Takes

I predict Bill Belichick stays for one more year, Josh McDaniels becomes head coach, and Tom Brady stays for three more years

My prediction is [Bill] Belichick stays for one more year. [Josh] McDaniels becomes the head coach. [Tom] Brady sticks around three more years. That's my prediction. At least one more year after that.

Tom Brady and Bill Belichick are not on good speaking terms

I absolutely believe that Tom Brady and [Bill] Belichick are not on good speaking terms right now. And maybe this is also a thing where Tom Brady... is like, you know what? I'm going to retire if Josh [McDaniels] leaves.

The Cleveland Cavaliers have no hope and no chance of winning anything this year

This is the first time I've felt like the Cavs have no hope this year. They actually have no chance this year.

Now is the best time to buy Bitcoin

Isn't now the best time to buy Bitcoin? I'm going to buy more Bitcoin. That's the plan, right? You've got to reinvest. That's just investing 101.

Mike Tice retiring because players 'don't want to be coached' just means he sucks at coaching

Mike Tice is going to retire, and he says it's because players no longer want to be coached... When you say that you're quitting your coaching job because players don't want to be coached, you're just saying, 'I suck at coaching.'

Carson Wentz proposing to his girlfriend right after the Super Bowl was a smart move to protect his job

Did you see Carson Wentz propose to his girlfriend today too? ... That's actually really smart on Wentz's part because his job is being questioned by some people. And the person who may have taken your job [Nick Foles] also is packing an absolute unit. And so you have to lock that shit down.

Isaiah Thomas is a mole sent by Danny Ainge to mess up the Cleveland Cavaliers

I'm of the opinion that Isaiah Thomas is a mole. I think that he has been sent to the team... I think this was all worked out. I think it's a fake feud between him and Danny Ainge... We need you to go over there, mess them up, call out Kevin Love, because LeBron's going to be mad because that's his job to call out Kevin Love.

The Cleveland Cavaliers are in serious trouble because they have the worst defense in the league

Up until this week, they had a worse defense than the Sacramento Kings and the Phoenix Suns, who are actively trying to lose games. Cleveland is actually trying to win if they were that bad. So yeah, I do think they're in trouble because they can't defend anyone. And their offense, because Isaiah Thomas can't get a shot right now... isn't quite good enough.

The Detroit Pistons might be a top three team in the Eastern Conference with Blake Griffin

They might have [become top three], because they don't have a ton of depth, but Blake Griffin is really good... between him and Andre Drummond actually carrying this season and a little bit of good coaching from Stan Van Gundy, Boston's up there... Detroit can get in there.

The Milwaukee Bucks will win the Eastern Conference if they stay healthy

The Bucks, I'm going to go not fraud. Not fraud in the East because they got rid of Jason Kidd who was terrible... and Giannis is an alien. So if they get healthy, I actually think they go through the East and win. I think it's a lot like the 2007 Cavs where the East was very vulnerable and a young LeBron came through.

The Houston Rockets are frauds because they are trying to beat the Warriors at their own game

Fraud. Because they're going to try to beat the Warriors at the Warriors game. Fast pace, shooting threes, what they don't realize is the Warriors also play great defense.

Russell Westbrook is the new Allen Iverson: an amazing individual player but not a team guy

I think he's going to end up being like kind of the new Iverson. Amazing individual player, great highlights, real fun, but not quite equipped for analytics... because he can't shoot threes. And so there will always be this inefficient tag to him. And he's just more of an individual than a team guy.

Bill Belichick's two best qualities are insight and foresight

There's two qualities that he by far stands apart from everyone else. And I call them insight and foresight. On insight, I mean on a daily and weekly basis, he's on top of everything all the time... and then foresight. Foresight he always seemed to be one step ahead of everybody else. He'd get rid of that guy that everyone still loved, but it was towards the end of his career, and then the next year they'd fall off the shelf.

75% of the Patriots' current offense is still the same foundation I installed

I'd say 75%, still the same. You know, they've obviously, every offensive coordinator takes their tangent and spins it and everything together. But I think the foundation for everything is pretty much the same.

Curtis Martin and Brady Quinn were the best players I ever coached

Pros... I think Curtis Martin might have been the best player in the pros. [In college] might have been Brady Quinn. I mean, he played for me for two years and led the team to two BCS games. And he got hurt in his last game against LSU... He tears up his knee, he puts a brace on him and finishes the game.

It is acceptable for Eagles fans to eat horse poop to celebrate their first Super Bowl

I actually stand with the guy who ate the poop. Because I think that's okay. When your team wins a Super Bowl and they've never won a Super Bowl and it's like the immediate euphoria, you are allowed to lose your mind. So I do not call that trash for Philly.

I will eat horse shit if the Washington Capitals win the Stanley Cup

I actually stand with the guy [in Philly] who ate the poop... If the Washington Capitals win the Stanley Cup, I will eat horse shit.

The Eagles must keep Nick Foles because Carson Wentz might not be ready for the season

I think [the Eagles] should keep Nick Foles for the time being because who's to say Carson Wentz is going to be all of a sudden better in eight months? ... We've been kind of numb to the fact that ACL recoveries are still pretty intense... Carson Wentz is going to take a while.

The Patriots play the best Super Bowls and their games are always entertaining

The Patriots play the best Super Bowls. If you look at their eight Super Bowls that they've played in, they have always been entertaining, and that one was maybe one of the most entertaining.

Doug Pederson beat the Patriots by taking the huge risks that the Jaguars refused to take

Doug Pederson did what the Jaguars refused to do in the AFC Championship game. He knew that to beat the Patriots, you have to take one or two huge risks, and that's the only way you can do it. And he did it with the fourth down call where Nick Foles caught the touchdown.

Malcolm Butler was benched because of a gentleman's agreement trade between Bill Belichick and Sean Payton

Nobody knows why [Malcolm Butler was benched]... I actually think it's something else entirely. I think it's part of a gentleman's agreement between [Bill] Belichick and Sean Payton just to keep him healthy for the trade that is yet to be finalized. But it's definitely coming.

Bill Belichick has the powers to envision if a player will be terrible in a game before it happens

Belichick has been so good for so long that I actually do think he has the powers to envision, yeah, Malcolm Butler cannot play in this game because he's going to be terrible. That's the only thing I could think of [for the benching].

Rob Gronkowski is seriously considering retirement

Gronk definitively would not say that he's coming back. Like he, you can tell he's thinking about it. He's thinking about retiring.

Rob Gronkowski could make more money just being 'Gronk' than playing football and risking more injuries

Gronk actually is one of those guys who I actually think he could make more money just being Gronk than playing football and getting his brain bashed in. He's just going to put 69 on everything and make millions of dollars selling apparel.

Nick Foles will get 'a lot of money' and Cleveland will try to sign him

How much money would you pay Nick Foles next year? He's going to get a lot of money. Cleveland... Cleveland comes knocking for Nick Foles. Nick Foles would be the perfect addition to that [quarterback jersey], you have to admit.

The Eagles will be really good for at least the next two or three years

When you look at who the Eagles have signed for the next two to three years, that team is going to be really, really good. I think until like 2020, they've got all their studs signed.

Tom Brady can't beat 'ugly' or 'mouth-breathing' quarterbacks like Eli Manning and Nick Foles

What the game did prove to us was our theory that Tom Brady sucks against ugly quarterbacks and mouth-breathing quarterbacks... You got two against Eli [Manning], you got one against Nick Foles. It's like an ugly duckling, beautiful swan situation where you underestimate your competition if you're that much more attractive than they are.

Super Bowl commercials are officially overrated

Super Bowl commercials are now, I'm going to throw it in there, overrated. I didn't laugh at a single commercial this year... All the commercials these days are just giant corporations just jerking off talking about the good thing they did.

I can play up to five more years in the NFL

How many more years are you going to play in the NFL? I would say anywhere between one and five... 15? Yeah, I could do 15 [seasons total].

Wisconsin football will never be relevant no matter how many games they win

Wisconsin could win 400 games in a row. Miami goes on a four-game win streak. [Miami is more relevant]. That's why it's a joke. No one cares about Wisconsin. People have nostalgic bullshit [for Miami].

Miami football won't have a quarterback who can hit a guy next year

Do you have a quarterback coming up next year that's going to be able to hit a guy? Probably not. I think our talent just caught up to us.

The media focus on the dangers of concussions and football injuries is fair

I think [the media focus on concussion protocol] is fair. I mean, I think no person in their right mind wants to see guys get their brains scrambled and injured... You can take strides to improve the safety... [but] you'll never take injury out of football. That's just the reality of the game.

There is a 0% chance I ever get into coaching

I hope you don't think you're going to get into coaching with that attitude [not drinking coffee]. There'll be 0% chance I get into coaching.

Aaron Rodgers realizes he could be pushed out of Green Bay just like Brett Favre

Aaron Rodgers... said that he was shocked that the Packers fired his quarterback coach. And he also said... 'I think you have to be humble enough to realize if it could happen to Brett [Favre], it can happen to you. It's a business.'

Dan Snyder is only using the franchise tag on Kirk Cousins because he wants to maintain control over a situation where he has none

Dan Snyder... has decided he's going to franchise tag Kirk Cousins after trading for older Kirk Cousins [Alex Smith]... I think it's just Snyder wanting to have control over a situation where he has no control.

I'm betting on the Eagles to cover the spread in Super Bowl 52

I'm actually going to bet on the Eagles. I think they're going to cover the spread. I really am banking that the Patriots are going to win and the Eagles are going to cover.

The Patriots will win Super Bowl 52 with a score of 24-20

I'm going to go 24-20 Patriots. I think it's going to be a relatively low scoring game.

Fletcher Cox will be the Super Bowl MVP if the Eagles win

I wouldn't be shocked if there was a defensive MVP in this game. And if the Eagles win, I would put money on Fletcher Cox getting it.

The Patriots will win Super Bowl 52 by 10 or more points

I think this game is going to be in hand from beginning to end. Patriots are going to win by 10+. Bird in the hand. That's the old saying. 31-20.

Bill Belichick and Bill Parcells are physically incapable of saying 'I love you'

The ESPN producer basically asking Bill [Belichick] and Bill [Parcells] to say I love you to each other, and they literally could not do it... football guys like those two are physically incapable of saying I love you.

Pete Carroll is a fake football guy because he makes 'my wife runs the house' jokes

Pete Carroll might be a fake football guy... In his press conference that they showed of him becoming the Patriots head coach, he immediately made a my wife runs the house joke. I think that's the go-to fake football guy anecdote. Because a real football guy doesn't even talk about family.

My 10,000 consecutive snaps streak is proof I didn't practice or play hard enough to get injured

I think you're probably right. Didn't practice enough and definitely didn't play hard enough to get injured.

Joe Thomas is a future Hall of Famer

You're going to – I would say – I'm going to say it right now. You're going to go to the Hall of Fame.

I stayed in Cleveland because winning a ring elsewhere would have felt hollow

Why didn't you want to just go somewhere to try to win a ring? And I'm like, it wouldn't have meant the same thing to me. It would have felt hollow. Like, just going to a team that, oh, I think they're probably the best team to win a championship... I want that ring, so I'm going to go deal with that.

The best offensive linemen are bred in Wisconsin because of the beer and cheese curds

You know, it's just the beer and the cheese curds, really. From the moment you're born, you're sitting in your high chair and your dad's giving you sips of his beer. All those carbs over time just add up to being fucking huge.

The NFL should change the rule regarding hitting defenseless receivers below the knee

I think we need to change the rule on hitting defenseless receivers below the knee. You should be able to do it. I think you should be able to just crush them.

Kirk Cousins would be a great fit in Cleveland

I think he's a really good quarterback. I think he'd be a great fit in Cleveland. And my sales pitch to Kirk is, Kirk, if you go 6-10 in Cleveland next year, they're going to put a statue outside the stadium of your face.

Josh Allen is clearly the #1 pick because he looks great in shorts and has big hands

[Josh Allen] is tall. He's got big hands. He's got a cannon arm. Clearly, I'd take him number one... He also looks great in shorts. That's another thing about him. That's the most important. If he goes like this and you're like, 'wow, that guy's got a big hand', he's definitely a good quarterback.

Players must be honest for concussion protocols to work in the NFL

A lot of it falls on players because you can pass a lot of that stuff, you know, sometimes, but if the player is not honest with the team official or the independent guy that's on the field, that's where the problems come into play.

The Carolina Panthers have a habit of 'home cooking' stats to give Luke Kuechly more tackles

But you guys have a nasty habit of going back to the film and adding tackles to give you more credit for tackles. So in like 2014, you had like 210 tackles or some bullshit like that. It was actually like 160 before they went back to the film. And they gave you enough tackles to set the NFL record.