Takes

Luka Doncic will be the MVP next year if he loses 30 pounds

If Luka can get down to about 230, 225, I I, I really believe he's gonna be MVP next year.

Jayson Tatum has officially replaced Joel Embiid as the worst playoff superstar in the Eastern Conference

I guess that a super embarrassing that Jason Tatum has now taken the crown of the worst playoff performer in the Eastern Conference... Joel Embiid for a long time was known as the worst Eastern Conference superstar to play in the playoffs. And Jason Tatum simply has worst playoff stats than Joel Embiid. And that's a fact.

The Pacers have alligator blood and never die

The Pacers are just, they, they, they have alligator blood, they do not die. And they, they have a belief in Tyrese Halliburton... I really think that it's like, they, they are built for this type of situation where it's like, you've seen it two times in the last three games where they're just gonna keep going at you and they're not gonna give up.

Cavs fans poking the bear by calling Tyrese Halliburton overrated was a dumb move

Then you poked the bear to start the game. That was the dumbest move that the Cavs fans could have done is to chant overrated at Halliburton before it got started. Why would you do that? He already knows that his fellow players talk about him being overrated. You don't have to remind him of it, that's gonna piss him off a little bit.

If Steph Curry wins FMVP with a torn hamstring, he is ahead of LeBron James

If Steph Curry wins NBA finals, MVP by the way, with a, a torn hamstring. He has a, a torn hamstring I think... You gotta put him ahead of LeBron.

It might be Canada's year to win the Stanley Cup

I'm starting to think it might be the Leafs year. It might be Canada this year because we also had the Oilers win Tonight Game One against the Knights. And we have, so the Oilers are up one. Oh, the leaves are up one. Oh. And the Jets are still there.

The Knicks have 1986 Mets magic to beat Boston

Very reminiscent of the 86 Mets. And how they, and how they beat the Boston Red Sox. It really is reminiscent of that. A New York team just rising from the ashes, like a phoenix to destroy Austin sports. It is, it was so much fun.

Celtics in five

I'm not worried about the series at all. I'm not worried about the, the strategy or the team or anything. Like, there's only so much you can do when you miss [45 threes]. Celtics in five.

Nikola Jokic is the best player playing basketball in the world

Nicole Jokic is the best player in the world. He is the best player playing basketball right now in the world. He had 42, 22 and six. It was an MVP off with him and SGA who also was very good with 33, 10 and eight.

Caleb Williams being seen with supermodels makes him a QB1 over Jaden Daniels

Caleb Williams was in Miami and he got out of a car at a restaurant with three different like supermodels. Hell yeah. That's that's that's a QB one you want. Yeah. That's QB one actually. That's Aura. Not a helicopter mom. 24-year-old.

Sovereignty is a pussy for skipping the Preakness

I'm saying I'm gonna prank call sovereignty. I we should harass this horse. This is a beta horse. This is what happens. It's a horse that's been coddled its entire life... Sovereignty's a puss. Let's just stop beating around at this horse is a fucking pussy.

Jokic is the most skilled big man we have ever seen

He's the most skilled player in the world. He does everything at a very high level... the best floater in the league, but he is also an incredible jump shooter. And that's not even a strength. So long story short, he's just the most skilled big man we've ever seen.

Tyrese Halliburton is the most underrated player in the playoffs

That take [him being overrated] is aging very poorly, very poorly. They are five in one in the Playoffs... he might be the most underrated player in these NBA playoffs. I think he deserves some flowers. He deserves some of those media cycles where we're like, he's 25 and he's three wins away from bringing his team to the conference finals two years in a row.

NBA Finals prediction: Celtics vs. Thunder

I'm sticking with the Boston Celtics, Bing bong hanky. I still support the Celtics and you know, I'm sticking with the with the thunder and I'm a little bit nervous today. I think Boston has a much easier path to the finals than OKC.

The Timberwolves will win their series against the Warriors

I have the Timberwolves winning this series simply because like the offensive depth is isn't isn't a good enough to outscore the Timberwolves, but I also don't think they'll be able to play Go bear off the court like that. Yeah. Okay. All right. So yeah, I guess my pick would then be the Timberwolves.

James Harden is the biggest choker in NBA history

Is he the biggest choker? I don't know if it's choker or just Bright lights scares him away guy of all time because at this point it is now four different teams that he's done this with. It is, he's great in the regular season. He can be great in the beginning of a series... But then when the Bright, the lights get the brightest and it's game seven, he's a complete no show. And it's, it's not even, there's not even a debate anymore. I think he is [number one all time].

James Harden stops playing in big games because he simply doesn't want to work anymore

I don't think it's necessarily even an insult to say that to him. Because I, I actually believe that James Harden is like, I don't wanna work anymore. I'm, I'm gonna get paid essentially the same if I, if I get eliminated now or if I get eliminated in two weeks... He doesn't really have any upside besides the glory of winning, which I don't think he necessarily cares that much about.

The NBA's scheduling makes Game 1 an automatic loss for teams coming off a Game 7

Why are the nuggets playing on Tuesday night... that's the most auto loss I've ever seen on a schedule ever... the nuggets in Game one and the Warriors in Game one, it feels like they're just going in to to die. Yeah. They just played a seven game series. Both a little bit older teams and they have 48 hours to turn around.

I wouldn't be worried about the Knicks even if the Celtics go down 0-2

Not worried about the Knicks. Even if we lose, I'll say it right now. If somehow we lose game one, we could lose two games and I wouldn't be worried. [Down 0-2?] Still not worried. I'll say it.

Abdul Carter is a loser for trying to take legendary Giants players' retired numbers

Is Abdul Carter a loser? I it's very weird. A weird tumble guy of all time... to on day one, go into your new company and be like, I want the numbers of the two most famous guys that everybody loves. Right. And, and again, the first one I get it, take your, shoot your shot. The second one... it's weird. He can't go his own way.

LeBron James only releases post-elimination injury reports to build a protective narrative for his legacy

With LeBron it's interesting because the, the whole like you know, build, building in your narrative. Your excuse after the fact. It's something he's done a couple times... but he always has to remind us that he's injured always. And to not play a hypothetical game, it was just so extra to be like, if game six had happened tonight, yeah. He would not be playing.

Jamie Benn is the player who deserves a Stanley Cup more than anyone else in the league

Number one, Jamie Benn. That's kind, that's kind of my, my player right now. Who doesn't have one that, that I feel like, God, that guy deserves one. He's, I mean, I think, 16 years in 17... a warrior, a beast, a true captain, a leader, and he is done it like teammates love him. He's done it for so long that if Dallas were to get one, that's kind of my guy.

Carolina cannot win the Cup because Sebastian Aho is not a true superstar

Carolina fans are kind of all always all over biz. And I, and I gave them a bunch of props... and all those fans tell me aho aho I'm like, I love aho. But I just, he's like one little notch beneath like the true superstars. And, and so I don't, I don't even think if Carolina gets by Washington, like they can win the cup.

Florida is the favorite and Toronto is the least likely to win the Stanley Cup among the final eight teams

Florida one. Dallas two. Vegas three. Washington four Edmonton five... Winnipeg six, Carolina seven. [Leafs?] Leafs eights perfect. You what? I guys I can admit Edmonton's an underdog here. And they get through Vegas and, and, and, and I come back on like if they beat Vegas, they're number one.

Dallas is the best warm-weather hockey town in North America

I think Dallas... those playoff games. It's crazy that arena gets loud, sneaky La Kings are, are awesome... but LA and Dallas kind of stick out and the, the, the Panthers fans have come on here. They, they've made these games a complete party.

I am going to hire a dietician to help prevent future kidney stones

I think this one, I'll say this, I think I'm gonna start making some lifestyle changes. I'm thinking... I think I'm gonna to get a dietician. I understand. But I need someone to tell me what to do. I am not going to do that on my own volition. I need someone to basically be like, here's what you can and cannot eat.

I'm excited for the Celtics to beat the Knicks because New York fans never win anything and are too loud

New York fans are the loudest fans and never win anything and it's just fun to shut 'em up. I'm excited to beat New York.

The Detroit Pistons have a very bright future because of Cade Cunningham

The Pistons have a very bright future because Cade Cunningham stepped up, stepped up like that level playoff series, young team getting their first taste of it. It sucks to hear, but the Pistons have a very bright future.

The Celtics will sweep the Knicks

I think it's a sweep. I think you guys [Celtics] got 'em. Sweep, easy.

Anthony Edwards is the new face of the league if he wins a title

He is, he's the face of the league if he can win a title and the Timberwolves are just a really good team all around.

Mavs GM Nico Harrison was right about Luka Doncic being out of shape and a defensive liability

Nico Harrison's a fuckhead. But was he kind of right? Everything that Nico Harrison was standing on—Luca being outta shape, defensive liability—did kind of come into play in this game. I still would rather have Luca on my team. But it was for one night, Nico Harrison went to sleep happy.

LeBron James will not retire silently; he will have a massive farewell tour

LeBron James is not going to retire outta the blue and just walk off the court and that'll be it. He is going to have the retirement tour. Yep. He's going to go across the country and there's gonna be like a documentary crew that follows him everywhere.

LeBron James should opt out and take a pay cut to help the Lakers build a better roster

He could opt out and then take less. He can opt out and then willingly take a pay cut and say, I would like to get paid 35, $40 million next year. Which would be smart. Use that money to get a center, fill the roster around, get someone over seven feet.

Jokic and Kawhi will both have massive games in Game 7 of the Nuggets-Clippers series

I think both those guys are gonna be incredible superstars. I really do. Because Jokic always gets his stats and Kawhi has had a good series, but I think this is one of those games where we're gonna look up and it's gonna be, Jokic is gonna have 34, 18 and 11 and Kawhi is gonna have 39 points on like 85% shooting. That's my prediction.

The Capitals are going to 'skull fuck' Paul Bissonnette and the Maple Leafs in the Eastern Conference Finals

Paul Bissonnette, you better hope that you get your ass kicked in the second round because I wouldn't like nothing better than the skull fuck you in the Eastern Conference finals. And I will, I will skull fuck you. Tom Wilson will skull fuck you.

If the Hurricanes beat the Capitals, I will never masturbate to Brandy Love again

If the hurricanes beat the capitol, I'll never jack off to Brandy Love again. Ball's in your court. Mr. Beast is wrong. Also says that Brandy love is from Dearborn, Michigan. But she's a Hurricanes fan.

The Monfort brothers are terrible owners and the Colorado Rockies might be the worst team ever

We gotta get on the radar of the Colorado Rockies maybe being the worst team of all time... officially the Monfort Brothers, Dick and Charlie Monfort, we're looking at you, we're watching you, we're on your shit. We're just gonna say you fucking suck ass once every couple of months.

Fierceness is two to three lengths better than any other horse in the Kentucky Derby field

I think [Fierceness] is two to three lengths better than any other horse right now in the field... I think if he's ridden properly, I think [Fierceness]'s, you know, clearly, clearly the horse to beat.

A prime Secretariat could not win a race with a 235-pound Big Cat in the saddle

No shot, Big Cat, no shot. I'm sorry to tell you that. [You would finish] probably dead last. Even if you were an accomplished equestrian, at that weight riding Secretariat? No. He'd be up the track.

The European basketball development system is superior to the US AAU system

Great development system out there [in France]... They coach it as a team sport. It's not the superstar thing. And if you have a shot to be an NBA prospect, you have like the top French general managers coming to your house... For the development of the game, there needs to be a change [in the US].

The Celtics are the heavy favorites in the East, but the Cavaliers will make it a battle

Boston is definitely the heavy favorite. Until somebody beats Boston, they're the team to beat... but do not disrespect the Cleveland Cavaliers because they're ready to rock and roll. And if you think there's gonna be an easy sweep, no, no, no, no. Don't get it twisted. You're in for a real battle.

A fake kidnapping is the only way to find out if a rookie is 'ride or die'

You gotta fake kidnap your boys if you wanna make sure that they ride or die... it's a simple question of: do I like this kid? And the only way to find out is you go down the line and it's fake kidnapping with a real gun on video.

This is likely the last time Giannis Antetokounmpo will be seen in a Bucks jersey

The Bucks maybe if you're a Bucks fan, this is the last time you see Giannis in a Bucks jersey, which sucks... I feel like it's a foregone conclusion he is gone... This is the perfect exit point for him.

Giannis Antetokounmpo joining the Thunder would ruin the NBA

I heard people talking about Giannis to the Thunder that would, that might ruin the NBA. Well, if Giannis goes to the Thunder next year, they would have to trade players.

The Cavaliers will beat the Pacers in six games

I'm gonna say Cavs in six Cavs are really good. I think the Cavs I respect the hell out of the Cavs.

The Cavaliers will sweep the Pacers

Yeah. I'm gonna say Cavs in four. Yeah. This Cavs team is fucking legit.

Tobias Harris is a pussy

Tobias Harris is a pussy. The amount of people that are pussies that can't play in Philadelphia is disgusting.

Tom Thibodeau is an idiot for his clock management in the Pistons loss

I think Tibs is an idiot. He should have called the time out... You have to fucking get those guys in the game. You can't let a minute and a half go by with both those guys standing and watching at the scorers table.

Josh Harris is the greatest owner in sports

Josh Harris, great owner. Some would say the best owner in sports, right Max? Ownership. The process has worked... credit to Josh Harris.

Errors in the outfield are significantly worse than errors in the infield

Errors in the outfield are way worse than errors on the infield for whatever reason. 'cause anytime you're like backed to the field, you are chasing the ball after.