Takes

NFL offensive line play is getting worse every year

I wouldn't take a quarterback moving forward that couldn't [extend the play] because O-line play is starting to deteriorate. All these colleges, they get less time with the guys. NFL, the new CBA, they get less time with the guys. And the O-line play in the league as a whole is getting worse and worse every year.

Sam Darnold and Josh Allen are best friends who spend most of their time quoting 'Hot Rod' and discussing 'The Bachelor'

These guys [Sam Darnold and Josh Allen], they've become best friends. ... I would say like 50% of their conversations involve a line from Hot Rod. 25% involve conversation around what happened on Monday on The Bachelor.

The Cleveland Browns will draft Sam Darnold with the first pick

I think the Browns are going to take Sam Darnold. I think so, too. And I think it's going to be the biggest mistake of their life. I think it's going to haunt them for the next 12 months.

If you aren't good at your job, you should hang out around the office as much as possible to become the 'glue' that they can't fire

That's rule number one just in general if you're not that good at your job is you just hang out around the office a lot. And then people are like, 'Oh, well, we can't fire this guy. The workplace would be so different without him.' ... He's the glue.

John Elway falls in love with any quarterback he sees in person

I think John Elway's problem is that he just loves every quarterback. As a former quarterback, he will love you if he sees you, where if you wear a football, if you throw a football in front of him, he's like, I'm in love with this guy. He's awesome.

Colin Cowherd's theory of Manalytics is actually real

The theory behind it that the regular season doesn't matter and the playoffs get a lot harder and your flashy PER and how you score at such an insane pace in the middle of December, that doesn't matter in the playoffs. ... It sucks that we can't mock manalytics because it actually makes sense. ... manalytics are real.

The game on Wednesday could be LeBron James' last home game in Cleveland

Is Wednesday night LeBron's last home game in Cleveland? I just love doing the last home game in Cleveland. Watch. We're going to hopefully do it all playoffs if they win this series. But it's always the best to be like, ooh, this could be the last home game for LeBron in Cleveland.

The Bulls would have won the NBA title last year if Rajon Rondo hadn't gotten hurt

The Bulls probably would have won the title last year if [Rajon] Rondo didn't get hurt... because he was fourth gear Rondo. He was just getting ready.

The Capitals are going to 'shit pump' the Blue Jackets and finally win the Stanley Cup

I'm super confident in the Capitals. I think they're going to shit pump the Blue Jackets tomorrow night... And then it's the Penguins. And then you're going to lose. Then this is the year, guys. This is the year.

Andre Iguodala has regressed mightily and is now a washed-up bum

I also am going to put a little tickler file on Andre Iguodala being a washed-up bum. He passed up maybe the most wide-open three-pointer today, and my alerts went off in my brain, like, this guy's a bum now... Iguodala's actually regressed mightily. I'm like, well, guess what? Big Cat saw him pass up that 1-3. He got the bum tag.

Sam Darnold is the best quarterback in the draft and will be picked #1 by the Browns

I think of the group, I would put Darnold first, and I think Cleveland, my gut tells me Cleveland's going to take him at one.

Josh Allen has the highest upside but the lowest floor of any player in the draft

I kind of look at this like Josh Allen's got the biggest upside of maybe any player in this draft, but he also has got a low floor.

Lamar Jackson will require a team to completely change their offensive scheme to build around him

I think somebody's going to commit to him in the first round and say, philosophically and schematically, we're buying into this kid, and we're going to change everything we do and build around him.

Saquon Barkley is a clean prospect and every bit as good as Fournette, Elliott, or Gurley

I'll tell you right now, the Barkley kids are every bit as good as any of those guys [Fournette, Ezekiel Elliott, Gurley] and totally clean off the field as well.

Quenton Nelson, Saquon Barkley, and Bradley Chubb are the three best players in the 2018 NFL Draft

I would take [Quenton Nelson] with the second pick. I would take him — him, [Saquon] Barkley, and [Bradley] Chubb were the three best players in this draft.

The Patriots' biggest needs are at left tackle and finding Tom Brady's successor

The two most obvious needs on the face of the Patriots franchise is there's a big donut at left tackle and who's Tom Brady's successor. And [Belichick] has got to figure out a way to get both of those done in the near future.

Arkansas center Frank Ragnow will be a surprise first-round pick

I think a surprise first-round pick is going to be offensive center Frank Ragnow from Arkansas... Nobody's talking about him, and I think he's gone in the first round.

Derek Jeter has completely ruined his legacy as Marlins owner

I think Derek Jeter, I think we can say it now, he has completely ruined his legacy. It is unbelievable how much of a douchebag Derek Jeter has been in the last year. The fact that he sits there and says, you have to be mentally strong and you've got to get out there and compete every day and you never tell a team that they're not set up to win. Derek Jeter, you played for the New York Yankees.

The 76ers are going to the NBA Finals

The Sixers, though, I believe now in them going to the finals. Like, them winning with Joel Embiid playing terrible on offense, like, okay, they're a problem for people.

The Pelicans are getting revenge on the Blazers because they took their hurricane logo personally

New Orleans saw that the Blazers have a hurricane as their logo, and they took it personally. And they're pissed off. Yep, they took all their angst out.

LeBron James and the Cavaliers will not win the Eastern Conference this year

We also have LeBron, who they're not winning the East... But when you score 40 and can barely win the game, your teammates stink and your team stinks.

The Timberwolves are the saddest team in the world

The Timberwolves are the saddest team in the world. They are pretty bad. There's no really redeeming quality to watching them play.

The Washington Capitals should go back to Philipp Grubauer despite Braden Holtby's good play

Perfect time to go back to [Grubauer]. Right when they're not expecting it. I feel like the Caps should never play a hot hand too long. Just go the reverse of what everyone says you're going to play the hot goalie.

The Los Angeles Rams are being overhyped by the NFL schedule-makers

The Rams better be good because they got a lot of games that are on prime time.

The NFL should have a 'surprise' flex schedule where opponents aren't revealed until Monday morning

They announce your week one opponent today, but then you don't find out who your week two opponent is until the Monday morning after you play that game. So it's a flex schedule all year long. It's a surprise all year long.

Super Troopers 2 is a better sequel than The Godfather Part II

I'd say it's more beyond Godfather 2. It's like Empire Strikes Back.

The Yankees will win the World Series and Giancarlo Stanton will hit 50 home runs in 2018

Well, the Yankees are going to win this year... When [Giancarlo Stanton] hits 50 home runs this year, you guys have to change your tune, right?

The Minnesota Timberwolves will win the NBA title next year

I'm going to take your coach and your player, and the Timberwolves are going to win it all next year.

The Minnesota Vikings are never going to win a Super Bowl

The Vikings are never going to win a Super Bowl... It's just not the cards, though.

The movie 'Boner Dogs' will be a success if it creates plot holes for fans to find

Listen, we're going to go with 'Boner Dogs' because the way to get a successful movie is to get on that website where they're like, there's a plot hole here.

Tom Brady and Bill Belichick actually hate each other

Tom Brady, on the other hand, I think he hates Belichick. I think they hate each other.

We should nuke aliens immediately if we find them

If we find a planet with aliens on them, we just nuke the planet immediately. Can't take that chance. They definitely have better weapons than us. We should become the aliens that we're afraid of coming to us.

Mint chocolate chip is the best ice cream flavor

My number one flavor... It's mint chocolate chip. Best ice cream flavor there is. Number one pick.

Phish Food is the best Ben & Jerry's flavor

I would die on this hill: Fish Food. It's got the marshmallow. And you know what I like? The crunch element is the chocolate-covered caramel fish.

Jerry Garcia and the Grateful Dead are overrated

I'm just going to say it out loud. Jerry Garcia and the Grateful Dead, a little overrated.

Brad Stevens is the best coach in the NBA

Brad Stevens is the best coach in the NBA. He is a wagon. I expect anything from a Brad Stevens coached team. They just play so much smarter than everyone else.

Giannis Antetokounmpo might be a 'coach killer'

Is Giannis [Antetokounmpo] the coach killer? Did he make Jason Kidd bad? Is he making [Joe] Prunty... look like an asshole?

The Vegas Golden Knights and Nashville Predators are the two best teams in the Western Conference

They look good enough in their previous games that we can say the Knights and the Predators are probably the two best teams in the West.

The Wizards need to blow up their current core

They need to blow up the Wizards... Eventually the same core, and they all kind of hate each other. You can tell they all hate each other, which is so funny.

LeBron James will probably lose to the Pacers in the first round (but maybe not)

Not only is [LeBron James] about to lose to the Pacers in the first round, which will be embarrassing for him... Probably not.

The Egyptian pyramids were built just to keep the Jewish people busy

The Egyptian pyramids were just a way to keep Jewish people busy. So Pharaoh was just like, I need something to do to keep these guys busy and build these fucking rock piles.

The NFL should fine quarterbacks for receiver head injuries if the pass leads them into danger

Micah Hyde... came up with a new idea that actually makes a lot of sense about finding players for helmet-to-helmet hits. He thinks that quarterbacks should be fined for their receivers getting hit in the head if the quarterback leads them into danger. I don't hate it.

The Browns are smokescreening everyone by pretending to like Josh Allen with the #1 pick

Everyone thinks they're going to take Sam Darnold, but they're making a lot of moves for Josh Allen. And everyone says they like Josh Allen, but it's a smokescreen. And they have the first pick.

LeBron James was the hardest player to guard in the NBA during my rookie year

I'm going to go LeBron [James]. [Hardest guy I had to guard].

Competing is the only reason I run; I find the act of running itself boring

I love competing. I don't love running. I love competing... one of the hardest parts is just learning how to be bored for that long.

Shortening the MLB season and adding doubleheaders would make the sport better

Anthony Rizzo has said that he thinks we should play less baseball games, which I'm all for... Why don't we just start it later and do doubleheaders? Doubleheaders are such a fun, weird thing in baseball that they don't do enough... I think less baseball would make baseball, I think it'd be an addition by subtraction.

Kawhi Leonard will never play another game for the San Antonio Spurs

Kawhi's never playing another game for the San Antonio Spurs. I don't know... I really don't think so... The fact that he's not even speaking to anyone, it seems like he's not speaking to anyone on the Spurs... I don't think he's ever playing another game for the Spurs.

If Kawhi Leonard is traded, his trade value is only worth a player like Tony Snell

Everyone in the league now has to know he's not going to play for the Spurs again. So what is even his trade value? I bet you the Bucks could trade Tony Snell for him.

2-0 is the most dangerous lead in hockey

2-0 is the most dangerous lead in hockey, and the Blue Jackets have a 2-0 lead. They stink. I'm okay with that.

The Cavaliers are absolutely done after their Game 1 loss

The Cavaliers are done. Done. Absolutely done. They looked like shit today. LeBron James, I think he's over the hill.