that. I hate this team. I want to make them earn their dog.

There will be a chain of custody issue with the ejected pitcher's hermetically sealed glove

My prediction, there's going to be a chain of custody issue that comes into play with the glove. The pitcher's going to peel it. He's going to get off. And Rob Manfred still won't have a head.

James Conrad's disc golf shot is the most clutch play in the history of any sport

I actually think that this is the most clutch play ever in the history of any sport. Name me a better shot than this... That shot was awesome.

Fast and Furious is the best movie franchise to watch while stoned

I don't think that there's a franchise of movies that's better to watch stoned in your entirety than Fast and the Furious.

Damian Lillard will eventually be traded by the Blazers

Damian Lillard has been the exception, not the rule, in that he has remained loyal and he deserves credit. But it does feel like this is going to probably end up being a trade. I also kind of figured it would happen eventually. He's not getting younger. He's like 31 or something.