Takes

Winning a championship can fundamentally change a fan's entire outlook on life for months

The high of a championship... if your team wins a championship, it honestly can change your whole outlook. You buzz for weeks, months, going into next year. You just feel better, you feel happier.

Establishing the run game is the foundation of all football success

Mine [Mount Rushmore] is establishing the run game. Love when a team establishes the run game. Just run, run, run, run, run. Because then you get that play-action pass and the cameraman misses. It opens things up. ... Everything starts with establishing the run. That's just a fact.

The first game of the World Cup is the only one everyone genuinely gets up for

That's the one soccer game that everybody gets up for is the first one. And then after that, the novelty kind of dies off. I would say that the championship game is a little bit more fatigue. So, like, everyone's had a month of soccer already. If they're not one of your two teams in the finals, you're like, eh, I can take it or leave it.

Snow looks more professional when viewed at night under stadium lights

Snow just looks better at night. That's a fact. When you've got the lights popping off of it, it's all shiny, it's nice. It looks professional. During the day, it's like, oh, these are just people out for a good time on a mountain.

Colin Kaepernick's lawyers picked a fight they can't win against Roger Goodell and Papa John

My first hot seat is Colin Kaepernick's lawyers. Uh-oh. Because they picked some fights that they can't win. They're going up against Roger Goodell's two favorite people in the world, his wife and Papa John. ... They're going to ask Papa John if he gave instructions or if he was given instructions by Jerry Jones.

Mutts have stronger genes than purebred dogs because they possess the best traits of all other breeds

Mutts get no respect. Come on. Here's a fun fact about mutts. Their genes are so much stronger because they've got all the best traits of all the other dogs, so they don't ever get sick.

The 'white powder' Esteban Loaiza was caught with is definitely cocaine

Esteban Loaiza got busted with a shitload of cocaine and marijuana, allegedly... I was reading it because they were like, we got this huge bag of white powder. We haven't tested it yet, but we're going to test to see if it's cocaine. I think it's cocaine, guys. Unless he's a baker and we didn't know.

The NBA All-Star break is actually the two-thirds mark of the season

It is not halfway through the NBA season... it is more like two-thirds of the way through the NBA season. They've only got 28 games after the break, so... it's just trying to figure out how to put all those pieces together.

Saying 'anyone could coach that team' because they have talent is the dumbest argument in sports

That's the dumbest argument in all of sports. The NBA coaches, like, they did it with Spoelstra. They still do it with Phil Jackson... Well, Phil Jackson had MJ. Well, Phil Jackson had Kobe and Shaq. Well, yeah, and if you try to, like, get everyone to get along... these guys don't get along. They don't play well together just because you have the best player.

Brad Stevens is the reason the Isaiah Thomas 'Brinks truck' conversation even happened

I completely agree [with Rachel Nichols]. Brad Stevens basically has, like, he made Isaiah Thomas. I don't want to say made him who he is, but he made the conversation of a Brinks truck possible.

The Western Conference is too top-heavy for any first-round upsets

I'm not sure there's going to be any great first-round series where you're going to be like, oh, my God, they dethroned the number two. Like, think about how good the Warriors and Rockets are. Like, do you really think a seven or eight seed is going to knock them out?

DeMarcus Cousins will never be the same elite player after his Achilles injury

That Achilles, if you are over 25 years old... the history is bad. Like that you will ever be even close to the player that you are. It's almost, I don't want to be too gloom and doom, but it's pretty gloomy and doomy. Like, you will not be the player you used to be, especially if you're a big guy.

NBA tampering rules are stupid and assume players are too dumb to understand cap space

Tampering, it is stupid that the NBA even has tampering. Everybody tampers in the league. Tampering in general assumes that NBA players are too stupid to understand cap space or that like, oh, if Magic Johnson doesn't tell you, then there's no way that Paul George would possibly know there's clearing cap room for him.

LeBron James will never allow a teammate on the roster who knows more about wine than he does

LeBron takes his wine knowledge very seriously. There's no chance he will ever have somebody on his team that knows more about wine than he does. That's his thing.

The Bulls would secure the #1 pick if they played Cameron Payne 48 minutes a night

The Bulls have a secret weapon. They're bringing back Cameron Payne, who's the best. If they just play him 48 minutes a night, the Bulls will get the first pick. I'm guaranteeing that.

If you are trying to return to the NFL, don't engage in sexting in your Instagram comments

And, man, if you're trying to get back in the league, you can't be hooking up with your fiancé or whatever you are with her in your Instagram comments.

Markelle Fultz should get drunk to fix his broken shooting hitch

My advice [for Markelle Fultz] would just be get drunk and start practicing. Because some people are better at beer pong when they're drunk. Some people are better at darts when they've had a couple beers in them. Just have a couple of Yeunglings before practice and just see where that goes.

NBA players are collectively addicted to wine

The NBA has a drinking problem. ... It's come out that every single person in the NBA gets drunk off wine every single night. And Jimmy Butler rolls around like a case of Pinot Noir. Carmelo's a sommelier. ... Kevin Love says that LeBron has a supercomputer in his brain for analyzing wine.

Sammy Sosa's weird behavior is a smart strategy to distract people from his steroid use

Sammy Sosa has been playing dress-up and doing weird things for a while now, which might be just him getting everyone off the whole steroids thing, which is a smart strategy. We've never thought of this as a PR 101, just start changing everything about you, and eventually everyone's like, who's that guy?

Caffeine is a performance-enhancing drug for baseball writers

I'd also like to see how many of those baseball writers were on Diet Pepsi and Diet Coke at the time, which is caffeine. Oh, and guess what? It's a performance-enhancing drug for a writer.

Cam Newton is a pile of trash

I watched Super Bowl 50. It was being replayed. [Cam Newton] stinks. That's my hot take.

February is the trashiest month of the year

February really is just the trashiest month, because there's just nothing. There's nothing like March Madness at least you get your pep back but like February... you just kind of walk around aimlessly.

I'm worried Yu Darvish will 'nibble' too much and pitch slow games for the Cubs

The meatball fan in me was like, I'd like Jake Arrieta because he's been there and done that... [Yu Darvish] nibbles. Dude, when he gets in trouble, he nibbles. Nothing worse than watching a pitcher pitch like five innings for four hours.

I am pretending it is summer and tanning on Tuesdays for my mental health because winter is terrible

I am so fucking sick of winter... I've just decided I'm going to pretend that it's summertime. I'm going to get back into wearing Hawaiian shirts. I'm going to go tanning on Tuesdays. I'm going to just be so far in denial of winter... this is a personal decision for my own mental health.

Kim Jong-un's sister is a 'smoke'

So all the war crimes, all the shit that he does that's terrible... not a big deal because his sister's hot. Everyone was flipping out because Kim Jong-un has a hot sister... his sister's kind of a smoke. His sister's stealing the show. His sister's the Pippa Middleton of the Olympics.

Winter Olympics athletes aren't that impressive; you just have to be born in the right place

The Winter Olympics are definitely the Olympics where you can sit there and if you watch it long enough, you can convince yourself you could have been an athlete in every single sport. It's not hard. It's just essentially like if you were born in a weird European country and they didn't have basketball yet, you would be a speed skater.

I will start at least one more game in the NFL

In my personal opinion, of course, I'm a little biased, but I would say [I'll have over one more NFL game start]. I know it's not the easiest way back for me... but just where I'm at and where I feel my mindset is, that's my goal at the end of the day is to get back there and be able to run out on the field as a starter again.

I won't ever return to the Cleveland Browns

I would think not [to giving Cleveland another shot]. We've been down that path. We've seen it... I just don't see what the benefit would be to go back and try and do it all over again... if anything, that bridge is probably still flaming a little bit.

The NCAA is the biggest racket in the world

I think the NCAA is the biggest racket, like, in the entire world, right? There's nothing as, like, as viewed, as watched as, like, college sports are... for me to be a nice guy and go out and sign a lot of autographs and they get turned around and sold, what did I really do wrong?

I will play on a football field somewhere this year

I can sit here and say that I will be back on a football field this year. I cannot fucking wait to do it. I have a guaranteed contract offer where I will be able to play somewhere this year.

Vince McMahon will have to walk back the XFL's 'no criminal record' rule

I think he's going to have a very, very hard time finding eight teams or nine teams... with football players that don't have at least something on their record. I would be hard-pressed to find what the percentage of people in the NFL are that have... any criminal past... I feel like you might have to walk that stance back.

The XFL will fail if it tries to be a direct competitor to the NFL

I feel like they're trying to make it direct competition with the NFL, and, you know, that's just not going to happen. The thing that makes the XFL so special was the hard-nosed badassery of the whole thing.

I am officially smashing the panic button on the Celtics

I'm smashing the panic button. Smash. Panic button might be broken. I hit it so hard. I really thought... [the Celtics] could beat the Cavs. Maybe if they got lucky, beat the Warriors. [But after today] there's really no hope for, like, another two years.

The Cavaliers became a much better team by getting younger and more athletic at the trade deadline

LeBron actually made his team better... He got younger, more athletic. They stopped doing the whole, like, let's just get these veterans on the league minimum to come and all my friends will come and hang out and we'll try to beat the Warriors. Not going to work. So they got younger, better.

The Cavaliers' trade deadline moves make LeBron James more likely to leave Cleveland in free agency

The way that [LeBron James] structured these trades actually made it seem like he's, in my opinion, more likely to go. I don't think that he's going to stick around Cleveland. I think that's pretty obvious.

LeBron James forced the Dwyane Wade trade because he is obsessed with 'eating ass'

LeBron James is obsessed with getting his butthole eaten, and that's why he got Dwayne Wade out. [LeBron] wanted to get Dwayne Wade the fuck out of Cleveland because he knows Dwayne Wade's an alpha because he gets his butthole eaten and LeBron doesn't.

The Boston Celtics have regressed defensively compared to their early-season dominance

I think the Celtics have actually regressed a little bit defensively. Some of that is that it was just a shock that they were clearing away the number one defensive team in the league because I didn't really expect that, especially with the overhaul of young players.

Cleveland is not in 'fourth place' for LeBron James; they have a realistic chance to keep him

If I were rating these things, people act like Cleveland is in fourth place for the LeBron pursuit this offseason, and I just don't believe that's true.

Golden State is still significantly better than any other NBA team, regardless of mid-season momentum from Houston or OKC

As good as Houston's looked against them, as good as OKC looked the other night against them, I just know that there's a version of Golden State that I still trust is better than everybody else... Let's not let 'new' get in the way of what Golden State still is. And Golden State is on year four of maybe the best team we've ever seen in the history of this league.

Tom Brady is a 'pretty boy' who makes out with his son and is full of 'bullshit' health claims

Tom Brady is a pretty boy... that doesn't mean he's not the best quarterback of all time but he is a pretty boy... this is the most dickhead statement I've ever heard. He says 'I can't get sunburned because I stay so hydrated.' Just cut out with the bullshit. Let's be human for a minute.

The 'Patriot Way' is a fear-based organization where players don't actually enjoy themselves

I just think the the Patriot Way is it's a fear-based organization. Obviously, do they win? Hell yes, they win... Do I think people enjoy... you can say I had a lot of fun playing there? No, I don't. When they go to interviews they act like fucking robots. Hey, let's stop being a dickhead. We can be cordial for a little bit.

Winning one Super Bowl while having fun is better than winning five and being miserable

I would much rather have fun and win a Super Bowl than be miserable and win five Super Bowls.

There is no quarterback controversy in Philadelphia; Carson Wentz is the starter

No, Carson's our guy. But, hey, you really never know in this business.

The next quarterback up for a contract always gets an overvalued deal that makes people flip out

The yearly next guy up for contract gets the biggest deal in the NFL, biggest QB deal in the NFL, and then everyone flips out. How could you pay him that much? ... Aaron Rodgers is probably going to sign a deal for a billion dollars.

The Olympics starting events before the opening ceremony is total 'bullshit'

Why does curling start before everything else? They really need that much time to do curling? ... So they don't light the torch, but they play the Olympics. It's bullshit. So-called bullshit.

Olympic events starting before the Opening Ceremony should be moved to avoid the delay

I don't like the Olympic Games getting started before the opening ceremony. Just move the opening ceremonies a couple days earlier. I need a torch.

Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O'Neal could have won six or more championships if they had stayed together

If those two [Kobe and Shaq] could figure out a way to make it work, they could be a really good duo. They could probably win four in a row... Five, six, yeah. Unlimited. Sky's the limit with those two.

If Andrew Luck was 100% healthy, Josh McDaniels would have taken the Colts job

I'll put it this way. If Andrew Luck was 100% healthy, then [Josh] McDaniels takes this job.

Josh McDaniels only stayed in New England because Tom Brady promised to play three more years

I don't think [Josh] McDaniels walks away from Indianapolis if Tom Brady doesn't say to him, 'I'm gonna stay for three more years.' [Josh] McDaniels would be the dumbest person in the world if Belichick's like, 'Yeah, I'm done next year,' and Brady's like, 'Yeah, I don't know if I'm gonna play more than one year,' because then he would basically be [stuck].

Bill Belichick letting Matt Patricia leave but keeping Josh McDaniels proves he thinks Patricia is a dummy

The other fallout is [Bill] Belichick must think Matt Patricia's a dummy because he's like, 'No, you go ahead. You're not going to be the coach of the New England Patriots when I leave. So you go ahead and don't even look back.'