Takes

The Wizards should draft Caitlin Clark to sell tickets

Why don't the [Wizards] draft Caitlin Clark? I think she'd sell tickets. I think she'd sell tickets. Now is, is she at the ability level to be an NBA player? No. Obviously not. But sell tickets. She can go out there, there ball and hoop. She can hit a couple threes.

The Sixers are now in their championship window because the Eastern Conference is wide open

Next year is the Sixers' year. I feel like this is their year now. The East being wide open as it is. Celtics don't have Tatum. Pacers don't have Haliburton. Knicks don't have a head coach. You guys are good.

It is worse for Kevin Durant's legacy if he actually wins a championship with the Rockets

I think it's worse for his legacy if he wins [with the Rockets].

World War III is overrated and the term is being overused

My Who's Back of the Week is World War III. We're doing it again, boys. I think this is the fifth World War III that's happened in the last four years. ... I'm so sick of everyone saying World War III just started.

Chet Holmgren is not the guy

[Chet Holmgren] is not the guy... not a guy.

A team of former Yugoslavia countries could beat the United States in basketball

I believe in that. We'll be really good. We'll be amazing. I know we can beat United States... I think we have big chance. It's not be like easy for [United] States to beat the team.

The Indiana Fever need to hire a Charles Oakley-style enforcer to protect Caitlin Clark

This is actually a great opportunity for somebody that's like into the bench player on the Fever, become the Caitlin Clark defender. Just start learning boxing, jiu-jitsu, Muay Thai, whatever. And then just be an enforcer. Be the Charles Oakley... that just goes out there and beats the shit out of girls that try to go out at Caitlin.

Losing this Finals series would be a 'sliding doors' moment that ruins the Thunder's future

This is it, it's kind of like the Knicks. It's like you're never gonna have a better shot than this year. If they lose this, it's a sliding doors moment. Your entire future will be miserable. And if you win this series, then you're gonna win four.

Deebo Samuel is fat and slow now

I never said specifically that he was fat. I just referred to him as Fat Deebo. He's fat. He could be also everyone who's going just send screenshots of how fat I am... Fat Deebo rolls off the tongue. At least you got Fat Deebo.

I am officially the best bunter in Major League Baseball history

I do say this though. I do say I'm the best bunter in major league history... I had one bunt attempt got it down. So. Anytime big situations, I always say I'm the best bunner in major league history. You ready to, can't take that away from me. I'm one for one.

Connor McDavid is the greatest hockey player of all time

I just started running around the room... running around greatest hockey player of all time. I just started tweeting that like, it's just, it's incredible to watch him.

If an NBA game were only 45 minutes long, the Indiana Pacers would be a lottery team

Surely they can't do this again, right? They didn't need until 0.3 seconds left in the entire game. If NBA playoff, if NBA games were 45 minutes long, the Pacers would be a lottery team.

The Anthony Richardson experience in Indianapolis might already be over

Anthony Richardson is hurt another shoulder injury to the quarterback... I feel like this could be Daniel Jones... I just feel like the Anthony Richardson experience might be over.

Magnus Carlsen is no longer the GOAT of chess because he keeps losing.

I'm gonna say right now, Magnus [Carlsen] not the best. 'cause I have been watching chess religiously for almost 48 hours now. And all I've seen is Magnus lost.

The 2025 OKC Thunder championship will be the worst title of their upcoming dynasty

We have gotten ahead of it and we think this actually will be the worst Thunder team to win a title in their dynasty run. 'cause you guys [Alex Caruso] are probably gonna win like six in a row. So you're saying this is the worst this year? Yeah. We just back where we'll be like, can you believe that team won?

LeBron James is a scumbag for opting into a $52 million contract instead of taking a team-friendly deal

[LeBron] opted in for $52 million. He's a billionaire. He might even be a piece of shit... he does not need, he's not even good enough for 52 million a year. He could have signed for 30... they could use the 20 million to actually make their team better. But he doesn't care about that because he's a selfish piece of shit.

The Knicks have been playing better without Jalen Brunson this series

For some reason, the series, [the Knicks] are just playing better without [Jalen Brunson]. This series. They have been playing better without him when he is off the court.

The 2025 Thunder are the worst version of a team that will win multiple titles

There's a chance if the Thunder win the title this year, this is the worst Thunder team to win a title. 'Cause they're gonna probably win like four or five. This is the worst Thunder team we'll ever see to win a title.

Aaron Gordon is a beast for playing through a grade two hamstring injury

Aaron Gordon played in game seven with a grade two hammy. And if the Lakers were in this game, LeBron would still be two weeks away from coming back because LeBron, remember when he got hurt in the last game of the Laker season, they some, for some reason put out a timetable for his return, which no one needed or asked for.

The Caitlin Clark vs. Angel Reese rivalry is awkward because Clark is much better at basketball

Caitlyn Clark is so much better than Angel Reese at basketball that it's not, it doesn't feel fair. I actually feel bad for Angel Reese at this point. She wants a rivalry and she has history with Kaitlyn Clark, but it's nowhere near equal footing in terms of play... Kaitlyn Clark needs a different rival because this one is just not fair.

Alex Ovechkin should not have been on the power play during Game 5

Ovy did not look well on the ice tonight. He looked pretty slow... I almost think that he shouldn't even be on the power play right now. Because he wasn't, he did not look like he was moving around like the Ovy that we saw in the regular season.

Steph Curry is the West Coast version of Joel Embiid in the playoffs

Some are saying that Steph Curry is the West coast version of Joel Embiid in the playoffs.

The NBA Draft Lottery is rigged despite the league's attempts to prove otherwise

I think the media is now welcome at the draft lottery because he used to see it behind the scenes... he was laying it on thick. He was doing a lot of unrigable talk... if it was rigged, this is exactly how they would've rigged it. Exactly how they'd rig it. Exactly... you can pick and choose Max... that shit's fucking rigged and I fucking hate it and there should be an investigation.

Madison Square Garden is the most overrated venue in sports

The garden is the most overrated venue in sports.

Running a marathon in six hours does not count as finishing a marathon

People do run marathons in like six hours and then they, and they, and then they post on Instagram... No you didn't. Six hour marathon is not doing it.

Jayson Tatum is not a superstar

Jason Tatum is not a superstar... He didn't play on the Olympic team. He didn't play.

Nikola Jokic is the worst three-time MVP in the last 40 years

If he wins the next one, he'll be the worst three time MVP in the last 40 years. Right. Because it was like... those five were in that timeframe as Magic, Bird, Jordan, LeBron, and Jokic at that time. He's gonna rank fifth.

Jayson Tatum has officially replaced Joel Embiid as the worst playoff superstar in the Eastern Conference

I guess that a super embarrassing that Jason Tatum has now taken the crown of the worst playoff performer in the Eastern Conference... Joel Embiid for a long time was known as the worst Eastern Conference superstar to play in the playoffs. And Jason Tatum simply has worst playoff stats than Joel Embiid. And that's a fact.

If Steph Curry wins FMVP with a torn hamstring, he is ahead of LeBron James

If Steph Curry wins NBA finals, MVP by the way, with a, a torn hamstring. He has a, a torn hamstring I think... You gotta put him ahead of LeBron.

The Knicks have 1986 Mets magic to beat Boston

Very reminiscent of the 86 Mets. And how they, and how they beat the Boston Red Sox. It really is reminiscent of that. A New York team just rising from the ashes, like a phoenix to destroy Austin sports. It is, it was so much fun.

Caleb Williams being seen with supermodels makes him a QB1 over Jaden Daniels

Caleb Williams was in Miami and he got out of a car at a restaurant with three different like supermodels. Hell yeah. That's that's that's a QB one you want. Yeah. That's QB one actually. That's Aura. Not a helicopter mom. 24-year-old.

Sovereignty is a pussy for skipping the Preakness

I'm saying I'm gonna prank call sovereignty. I we should harass this horse. This is a beta horse. This is what happens. It's a horse that's been coddled its entire life... Sovereignty's a puss. Let's just stop beating around at this horse is a fucking pussy.

James Harden is the biggest choker in NBA history

Is he the biggest choker? I don't know if it's choker or just Bright lights scares him away guy of all time because at this point it is now four different teams that he's done this with. It is, he's great in the regular season. He can be great in the beginning of a series... But then when the Bright, the lights get the brightest and it's game seven, he's a complete no show. And it's, it's not even, there's not even a debate anymore. I think he is [number one all time].

Abdul Carter is a loser for trying to take legendary Giants players' retired numbers

Is Abdul Carter a loser? I it's very weird. A weird tumble guy of all time... to on day one, go into your new company and be like, I want the numbers of the two most famous guys that everybody loves. Right. And, and again, the first one I get it, take your, shoot your shot. The second one... it's weird. He can't go his own way.

Carolina cannot win the Cup because Sebastian Aho is not a true superstar

Carolina fans are kind of all always all over biz. And I, and I gave them a bunch of props... and all those fans tell me aho aho I'm like, I love aho. But I just, he's like one little notch beneath like the true superstars. And, and so I don't, I don't even think if Carolina gets by Washington, like they can win the cup.

The Capitals are going to 'skull fuck' Paul Bissonnette and the Maple Leafs in the Eastern Conference Finals

Paul Bissonnette, you better hope that you get your ass kicked in the second round because I wouldn't like nothing better than the skull fuck you in the Eastern Conference finals. And I will, I will skull fuck you. Tom Wilson will skull fuck you.

If the Hurricanes beat the Capitals, I will never masturbate to Brandy Love again

If the hurricanes beat the capitol, I'll never jack off to Brandy Love again. Ball's in your court. Mr. Beast is wrong. Also says that Brandy love is from Dearborn, Michigan. But she's a Hurricanes fan.

A fake kidnapping is the only way to find out if a rookie is 'ride or die'

You gotta fake kidnap your boys if you wanna make sure that they ride or die... it's a simple question of: do I like this kid? And the only way to find out is you go down the line and it's fake kidnapping with a real gun on video.

Tobias Harris is a pussy

Tobias Harris is a pussy. The amount of people that are pussies that can't play in Philadelphia is disgusting.

100 dedicated humans could easily defeat one gorilla in a fight

I think a hundred friends could be one gorilla. Everybody just gotta be dedicated to the shit. And that sparked a debate across the internet... I am firmly of the belief that a hundred people could easily be go a fight.

Alabama is officially a basketball school now

It was an interesting year. It's, we, we got a lot of spoiled Alabama fans... I hate what's going on in, in NCAA sports right now with the, the NIL and the transferring... But, you know, we're a basketball school now.

Having a stomach bug is one of the worst things that can happen to a human

Getting the stomach bug is by far the worst thing that can possibly happen to a human I think. Cancer, I feel like stomach bug's gotta be up there. Just kidding, just kidding... you feel like you're dying though. It's terrible.

The NBA should stop the Eastern Conference playoffs because the Celtics are just going to eat everyone

Can we just stop with the Eastern conference playoffs? Can we just not do 'em? Because what's happening is every team is just kind of getting fattened up to get eaten by the Celtics and a delicious snack. Like that's what's gonna happen.

Ashton Jeanty is a better pure runner than Bijan Robinson

I actually think [Ashton Jeanty] is a better pure runner in terms of contact balance churning out yards after contact than Bijan Robinson. There's been six running backs going the top 10 in the last 10 years of the draft... [Ashton Jeanty] is absolutely worth the pick.

New Rule: If you win Game 1 of a playoff series by 50 points, the series should immediately end

If you win a game one by 50 points, a series should be over. Okay. 'cause when this game was such a blowout, it was like 30 points in half. How much more exciting would it be in the second half if the Grizzlies were literally fighting to keep the series alive... If you win the game one by 50 series over, we've seen enough.

Good riddance to Lee Corso

Good riddance [to Lee Corso].

Travis Hunter will be more impressive in the NFL than Shohei Ohtani is in MLB

You think Travis Hunter will be more impressive than Shohei Ohtani? Definitely. I'm gonna be vindicated. I welcome the hate when it came, but in two years' time I wanna be sitting pretty.

Amen Thompson is a 'freak amongst freaks' and will soon be a household name

I feel like the basketball public is going to figure out who Amen Thompson is over the next two, three weeks. This guy is an absolute freak amongst freaks. Like all the great athletes that you see in the NBA, he's like the great athlete's great athlete.

I am significantly better than Hank at 16-inch softball

I am definitely so much better than Hank at 16-inch softball... I guarantee you. I can slap singles. I'm faster than Hank.

Nico Harrison is 'so lost' and delusional as the Mavericks GM

He's [Nico Harrison] so lost. It's insane. Yeah... Such a coward move to do. No, no video, no no recordings. What a fucking loser. And we stand with Mavs fans. The guy's a fucking loser. He needs to get outta town.