Takes

I believe I could give Kevin Durant a run for his money in a one-on-one basketball game

I'll most definitely... I actually like to make that happen. I actually think I give [Durant] a run for his money.

NFL Combine speed can have diminishing returns if it's used as a crutch

I had the thought while I was watching it is being really fast actually bad. Is there a point where being so fast is diminishing returns? Yes... the faster you are the faster you're out of position and you maybe you don't run the routes as well because you can't keep your body under control you learn it as a crutch.

Bill Belichick is interested in Andy Dalton to prove he can win with anyone

A lot of people have been saying the reverse that Bill Belichick would be interested in Andy Dalton because if you can win a Super Bowl with Andy Dalton, then everyone will say wow. This guy can do anything he walk on water.

Coronavirus is an overrated threat with a 'trash' mortality rate

I would say that the Corona virus is overrated because it only has a two percent mortality rate, which frankly is trash like 2% get Okay, and I would I would honestly get coronavirus just for the content. I think it would be a good addition to the show.

Steven Seagal can't be arrested for fraud because Bitcoin 2 Gen was obviously a pyramid scheme

I don't think that Steven Seagal is off the hook on this one because you can't get arrested for fraud If the product is called this is literally fraud, right? So he's very open about how fraudulent Bitcoin to Jin was. So it's not like it's false advertising.

Joe Burrow is using 'Galaxy Brain' reverse psychology on the Bengals by saying he would play for them.

I think that this is Galaxy brain [Joe] Burrow because I think that he is showing intentionally such poor vision making process that he says that he will play for the Bengals so the Bengals be like, 'Oh fuck, we don't want him.' Boom, red flag. Who in their right minds would you want to play for the Bengals?

Deontay Wilder was gassed because he had to walk through the MGM Grand for 10 minutes

Watching Deontay Wilder have to walk through the entirety of the MGM Grand... it was no joke 10 minutes of him just walking through the through the back rooms. He was walking through a kitchen at one point I said right then and there I was like he is going to be gassed because that is everyone knows that feeling when you're in a casino and you've been walking around the casino for like maybe 20 30 minutes and you have a moment we like wait. I kind of need to sit down.

Short guys wearing high heels is an alpha move compared to wearing lifts

If you wore lifts in your in your shoes. That's a clown move if you were heels, that's a I'm so confident in myself. I don't give a fuck. It's an alpha move, right? I will dress up as a woman Checkmate and be six feet tall Checkmate.

A third of the NFL franchises don't actually care about winning a Super Bowl

There's probably no joke like a third of the NFL just doesn't want to do it. They just want to be in the NFL and it's like 75 percent of baseball that really doesn't care about that either... hire smart people, step away and run it like a professional franchise.

Aaron Rodgers is over the hill and not good anymore

Aaron Rodgers is over the hill. He's not good anymore. I don't know your Rodgers... you guys got screwed on that spot.

Jose Altuve's 'unfinished tattoo' excuse for not wanting his jersey ripped off is a cover for steroid-induced back acne.

No, it wasn't a tattoo. I was just embarrassed because I had a ton of bacne from all the steroids I was taking. Reframe the conversation. Type of cheating... the cheating that's allowed.

The DC Defenders could beat the Washington Redskins right now.

I'm actually saying that I think that the Defenders could beat the Redskins, but right now I'm saying like the Redskins roster as it stands. They all had to show off. They just showed up. The stadium fair without practicing.

The Washington Nationals should be awarded the 2017 World Series title

I actually think that [the Nationals] should get the Astros' 2017 World Series because they beat the team that [was cheating]. They acquire the Astros' cheating World Series because they beat them while they're—the only team that has ever beaten the cheating Astros in a World Series is the Washington Nationals.

I might get an NFL call-up as a 'camp leg' based on my XFL kicking film

I'm also thinking that there's an outside chance that with what I've put on film already and what I will continue to put on film, maybe I get a call for a training camp for an NFL team. Maybe I'm a camp leg... They need camp legs. I'm not worse than Vinatieri. I'm a better kicker than the greatest kicker of all time.

American athletes are superior to Europeans in every sport

I think just for the record, if Europe's listening to me, America has superior athletes to Europeans. That's just a fact. We just do. Every single one of them is better than every European in every sport that any European has tried to play.

The atmosphere at Audi Field for the DC Defenders was better than any Redskins game in the last 20 years

I'm going to say like the atmosphere in DC at Audi Field was better. It was more fun than any Redskins game that I've been to in the last like 20 years.

Al Horford might be a locker room cancer

It could be Al, though. I mean, he was part of the Celtics last year. They were a locker room disaster. People think it was Kyrie. They're a locker room disaster. What's a common denominator?

The Dodgers trading for David Price is just trading for a bigger choker than Clayton Kershaw

They literally traded for a bigger choker in David Price. ... the chances are David Price will probably choke before Clayton [Kershaw] does. They're going to be choking each other. It's going to be some real kinky shit.

Oklahoma deserves a one-year ban from the College Football Playoff

Oklahoma deserves a one-year ban from the college football playoffs. Their performances, I'm sick of it. ... Every year, halfway through the season, Oklahoma loses a game. ... and then they start playing defense. Everyone's like, you know what? Oklahoma's defense, not that bad. Not true. They are still bad.

The Browns might not win a game next year

So the Browns are going to stink next year. ... I'm going to say it's not behind your back like a regional. You guys might not win a game. It's a bold strategy. ... We're going to dunk on everyone. Physically, we're not going to do anything. But you will, and then we will reap all the benefits.

U.S. NFL players would dominate Olympic Handball within months

You play a sport that if we decided to stop playing all the other sports, there would be a lot of guys better than what you're doing. ... If we were to take our best NFL players and put them in rugby uniforms... we would be much, much better. ... I'm not saying that I would be a gold medal handballist. I'd be probably a top pro. [Baker] his arm is better than any handballist's arm.

Alex Ovechkin will officially be better than Wayne Gretzky after he scores his 700th goal

And Ovi just scored his 700th goal. ... I'm predicting. I'm going to be at the Caps game on Saturday night. I'm going to see him score two more goals. And then it's going to happen. Now he's officially better than Wayne Gretzky. Perfect.

The recent NBA drama between the Warriors and Grizzlies was likely scripted

I'm convinced that there was a script going around to the Golden State Warriors to the Memphis Grizzlies... This is like sweeps week. Everyone in the NBA knew now's our time to strike and they did it with a perfect timing... It was almost a little bit too perfect and too coincidental.

The Jaguars are only playing back-to-back London games to pay for a stadium renovation in Jacksonville

What's actually happening is the Jaguars are doing two games back to back just so that they can have enough money to totally redo their stadium in Jacksonville... Better Fan Experience... Listen honey, I'm not I'm only having sex with this other woman so that she can teach me new ways to not make you come right?

The 49ers should trade for Kirk Cousins to replace Jimmy Garoppolo

Do they try to make a swap with Kirk Cousins and just say like, hey. [Big Cat: That is who Kyle Shanahan wants.] Originally, make a swap. Be like, hey, both these guys make a lot of money. It's not working out as well as we had hoped maybe.

The Miami Hurricanes are officially back because of Ed Reed and the Super Bowl

Either way, the U's back. Danny Boy Cane's got them covered... Recruits see that night game at Hard Rock Cafe Stadium in Miami Gardens, and they think the U might be back.

Jameis Winston is a future Hall of Famer

Can we call you [David Baker] up and be like, hey, David Baker, can we say this guy's a future Hall of Famer? Are you allowed to do that? Jameis Winston. Jameis Winston could be. We'll take a 'not no' for Jameis Winston.

I would consider playing for the Jets if Sam Darnold got mono again and they offered $20M

$20 million, one year, New York Jets quarterback. Gosh, that's a lot of money. We'd have to have a conversation. [Breaking news], Jay Cutler, considering playing next year for the Jets In the case of Sam Darnold getting mono again and them throwing a ridiculous amount of money.

Zion Williamson is a bonafide bust

Zion is a bust. Parentheses: I went to sleep at halftime.

Coach K is a bad X's and O's guy for not letting Zion shoot threes at Duke

Huge indictment on Coach K as an X's and O's guy. [Zion] hit four [threes] in a row... That's another feather in the cap of old Roy Williams. He would never screw up his prospects like that.

Aaron Rodgers is not a great quarterback

Eli, Romo, Carson Palmer, Aaron Rodgers, Jay Cutler. These are all people that are not great quarterbacks, but were very good for a long time.

Derek Jeter was only the second-best shortstop on the Yankees

Second best shortstop on that Yankees team. Behind A-Rod.

The Bears ruined Mitch Trubisky

Actually, Will Brinson had a hot take... that if Mitch Trubisky got drafted by the Chiefs and Patrick Mahomes got drafted by the Bears, Mitch Trubisky would be better than Patrick Mahomes. So it's an institutional failure, which I actually agree with that kind of. Bears make every quarterback shit.

LeBron James blaming his son for a poor performance is a new low

LeBron blames his son. A new low. A new low. Even for LeBron. He has gone as low as possible. He has blamed his son on his poor performance on Monday night. He said that he was a little out of rhythm because he went and watched his son play basketball in a tournament.

I am officially worried about Aaron Rodgers' mental health and engagement after the NFC Championship loss

I'm officially worried about [Aaron Rodgers'] mental health. He looked disinterested, disengaged... he just looked like somebody that has been fucking Brett Favre for a while, just like a completely blank look on his face. He was just not impressed, not happy to even be there.

The Packers roster is just an average quarterback away from being a Super Bowl contender

The Packers roster, here's a nice Spin Zone for Packer fans: the Packers roster is an average quarterback away from being a Super Bowl contender. I think if they had benched Aaron Rodgers at halftime... that was the way to go, get a spark in there.

Clemson should have the nickname 'Tigers' revoked

Clemson, I think that we should revoke the nickname Tigers from them. Yes. They're no longer the Tigers. They got out Tigard. I think that I'm going to pick up the trash can a second we should call them the Elder Oaks... right now LSU is the official Tigers.

I am a better and more accurate kicker than Chad Ochocinco

I'm not scared of you Chad. I'm coming for you Chad. I'm a better Kicker than you. I'm more accurate. They call me mr. 35 yards. Hmm. That's what they call me because I go I go 99 percent from 35 yards so I don't care if I can't kick a 60-yarder but I can hit a 35-yarder twice.

Smashing televisions should be a top responsibility for a baseball manager

My favorite part of the story is that AJ Hinch not once but twice smash the TVs that Alex Cora was using to help cheat... I don't know what your job duties are as a manager, but I'm pretty sure that smashing televisions should be pretty high up on that list.

Alex Cora should get a lifetime ban just because it sounds 'juicy'

Alex Cora, I'm not in favor of a lifetime ban, but I am in favor of hearing the term lifetime ban. Oh, yeah. Definitely. It's awesome hearing Alex Cora has been issued a lifetime ban from baseball. Like I don't think that he deserves it and what I deserve to hear that... there's nothing more satisfying than just like when you read the words lifetime bans.

I would take Trevor Lawrence over Joe Burrow right now

I'm getting killed also, too, because I would take Trevor Lawrence over Burrow. What he showed in that Fiesta Bowl, the amount of times he got hit... the Clemson has the goods.

Lamar Jackson might simply not be able to get it done in the playoffs

He just might not be able to get it done in the playoffs. Peyton Manning, another MVP caliber quarterback, couldn't get it done in the playoffs [early on]. It might not just be like that he has weaknesses in his game. He's clearly the MVP. He just might not be able to get it done in the playoffs.

Josh McDaniels staying in New England is a beta move

Josh McDaniels is back in New England... He brought his wife with him to his interview. Kind of a beta move... Apparently, they went out for lunch at some country club with Haslam... and it was a guys-only place. So his wife had to go out to lunch [elsewhere].

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are moving to Canada as part of a British monarchy plan to retake dominance over the country

I think that this is the British monarchy trying to retake over Canada... Canada is like four Greenlands put together... This is the United Kingdom trying to retake over and establish dominance over Canada.

Mike McCarthy is just a fatter version of Jason Garrett

It's a great hire for Jerry Jones because he basically just hired a fatter Jason Garrett. Do you think Mike McCarthy's going to steal the show in Dallas? Do you think he's going to make the headlines?

Derrick Henry would rush for 400 yards in an NFL game if given 57 carries

If he played the worst team in the NFL, he could probably get, if he ran him 57 times, he could probably get 400 yards.

Urban Meyer coaching the Cleveland Browns would be assisted suicide

Urban Meyer coaching the Browns would be assisted suicide. He cannot—he is the man who losses kill him. They take away part of his life like the battery life in his body. If he goes to the Browns he will die.

Gus Johnson is not a good football announcer

I just firing off some takes that I've been sitting on and I got ratioed because I don't think Gus Johnson is a good football announcer. Okay. And people got mad.

Terrell Owens and Calvin Johnson were better than Larry Fitzgerald

Tio's better than Larry Fitzgerald. I'm sure someone will show me numbers. I watch both guys play I'd put Tio in there... Calvin Johnson was better than Lou Fitzgerald Calvin Johnson didn't make the top [100]. I agree with that. I think Calvin Johnson Calvin Johnson and Tio were better.

The Big 12 should be banned from the College Football Playoff for a year

I want to do right now here now say that Oklahoma deserves a one-year ban from the college football playoff... the entire Big 12 done out here band for the Big 12 out out. I can't I can't do it.