Takes

Mountain Time is the best time zone for sports fans, followed by Central, Pacific, and Eastern

If we're doing power rankings of time zones, I've got to say Mountain Time is number one. Everybody shows no love to Mountain Time, but it's a nice little mix of not having to start watching sports too early and not having to stay up too late. Mountain Time, Central Time, Pacific Time, then Eastern Time.

My dad was convinced Barry Sanders was coming out of retirement every year until 2008

My dad was convinced I would say up until about 2007 or 8 that Barry Sanders was coming back. He had himself convinced every summer right around camp season... He'd be like, someone's going to take Barry Sanders. Someone's going to pick him up. You just watch.

The Warriors are dead and crumbling

The Warriors are dead. They're dead, and they have totally crumbled. They're falling apart at the seams. Steph Curry's throwing mouth guards at fans. Egregious act, by the way.

Steph Curry throwing his mouthguard at a fan is assault and battery

It's assault, right? Like, let's be honest. It's assault. Steph Curry, I mean, he's an NBA player... he's a professional athlete, probably has some sort of communicable STD, getting hit with that mouth guard. That is grounds for lawsuit. That's assault. I believe it's also battery.

Ayesha Curry's tweet about the NBA being rigged was a viral PR stunt for Under Armour shoes

She could always say, guess what? This was a viral spot for my husband's Under Armour shoes. I got 70,000 retweets, got everybody talking about me... You guys just got Kimmeled, America.

Under Armour is the Buffalo Bills of shoes and cannot win the big one

Under Armour can't win the big one. They can't. They're the Buffalo Bills of Shoes. You know what I'd like to see more of on Twitter? I'd like to see more people tweeting the dumpster fire image at, like, live look at Under Armour right now. It's a dumpster fire.

LeBron James is sleeping with Beyonce to impress her

Do you think that LeBron James is sleeping with Beyonce? I think it's a good possibility... LeBron James played tonight like he was showing off for a certain somebody sitting courtside, if you know what I'm saying.

The Warriors will beat the Cavaliers 107-91 in Game 7 of the NBA Finals

My prediction for Game 7 is... It's going to be 107-91 Warriors.

I predict LeBron James and the Cavaliers will win Game 7

I unfortunately think LeBron is going to win game seven, and it's going to be torturous to watch.

The Warriors will beat the Cavaliers by 15 points in Game 7 of the NBA Finals

I think Steph's going to play, Warriors by 15.

Winning a championship would cause the city of Cleveland to lose its fundamental identity

You lose your identity if you're Cleveland if you win a championship.

Athletes should take more PEDs because fans want to see more power and scoring

I say please take more PEDs. Why not? We want athletes to actually crank the ball out. Who wants a 1-0 game? I don't. So our stance on that is use it, don't abuse it.

O.J. Simpson is a guilty man

I have no theories on that stuff. I've stated before, I just think O.J. is a guilty man, and that's it. I think his karma is now that he is in jail.

California teenagers are more intimidating than teenagers in the rest of America

I think that's a great call because I came from Wisconsin and I was, it's very intimidating... It's just nothing but good looking people... I'm always a Milwaukee guy. I swear to God, I have not forgotten who I am.

LeBron James is the best athlete in the world

Well, we've actually argued about this in terms of LeBron's athleticism. I don't think there's a better athlete in shape dominating their sport like LeBron... we thought LeBron would be the best at that [playing other sports].

The last two minutes of a basketball game are the worst part of sports

The worst. The last two minutes of the game.

Carson Wentz's gas station bathroom story is a fake alibi for doing something else

I don't think this actually happened... I think that Carson was doing something that he wasn't supposed to be doing. And he was setting up an alibi for himself... anytime somebody starts throwing in these unnecessary details about a weird event that happened, it's because they're trying too hard to corroborate their story.

Carson Wentz fabricated the story about being locked in a gas station bathroom to hide the fact that he shit his pants

I think Carson Wentz shit his pants and then was like, oh, I got locked in the bathroom... Carson Wentz shit his pants, which I don't even know if you're an Eagles fan which one you'd rather have. Probably the pants shitter.

The Bulls will dangle Jimmy Butler and Derrick Rose in trade talks all summer but trade neither, leading to a dysfunctional locker room

The Bulls are such a fucking shit show because what they're going to do is they're going to dangle Jimmy Butler and Derrick Rose all summer long. They're not going to trade either, and they're both going to come back and be grumpy as fuck and hate the front office.

Jimmy Butler is not and will never be a relevant NBA player

Jimmy Butler is not a relevant player. He's never going to be a relevant player... every time you mention Jimmy Butler's name on the show, like I want to go shoot heroin into my arm and pass out.

Jimmy Butler is a relevant NBA player

He is a relevant player, so stop. And I know I just said that twice, which makes it seem like I'm trying to convince myself he's a relevant player, but he is a relevant player.

Cats are soulless animals that would watch their owners die slowly without helping

Can an animal without a soul ever be alive? ... [A cat] will just sit there and watch you die slowly. That's basically the best case scenario for owning a cat.

Sleeping in the same bed as a man isn't gay as long as you keep your suit on

I will say that no man card taken away. People forget. You could sleep with as many dudes in the bed as you want. If you keep your suit on, it's not gay.

The winning score at the 2016 U.S. Open will be plus 25

I heard the winning score is going to be like plus 25. Doesn't matter with DraftKings it will be fun the triple bogeys will be exhilarating.

Fat guys should not wear fedoras

Jason Whitlock, way too fat to wear a fedora. Fat guys can't wear little hats like that.

Kyrie Irving's Game 5 performance was more impressive than Steph Curry's typical hot streaks

This is a hot take that I actually think is correct. What Kyrie did game five was more impressive than like when Steph Curry goes off. Because when Steph Curry goes off, he hits a lot of threes... Kyrie was hitting everything. He was hitting floaters. He was hitting jumpers. He was going to the rim.

If a ball handler gets switched onto you in pickup basketball, you should foul them immediately to look like a tough guy

When I play pickup basketball... if they'll do pick and roll and then you get a ball handler on me. I basically just jump on them right away. You just got to foul them right away because what are the results? Either they score, you break your ankles, you look like an idiot, or you foul them and hurt them a little bit, and now you're the tough guy.

Draymond Green was secretly rooting against the Warriors in Game 5 so he wouldn't miss the clinching moment

I think Draymond was probably rooting against the Warriors I don't think that's that crazy... Draymond is the kind of guy that he's a little bit more out there emotionally. He's the kind of guy that might feel slighted if he's not part of that winning moment.

I officially hate the New Orleans Saints and will root against them on broadcasts

Joe Buck now hates the Saints... I think we should go on record and at least have one that I actually can't stand. And I'm just over the top rooting against. And whoever they're playing that week, I will refer to as we.

Calling a World Series at Wrigley Field for the Cubs would be the highlight of my career

Doing a World Series at Wrigley Field for the Cubs would be the highlight of my career. And I own it. I wear it. I believe it. And I think it would be the biggest sports story of any of our lifetimes if that were to come to pass this year, next year, whenever.

I would stand by my criticism of Randy Moss's mooning celebration even today

I would probably say the same thing again. it would be weak of me to say, yeah, I was a little bit too harsh and poor Randy... I thought it was over the top and ridiculous. Maybe my Midwestern roots came out. But believe me, I'm not scared. And if somebody doesn't like what I say or how I say it... I really don't give a shit anymore.

I drank a beer during the first inning of every playoff game I called to remind myself it's just a game

I got into the habit of having one of the runners go down and get me one of the mega beers from a concession stand. And I'd sip the beer during the first inning. And it wasn't to get drunk, obviously... it was to remind myself that I was at a frigging sporting event and nobody's hanging on every word... I just drank a beer in the first inning of every game of the playoffs.

Dez Bryant caught the ball against the Packers in the playoffs

I was in the minority on that one. I thought that was a catch. And I think if Dez Bryant and Lambeau is not within a yard of the end zone, it's not an issue. But because he was and he was reaching for the touchdown, to me, that's what caused the ball to pop out.

Troy Aikman and I were comfortable enough to fart around each other in the booth right out of the gate

At what point in your relationship did you guys get comfortable enough to fart around each other in the booth? [Buck]: Pretty much right out of the gate... Troy's that guy. And he's a guy's guy. And I remember one, the first time it happened, he said something like, 'I'm bringing some heat.' And I was like, 'What?' And he goes, 'Just don't worry about it.' And then we came back from commercial and I knew what he was talking about.

Pregnancy is not an injury for a man; it is just being 'hurt'

I'm going to say that pregnancy is not an injury. A man's wife being pregnant is not an injury to the guy. It's a hurt to the guy... Pregnancy is technically a sexually transmitted disease. I think we all remember that from middle school health class.

Ichiro's hits in Japan should not count toward his career total vs. Pete Rose

Sabermetrically speaking, do hits in Japan count the same as Major League Baseball hits? I would say no... Those hits don't count in the United States. Neither should Ichiro's.

The NBA suspended Draymond Green specifically to extend the Finals for ratings

Former NBA referee Tim Donaghy says that the NBA suspended Draymond Green to try to extend the series to get higher ratings and more money. You think? No, duh.

David Stern is still secretly pulling the strings of the NBA behind the scenes

Adam Silver's not. Adam Silver cleaned up the league... Meanwhile David Stern is behind the scenes suspending Draymond Green and getting these ratings... he's the master puppet and I love it.

It is worth breaking your elbow to save your phone from falling on the ground

[Darren McFadden] got [injured] trying to grab his phone because he dropped his phone. That's worth breaking your elbow for. Anyone who's broken their phone before knows if I put in front of you elbow or phone, you're taking elbow over phone all day.

Peyton Hillis had a more successful pro career than anyone else on that Arkansas team, including Darren McFadden

People forget that the most successful pro career of anybody on that Arkansas team was Peyton Hillis. Madden cover boy.

It would have been worse for Peyton Manning to win only one Super Bowl than to have won zero

It actually would have been worse for Peyton [Manning] to have only won one Super Bowl instead of having won zero because he was really, really good for such a long time that if you have one, that trophy looks lonely on your mantle place. You know, you can explain not having any trophies. But if you have one, it's like, well, how come you don't have more?

Every person on the ice for the Stanley Cup celebration should be required to wear skates

I don't like the fact that they roll out a carpet onto the ice. I feel like if you're going to be celebrating something on the ice, it needs to be done by only people wearing ice skates. So like the guys in the tuxes, the girl that comes out to sing the national anthem, they all need to be wearing ice skates. Like respect the sport a little bit.

Hockey is better than basketball because the games are more competitive

The NBA was blowouts everywhere, okay? Most of [the hockey] scores are either one goals or two goals. That's not a blowout. Hockey's better than basketball.

Draymond Green missed LeBron James' testicles because LeBron is on steroids

Draymond threw a punch directly into the groin and didn't make contact with LeBron James' nuts... steroids, common side effect, shrink the testicles. making them harder to hit, harder to locate. So I think that the fact that Draymond... didn't make contact... that is a major red flag. And if I'm Adam Silver, I'm personally walking a piss cup into the Cavaliers' locker room and making LeBron James urinate into it.

The 1996 Bulls would beat the modern Warriors

I'd be shocked if the Warriors won it. I just look at the defensive matchups... Dennis Rodman is going to just, I think, negate Draymond Green. And then you bring in – when you have Scottie Pippen, who would look forward to covering these guys.

Michael Jordan never lost and probably would have won eight straight NBA titles if he chose to

When you look at Michael Jordan... [he] never lost period. And he probably would have won eight in a row if he chose to.

I would take a six-month case of Zika if it meant winning a Sports Emmy for the Dan Patrick Show

I'll take some Zika... a little smack. Is it like a six month Zika? ... [Trophies] look good. We're a TV show so trophies always look good in the background.

Human evolution is not real because our testicles aren't protected by a rib cage

I think this really proves, though, is that evolution is not real. Because if you think about it, if evolution was real, like the most sensitive part of the male body, what is it doing just like hanging out there in the open? It should be like horses. It should be like inside. There should be a rib cage around your balls protecting you. A ball shield.

Steph Curry's low-top shoes are sleek and the safest shoes to wear to avoid getting robbed

I like Steph Curry's shoes. I'm here to say that they're sleek... there's no chance that a teenager will ever hit me with 'what are those' if I'm wearing the Steph Curry Lowe's... You also probably won't get knocked out and have your shoes stolen from you, which is also a plus... wear the Steph Currys, be the safest guy in the world.

The 2016 Rio Olympics are being saved by the terrible news stories surrounding them

This is though, as we've said many times, the only way the Olympics – people can be reminded that the Olympics are coming is for these stories to come out because no one actually cares about the actual Olympics.