Takes

Marshall Plumlee only joined the military to stop people from making fun of him

I don't know if you guys saw, but Plumlee is joining the military after he graduates, which is total bullshit. He's basically saying we can't make fun of him anymore. It's like someone saying they have a disease and you can't make fun of him. I'm pissed that Plumlee took that away from us.

Rick Pitino definitely knew about the stripper parties in the Louisville dorms

Rick Pitino is an egomaniac who runs an entire program, who knows everything that's going on. And then, oh, whoops, he somehow didn't know the time that the prostitutes showed up and started fucking all his recruits. Get out of here.

The 'suh dude' trend will last until the end of the school year

I got to say at least until the end of the school year because it's already second semester and usually that won't wear off until the end.

Howie Long is one of the most intimidating grandfathers in the world

I think he's up there, but you know, like, Laurinaitis, his dad is, like, one of the road warriors, so... I got my dad in a Mortal Kombat situation over James' dad, but I'm just biased.

Joey Bosa is just a working man's Chris Long

Joey Bosa, I think is like he's a working man's Chris Long is what I've been saying about him.

Joey Bosa is more gifted than I was as a prospect

I think he's [Joey Bosa] a little bit more gifted than me. But you got to stick to the rules.

I would consider playing on a $1 contract to see if I truly love football

I mean, it'd be an interesting experiment to see if I really love football. [A $1 contract]... I've been doing football drills and I've been in the gym ever since I got cut.

I could catch 22 passes in a season as a slot receiver for Tom Brady

I feel like this is like a suggestive knock on one of the greatest slot receivers of all time, Danny Amendola... But I might be able to catch, I'd say, 22 balls.

Chris Long would catch 85 passes in a season from Tom Brady

I think you're selling yourself short because you're extremely humble... I'd put you upwards of like 80, 85.

I will not be signing with the Los Angeles Rams

Well, the team that just kicked me out onto the street, you know, was the St. Louis Rams. Now the Los Angeles Rams. I'd probably rather not play there.

Pardon My Take is more professional than Scott Van Pelt's show

[PMT is more professional]... A lot. I always did that [SVP's] show on my cell phone.

I'm not betting any over-unders in the NCAA Tournament this year

I've decided that I'm not going to bet any over-unders in the March Madness tournament. I had the realization that I lose all my money just betting overs because that's all I do. I never bet unders.

Someone will eventually make a career out of just rewording Adam Schefter tweets

Some people are going to be really successful. There are going to be some people that make a career off of doing that [rewording other people's tweets] the best, and they'll eventually work their way to the top if they fake it long enough. The person who's going to be the best at marketing themselves doing that is going to be like a legitimate news source in 15 years.

Michigan State will be the most-picked non-one seed in Final Fours this year

Michigan State is a non-number one seed that could make some noise. Everyone will pick them in the Final Four now because you don't want to be the guy who goes all number one. So you're like, 'oh, yeah, I didn't go all number ones. I did Michigan State.'

Colin Kaepernick wanting to play for the Browns is proof he's being kidnapped

Someone's kidnapped Colin Kaepernick. There's no way his brain got to the point where that's such rock bottom to say, 'oh, yeah, please trade me to the Cleveland Browns.'

Don't bet on teams playing on the road at Under Armour schools

If you're betting on a team on the road at an Under Armour school, don't bet on them because you can't shoot with those balls... Wilson [is] all Wilson [in the tournament], and those are the easiest balls to shoot.

Bet the over on NCAA tournament games because Wilson balls are easy to shoot

[Wilson balls] are the easiest balls to shoot. [Big Cat: So you're saying I should take the over?] Take the over.

Virginia will win the 2016 National Championship

I think Virginia [is the champion]. They're so tough. I watched them the other night, and obviously they didn't win the ACC championship, but I just think they have a good... they're a team I want to see, either Virginia or Michigan State.

Robert Griffin III should rebrand himself as 'Bobby Griffin' to save his career

I got a new quarterback. He's this kid from Texas. He went to Baylor. He won a Heisman. His name is Bobby Griffin. Tell me that guy's not electric... I think Bobby Griffin gets the juices flowing in a GM's mind because you just need to repackage yourself. I'm not RG3 anymore. I'm Bobby Griffin.

I would cut almost any quarterback for 'Bobby Griffin'

If I was the GM of basically any team, except maybe the Patriots and the Packers, I'd cut my quarterback for Bobby Griffin.

The Cleveland Browns are smarter to do nothing in free agency than to fail spectacularly again

I think the Browns are just playing the game where they fucked up so bad in the past and everything that they've done that not doing anything is actually a smarter move than trying to do something and failing because you can't stay still. You're going to piss off your fans for about six months if you don't do anything in free agency. But a fan's not going to remember that like a year from now.

Brock Osweiler is the perfect fit to continue the Houston Texans' lineage of awful quarterbacks

Brock Osweiler to the Texans, there has never been a better fit in the entire world. And I'm not talking about fit like, oh, the Texans need a quarterback and they just got Brock Osweiler. I'm talking about Brock Osweiler is the perfect guy to continue the Houston Texans mantle of awful quarterbacks. He just went to a party where everyone was wearing the same white guy J. Crew shirt. And he's like, oh, here are my dudes. I know all these guys. That's Brock Osweiler walking to the Houston Texans.

Brock Osweiler is too tall and will trip a lot in the NFL

Brock Osweiler. He's like six, eight. He's crazy tall, too tall. I feel like he's going to trip a lot in the NFL. Is that crazy?

Adam Schefter is on the comeback trail after getting 'killed' by Ian Rapoport

I would not be surprised to see Schefter on the comeback trail. You see a little life coming out of him when he's yelling at Hannah Storm. You see a little life when he's getting pissed off about getting chapped. That is the right mentality that I want in my beat reporter. Like I feel he's about to turn the corner. And so don't count him out just yet. Adam Schefter is a strong buy for me.

Hating bat flips is the ultimate litmus test for being a bad person

Is there a better litmus test in the world than people who hate bat flips being like just shitty people. Like if you hate a bat flip, it's basically like people who like kill like puppies and people who hate bat flips. That's the quickest way to figure out if you're a bad person. If you don't like bat flips, I don't even know where I would love to hear someone explain to me how they got to the point where they're like, goddamn backflips.

Disney and ESPN have the power to push Pardon My Take around as a 'big guy' vs 'little guy' dynamic

Oh, it's definitely ESPN and Disney pushing around the little guy, but they have the ability to push you around. That's what big guys do to little guys. That's what the economy and life is all about, I guess. ... This isn't going to go away unless something is done. I don't think you can keep in the posture that you're in right now and basically get back to them and say, F you. I don't think that's going to get you very far.

Bryce Harper would be more likable if he shaved male pattern baldness into his head

If he didn't have the hair that he had, I think he would get a lot more love. Like think about Mike Trout. You don't hate Mike Trout because Mike Trout's kind of pudgy. He's like, doesn't have very good hair. ... Bryce Harper. He's doing every, every time I look around, he's got his hair flowing everywhere and he's got his shirt off. He's doing this. He's hitting home runs. You can't have it all. So either you change your name to Bruce or you shave your head, maybe shave male pattern baldness in, and then I'll start being a fan of Bruce Harper.

The band 311 is one of the top five most overrated bands of all time

In honor of 311, I'm going to talk about overrated bands. And number one on my list is the band 311. ... 311 is the band that your friend in middle school that started smoking weed before everybody got really into. ... The fact is that 311 just sucks. And they have maybe one or two songs that I will not change the radio station to. But overall, I would say that 311 is, even when you're high, 311 is one of the top five most overrated bands of all time.

Oasis is an overrated band because they were just confusing the marketplace by ripping off the Beatles

My one overrated band, I'm going with Oasis because I honestly – you want to talk about copyright infringement? I thought Oasis were the Beatles for a really long time. So I'm saying Oasis. They clearly were trying to rip off the Beatles and make everyone – they were confusing the marketplace. And I don't appreciate that.

Pardon My Take will not change its name despite ESPN's cease and desist

We've changed the logo. ... We are not changing the name. We will fight to the death to not change this name. So ESPN, come at us. We're not fucking budging on that.

ESPN definitely picked the wrong people to mess with because we have nothing to lose

I think they definitely picked the wrong people to fuck with on this one. Like we got nothing to lose.

ESPN should be thanking us for elevating the brands of 'Pardon the Interruption' and 'First Take'

I would say that they should be on their hands and knees thanking us that we're doing more to elevate the Pardon the Interruption and First Take brand, because now they're affiliated with our brand.

Barstool and Disney/ESPN are closer in value than people think

I'm not saying that Disney and Barstool are, like, maybe equal in terms of stock, but we're closer than people think.

The more lawsuits ESPN files against us, the stronger we get

I want to have them file lawsuits at me nonstop because the more they file, the stronger I get... the more lawsuits we have filed against us, the better we get.

We should file a cease and desist against ESPN to stop them from sending us cease and desist letters

I think we can file a motion against their motion... We should file a cease and desist to them to stop sending a cease and desist letters.

The internet will side with us over ESPN in this legal battle

If I know anything about the Internet, the Internet's going to have our back. Nobody's going to side with ESPN on this. They're going to look real bad.

If John Skipper couldn't get the Chargers to move to L.A., he won't be able to stop our podcast

[John Skipper] is the guy that couldn't even get the Chargers to move up to L.A. I don't think that he's going to be able to get our podcast up there.

The Jaguars will sign a big free agent like Chris Ivory, cut him in two years because he didn't work out, and keep sucking

The Jaguars have a ton of money, and everyone's going to say, wow, the Jaguars are going to make a big splash. Like, you know, like signing Chris Ivory in two years, they're going to cut him because he's like, he didn't work out and they're going to bring in a new coach and the Jaguars are going to keep sucking and it's going to be beautiful.

I have zero confidence that any running back free agent signing by any team is going to play out

I have zero confidence that any running back free agent signing by any team is going to play out. But the Jaguars keep going back to that.

The Raiders will get good and then immediately move to L.A., totally screwing over the city of Oakland

I think what's what's going to happen is you're going to see the Raiders get really good. or start to get good and then move to L.A. right as they get good and totally screw over the city of Oakland... you can see the Raiders make some noise out in the West and then immediately move to L.A.

Sam Bradford is basically Philly's Holocaust Museum

This is going to be called a hot take. But Sam Bradford is basically Philly's Holocaust Museum... They kept Sam Bradford as a living reminder to not go back to the Chip Kelly era. So every time they look at him, every time they see him walking to the facility, they're like, oh, boy, we can't go back to that place. That was a dark spot.

Matthew Stafford will be the worst quarterback in the NFC North without Calvin Johnson

Matt Stafford is getting paid a shitload of money, and now he's probably going to be the worst quarterback in the NFC North. And it looks like it's not going to get better for him, at least for the next three or four years, until they can get something good going out there.

I would take Jay Cutler over Matthew Stafford any day of the week

When you just basically said Matthew Stafford is the worst quarterback, which I agree with. I would take Cutler over Stafford any day of the week, but I appreciate you throwing me a bone there.

The better a sports town is, the more likely that place is a terrible place to live

I got to tell you, what I've learned in all those places is how good a town is based on sports is normally measured by how terrible everything else is in that place. The better sports town, the more likely that place is not somewhere you want to inhabit.

Johnny Manziel can be saved by the Denver Broncos

Johnny Manziel can be saved by the Denver Broncos. Von Miller has been talking about Johnny Manziel going to the Broncos... I'm pretty sure a locker room that just won the Super Bowl is going to be like, Johnny, don't fuck around. More importantly, Denver... is known as Menver because it's like 75% dudes... Johnny won't have as much opportunity for the ladies in Menver.

Meth Johnny Manziel would be better than weed Johnny Manziel because you want him on edge

I would put meth Johnny Manziel over weed Johnny Manziel because weed would mellow him out too much... you want Johnny like on edge, right? You want him to be running around a little bit. The best plays that he had when he was in college were like, he was tweaking almost like he was just panicked.

The Washington Redskins are exactly like Nazi Germany because they win the offseason but get bent over once the actual war starts

I would compare the Redskins to Nazi Germany because the Redskins like to win the offseason every year. And Nazi Germany was also very good about taking over countries when there wasn't an actual war going on. And then once the war started, they got bent over by the Russians and the United States. So I would characterize the Washington Redskins as being very Hitler like in their approach to football.

Pardon My Take will be the best place for sports arguments until we develop drug problems and tap out

This is gonna be the best place to get all your sports arguments and debates for the next several years until we both develop severe drug problems and tap out, have to have to take a couple years off. And then we'll have a reunion and they'll do like a behind the music on us.

Roger Goodell is the best commissioner the NFL has ever seen

I actually wanna do the opposite of killed Goodell. I want to make sure Goodell stays in power forever. 'cause I love what he's done to the Patriots and he's just like a personal hero of mine. I think that he's, he's the best commissioner of the league's ever seen.

If you can get your point across without spelling correctly, your take is stronger

If you can get your point across without having to spell every word correctly, you know, you've got a damn strong point. Right. If you have to make sure that everything's in its nice little order... is your take really that much worth reading to begin with? If it has to be spelled correctly?